She hears the chanting of demons every now and then. The suffocating truth that she's just pretending to be happy when she has thoughts about the end. The same battle goes on in her head the second she she wakes up and ceases the second she succumbs to sleep- but they also chase after her in her dreams. She wanted to run away, but how can you run away from your own mind? She wanted to scream all of her frustrations and everything that is bothering her but will anybody listen? She wanted those whispers to stop. She wanted and wanted and wanted things to happen but it just wouldnt. She's hanging on a thin thread, nearly drowning, almost burned, and already on the verge of letting go and fall all at once.
But she is still fighting no matter how many blades she touched, no matter the countless cuts in her body, no matter the emotional pain that is already beyond her tolerance, no matter how much tears she had poured, no matter how loud her screams are in her mind but it all turned out as silent whispers, no matter how worthless and lonely she feels, and no matter how difficult and tiring everything is. It must have took a lot of courage and strength to fight for the life she never wanted.
She is the bravest hero for continuously fighting the monsters lurking inside of her. She is a real hero not for saving countless of people but for saving her own self. She needed help but no one was there for her. Despite being surrounded by lots of people, no one noticed the signs she's giving away. No one noticed the "help me"s in her laughs, the tears behind every smile, the sadness she masked with being with so many people, her dark poetry and paintings. Noo one knows her truest and deepest form. She needed someone whom she can voice out all of her frustrations and everything bothering her. She doesnt need a bunch of people, but just someone. But nobody was there for her, no one among all the people shes close with. No one even in her circle of friends and best buddies. They were all thinking that she's brave, happy, contented and all things bright and flowery, these are the things she wanted people to remeber her, as one bubbly girl without dark and creepy thoughts. But is that what she really wanted? To show them her masked version, the unflawed, innocent, and happy personality that she had only made? So instead of waiting for someone to save her, she saved herself. She fought her battles alone. She faced her fears independently. She mends her broken pieces back to where they belong. She keeps on breathing. Slowly but continuously.
She needed saving and fixing more than anybody else. She's strong indeed for keeping all the pain within. She fought independently then and now, she had learned that fighting is tiring because no matter what, she cannot eliminate them. So she accepted them all. And it turned out that those monsters are all created by her and is a part of her. Each and everyone of them signifies her past, failures, tears, heart ache, dark thoughts, and all things negative. They are all a part of her being that instead of masking and fighting and trying to erase and delete them, she accepted them all. that she's cracked, broken and stained but throught those cracks, the rays of light enters. She learned to focus and value the little things because they matter the most. She then stop calling them "monsters" but "memories" that will always flashback but instead of feeling the pain and fear, she'll remember to do the best that she can to avoid things to reoccur. Instead of letting those "memories" pull her down, she made them a motivation for her to keep on moving, fighting and striving until the very end.
Before you fix and save others, be sure youre fixing and saving yourself too. And also, do not die before your death. So many people are willing to pay countless of money just to lenghten their lives, so why shorten yours? What makes you depressed? What makes you so fed up of this cruel world? What makes you hate this cruel world? Are they deserving? Are you reasons worth it to end your life? Remember, eventhough you didnt want the life youre in. You are already given that so its basically: live it or nah.
Anyways, this is already so long so thats it.