Dear Me,
Honestly, I wanted to come up with an ambiguous intro but nothing seems to be okay. I feel a tad pressured because I am writing to myself. Anyway, here goes nothing...
This you of the past is wondering if what your todays are.
Is the room still untidy?
Are the anime posters on the wall less or more?
Do you still prefer blue than black ballpens?
Do you still own the same phone or have the same usernames in our accounts?
Is the coffee you chug in the morning still brewed? Or is the coffeemaker still working?
I have so many questions and yet, I am afriad to even hear the answer for each and one of them. I know, I sound ridiculous. I am curious about you and at the same time, I fear you.
Oh, you know me. I'm funny that way: a walking contradiction. Someone who wants to know and fears the knowledge of it. Tch.
Before I go on rambling about stupid intros and trying hard to write as witty as I can, I'll go straight to the point.
Future me, I know you know this already but I've completely fucked up. I screwed over the only thing that has ever made me happy.. A potential reason to make you happy. And now, in my current timeline, I feel that I could never get it back.
Remember Tina? She wasn't the only side bitch our boyfriend had. Remember after all the tears and terse words, we forgave him anyway.. gave him a second chance because he was going to change and we fell for that. Now, he has Princess on his other Friendster account (which he thinks we are oblivious of, by the way). She's pretty..has longer hair, and a tad skinnier than us but our friends say she's like a walking bone.
Andrew left us today. No, I left Andrew today. And no, it's not the leaving that we wished he rather did to us (though, I would personally take care of it if killing was legal).
Sent him a text message to meet us in our usual café. The fucker showed up. He was 15 minutes late but that's okay. You see, I was curt about it. I said, "It's over."
He stared at me as if I was a joke but I wasn't in the mood for joking that time.
" You already have a Princess. You don't deserve a Queen like me." I elaborated.
I guessed, he saw it in our face that he royally fucked up the second chance we gave him. And with that, I stood up, left him with an outrageous bill of all the sweets I ate within the 15 minutes I waited for him and effectively, pushing him out of our lives.
Hate to admit it but I thought he was the one. Even when he cheated with Tina, I still had this hope that he was our endgame. Oh, how miserable can an 18-year-old girl get?
I hope you do get it back...the happiness of being loved and to love. I hope you do better than me because that's how it's supposed to be, right? The future will always outshadow the past and I do hope you won't feel this hell I'm in right now. I hope you're the one who'll say,
"I've been through it and survived."
I wish that you're the me that will be remembering this email as a distant memory with no tears that will sting your eyes whenever you reminisce this time. No self-hatred. No insecurities. No what-if's and 'I fucked up' moments.
I hope you find a way to be happy, heck, HAPPIER than this me of the present.
I truly hope that you are okay. I mean.. If you're not then that'll be bad for us, right?
Because we are one and the same.. Different in just a matter of time intervals but nonetheless the same.
I hope you will come to me soon. I am currently grieving our loss. It hurts a lot but I am managing. I will struggle so that I would become you.
And with whatever you're facing right now? Just hang on like you always do.
Let's get by together,
Your 18 year-old self
-0-
Dear 18 year-old self,
Thank you for getting us through those dark times. I remembered Andrew wasn't the only problem we had. There was school, finances, people, and not to mention dealing with the voices in our heads.
Thank you for managing to get us this far and yes, you've made it. It's been 7 years.
Let me continue the timeline where you left off. Several months after Andrew ( Yes, it didn't take us a year), some punk had the audacity to sit beside us while we're proofreading our project. Turns out that he's really the one for us. Got a gold ring on my left finger to boot.
I can't say things are better now but I am definitely happier.
All my love,
Your future self