My love life

Hectic is the least to say..
I have a very fragile emotional system. I fell in and out of love for maybe 9 times.. and I got myself a divorce along the way, plus one broken engagement..
Each time my emotions would go out of control.
Never managed to put someone in the friend zone.. or say no to a slightly eligible person..
As long as some one is not a bad person.. it's a yes..
Sadly, I got myself into more heartbreaks than I could handle..
I could never deny kindness and softness.. flirting moves my feelings in a matter of seconds..
I feel so ashemed and used to hate myself for it..
Trying hard to gain prespective, after the last heart break, I traveled abroad. Less suiters and less flerting to clear my mind..
Without the need to run after every possible potential..
I am not sure if they were too kind to me that I fell so bad or is it my fragility..
Or is it how I presented myself, that it triggered the hero syndrome in men, so they wanted to feel manly by helping/protecting/pitying me..
I am so ashamed..
Working hard to be mindful of my language.. how I present myself..
Not too stron so men would like to hide behind my personality..
Not too weak so they pity me..
The problem for me is I pulsate from one to the other.. when in reality I am both!! I feel strong and weak.. together and all over the place.. same as any human on earth..
Sometimes it's like: I know you don't love me enough, you don't care enough to actually stay, I deserve more, but you are all I have. ALL!
Maybe if I had someone I would have chosen differenly, maybe that's why nothing works. Because God knows and He is protecting me from my fragility. I beg for someone and it doesn't work, in no time I am grateful it didn't. I should trust His will more..
I did my best to be a better person, with a better mindset, yet it's still not working..
The only progress I have made is to be mindful about the situations and give it it's real size and meaning
A good person is not the last good person..
So is the funny, the flirty, the well mannered, the attractive, the sexy, the comfortable..
Because through my past experiences, they all were all that, and they all ended up letting me go in the most hurtful ways..
So what's the criteria, what's the trick, how do we know if someone is worth the effort..
I guess my only option now is to trust in God's plan, and stop trying so hard to make things work..
They (or tbh I) have consumed me! To the point I no more have the energy to risk falling in love..
I hope I find help, a clearer vision and a wiser decision making and prespective..