After the highs I reach during Chi Gong workshops it’s sometimes hard to integrate back into real, normal life. I woke up this morning and fell back into my pattern of checking my e-mail and getting sucked into the cyber world. And this led me to a low level of depression.
It’s like a haunting of old dream. Dreams that I have finally put to rest.
The death of dreams is a mixed blessing. There is grief and sadness but there is also new beginnings as space opens up for the birth of new dreams. Healthier dreams, untainted by psychological strife and emotional baggage of the old, tainted dreams.
I had a huge hit of clarity Thursday night about my relationship to blogging and treating my blogs as my business.
The dream was to hit it big with my blog, creating an online magazine that would be a popular destination among Paleo fans.
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The reality was that I never reached the level of popularity I hoped for. And this broke my heart. But I held on to hopes for that reclaimed love, the redemption I so dearly wanted. But my heart broke deeper and bitterness seeped in. And I wallowed in this sadness, lost but unwilling to give up.
On Thursday night I saw that all that I was giving up was pain. It wasn’t a question of success and failure in the end. It was a matter of choosing the wrong path and making misplaced efforts. I became a bit of a martyr, giving with strings attached, expecting to get something back. Love. Validation.
When it seen clearly I realized I was looking for love in all the wrong places!!
A business does not come from the heart, it comes from the head. It requires a concrete and pragmatic strategy and a product.
I do have a passion for healing and the desire to help others but I think I still have a lot of work to do on myself before I can truly become a teacher and guide for others. But I’m ok with that because I will be healing the world as I heal myself.
I believe I should be more structured, logical and disciplined in my life if I want to succeed in business. It might feel unnatural or uncomfortable to take on such a lineaskin care brand namesskin care brand namesr approach but if I want to create an income for my family, I need to use my brains and do it in logical steps. It may be boring and ordinary but it will have the desired outcome. It won’t be confused.
The strides I am making this year are amazing. I am tackling my bad habits and addiction and relaxing my problematic personality traits. I am learning how to let go. I am developing faith.
This lesson crystalized for me this Chi Gong weekend.
That I connect to what I need to connect to and follow that path automatically, subconsciously and I don’t need to make any effort or even understand to trust that I will learn what I need to learn and have the right experience.
Knowing that I am following the right path at the right time (even it if doesn’t look like it) is life changing for me. It will help me settle into a new level of trust and security.
The other lesson I learned is how to ride the bumps of my emotions and physical sensations. There was a moment in practice that I started thinking negative thoughts and I was able to ride them out as they changed instead of following their trail down the rabbit hole.
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