Again

I asked myself again.

"Doesn't it hurt seeing your friend tucked in his favorite blanket in the tightest way possible without having his usual voracious appetite, and not saying a word about the joke he used to curve his lips from ear to ear?"

And again, I failed to answer. It drains my energy to know that my friend is at his current downfall and I, a non-verbal, unaffectionate, best friend can't do anything to ease his pain.

And again, I told myself that maybe it's okay for him to feel excruciating aches once more because that's how people get over it, to suffer and feel numb, and feel nothing at all.

And again, from the whispers on the street, I knew I am to be blamed. Again.