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2020.

I hate how you just easily crushed all those years of me trying to be better. A year ago today, I was at home and just so so grateful of the year that passed: 2019. I have never felt so emotionally secured, just utterly contented that year and really hopeful for the start of the decade. I didn’t realise it would step down all my hopes in one go. 2020 placed one foot down on me.

Funny to think that I had milestones this year - had an awesome vacay home, went to other countries, first overseas trip with my parents, finished my Diploma course, great grades, started Bachelors, pay rises, employments, had a new addition to our big family, and just so many more. But with all these, I look back to 2020 and I couldn’t see all these positives. 

I see myself crying almost every night, I see myself on the corner of the room much more silent than usual, I look back and feel the pain. I remember slowly pulling myself down, being suffocated and drowning - & i’m not even under the water. A piece of me breaks every time I think of everything that had happened this year. I don’t think I could ever forget even the slightest details. It hurts too much I couldn’t just easily let it all go.

 2020. 

Oh just thinking about you, breaks me — & I’ve never been this broken before.