CONSEQUENCES

     It was the perfect night. A slight drizzle that could only be felt, not even heard. No moon, no stars; no light. The sound of the water gently embracing itself in waves was the only thing that could be heard. That sound was the only thing that could remind me of my existence as it was etched deeply into my heart. My heart beat along with that sound. Or was it the other way round? But little did that matter. I had found my peace. I closed my eyes (not that it made any difference) and raised my head up to meet the rain drops. I don't know how long I had been sitting there. But that was the moment I forgot about everything: my worries, my goals, my plans, my past, my name. Everything. Nothing mattered. I had completely lost myself in that moment of oblivious bliss.
     But then I felt a presence. My haven was no more. I sat up straight and strained to see around. I found him. He was standing by the water, slightly to my left. I tried to figure out who he was, but all I could see was a shadow of a man. He started walking towards me. And there was light. I cringed for maybe a second. When my eyes had adjusted to the brightness, he was already by my side. I smiled at him quite awkwardly while my brain tried to remember if I knew him. I was pretty bad at remembering people. He smiled at me warmly and pointed towards the sea. I tried to see that way but the darkness at that end had darkened up even more, thanks to the light on this end. Now that I think of it, where did that light come from? I was just trying to debate what I should figure out first: who the man was, what he was pointing at, or where the light came from when the man said in the harsh but comforting voice, "You need to decide, my child. Who will be saved?" Now I had a new thing to worry about. The light shone upon the sea where he was still pointing. There was something hovering just above the water. No wait, there were two things. I then realized what they were, or more accurately, who they were. I hurried on to my feet and ran towards the sea but the distance never closed in. It was like running on a treadmill. I shouted out calling out their names. The names of my brothers. My brothers were hovering lifelessly above the sea. I tried running faster but that made no difference except that my heart beat faster and faster with every step I took. I helplessly tried to reach out but they were way too far away. I had just been screaming out and running with my hands  stretched out for what seemed like an eternity when I heard that voice again to my left. "You need to stop," it said, "before you collapse."
     I found myself slumping down on the sand, my hands still outstretched. I was scared and was crying. Slowly and helplessly, I tore my eyes away from them and turned to my left. "They are my brothers," I cried. I couldn't see his face as there was no light on this end now. Even so, I looked up at him and pleaded. "Please. Help me. I need to save them. Please." Now, there was light again. And I could see him calm face. Was that a smile? I had no time to think. I turned towards my brothers again. There was light at both the places now. It looked like the lights were highlighting the helpless situation of my brothers and me. That thought broke me down. I gave in to my helplessness and slumped down, burying my face in my hands and started wailing. I had never been so scared in my life.
     "Choose one," his voice boomed soothingly.
     I looked up, confused. He patted my head with his arm, looking towards the sea at my brothers. His mouth cracked open into a smile. It was the same warm smile that he had given when we first greeted each other. But  somehow, that warmth heated up inside me and I was boiling with rage. "What do you mean?"
     "You can save only one. You need to decide. Save one and the other falls in."
     I just looked at him, completely lost for the second time that day. My face seemed to amuse him. He chuckled.
     "Both are your brothers. You think you love them both equally. But that's not possible. There's no way someone can love two people the same exact way. So think now, whose side does your balance bend?"
     All my fright now converted into anger. "Is this a game to you? Those are my brothers! I need them both alive and well. I need to save them both. If you can't help me, just don't interfere, I'll do wh-"
     He raised his palm up as a signal for me to shut up. I don't know why, but I stopped. He smiled again, like the master who was happy with his dog's obedience and turned his face towards the sea again. He lifted his right arm dramatically and both my brothers moved. The eldest one of the three of us, who was at the right side, rose up and the one younger to me, who was on the left, dropped down till he was half immersed in the water. I slowly realized what he meant as he flicked the fingers on his right hand, which was now stretched in front of him. He turned towards me and smiled again, putting his hand down. This time, they didn't move. He now lifted his left arm and the younger one rose up and the other, came down. He flicked his fingers once they were in the same position as they were before and put his hand down.
     "Can't you raise both your hands together?" I asked realizing he was my only saviour as of now. "Can't you save them both?"
     "Be careful. The next time you ask me to save both of them, both drown."
     I opened my mouth to protest but got hold of myself. I had to find a way out. It didn't matter how all this was possible. I could sit and wonder once I was out of this mess. I closed my eyes again, breathing in and trying to decide. I looked at him again, trying to know at least what happens later.
     "What are the consequences of saving th-" I stopped myself mid-sentence. "I mean, one of them?"
     He chuckled again. "Good going! No consequences at all. You ask me to save one and I save him. The one whose balance weighs down with your love, rises up and the other falls down." He looked at them again and breathed in wistfully. "The world does have a way with balance. That's how everything works." He shook his head and turned to me again, as joyful as he had been before. "So have you made your choice?"
     "Not yet," I said, rather rudely. "Give me some time."
     I started thinking again, weighing out the options I had before me. My elder brother always took care of me. The younger one, I always felt protective about. Maybe I should save the younger one. It's my duty after all, being the elder brother. But it was my elder brother who was by my side and took care of me all the time. He was the one who helped me every step of the way. Maybe I should save the elder one. I need to repay my debts. Which was more important? My duty or repaying my debt? I couldn't choose. I cannot choose. Is there no way I can save both of them? Why can't I fulfill both: my duty, and my debt? My head filled with thoughts and doubts. I wished to go back to the oblivion I was at a few minutes ago. Who should I save? The waves were now lashing out ferociously. It almost seemed like they were mocking my state, ready to engulf the one who falls below. How can I choose between them? I let all these thoughts escape me through a scream. I clenched my hair to pull out everything away from my brain. When my lungs were completely deflated and my throat threatened to burst open, I slumped back onto the sand. Slowly, I closed my eyes and lifted my head up to the skies. The rain drops hit my face and slid down my cheeks with my tears.
     "Raise your left hand," I said, my voice breaking. "I choose my duty. He'll understand." I didn't open my eyes, nor did I drop my face down.
     "Very well then," He said solemnly. I couldn't watch. I just sat there, head facing the skies, eyes closed...until I heard a splash. I screamed out loud and dropped my head down, prostrating to the sea. I lay there for what seemed like an eternity, crying over the wet sand. The lights were gone. There was darkness all around me, over me and inside me. The only sound was of my sobs and that of the waves. Slowly, I lost consciousness.

                                 *******

     I was woken up by some sound from the other room. I slowly opened my eyes and realized I was lying in my bed. My eyes filled with tears as I recalled my nightmare. And then, I heard the sound again. I ran to his room as soon as I realized it was my younger brother sobbing. As soon as I entered his room, he ran to me and hugged me tightly. "I had a really bad nightmare. I was stuck above the sea with brother a-"
     I pushed him away and ran towards my elder brother's room. I pulled out the sheets on his bed. I found my elder brother there...only that he was completely drenched and blue. I heard a cry from behind me. All I remember is holding his cold, blue face in my hands and crying, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Please forgive your brother."
                                *******       
7 years later:

    I read the letter left behind by my brother and that was the end of whatever chance I had to live an ordinary life. I had tried so hard to pretend what happened seven years ago was just a nightmare. But he had made my life worse than it already was. Every step of the way, he reminded me of the choice I made and every step of the way, he showed me how wrong I had been. And now, this letter. Maybe it was for the best. Let's hope it was. I read it again... And again... And again. I waited for the tears to flow but all I felt was emptiness. No emotions whatsoever. I had chosen him when that man asked me who I loved more. I tried to protect him. But now, I regret making that choice. I should have cho-
     All of a sudden, I realized something. I read the letter again and found the part I was looking for:

______________________ I know you hate me now. You have your reasons to. I know how hard you tried to forget that nightmare. Believe me, because I lived through that too. I realized how much I reminded you of your only regret in life, of your wrong decision. That's why Ichosetomakeyourlife easier. _______________________

     That was the consequence! One gets to live but his life kills me slowly.  That was all he wanted. I choose who gets to live and who gets to die. There is no wrong choice there. I would hate the one who is saved soon enough. I would die drowning in the guilt of making the wrong choice in the end. That was all the man intended for: my doom.
     Now I wait for The Man to snatch my life away with a snap of his fingers. That was all I wanted.