How long has it been?
2 months? No. Probably longer than that.
Damn.
I've gone blank again. Thinking only of those moments when we were still together. "Don't do it" I tell myself. Don't dial the numbers on your phone. Don't call her. Don't show how much you still care. Don't.
I didn't think she would leave this much of an aftershock. Until now my heart trembles when it remembers her. It goes pumping, wildly, uncontrolably, like anytime it could blow up and leave nothing but small remnnats of what my heart used to look like. But then again, my assupmtions are always wrong. I thought she loved me. I thought she cared. I thought that what we had was for keeps. But like I said, my assumptions are always wrong.
We fell apart.
Is that too fast? What's that? Details? You wanna know why things ended? You wanna know how our story went? Why? What for? There's nothing worth noting about it. I won't tell you our story. I'll tell you mine.
She is beautiful.
Present tense.
I know.
That's because she's beautiful until this very day. She is all those things I always sought for. A creative mind, a fierce personality, an artistic soul. Unbreakable yet fragile. I knew her while she remained a mystery...and I fell for her.
There were times when we were together. There were times when we were not. Yet even apart she would stay in the core of my being. A constant visitor of my dreams.
Unkowingly, I fell for her. We went to the same classes, stayed up late at night chatting. Dated several times. Things got better and we started holding hands ang hugging each other. Sleeping at each other's shoulders, and getting jealous about each other's friends who are too clingy.
Then it happened. A crack began to tear open. When is that you ask? It was when I confessed my feelings. When I told her that I love her.
What happened afterwards you ask?
Simple.
Nothing....
I tried talking to her but she always avoided me. After that incident, she distanced herself...as far away from me as possible; and I could feel it. No more chat, no more calls, no more going out. Nothing. Not even as much as looking at me. Absolutely nothing... I asked for reasons but she couldn't give me any. I asked why this happened? I thought she loved me. I did. I do. But why did it reach this point? I don't know.
Now I see her. Smiling. Laughing. Happy. And I try to be the same. I try not to get affected. Here I am again with my wrong assumptions. Killing me every single time. I still love this woman until now. But I hide it away. I pretend that I don't because it hurts...So. Damn. Much.
Later on these feelings will die out and she will just be another face in the crowd. But right now let me just remember her. Again. And again.
(Side B is with Kee Per)