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Illustration by @_ximena.arias
Bakit ka single?
"Baka mataas ang standards"
"Wala bang nangliligaw?"
"Lumandi ka kasi!"
"Ay di mabenta"
Ito yung linyahang lagi kong naririnig kapag nalalaman nilang hindi ko pa nahanap ang "the one" ko. Pero hinahanap nga ba ? O kusang darating kapag right time na talaga? Totoo kaya yung destined for each other? Or we are the one who make our destiny? Ang labo. Daming tanong. Mga tanong na hindi ko masagot-sagot.
Minsan, oo, nakakainggit din yung mga lovebirds na naglalakad nang naka holding hands. Yung mga posts sa social media na sobrang sweet keme-keme. Yung may mapag sasabihan ka kung kumusta yung araw mo. Yung may mag go good morning at mag gogoodnight sayo. Yun bang tipong may karamay ka, at may nagpaparamdam sayo na importante ka.
Pero ganito rin kasi yun guys, you can't just entrust your heart to anybody. You need to make sure that "that someone" really deserves you, and that you do deserve him too. You can't be broken and let him fix you, kasi kapag nawala sya, masisira ka ulit. That "someone" must not have the responsibility to complete you, dapat buo ka kahit nung wala pa sya. Kung baga dapat pasas lang sya sa macaroons. Yun bang Di naman talaga kailangan, kasi mabubuo naman yung macaroons kahit walang pasas. Yun nga lang, mas sumarap, mas naging malasa, mas naging Perfect nung may dinagdag na. Pero dapat yung dinagdag mo, yung tipong babagay sayo. Yung tipong dadagdag sa value mo. Kung baga yun bang gagawin kang better. Hindi yung ikakasira mo. Hindi yung dudurog sayo, hindi yung magdadala sayo sa kahihiyan.
"So bakit ka nga single"
Kasi...
Kasi hindi ko pa mahanap yung perfect recipe ng macaroons. Hindi ko pa sya mabuo ng maayos. Parang may isang ingredient pa na kulang. O Di kaya baka Mali yung procedure ko. Hindi kasi pwedeng basta-basta mo lang ilalagay ang pasas, dapat siguradohin mo munang okay yung macaroons. Siguradohin mo munang masarap at kayang mabenta kahit walang pasas. Kung baga, dapat yung macaroons mismo yung rason kung bakit sya mabebenta, hindi na mabebenta sya kasi may pasas. Hindi pwede yung "OK na yan may pasas naman". Dapat "masarap yan kahit walang pasas"..
"So Single ka kasi hindi kapa buo? "
Hmm. Oo. I mean hindi ako buo not just in a sense na nag mahal ako in the past and I haven't recovered yet. Hindi ako buo, bilang tao like in general talaga. Yes may part din dun na dahil sa someone I fell in love with, but meron ding sa Family and most specially with myself. All my insecurities, my failures, my sad stories and all my silent battles. I can't drag him down, hindi pwede. I know how toxic I am with regards to relationship. It's because of the lessons I've learned around me. Yung mga kwento ng mga kaibigan ko, and most specially kwento ng pamilya ko. I build walls. Too high. Many tried but they all didn't survived. Aral ko na masyado yung tactics nila. Kaya alam ko kung panu harangin. It is not because I don't like them, some of them were nice, but it's simply because I don't want them to fall with me. My negative energy is too high. I know babagsak sila pababa pag pinilit nilang akyatin yung walls na ginawa ko. And I don't want them to suffer with me the miseries I am suffering. Yes, ito ako. Malalim. Madilim. Parang balon, Nakaka takot. Pero parang balon din, sa kailalim-ilaliman, malinaw yung tubig at natural, kaso maaari kang lunurin. I don't want them to get drown. Hindi ko sila pwedeng idamay.
"pero hanggang kailan ka single"
Hanggang mabuo ko na ang perfect recipe ng macaroons. Hanggang makita ko na yung liwanag at makalabas sa balon. Pero I don't mind, If I'll stay like this forever. It would be tiring if I pressure myself na makamit ang perfect recipe. Mauubos yung lakas ko kung pipilitin Kong hanapin yung liwanag palabas. I mean I just wanna calm, relax. If it's God's will then congrats, if not, then so be it. Love the mess that you are.
"Ah single ka kasi masyado kang harsh sa sarili mo. You don't give yourself a chance to see things on other perspective. When macaroons messed up, you threw it all right away. Di ka gumawa ng other way para magamit mo pa. So u thought the macaroons you did was really a failure. But if u used that macaroons to make cake pops or munchkin "macaroons" flavor, then maybe you'll feel satisfied and you'll realize that you can make great cake pops, instead of feeling bad for not being able to produce a perfect macaroons."
No.
" So. Bakit ka talaga single? "
Kasi... Natatakot akong Iwan. Raisins don't go with cake pops at all.
188 Launches
Part of the Love collection
Updated on May 07, 2020
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