"Hi."
I went to a lady. Beautiful. Young. Someone who has probably seen a whole universe full of men more interesting than me.
"Umm... Hi?" She answered, more puzzled and anxious than welcoming. Like her instincts were telling her to get away from this man who might kidnap her and sell her kidneys.
I couldn't blame her. I am not, after all, what you could refer to as a "ladies man." I have avoided women like they are a disease. I think the proper word used for it is gynophobia. On rare occasions that I do talk with them, I end up doing the weirdest things. Making them doubt that I am human and probably making them think how much they could gain by turning me over to NASA to test if I have a new found alien virus.
"Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?" I tried to give a safe smile while I asked this; acutely aware that my smile usually creeps people out.
For a while there was silence. And I could swear she looked like she was about to ask for help. But then she replied. "Thank you for the offer, but I have to go home early."
I was turned down.
I expected this much. It was not world shattering. But I did want to disappear, to get eaten by the earth I was stepping on. "F***ing hell.....What was I thinking taking on this dare?" I said to myself.
"Oh. Okay. Sorry for bothering you." I didn't wait for her to respond anymore. I turned my back, faster than any man has ever done before, then walked away. I looked at my friends who were silently watching me from a distance, entertained with my misery.
"Well?" They asked me.
"Seriously?" I answered. "Did you not see what just happened there?" Using hand gestures to point where I was earlier.
"Oh.. we saw it alright." They said, not even hiding the amusement in their voices. "But we want to hear the details."
"You guys are assholes. Do you know that?"
"Hey. Don't blame it on us. We're not the ones who risked our dignity for a free Cappucino."
Honestly, I didn't feel an ounce of anger towards them. They were laughing, and I got caught with their happiness so I ended up laughing with them. "God." I said. "How could I be so unattractive?"
"You're not unattractive. It's just that 99.99% of the women in the world don't take their time to see who you really are." One of my friends said, finally finished from laughing his heart out.
"That's just a better way of phrasing it."
"Yeah. But it helps right?"
"Yeah."
In the end I still got my cappuccino. Grande of course because the amusement was enough of a bargain for them to get me the tallest cup. And that's how my Sunday evening was spent. Enjoying a cup of cappuccino earned through rejection.