Making a mental note for myself I thought never to return. Never to return in the sense that it was better at times to leave things the way it is. There was no moving back this time. I was even ready with my self motivating note that this is the end of all. I need to buckle things up and just move. Move towards the end where there is no suffering no tears and nothing as such which have been tormenting me for a long time now. I know it takes time but for me it was like a dead end from where there was a deep end where I need to jump and in a moment everything will be over. Well! Let's stop a moment here while revert back to the point where everything started.
......
"This ain't going to work I prefer something solid from you" the publisher rejected my baby for the umpteenth time. Yeah, baby in the sense that I nurtured this story with love, feeded it with my own emotions, let it flourish with my thoughts and even after that he wasn't ready to get my short story to reach people. Editing it for over twenty times I was sitting there cross legged resting my back by the chair as he refused me once again. Damn!!
"But you said you wanted to see emotions and a good end, I guess that's all in the story Prakash"
He leaned back with a slight nod moving his pen repeatedly in his hands. I looked at him arching my eyebrows this time, that's the benefit when the publisher is a friend, an old friend, or precisely speaking a person whom I rejected for a guy who tolerated me for the past seven years
"Yeah I know I said that, no doubt the story has full of emotions, all vibes of bliss reflects through it, you have the potential too but you see"
"Prakash you better come up with some good excuses to refuse to this."
With that I stood up. Carried my baby in my arms and stormed out of his cabin in a reflex. Moving towards the parking lot I stood near my car breathing profusely. There were two missed calls from that 7 year old guy whom I promised to meet after my meeting. I sighed. Dejectey I sat inside the car while I drove out of that office abd reached cafe Coffee and Memories. Nitin was already waiting for me there when I reached to him and sat opposite to him. I held my head in my hands and looked up at him. The latter threw me a pleasing snile, that one which lets you fall back in the pool named love once again
"Again?" He asked still with his smile intact.
I pushed my body clumsily resting against the chair and nodded.
"It's okay love we can try some different publisher too" he said raising my hopes once again.
"I don't know it feels like the thing I have in me is something which just my close ones can feel and those publishers they don't even recognize it"
"It's not as such be patient and everything will fall back in the right place"
I nodded while the evening was quite soothing with his words. This guy owns some magic and lets me move closer to my dreams which appear to fade away at the offing.
"Will you be okay being alone at home?" He asked before I got into my car
"I will be fine, you can go , I anyways need to figure things out and deal with them my way"
He nodded while I drove back home. I didn't do an effort to fill the room with brightness when my own life was broken down into pieces which seemed never to fix back. I sat there thinking of the person within me. It felt like the colours inside me have turned into some monochrome shades and denied to be coloured once again. The zeal within me was lost and there was me left in broken pieces.
That was the time when I decided to end it all. I was frustrated over my own self to take it that way but I was left with no perfect choice. So here am I ready to jump down the three storeyed building. I stood there observing the minutiae world below me. They appeared too tiny, they will react only when I transform into a body, yes I directly lose my name the moment the last breath escapes my body.
"I need to do this"
I closed my eyes as grief embraced me when all of a sudden the light flashed up and there was a call from Nitin. I stopped and got off the railing this time as I attended the call.
"He-llo" my voice faltered.
"Chase your dreams instead of weeping for the wrong things that are just stepping stones to reach happiness"
The call disconnected. I looked around when I saw him walking upto me.
"I.."
"I know it's okay"
....I lost myself in his arms. Bits of tears drenched his shirt while the warmth of his love was enough to soothe me