An alternate ending

                               P A R T - 2

When words don't seem to come out, you're in love !

It was finally mid April, and as expected, Rohit was home. Summers had broken in, and they both had so eagerly waited to meet each other, for the first time. Planning a rendezvous at a café downtown, there had been psychedelic emotions filled within them. The day came,  and they set out for the 'date' .

Kriya had been excessively nervous and delighted at the same time, as she reached the place she found him waiting there already. 

" Hello.... "

" There you are ! Do you know how long I've been waiting here ? "

" Oh, I'm so sorry. Got stuck in jam. "

" । hope it was the traffic one "

" Like really,  ain't funny ! "

" Just kidding. Got here just 5 minutes before you. "

" So, how are you today ? "

" Was fine, now much better. "

The conversation turned from formal to casual. They'd had innumerous chats before, but talking face to face was a lot different and pleasing. 

Through the corner of his eye, Rohit was intermittently watching her beautiful face, now a lot mature than what he had witnessed years ago. His eyes were speaking so much more than he himself. She had never felt more shy, and his gaze made it hard to talk. As they continued talking, he suddenly took her by the hand. She was startled at once. She didn't resist, and he didn't let go.

They shared many memories of the school time, and how silly was it of them to not have spoken for years. Time went past, and as they got up to leave, he came closer to her ear.

" I love you. "

" I know. "

Walking out of the cafe, they had their hands held together. She knew that it was normal for him to be so close to a girl like he told her he had been before, and he knew how unusual was it for her to even hold hands with someone like she accepted she never did. They went past many lanes, and enjoying each one of their moments together, took a cab home. 

" Do you know Kriya, how special has this day been to me ? "

" Of course not, how would I know (chuckles)."

" You are the best thing that has ever happened to me ! "

" And you're mine ! "

They looked into each others' eyes. He had this serenity and romance in his eyes, and one could tell how bad this guy had been hers. He always adored her eyes, that he felt the most beautiful part of hers, and today he was searching for the love in them. He found it at last. She was, however, lost for a moment.  

As she reached her destination, she once looked back and found that guy, smiling to his ears, his eyes beaming with pride and love, and as she turned her back, something gave her a chill. She just pinched herself to find if it was real, and headed to the doorstep. 

He could not sleep that night. After all, he had been granted the wish he had asked for a longtime ago. Now and then he'd just scroll by the pictures they'd taken together. After trying for hours to sink into sleep, he texted her.

" Awake?  "

" Hmm.... I see someone didn't sleep tonight :p "

" Well then, so do I ! "

" Yeah me too, I was kinda having butterflies,  and I don't think they're any way letting me sleep tonight. "

" So what does that indicate? Do you understand?  "

" What? "

" That's easy. You're in love babe. ;) "

" Shut up. You know how I feel about you. "

" And that's so high levelled obscure feeling that I run out of words to explain it to myself ! :p "

" No, that's not true. You're my buddy, remember?  "

" A-haan. But let's try. Just for a while, think about it. How can you be sure if it isn't love but anything ? "

" Mmm..... I. ...I just know. There's no How or What or Why. "

" Okay fine, you wish. You know what, many a times I imagine us together like in real. For a lifetime. And it gives me pleasure. Life. Contentment. If I have you, I don't need anything else. You know I have never felt this, right ? "

" Yes, I do. "

" So you know, I love you. So bad. So much. Like no one can. You know ? "

" I know. "

The next few minutes found him snoring softly to a sound sleep, to some place where he and his dream would be lost together, and treasure all the happiness coming their way. 

Kriya tossed on the bed from one side to another. She felt profusely evacuated of all meaningful thoughts. For once, her mind stopped thinking sensible. Gathering a form from the blurred vision through her closed eyes, she could see him nearing her and and repeating the same question over and over again, " Don't you think you're in love ? "

That was a night in years that was spent judging herself for what she couldn't control. Tonight, she somehow began regretting falling so close to him that he may get himself sunk into a deep emotional chaos, that he might never get out, or maybe he would. Who knows? She tried weighing his love and her freedom on both sides of the scale to lean on whichever side weighed more, but she had no answer! 

" Hey, good morning sweetyheart :) "

" Yeah, morning. "

" All okay ? You sound DRAINED. "

" No, I'm good :) "

" Remember, at sharp 10:00 ? Don't be late today ;) "

" I won't be ! See ya. "

Being a Sunday, they'd got up late. She helped her mum with some stuff and then went to get ready. 

She got herself dressed and walked towards the mirror. For a moment she escaped the real world into some fantasy, and imagined him in front. How fond he was of her, and she of his compliments. Obvious, she had never been so adored. As she smiled into the very own face in the mirror she felt drop dead ! " What am I getting into? This is so freaking me out now. I have always wished to be self sufficient, independent and I don't even wanna marry anyone. So what am I upto ? What am I supposed to do next ? "

" Where are you ? I've reached the spot. "

" Just on the way babes. One minute...."

He pulled up his bike and gave her a sexy smile. Oh and again, she blushed. She got on and off they went onto the snaky roads diverging from the highway into the silent woods. The ride was cozy, as the day had been calm and little bit of cloudy. No furious sunshine over them, and the wind passing through their hair made it heavenly. It was a perfect day.

Through his rear view mirror, he could see her face - her kohl black eyes, the peachy pinky lips that perfectly matched her pout, her hip length tresses tied up but letting go of some strands running across her face that made it even prettier. She didn't sit too close to him, to which he teased, " That's exactly how girls sit behind their brothers ! " " Shut up...  haha now I'll tell you how a half girlfriend sits at the back ! "

She held him from the back straight up to his shoulders and leaned her head on it, closed her eyes. She had grabbed him so tightly as if to never let go. She forgot every sentence she spoke to herself that very morning. She just wanted to live in the moment. He was astounded all of a sudden,  but enjoyed every bit of it. " You sure you're never gonna let me go ? "

She collected her senses. Though she didn't reply, she could again feel herself being clutched by those claws of her own indecisiveness, to which she was a slave now. That was not a bad thing, but somehow it was ruining this bond. It had begun to.

They stopped by a large tree. They were surrounded by so much vegetation, and were in the middle of the road. She got off and took a few steps away from him into the woods. He followed. 

It was a beautiful place. The one you wish to visit some day in your life. So calm, serene, alone yet enchanting. There was no fear. They now walked together to find butterflies fluttering around, and differently  colored flowers adding to the beauty. Meanwhile she was adorning herself with a few plucked flowers, he took her hand into his. 

" What did you think?  "

" Of what?  "

" Us ? "

Silence. Suddenly everything had gone silent. They had drifted their eyes away from the scene onto each other's face. She ran out of words. Before she could speak anything, something as tiny as a twinkling star rolled out of her eye.

" Hey, you okay? What happened ? "

She negated. He held her face in the palms. He apologised, but he didn't know what went wrong. She just walked up to the bike and stood beside it. Unaware of her emotional paradoxes, he went straight up to her.

" You wanna go home ? "

" No, I'm okay. I'm sorry. "

" Can you tell me what happened ?  I'm unable to comprehend. "

" Rohit, how well do you know me? "

" What am I supposed to say now ? To me, I think I know you better than you yourself. "

" So what do you think? What should I answer? "

" You know I've been in two relationships before. They were no match to this, I admit. But they at least taught me how a person changes when he falls for someone. What we've been like all this while, I am certain that you love me. And you know I do. "

" This. This very thing. You know I love you thing. I cannot say if it's love, but I am certain as well that no one's ever reached my heart beat down there and thumped along with it. And no one can ever dare do that. It's not possible. It's just you. But I am too uncertain about any commitment. Not uncertain, I will never be ready for it, I know. This is what scares me. " 

" I didn't ask for a commitment, you know I ain't ready as well. But if ever the time calls for us to be together, would you mind being mine ? "

" I can't say. I mean, maybe yes I love you. I will be yours forever.  But I will never marry you. For that thing isn't my cup of tea. "

He nodded. He had got her point, but he was sure some day she'll laugh at her own dialog. She, however, was a bit relieved. They left for the nearby hill city that was just an hour and half away from the woods. The weather had been cool there and the bike ride made it fun.

He had already ventured into almost all the water sports and adventures. He had a great liking for learning and he wanted her to do the same. " Kayaking, come let's go! " " But I don't know how to - " " Dont worry, we do it almost every day, I'm there. Come on. "

 It was fun. Every bit of it. She was not afraid of anything now, but herself. 

Things went on slowly. Every second that she lived was somehow getting uneasy. All she could imagine around was that face uttering the same words over and over again. How was she going to bear it ? What should she do ? She had no idea, but something called 'doubt' had occupied her. She never doubted him. It was her.

Frequent meetings had only firmed her doubt. He used to remind her if she gave it a thought. She'd simply act innocent and give it away. Then the only one thing she used to hear was , " When words don't seem to come out, you're in love ! "

It was time he went back to his work. He had plenty of timeless memories with him now, that he would cherish forever. He became busy, but he was living the best part of his life. He confessed it like a thousand times to her, and he was not tired of doing that. He'd never be. He knew.

" Hey. "

" Hii. What's up? "

" Nothing. Just off from work now. Had been an exhausting day "

" Hmm.... so, dined? "

" Yeah. All free. ..................... Oh I forgot! SHIT."

" What ? "

" I love you Kriya . "

" I know. "

" So what else do you know ? You love me, do you know that ? "

" I do, but not the way you do. I mean, your love is so romance, extravagance, extroverted and all. You know I am not that kind. "

" That's what makes you special. You know, last night I had a dream. I dreamt of us, our home, our kids. You too know I never thought of settling down, but now I do think if only that I'd give it a chance.... "

" I don't know if this freaks you out at the end or what, but I can't stand it any longer. All this while I just bore within a dusky feeling that someday, you will be caught into this marriage thing, and then if I would just walk away, what would you do ? "

" I'd live, but this lover within me would no longer sustain for any other girl. If I'll love, that'd be you. I mean it. "

" So what if I dare say that I am in this constant fear of losing you because I don't think we're getting along too well now ? I told you before if one fine day you just propose to marry me, I won't be entertained. I told you it's not my cup of tea. "

" So you sure ? You don't want this ? "

" Umm... I want this, I want to keep you forever. But I have a life of my own with just ME in it. I've lived it that way till now, and will always. But I will be yours I promise. I know. "

" I don't get it. You want me, but you don't wanna spend your life with me just because of that god damned Space of your own ? What do you think I am ? A toy ? "

" No buddy, it's not what I meant. See, I told you it's hard to understand, and harder to explain. I love you, in my way - this way that keeps two people far and yet close to heart. I don't need you to be physically present to make love to me. I just feel it anyway. And I can live with this my entire life. Even if I lose you .."

" This is ridiculous. You've made me sound like a pathetic desperate romantic lover who can be made to dance on fingertips at will. Sorry I can't do that. And never call me that - you're no longer a kiddo. Bye "

" No you took it all wrong. It's really frustrating. Please don't leave. "

Bye - sometimes the most normal words beat the shit out of you. This was one of them. Texting, calling - Repeat. The whole night went restless for her. She feared, dreaded at the thought of it. But to actually stand facing it was really an unthinkable hell. 

A week passed. Innumerable texts made her get blocked on Facebook,  and the calls went unreciprocated. She was emptied. A hollowness had casted a never ending spell on her, and she was bound to live with it. 

Recalling her past, she went nostalgic how he appeared out of nowhere in her monotonous life, and filled it with rhythm and enthusiasm. She had started to feel the world, and she knew it was him that she felt anything with. Yes, he was right. She loved him. But she also loved herself. Finally she made peace with it, what if he ain't there ? Love doesn't ask you favor, it gives all away. For love, one doesn't require togetherness,  but LOVE. It was there. It would always be. Though he won't ever cross her way, she would always love him. And she knew, he too would.

Months later, he wished her birthday. She never expected he'd do that, but all the day she had an eye on the phone screen. Feeling so overwhelmed, she again sprouted her feelings. It was all fine at the beginning. But things got uglier. 

" You know what, I am such a fool to have wished you. I shouldn't have done it. "

" Please, don't say that. It was the most precious thing today. "

" I wondered if you would have changed by now, but there you are, still hung up between so lots of things and then you want me to be there. I can't do that. I'm fed up of this feeling and will never get myself troubled again. Never . "

" I know, I've been such a confused soul since ever, and therefore I never called you back. It's just that I want you to know that no matter what we be from now on, wherever we go, there is just one person that I can say I love. And that's you. I will never call you back, for I know being together brings responsibilities, and both of us know, I'm so self obsessed now that I won't fall into it. So you're free. I will never ask you to stay away and love me like I'll do. You will marry someone someday. But I know, because I believe - you will always love me - you told me. And that's enough for me to live with. "

" It's unconditional love you're talking of, I don't know when did the time turn me into a seeker of love. I admired and loved you, and not asked for a bit of it. Eventually you became my strength - but look what you've done. You've become my biggest weakness now. I can't live without you and you can't live with me. I cannot live like this. We cannot live like this.  "

" I am sorry. I never intended to be one. It is you because of whom I began admiring myself, loving myself and I love this feeling. But I knew love always ripens some expectations, and you aren't wrong if you do. It's me to be blamed, who made you come so far. I've been selfish I know. But this was the first time. And the last too. "

This had been a conversation in a very long time. They both wept to their pillows, but none could do a bit. They had no control on it. He could not compel her to be with her,and she could not call him back to hurt him more. There was love both sides. But the essence of love differed. He was romantic and believed in physicality. It's not to be assumed that he had lust, it's love that asks more sometimes. She was, on the other side, a silent lover. She hesitated in getting physical,  she never had been before,  and had her own space. She might love him, but at the end, she found herself more strong without anyone. But if ever did she think of making love to someone, holding hands with someone, kissing someone,  it was him. And she was proud of it.

Life took over them. They had gotten busier. It was September, and they didn't talk now. Didn't chat either. But scrolling through each other's profile was a daily task. Kriya had indulged herself into short compositions that would make her feel less empty, and as she began writing she found her love strengthening more than ever. She now knew that she will never get out of it - but it was sweet. It had pain, but it was worth it. Rohit had never been alone, all owing to his nature of work. He ventured into his dream sports and was exploring the best of the world. He had always wanted to soar high with her, take her out on these adventures with him and live it. But it was nowhere a reality to be witnessed.

Sitting by the window at dusk, she was busy with her writing and a cup of coffee. Hours went by and she didn't notice. It was 9:00. A call from her mum stirred her. As she got off the chair, something shone up there in the sky.

" Ah, a shooting star ! So what do I wish ? Do I really need anything more than an alternate ending to us, only to find what would it be like ...? Oh, okay, I wish if I could be relieved of this indecisiveness and end us up together and see if that works out. " 

She smiled to herself. She felt stupid, but it was still a cute stupidity. She had never imagined herself in a state where she could be asking for a chance for love. She knew it was never gonna happen. 

Ring. Ring. The phone rang. 

" Wake up sweetyheart. It's been late enough ! "

Silence. Choked. She had nothing to utter for a second.

" Huh... you ... you called me. Oh, I can't believe it. "

" Why ? If I won't call you, who else would ? I hope you're not planning on being someone else's girlfriend. ..."

" No..no....I have always been yours Rohit,  and I swear this time I won't let go. No way."

Shocked to have talked to him, Kriya almost felt drop dead. She had barely imagined life could ever give her another chance to be with him, and it was somehow there ! She didn't know how, she just rejoiced in the moment.

It was all back to normal. That evening they met, she went out with a heart pounding so loud, her expressions couldn't make her look subtle. She was on the top of the world, and as he saw her, she ran into his arms without any hesitation. Finally, she had decided to give into it.

He was awestruck. Her warmth contained something extraordinary - he could smell her body without any cologne - he was in some other world. The two of them parted, looked each other in the eye, and started walking along the sidewalk.

" I am so in love with you Rohit. "

" Omg, did I hear that right ? The Kriya Singh just made a confession!  "

" Yes, you don't know what I've been through. And as I've just got another shot at it, I'm not gonna let it get wasted. "

" I don't know what chance you're talking about, but last night you just said that you love me and we'll always be together. That's all that matters. "

She was not present to his words, but was bouncing with joy. Now she knew she could live without her independence, but not without him. She didn't know herself how a single night changed that, but now that she had this feeling omitted and everything was clear between them, she was complete.

Coming home she picked her phone again to call him. But something was creepy - she checked her phone's screen. The date flashed - 28 December. The day next to her birthday when they had a fight. 

" But this can't be happening. We had a fight, and all of it changed. Now we're back go normal like nothing happened - like Wait. Nothing happened ? "

She ran downstairs to check all the calendars and phones, but they too notified the same day. She had been an optimist, but having a miracle, and that too like this, was beyond her imagination. Nevertheless, her immense joy was high up above any scientific contradiction. This time difference  didn't bother her for long.

Just like spring sprouted the joy in nature, this was a parallel happiness but more to her. He had found her only joy, and she didn't have to think of her space now, because that miracle took it all away - all her indecisiveness, thought of lifelong independence and every bit that took her many a steps away from him. It had vanished, and they had found their heaven.

A candle light dinner had awaited them for so long. It was here tonight. At the beach, the set up was all alone. He dressed as a gentleman, whereas she proved to be his lady. Shimmering in a floral gown, she was all beauty of the moon. He had a slow romantic dance routine planned for her, and as they took to each others' arms, the world became a fantasy come real. They swirled around like breeze, and the night seemed to be endowing them with the light of the stars making it beautiful as it ever could be. The perfect moment came - he took her by the waist, pulled her closer, and said, " I love you." She knew it was her turn " But....... I love you more"... and smiled. So deep into each others' eyes, they sank, that the stars witnessed the world's most passionate kiss without them knowing it. They stood there, taking on each other's lip, to show all their love all at once, as if it would never end......

Tap. Tap. Something tapped on her head. She quickly got up only to find her pup Squash beside her, tapping on her head with the small paws. She smiled, and suddenly recollected the date - where was it ? Where is he ? Is it a day now ? WHAT'S THE DATE ?

She hopped off the bed to check the phone. September 15. On her last birthday they had the conversation and never talked since then.

A dream. It was just a dream. There had been no time travelling and she was just the way she slept on the night of the shooting star. She made herself comfortable on the floor. Scrolling through those pictures of them together, she had a faint smile on her face. She knew it was no reality - she was still on her own, but bore a thing called love inside. She wished him to come back, but never asked him to, for that would again be gruesome and unbearable for him. It was all sorted. Any alternate ending could never make them One. She couldn't change - for this was what life had made out of her. It was no bad, she was just being her own way.

No matter how worse the things were between them, something instilled her to text him. 

" Hi. Good morning. "

A few minutes later, she got a reply.

" Morning. How's everything ? "

" Cool. This might be a bit awkward for you, but would  you mind being friends with me ? "

" Don't trouble me again, please, I beg of you. Things will all go the wrong way again, for I know we're not meant to be together - in any way. "

She expected the same though.

" Okay. No issues. I'm not even left with enough rights to call you back. I understand. "

" I need you to know that I've fallen for someone, and for once I'm really trying to hold on to this. So please never come back. "

" That's good to hear. It is time that we part ways now, for it's doing us no good no more."

Ending the chat she laughed hysterically, " I know there's no girl with him. He's just pushing me away ". Yes. There wasn't anyone. She knew he was lying. She had known him. And yes, she had sources ! NO, she wasn't a stalker. 

This was it. She had no anxieties now. How she wanted him, but to keep him away from herself for his own good was something she'd place on top. She realised how girls can make guys go crazy - not because they want, but because they might have different plans ahead. Well she could just say that for herself. Wiping a tear off, she called out " Hey Squash, won'tcha come out for a game ? ". He followed. She now had two things - a love and a best friend.