Acceptance

It's really easy to say it's okay
And that it doesn't matter anymore
When I sit at home in still the same way
But not really the same as before

I've been given countless options
And I'm sitting on an unimaginable workload
Still I find myself catching simple phrases
And taking it to just another road

Sometimes meanings don't have meaning
And my happiness doesn't excite anymore
I'm just wondering about the hell of things
While still having the same dull chore

While I'm planning something and crying next
Mentally I'm in different places, different times
As I think of random things I've done wrong
I can't turn back but it feels like I've done a crime

I guess I've lost some self confidence
Because everything I do feels like crap
If one moment I've thought of something nice
It's still not a masterpiece falling into my lap

It's true nothings been the same anymore
And I guess I'm not like everybody
Some people do get better with time
But meanwhile I'm just scared I'll disappoint me

There's been a weight on my chest ever since
And I don't know when it began to belong
Ever since I've been trying to find a way to let go
Everything I do just feels... wrong

One moment I have life all figured out
And it feels like I've found new ground to stand
But then I'm stuck right back again
In that same monotone, monochrome land

It's always hard to fit into peoples standards
Because at times it's not what you wish to hear
But it's harder to fit to your own standards
And my own self hasn't even come sightly near

But it's hard to find someone who's satisfied
Who's created a masterpiece even they love
Just like it's hard to manage one family night
I've been trying all along to do all of the above

Even though every time I feel disgusted
I convince myself it isn't the ending blow
Every person goes through a low point in they life
It doesn't mean that they can't try to grow

© AkshayaGadre

A.N: This was supposed to be a self acceptance letter...I haven't been able to write anything at all because whatever I write feels too drab or too common and similar. I guess I crave a new originality? I don't know what it is and I still haven't found out. I hope I do.