An open letter
This is to the one whom I thought I will spend my whole life with. Being with you for the longest time is a roller-coaster ride. We had reached the top but in the long run we went down and it pinches my heart whenever I think of how we became civil from being lovers. We had the best of each other's world. You are my confidant and I am your supporter. We had us before we eventually became you and me and it caused me pain in many possible ways. I was ready to accept what you are about to offer and you almost see me walking in the isle. We set goals we made plans but life is very unpredictable. One day I woke up and realized that's not the kind of life I want. I can't live my life around someoneelse circle when I have my own direction to take. I can't compromise my joys for the thought that things might get better one day. I can't live everyday thinking what could make me happier because happiness and genuine love are the most precious things I can afford and I wont waste any chances of having it. With this, I can’t bring myself to any regret of losing what we tried to keep for so long because my greatest fear in life is not losing people but losing my self, my happiness by trying to settle in less than I deserve.
It's not our fault. Yes, you read it right, not your's, nor mine. I am not saying this just to free us from any load of guilty, but surely this is the truth. I’ am sure to myself that you had loved me and so am I, but being in a relationship is high maintenance for us. Things always works best in the beginning but as it goes longer and older it becomes vulnerable and that's what happened to us. We were not collecting memories, rather, we collected heartaches. I can still remember when we're so deeply in love. You are my taste of heaven in this world. You are my Disney land, beside you is the happiest place on Earth but you are also the one who put off the fire between us. You had lost your consistency but I don't point finger only to you because I was also too weak not to tighten the grip when you're almost loosing the grasp. Still, if I would be given million chances I would still choose you, for something good and for the better but life isn’t meant to be shared by both of us and it’s devastating to fight back against what the stars had written for us, so I made my choice. I won't apologize for a failed relationship. I loved you, and you loved me but love left us. The never-ending feeling of being not-enough finally came to it's end. I know it hurts you one way or another but not as much as the pain I felt. It’s devastating to let go after a long time of holding on, but it's the best thing we both did and it will be worth it one day because genuine love should not hurt constantly, love does not give you the feeling of being unwanted, love does not make you question what you truly feel and love does not make your worth any less.
If your reading this, then I am taking my solitary ways by now and you are lying solely on that spacious bed. Someday, I know someone will occupy that space again beside you. I just hope she won't cry herself to sleep too. What happened to us are just products of our actions, we may have made the wrong choice but it's always never too late to regain life. And now, just because this hurt doesn't mean this isn’t right. Chasing freedom and happiness, this is all about. You are my joy, my heartbreak and my lesson learned. It was almost us, now we both deserve this. Goodbye.