It was the possibility of darkness that made the day seem so bright
-Stephen King
I sat on my doorsteps not wanting to go in. The weather like this has always been the kind I loved. Cool breeze blowing all the time and the clouds that make you pareidolic. My phone buzzed in the pocket of my shorts.It was Adrianna, my bestie from old times.
Adrianna- did you survive w/o me?? I did!
For the first time in my life, I realised I can survive without her. I didn't even think of her all this time. Though she was an exact opposite of what I call a good friend still she was friend and now I don't know whether not missing her was good or bad. But, I decided to give all the past things up. I didn't reply to her and deleted her number from my contact list. I then replied to a text from Jayden.
Me- yay! I'll be there to rock it!
I glanced at Ashton's window, his lights were on and as if he knew I was staring at his window he waved frantically at me with both of his hands then made some gestures asking what I was doing out. Explaining how much I hate to be in a desolated house of busy people was totally impossible using gestures, so I just shook my head and went in.
Dad was home.
"Hey Ivy, how was your day?"
"Great dad. I'm invited for a party tommorow, so..."
"Yay, you should go. Just don't be late and answer the calls when we call. Okay?"
I nodded and went up to my room. Before I could get in I heard Matt sobbing. He had locked the door.
"Mattie, open up. I'm home."
"Go away, I don't want to talk to you."
What did I do?
Oh shit! I promised him I'll eat lunch with him today but the Leila shit got up my arse.
"I'm sorry Matt, please open the door."
He didn't. I just took the keys from behind the frame that hung outside the door and turned it in. He quickly wiped his tears from the back of his hand and made a frown.
I went over to him and cuddled him in my arms.
"Please, I'm very sorry. I had to stay after class."
I hate lying to my little brother. I've been lonely before he was born and he's been sleeping in my arms ever since he was born. You see my dad's in business and mom too. They never really had time for us. We're the kids born and raised by governesses.Well, there's more to it my family. There's some issue. Actually, a lot of issues between my mom and dad and they never cared to hide it from us. I've been cooking up stories to tell Matt when he asks about why mom and dad are angry and Shouting at each other sometimes and why dad don't come for weeks sometimes. Honestly, their 'issue' annoys the shit out of me and sometimes I feel like why don't they just separate? But, if they which I hope they don't until Both of us are 18, it would mean we'll separate because of parental custody. I have my fingers crossed until we're both 18.
Mom knocked on the door and came in with a tray of milk.
"Matt, I want the glass empty before it gets cold."
"I don't like it momy."
"Drink it, fast."
"Okay. Only if you read me a story tonight."
"You're not a kid Matt, you're eight now. Be a good boy, I have to serve dinner to daddy."
She walked away handing me the tray.
"He's still a kid mom."
I guess she didn't hear me. She never does. I remember when I was Matt's age I used to draw a lot. And when mom would come back home from office, I would run around her begging her to look at my drawing but she never had the time and one day she was so frustrated of me running around her with my drawing in hand she just took it and tore it into half. She apologized after that, but I never drew since then. I don't want Matt to see that face of our parents, maybe that's why I try very hard to be there for him always and sometimes like today I fail.
"I'll read you story."
"No. Last time you read it the hero killed the dragon. I wanted another dragon to kill him"
I laughed remembering how he had told after the story ended that next time I should ask him how to end the story.
"This time you tell me what you want to happen before the story ends. Not after alright? Now, drink this fast or else-"
I tickled him lightly under the feet and he jumped like a jumping jack almost throwing over the tray on my bed. Thank god I saved the Titanic of milk from sinking in my bed sheet.
Bad joke. Never mind.
That night, just like my usual nights, I couldn't sleep. Thoughts of our broken family, or precisely broken marriage of my parents kept circling 'round my head. I often think, if I could do something to fix things up, to loosen up the spaces between mom and and dad and make them see how much Matt and maybe I too need them to be with us more than there money. Other times I doubt if my interfering like the last time would make things worse. Maybe, I should've just said 'Yeah, do what you gotta do mum dad' when they asked me if I'd fine if they seperate, that was an year ago. But, because of the selfish person that I am, I made things worse, For me, for Matt and for mom dad. But, honestly, I will never live without Matt and the divorce would have meant that.
* * *
"Ashton, I don't know anyone there can I come with you please?"
I searched for something party like in my walk in wardrobe while sticking the phone between my ear and shoulder. Yeah, my parents are pretty rich but that doesn't change the fact that I have a poor, very poor dressing sense. All of my hangers held ripped jeans, shorts, flannels and tees.
"Why not? I thought you already left, it's pretty late now. I'm already there. Want me to pick you up?"
Late? Jayden said it begins at 8, it's just 8 thirty now.
"Uh... no. Just meet me somewhere. I don't wanna feel or rather look left out, at the gate?"
"Done. See you Ivy"
"See ya"
My path finally crossed with a dress Adrianna gifted me last Christmas. It was probably the only dress I can fit in since I haven't bought one in years.
I quickly slipped out of my PJ'S and put on the black jump suit. It showed a sober cleavage and had cold shoulders. Went fine on my brown wavy brown hair tied up in a messy bun, inspired by Annie.
I picked the car keys and kissed a Matt playing GTA and stepped out then it strike me, I don't know the way to where I'm headed.
"Hey, Ivy. I thought you wouldn't..."
He's a thoughtful person.
"Yah, I was stupid to forget that I don't know the way to his house. Anyways, thanks for coming Ashton."
"No prob. Come on hop in"
Cool spring wind was blowing outside and Ashton had let the roof of his Audi open so while I enjoyed the feel of cool air hitting my face the wind enjoyed destroying my bun. So at the end, I have to open them up.
"You look...cute"
"Cute? Ashton, come on it took me some 25 minutes to get ready and that's all I look? Cute?"
He laughed at my demand of some nice compliments. I liked his laugh, it showed off probably the cutest dimples I've ever seen, I wish I got dimples too.
The moment we got in Jayden's house loud music thumped in my ears and there were people, or rather high people all around.
"Wanna meet my friends?"
He literally had to get down close to my ears for me to hear him. It was then when I noticed he was much taller than me, I must look like an eighth grader in front of him. "I don't know, they might not like me, I'm a freshman afterall"
"Oh, come on, We're no bullies"
He grabbed my arm and we struggled our way through almost all of the carly to downstairs in the basement. His friends were sitting on a pool table laid out with snacks and beer cans.
"Hey, man."
Ashton locked arms with the one with jet black hair.
"Everybody, Ivy. Ivy, this is Alex, Karen, Ron, Nick and Natalie."
Awkward moment, did I just forget what do we do when someone introduce you to a bunch of people? Yes, I did
Thankfully, the black haired Alex came to my rescue.
"Hey, you're the one who called Leila a slut at her face right? The new girl...oh I'm sorry, Ivy."
"I didn't intend to get popular for saying that. Anyways, it's okay."
"Guy, guys guys, guess what? I git the mari- oh, hey Ivy. "
It was Jayden.
"Happy birthday" I reached up to hug him and he already smelled drunk.
"Thanx, I thought you weren't coming. Anyways, I've got news guys and now since we have a new one in our party, we've got double reason to enjoy"
What he was talking about went above my head but Ashton got aggressive over it.
"Not now jay. We shouldn't involve her"
"Okay, I'm excited. What exactly are we talking 'bout here?"
"She's from New York Ash, I bet she has done this before"
Karen said.
"Maybe, I can tell better." I suggested but somehow I looked to be invisible to them.
"Nah, nothing. Forget, it. Wanna beer?" Jayden asked me. But my curiosity is at it's highest now.
"Yay sure"
"Come on, I'm not gonna walk up all alone to bring you a can. Join me."
* * *
"What were talking 'bout, back there in the basement?"
"You wanna know?"
"Yea, that's Why I'm asking."
"Okay, lemme check."
He dug into the back pockets of his jeans and took out some packets. Why didn't I think of it before. They were doing drugs here.
"Want some?"
"Nah, I don't do drugs."
Seriously? Is that how I become cool?? Nope,I gotta put a show.
"Actually, I can take a chance. Which one are these?"
"Marijuana. Synthetic. Believe me, they take you to a different place."
Okay. Ivy. This is drugs that you're getting yourself into. It's dangerous and illegal and I have to be there for Matt. Choose now, cool or Matt?
"Hmm...let me keep this for some other time. For now, beer?"
"Call me anytime, I like sharing"
The party was fun. Jayden and Ashton, they're best friends that's what Karen revealed to me. Since grade 5. We laughed a lot and all the gossips from Carly High seemed to have an epicenter in this group. I never thought I could make so many friends. Natalie seemed somewhat off to me but Karen said she just broke up maybe that's why, Nick was cute and I started liking him because of the way he talked, sarcastic and deep I asked Karen if he had a girlfriend apparently he was gay. My bad. I wanted to stay for sometime more but Ash pulled me out. He was a little off all this time.
So I decided to ask him about it right now
"You're friends are nice. I didn't say my goodbyes, tell them I loved hanging out with them"
" I honestly wish I never brought here"
"Why would you say that?"
"Look, Ivy. I know they're fun and cool but they have their dark sides, don't get dragged down to anything you'll regret"
I knew exactly what he was talking about. But, I gotta play the innocent game.
"Like what?"
"Like... Like Nothing. let's go. Put your seat belt on."we were in complete silence for like 15 minutes now.
"You're not talking to me?" I asked as innocently as possible.
"I thought you weren't."
He then turned up the music a bit too loud to talk.
No, he wasn't talking to me. But, what did I do? I rested my head against the window and wondered whether Ash too take them, 99 percent no. Surprisingly, all this time I didn't for even a second thought of all that's been going on in between my parents. I think I found my escape.
*. *. *
I thought of climbing the pipe so that no one wakes up because of me. It was one in the a.m but then I realised I can't in the dress that I was in. So, I thought of making as less noise as possible. Guess what? I didn't have to do that. Since, mom dad were awake and as you would've guessed, fighting. I sat on the doorstep listening to them for some time and absorbing in whatever I could hear and all of it was horrible.
"Eric, Ivy's psychiatrist said our divorce might affect her badly"
"And do you really think she don't understand all this that's between us? Ironically, this is-"
I decided to step out then. That was it. Crystal clear in front me. It was a mistake. It was all because of me.
I took out my phone and called my escape.
"Hello, Jayden?"
TO BE CONTINUED...