LOVE HAS UPS AND DOWNS
Ritu Siddharth
Like most men Anurag deserted her as soon as he came across an attractive girl. Nandini was shaken to the core. She would have taken her life soon after but had the obligation towards her parents. It was 2 years to gradually overcome the disappointment and give her consent for marriage.
Her marriage was held like all other marriages, with much pomp, as her father was too happy that she had agreed to marry the person he had selected, atlast.
Nandini sat looking at the ‘hom kund’ without bating an eye . She had no connection with her ex since he broke off from her , nevertheless she was haunted by a sense of guilt. Aditya noticed Nandini was not very free during the wedding nor after.
Aditya and Nandini were left together in a room in the mandap. Nandini stood looking out of the window. Aditya came close to her, “Enjoying nature?”he teased her. “Er, no, .. ye ..yes”, she had not expected him to speak to her so soon. “Yah, nice,.. distant hazy hills, rays stretching between branches of trees in full bloom…you have good taste !” he commented. “Thanks”, she said without turning to him.
He soon observed she was distant and preoccupied.
“Is anything bothering you?”he asked.
She gave him a quick glance. “No”,she replied in one word.
“You ok?”
“Yes”, again short answer.
“Want to rest?”
“Yes”.
“Ok , lie down”, he said and observed her movement to the cot. He drew a chair and sat by the window ,facing her.
She seated herself on the edge of the cot, looking down, expressionless.
“ You’r not okay with this marriage?”he asked unbiased. She did not reply.”Were you forced to marry…me?”. She sat like a carved marble stone continuing her silence.
“ I think she has some problem, … She doesn’t feel free with me”, he told his father,
Mr.Kothand Ram.
“We’ll find out, don’t worry son”, his father comforted him.
It was their first night together.
“Take some”, he stretched the plate containing fruits. She opened her mouth as if to say something , then changed her mind.
He peeled an orange and gave half to her.
“I have a confession to make. I wish to disclose it before you find it out yourself and get bitter”…. She said placing the half orange on the table….a long pause, “ I loved a guy”,she resumed, “ yes quite truly, in my college but he broke off like other boys”, she spoke without meeting his eye.
“Were you intimate? You know what I mean?” he interrupted placing the other half of the orange on the table.
“No. Believe me”, she replied in the same expressionless tone.
“Then it’s ok…we all go through it in our early youth”, he comforted her.
She remained silent.
“It’s ok, unless you still want to love him”, he remarked , beginning to frown.
“No I don’t…… It was an insult he ditched me” she spoke dreamily looking back into the last moment Anurag spoke to her.
“So what have you decided? To live with me or live with his memory?”
“I don’t know”, she said absently.
His frown deepened; he blinked fast, lips thinned into a line; he looked away.
“Ok, try to get some sleep”, he said after a long while, lying down at the edge of the bed. Nandini swallowed the sleeping tablet she used to take regularly since her break-off.
3am. Nandini was fast asleep. Aditya lay tossing from side to side. ‘What was he to do?’was the question repeating itself in him; gradually around 5am he dozed off, continued to sleep when his relatives came to waken them.
His friends teased him for his bloodshot eyes; each one made a queer meaningful sound; “Hey Adi ! appears you had a good time, eh?”they made fun of him. Aditya joined them, “Ya ,ya”,he grinned. None knew what passed between them in the room.
The couple moved to a comfortable flat in a 3-storeyed block. Aditya appeared busy with his office work; he rarely spoke to her unless it was absolutely necessary. She did not question him on his behavior. Time moved on. He thought she was still thinking of her ex; She thought he was hating and avoiding her for her earlier affair. Neither ventured to find out what was in the other’s mind.
“My boss has invited us for his daughter’s wedding, Come if you can, or else I’ll give an excuse”, said Aditya.
“Will they be lavish?”she asked hesitantly.
“Yes , a lot, don’t bother if you can’t come , I’ll go by myself”, he said, not sure if she would fit in their company.
“What time?”
“Evening 7”.
At 6 he arrived from office, refreshed , went to his wardrobe, found a neat, ironed suit on his bed. She knew what would suit him best, while she emerged from another room, fresh and attractive.
At the reception his boss conversed with her while her husband was away to get a drink.
“Your wife is very sweet and intelligent”, Mr.Jacob Martin told Aditya who just managed a grin in half intoxication.
2 years elapsed. The couple was still distant from each other.
“It’s my birthday, ..have a small party, ..will be late tonight”, Aditya told her as he got ready to leave for his office.
“I know”, she responded and brought a box out of her cupboard, “Happy birthday Aditya”, she greeted, handing him the box; it was the first time she pronounced his name.
“Thank you “, he said, surprised that she remembered the day. “Do you want to give anything else?...this may be the last birthday we’re together”, he said.
She knew what that meant. She had expected him to say it much earlier but he had postponed it till his birthday.
She looked into his eyes, advanced slowly to him, her body aligning against his, running her hand through his hair , gave a few tender kisses. ‘She must have kissed her ex this way several times’, he thought.
“Over?” he asked.
“When’re we seeing the lawyer?” she held no special expression now.
He appeared surprised that she had read his mind. “Tomorrow…..You’ll have to go to your parents… We need to be away for a year before the court separates us legally”, he said.
“I know”, her voice was flat.
He observed she showed no emotion. ‘Still thinking of her old love’, he thought, rubbing off her kiss when she was not looking.
She moved around the house. She went to his bedside after he was asleep. Once she wanted to touch him; once she came close to his face but withdrew and just stood watching him sleep
for a long while. Then she switched off the light and lay down beside him, ‘for the final time’, she thought to herself. She could not sleep. Nandini had agreed for the separation only because Aditya wanted it.
Advocate Varun Sachdev was a leading lawyer dealing with divorces and civil cases. He talked to Aditya , then to Nandini in separate sittings, then together. Both wanted divorce.
“Hm, with mutual consent it will not be difficult but you will have to be away for a full year; you should not meet each other on any pretext or reason; I’ll see you both after a year”, he closed.
Nandini had to move out. She packed her bags, hailed a taxi, “Bye, take good care of yourself”, she said before leaving, feeling she got the punishment for her earlier love affair. She gave one last look at him before getting into the taxi.
“Bye”, was all he said; his tone dry.
Nandini did not go to her parents, instead she got a 2-roomed house for low rent, 7km from Aditya. She sought a job as a primary school teacher dealing mostly with nursery children.
‘I should’ve been having children of my own by now’, she thought to herself. Summer came and passed , so did the rains and winter.
Then one day: Aditya was moved when he went to a movie. He saw couples, pairs, family with children ,too happy to have come out while he felt empty and deceived. Just then he remembered he had fixed cameras in his bedroom, hall and entrance, few months after their marriage. Back home he played them:
Some days Nandini stood by the window gazing into emptiness for hours;
She walked to the bed and caressed the pillow he slept on;
Went to the wardrobe and felt his garments; returned to the bed , dropped her head into her hands; but she never cried.
Another day: she was looking intently into a photo and hurriedly pushed it under the clothes to open the door for him; he later found it was a photo he had taken to renew his passport. He zoomed-in to have a closer view of her; saw there was much agony in it.
Some days: she paced the hall, stop for a while brooding , stare at his enlarged photo hung on the wall.
His thoughts went back: Another day he had misplaced a file and was desperately looking for it.
“Have your bath, meanwhile I’ll look for it”, Nandini had said. She looked into all the places he had searched; finally opened the carrier of his bike and found it there. She placed the file on the dining table for him to see and went about her chores.
“Thanks”, was all he had said. On his way to his office he half doubted if she had hidden the file herself for him to come to her, to help him find it.
On another occasion, he had to audit his office accounts; everytime he calculated he got a different total; finally, exhausted he set aside the work and fell asleep. Nandini picked up the papers that contained rows and columns of numbers and a diagonal line in ink running across them. She took the papers to the hall, worked the calculations and uploaded them in his laptop. Next evening when Aditya sat down to work his auditing , found it already done.
“Did you do it ?”he asked .
“Yes , is it right?”she had asked
“Yes, …thank you”.
Something stirred in him. He recalled the way she kissed him and the look in those eyes. He replayed again and again the last night before they went for legal help. Aditya realized he had misjudged her. He wanted to see her at once. With much difficulty he got her school address.
March: Aditya appeared in her school.
“Nandini , I came to see you”, he told her as she tried to walk away.
“We’re not supposed to meet”, she reminded him.
“I know “, was all he said. He took her to a restaurant. They had fruit juice, his eyes on her all the time . Nandini was careful not to show any emotion.
He appeared older than his chronological age, was beginning to bald in front.
“You’ve lost much weight”, he observed.
“I don’t think so”, she responded.
“I know you’re not with your parents”.
“I didn’t want to disappoint them”.
“Can you come to my house…just for today?”he asked.
“We’re not supposed to see each other”, she repeated.
“Please, I’ll bring you back”, he requested, eagerly.
“Why?” she asked.
“Just to see you in my house”, he was beginning to get uneasy.
Nandini went round the house. He had maintained it fairly well. He had fitted a/c in his bedroom; there was a photo-stand lying on its face. She turned it up; it was her snap as she chatted with his boss at the wedding. She looked at it for sometime then moved away. The curtains were new.
‘How’s the house?”he asked.
“Better than when I was here”, she replied. He smiled.
It was time for her to leave.
“Can you kiss me like you did on my birthday?”he asked. She declined.
“Ok”, he said gathering her in his arms. She felt his breath on her face and neck followed by his lips. She sensed his hunger but remained still.
Both were silent till they reached her residence. “Good night”, he said and left.
Adv.Varun Sachdev spoke to them individually. Aditya did not now want the divorce he had sought so frantically.
“Why”, lawyer asked.
“I’ve begun to love her”, was his answer.
“How?”
“I don’t know ..she’s too good, I miss her terribly”, he said crumpling the paper in his grip.
“Good!”the lawyer said, tapping his pencil on the table, in appreciation.
Mr. Sachdev called Nandini. “I want divorce”, Nandini opted; she had least idea what passed between the lawyer and him.
“Why?”
“It’s not a thrilling sport to be in a house and be miles apart”, it was the most concise reply ever.
“What if he loves you?”he asked.
“That’s never possible”. She replied at once.
“I’m sorry Mrs.Aditya, I can’t take up your case to the court because Mr.Aditya does not want the divorce. So good luck to both of you”, he said, winding up.
Aditya took her hand as they walked to the taxi. She did not resent. He held her hand throughout the commutation. On their way, they made a short stop at the Hanuman temple , prayed together and moved on to their flat.
“Will you cook for me?”was his first quarry when they reached home.
“Yes”.
“You can use my clothes today, I’ll get your bags tomorrow, … and make a light cooking today”, he said scanning her face. She turned away to avoid his look.
“Let me look at my wife’s face and see if there is anger or hate in it”, he said.
“When can I take you?” he asked coming closer.
She moved away and remained silent.
“Ok, you need time , you shall have it”, he was generous. “Tell me when you’re ready”, he added.
She appeared confused.
“I’m talking to my better half, Nandini! Is there any objection?”
“Can I get my birthday-kiss atleast?”he seemed to beg, tilting her chin.
She lowered her eyes, bit her lip.
He knew this time it was not her evasion. She was shy!
…Concluded.