There is this feeling welling up inside of me. Somehow, I believe that things can never be the same again. I am complete yet I feel that my body decomposes every second, chunking out bits and pieces which I used to see as myself.
There is no way to reverse these effects. I am completely incomplete and you have made me so. All this time we've been building bridges trying to find that line that would connect the two of us. I did my best, I really did. All those long messages, all those conversations, all that effort; everything was to find a way to come closer to you. I know you did the same. I know that you wanted to see me, I know you wanted to know how I really look like aside from the images I have on the net, and most importantly...I know that you really cared.
That is the reason why I fell for you. I knew that you were different from every other man. I felt it. There was a genuine spark inside of me; not something which jolted me with a million volts of electricity, but a tiny tingling electrification that never stops whenever we chat. You were the reason why things had more meaning. There were brighter days and warmer nights, there were beautiful dreams and colorful memories, there were less monsters under my bed and fewer voices whispering in my head.
I know that this is wrong. I know that making my world revolve around you would ricochet back to me. But I couldn't help it; I couldn't stop falling for you. So I gambled. I took my own heart out, saw it pumping with life and placed it on the table without any hesitation. I made myself vulnerable in front of you. All the cards were in your hands, and I have already dropped my guard. Yet you fumbled and were unsure of what to do next. All that was needed was for you to do the same. All I wanted was for you to take my heart and care for it as your own. It was your turn next but you didn't make a move.
Later on you did make your move. You moved away, literally, to a place where I couldn't reach you anymore. The bridges I've carefully built couldn't connect anymore. You tore down the bridges you've made and left my heart on the table. You didn't take it for your own but left it for me to pick up again. But I didn't want that, I didn't want a heart that is already beating for another person because, once I take that back I would die in a matter of seconds.
You are already my life.
I don't think you understood what I really meant when I said I like you. Maybe that's why you said that you like me too. Maybe that is also the reason why our bridges never met, because the points were never connected and both of us wanted a different kind of connection. You were looking for intimacy, but I was looking for love. But even after all this, I never broke my own bridge. Until this day it remains steady and unshaken. I wait in the middle, in front of a thick fog that cannot see what is on the other side. I wait for your return, crossing my fingers and hoping against hope that, even with all these broken pieces, you would still come back to me.