The last cup of coffee.

I walked through the door of the cafeteria. He was there, sitting at the table, alone. He sat quiet and stiff, blatantly staring at the glass of water on his table. The fan straight over his head ruffled his hairs. It reminded me of something - our first date, 21st of January. We in the park together, on a breezy, cloudy, my kind of day. The breeze ruffled his already messed up hair, but I ran my fingers through them for once. He lay his head on my lap, asking me to do it again. I remembered it all, vividly. But today I had to hold myself back. No.

I went up to him and quietly sat on the chair across to him. He did not look up, not even for once. It was hard to say if he was completely lost in his thoughts or was pretending to be deeply thinking about something. Or was he ignoring me? I don't care, I convinced myself.

As I was about to say Hi to him, to the person unaware of my presence, the waiter interrupted. I frowned and ordered the usual one cup of cappuccino for me and one cup of latte for him, with croissants. He loved croissants. I didn't, though. He summoned the waiter back. I stared at him, the usually predictable person. Today I couldn't predict his action. I tried hard to read his face, his expression, his eyes avoiding mine, but all I could see was a blank white paper, or black?

"Can you please bring me a cup of black coffee, instead of the latte?"

I stared at him. I couldn't believe that he was behaving so strange. How could he change so easily? He didn't care to remove the lock of my hair falling on my face today, unlike every day almost. Maybe it was not one of those 'almost' days. Maybe. He hated black coffee. He had said, black coffee is for people having a colourless, tasteless life. He'll never drink it, but maybe it wasn't one of the 'never days'. Maybe?

I cursed out aloud as I dropped my phone, the cascade of thoughts blurring my reality. He looked up at me for the first time. I expected a "Sssssssshhhh..!" followed by some giggles on his part. Instead, I saw in his eyes a coldness, a sadness, a breaking heart, a person I never wanted him to be. A person I molded him into, unwantingly, unintentionally. 

Our respective coffees were placed on our table, and instead of the usual norm of taking a sip of each other's coffee at first, we took a sip of our own. Our own coffee, our own reality, our own perspective, and our own life.

"I think we should let this go." The words slipped out of my lips, like a tiny bird flying away from home.
He smiled, a sad smile. "I think so too." He looked up at me, "Why did you have to do this?"
I searched for an answer, for words, for expressions. But, I failed. 

"Its okay. I don't need an answer." He was still looking down.

" You...you meant a lot to me. I have no proof for that. But, beautiful things don't last long. The three years with you, I say three because my life had a new meaning the moment I met you and way way before I realized I love...loved you, was the most beautiful part of my life. You know why we have to do this, and even if you don't I can't answer you. This is the reality, this is our destiny. I hope you..you find someone better. Someone with hazelnut eyes, long straight hair and a smile that could calm down your turmoil of hysteria,your panic attacks and your emotional breakdowns. I hope you find someone I could never be, and someone who is not me. I hope you learn to be happy again."

He put forth a piece of paper on the table. I knew it, it was a card I had given him on our first anniversary. My first handmade card. I looked away. He put forth a keyring I had gifted him and a lot of other things. I could feel my tears on the verge of spilling out, my emotions ready to gush out. 

His face was expressionless, "Can I ask for just one more thing?"
"Yes?"
"The memories. Please take them back?" He pleaded.
I hung my head down to let the tears fall.

"Please don't do this." I got off my seat. He held my hand tightly, looked into my eyes. I'm not sure how long it lasted, the moment. Sometimes it feels like one second, other times that one moment seems like a decade. But then his fingers loosened their grip. 

"I'll remember our last cup of coffee. Will you too?"

"Always."

Gradually, he let me go. I let him go.

All of you must be thinking, why? If we loved each other so much, then why?
I will let you know about that. Not today, neither tomorrow. Someday, maybe?