Memoir Writing: Reliving & Understanding Your Past

a guide byKit Nadado

I grew up in the Philippines in a malaria-prone overstuffed village of shanties and houses with car tires on the roofs. I lived with my aunt at an intersection with a medium-sized store as the center where a 40-something woman sold grocery items and beer. People flocked the store to buy rice or sit on the make-shift bamboo benches to drink beer throughout the day. Drunks came even before the store opens to rap at the doors to get their booze on. I would sit by our little shanty across the store after school and watch these people drink, cry, laugh, gossip, pass out, wake up and drink again. I listened to these people talk about their lives, their heartaches, their victories and even their neighbor’s stories. These characters and their stories have stuck with me till today.

Now, these characters cry out from my memory. They beg to have their stories told. Writing about them is like resuscitating them back to my consciousness. This process requires revisiting that shanty where I sat 10 years ago in my mind and re-listening to the myriad of stories told by these characters. Writing a memoir requires the author to revisit the place of that memory in his mind. It requires reacquainting with the characters surrounding that memory. It requires reliving a significant moment in the past.


Reacquainting with the Characters in your Memory

In writing a memoir, I focus on a person from memory. I do a lot of remembering and consequently, freewriting. I think back and try to remember what that person looks like: their hairstyle, the way their eyes shine when they talk, their skin tone, their hands, the prominent mole on their face, the shirts they always wear and even their choice of footwear.

I focus on the way they speak, the nuances in their accents, their expressions, and even the curses they throw once in a while. I then try to remember the things they talk about with other people, the gossips I heard about them, and my thoughts and observations of how they lived their lives based on my past perspective.

I then try to remember their principles and habits. I try to remember what they value and what they believe in. I try to remember their flaws and weaknesses, their pet peeves and their joys. I spend a lot of time getting to know them again in my mind.

Remembering takes some effort and time. My paper usually becomes a doodle of notes and memories. At first, these memories seem unrelated and all over the place, but as I sort through them, I find the best memories to include and delete those that are unnecessary. As memories of these people surface, their reality in my story is magnified. The more I get to know them in my memory, the better I can introduce them to my readers.

I’m a senior high school teacher teaching creative nonfiction in the Philippines. Before writing a memoir, I tell my students to bring pictures of people they want to feature in their memoirs. I give them time to write down every memory they have of the person physically and personality-wise.

I tell them that nobody knows about their characters except themselves. In writing stories, they have the responsibility to introduce their characters in great detail. The readers will or will not care about their characters based on how well these characters are described and how relatable and human they are portrayed.


Reacquainting with the Context

The setting and the time when the memory happened is as significant as the characters. This means revisiting that store, sitting on the bamboo benches, smelling the stench of beer and beer-breaths, listening to the ramblings of a depressed drunk, and feeling the humidity from 2007. The setting and the time are characters themselves. They must be alive in the readers’ mind. As my readers read my memoir, they are transported to that store where I sat on those bamboo benches while smelling, listening and feeling everything I experienced on that humid 2007 day.

How do I do this? I try to be as detailed as I can. I use the five senses to describe the setting and the situation in that memory. Minute details are as compelling as an obvious artifact. The creaking of bamboo benches against the weight of the drunks is as significant as the glinting shard of a beer bottle sticking on the ground. These details ground the readers to the reality of the setting and the time.


Reacquainting with a Significant Moment in the Memory

After freewriting, I select one event or moment in that character’s life that I believe is most profound. I focus on moments of epiphanies or catharsis. I focus on their victories, no matter how small they are. I focus on moments when they transcend their weaknesses even by just a small degree. I then pick memories that lead to this one event.

A husband making that first move after quarreling with his wife is worth a story. A young girl learning to share for the first time is worth a story. A young boy asking for an apology to his parents is worth a story. These seemingly mundane moments are filled with epiphanies and catharses that are worth the story. I try looking for these moments and lead my plot to these moments of victories.


The Responsibility of a Memoir Writer

In the context of a memoir, the creative person has the responsibility of telling a compelling and moving story with honesty and respect to the lives of people involved in the memoir. At times, this process could put the character or even the writer in a not-so-flattering light. It could even be painful and awkward. However, if the writer is aiming for pure and honest storytelling, this is necessary. Truth hurts. However, the purging process of hurt is something that is relatable and human. This process is worth a story.

Good stories do not necessarily mean grandiose plots, high stakes, or over-the-top climaxes. The best stories I have read are stories about regular people in their regular lives told in an honest way. These stories are unafraid to show the weaker and bleaker side of humanity. The best stories are about regular people experiencing small victories over their flaws.


Dealing with Creative Blocks

I think that the best way to deal with creative blocks is rest. Inspiration is fickle. There are some days when ideas come easily. Most days though, inspiration is scarce. On those days when inspiration is elusive, I take a break. I give my story a rest. I set it aside and go for a run, watch a movie, grade student papers, or go to the gym. If my memory is a little rusty, I ask questions to people who know the same people or who lived in the same place. If the place is close enough, I revisit the place.

Don’t be scared to write. Writing is a discovery in itself. Stories are just around us. They linger in the usual places: in school, in your neighborhood, at work, in the park where you walk, in the places you eat out. They happen to anyone, especially you. Start small. Start ordinary. The people you meet have stories. Listen. Observe. Write.

Put what you’ve learned here to the test – start writing your memoirs now!

 

 

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