For them

I wrote this so that insensitive people can take a moment to reflect how a simple or horrendous act can deeply hurt another person. This is to show others how suicidal people feel. Let's be aware and let us try to limit our words and actions. Don't be amused if other people are hurt, please, just try to be a human being rather than being a monster.

Entry #1

Oh but darling, you're wrong

They didn't die because of suicide, sadness killed them.

Entry #2

You wanted me to make you happy but did you even try for once to do the same for me.

Entry #3

"Life is precious, stop trying to end it."

'Precious?' I scoffed. How can you tell how precious life is when there are people around you, willing to die just to end the pain that they are suffering with. Easy for you to say because you are living a perfect life while I'm just alive, breathing and trying to survive another war inside my fucked up mind.

Entry #4

I'm sorry I'm a disappointment. I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted. I'm sorry I'm not enough. I'm sorry I'm not better that everyone else. I'm sorry that I seem emotionally detached to you when in fact you were the reason why I acted that way. I'm sorry for being me. I'm sorry I existed. I'm sorry that I'm alive.

Entry #5

Would you even care if I died?

Entry #6

All those secrets I keep. Dark and deep. You wouldn't even want to look further deeper in my mind. All those emotions bubbling in my throat, demanding to be released all mushed up inside a cage. In time though, I'll explode and you wouldn't even know the reason why.

Entry #7

Just think, take a moment to think about all the things you said to me. Every bad thing you released from your damn mouth. Now, I want to ask you, "Why would I waste my time talking to you?" All you ever did was compare me to others, insult my existence, my well being and my whole entire self. Who would be stupid enough to smile through all the words that you throw at me? Who would talk to someone who doesn't appreciate you? Why would I waste my time communicating to someone who clearly doesn't see my worth. I had my sleepless nights thinking on ways on how I could die. I am suicidal. I am depressed. I want to hurt myself physically. All my life I've been living in total wreckage, anguish and sadness. Did you even notice? No. Did you ask if I was okay? No. Did you try to know me better? No. You were all very selfish. You always say that I hurt you when in fact you hurt me. 

Entry #8

I felt conscious because of his stare. He was staring through my eyes , heck, he's actually staring through my soul. At this moment, I feel like he knew everything about me, all my secrets, all my scars, all my emotions... everything. And I don't know how I feel about this.

"You're not okay"

My eyes widen and I actually feel my eyes tearing up. I hate this. I feel so weak. With those 3 words, it felt like all the walls I built came crashing down. I felt vulnerable once again. The strong façade that I had suddenly disappeared.

"How would you know?"

He smiled. A genuine smile. Why was he smiling anyway? Is he finding humor in my pain? Wha-

"You don't hide very well. I saw sadness in your eyes. You're a mess but you know what? You're my beautiful mess. I don't know what to say or what to do to take away your pain, but I just know that your flaws are what I love about you. And I will keep loving you until you finally decide to love yourself."          

Entry #9
That's the thing with words,
You'll never know how powerful it is until it kills somebody.

Entry #10
It's funny how we hurt ourselves but get scared to die. That's the point, we wanted to die so we slash our wrists, raise a gun to our temples, hang ourselves or jump to somewhere high, but I know deep inside that we wanted someone to stop us; to save us. And when nobody comes? We smile, because it's finally clear for us that people will only care after you released your final breath. Because that's how people are, they do things at the last minute, like how they say they love us at the end of failed hope.