Giving A Voice To The Voice In Your Head

Hello dear reader,

If you’re a writer, just like me, then you’ll probably know how intense it can get inside your own head. The need to get particular words out on paper, the feeling you get when you come up with a new idea for a story and you just have to write it down, the exciting rush going through your veins when you finally press “publish story”... It’s something only writers will understand, something that comes naturally.

But as a writer, maybe you’ll also know how hard it can be sometimes. Let’s talk about that.

If you write something, that makes it real. Some say: “If it’s inside your head then it’s not really there”— but from the moment you turn your thoughts into words on paper, well, then it IS real. And sometimes, you don’t even want it to be real. I know I don’t.

I’ve cried a lot while writing. That’s because I write about my own life, about love, about heartbreak. I write because I want to help myself. I write because I want to help others. I write because I can’t live with these words inside my head, so I’ve got to get them out.
But don’t get me wrong, I also laugh a lot while writing, like when I’m writing about the good times. You see, even though my life has been a hell of a ride and I’m only 21 years old, the good times are still a lot bigger than the sad times. That’s what I need to remember. That’s what you need to remember as a writer.

When you are writing about something bad that happened to you, remember that there was good before. Remember that there will be good again. Yes, it sucks. And you need to get it out. Someone broke your heart? Write it out. Someone made you feel less than you are? Write it out. Someone betrayed you in what you think is one of the worst ways? Write it out.

That’s what I do. I’ll give you an example.

Last year, I lost my best friend because of a really big and stupid fight. We had been friends for 17 years and she was the most amazing girl in my life, but one day, everything just fell apart. It was as if my world fell apart along with our friendship, because I felt horrible. And I wanted to tell her so much, I wanted to yell it all in her face, I wanted her to know how bad I was hurting… but I couldn’t. So I decided to write it out.

I got my laptop, I opened an empty document and I just started writing. I didn’t write directly to her, because I knew she would never read it. I just wrote to someone out there who might read it, who might recognize my pain, who might give me the feeling that I wasn’t alone in this. I wrote to myself, as if I was saying all these things to myself. As if I didn’t already know how bad I was hurting – I had to write it on paper to know it was real. Because even though I didn’t want to believe that it was happening, I had to know. I had to clear my head. And afterwards, I just cried. I cried until I couldn’t breathe. I cried until my head hurt. But at least I got those words out. At least it was on paper.

Remember how I said that there will be good again? Five months later we made contact again and now it’s as if last year never even happened. So, you see: good things will return after some really shitty situation.

Not every story of mine is written like that, of course. I don’t always cry—so far I may sound like an emotionally unstable toddler or something, but that’s not the whole story. Sometimes, bad things just happen and I let them pass me by.  Then, a week or two later, I’ll think about it and a sentence will pop up in my head. I write them down in “notes” in my cell phone, because most of the time I get a random sentence when I’m in the bus or at school or waiting for the train. So I write it in my phone and when I’m home, I go further from that. Sometimes it turns to nothing and that sentence just stays on my phone forever, other times it’s actually good and I can write a story about it. That’s basically how I write most of my stories.

Sometimes, I get stuck, though. i start from one or two sentences and I really think it can become something good, but then when I try to finish it all the words just disappear from my brain.

Sometimes, I hate my own writing. I get stuck doubting about what to write or how to say it, and then end up being mad at myself because I can’t find the right words.

When that happens, I try to focus on the fact that I’ve written so much already. I reread old stories of mine, I read new stories from other people, and I think. I think about what the best way is to say something. And then I let it come naturally. Most of the time that works, other times it doesn’t and then I let it be. I stop writing for a couple of hours, sometimes even days, and then I pick it up again.

I think, as a writer, you’ve just got to find a way to empty the voices in your head. And those voices don’t have to be bad, they can be a silent whisper as well, someone telling you it’s time to write about something good. You’ve got to concur those voices inside, but make sure you enjoy the ride. Enjoy what you’re writing. Sure, I didn’t feel joy when I was writing about having my heart broken, but looking back on it now, I am proud. I am happy. I am okay with the fact that last year I felt like a train wreck, because later on, I felt just fine.

That’s what writing has made me feel. At first, really fucking bad, of course. But it has taught me how to let things go. It made me see things about myself, made me feel things I didn’t want to feel, made me see the better things in life. I learned a lot about myself when I wrote about heartbreak. I learned that it is perfectly fine to fall apart. I learned that it is possible to get yourself back together again. I learned that even if your life feels like hell, at least you still got yourself. Your thoughts. Your hands. And with those three things, you can write it all down.

Write when you lose yourself - write to find yourself again.

Because I did. I found myself again in the process of writing. I’ve opened up to people through my stories, I talk directly to them because it’s easier to write it down than to speak it out loud. I think my greatest strength is my honesty in my writings. I want it to be crystal clear how I’m feeling, I try not to romanticize things. I don’t trust writers who romanticize their experiences through writing. And you shouldn’t either. That doesn’t mean you have to hate their writing, but just don’t trust it. What’s the point in writing if you’re sugar coating what you’re feeling? In my opinion, you’ve just got to be a hundred percent honest with yourself, even if it hurts.

Let it hurt. Let it be real. Let it be you. 

Because that’s the most exciting part about being a storyteller: honesty. The strength to let people know what’s going on inside your mind. The power of letting people feel what you’re feeling. That excites me the most, and I hope you find the same reason to become a storyteller.

I’ve got a lot of stories that still need to be finished. A lot of stories that no one has ever read. Stories that I don’t even want to finish, because I don’t think they’re good enough. Sometimes, I really want to write something, but it just doesn’t come out the right way. As if my thoughts and feelings are completely blocked and I am just rambling out old words and it doesn’t really come out as something good. It can get really frustrating and sometimes I get mad at myself for not finding the right words. Then, I try to let it go. I just try to do something else, try to let it pass me by. I know that eventually, the right words will come. Because if you have to force the right words from coming, it won’t ever be as good as when it just comes smoothly out of you. So, a tip: don’t force it. Also: if you’ve published a story and it doesn’t get a lot of readers, that doesn’t make it a bad one.

I’ve got a couple of stories on Launchora that didn’t even get more than 200 launches. But, you know, it’s not about the launches. Because at least you’ve got it out of your system and you put that story into the world and if it gets read a lot or not at all: it’s still yours. It’s what you’re feeling and these are your thoughts and you should be so damn proud of yourself that you got the courage to share your thoughts with others. It’s about those who you can help, that one person who read it and thought: “wow, this is me”.  It’s about helping those who you can.

And if you’re thinking that you can’t help other people with your writing, you are wrong. Because every time you write, you are helping yourself. That’s the most important thing of all.

So if you haven’t already written your story, then write it, because you should.

If you have already, but are stuck, then write anyway. In fact, write the worst thing ever. Get that apparently ‘shitty’ story out of you, and then read it a week later and see how you feel. You’ll either like it, or you’ll know how to fix it.

And if you already have written your story, write more. You’re not done, you’re still here. So how can your story be over?

Write anything, write everything. Give a voice to the voice in your head :)