Just when I've promised not to sing love songs again after a recent family problem, I met him.

He was handsome. Talented. Smart. He was popular around girls and really admirable. I never had any intentions of getting to know him or so but my friends started to tease me with him out of the blue.

They started to make ship names and honestly, it was annoying at first. But the more they teased, the more I felt of the change. It was uncomfortable at first but as time passed by, my heart seemed to adapt to it.

I couldn't stand not being able to see him. It doesn't matter if we don't talk. I just wanted to see him, that's all.

We've chatted for a few times. Exchanged jokes and talked about our favorite series. We had a lot in common and that was something. I've never met someone who had the same tastes as me.

One night, he suddenly asked me if I wanted to go with him and drink tea. I was so happy and got all excited. My friends were happy too and they didn't shut up about it.

As I waited for the days to pass, my heartbeat became louder and faster.

And before I knew it, I started to sing love songs once again.

Alas. The "Tea Day" finally came. My friends were more excited than I am. I can't help but smile the whole day. Every time he'd pass by our room, I'd see him smiling. Damn. Those smiles.

However, things didn't work out the way I expected. He suddenly came to me and said he couldn't make it since he's got practice. I didn't get to ask because I was too disappointed and just said "Oh, it's okay. Maybe next time."

I ended up walking my friends home but it was fun to be with him. It's just that... I can't help but imagine "WHAT IF... what if we did go and drank tea?"

Days after that didn't work out as well. We don't chat like we used to before. There was a sudden distance between the two of us and somehow, it hurt a little. Just a little tiny bit.

More days have passed and we completely stopped chatting. I kept talking to this guy in my class. I'd open up to him about my crush and he would do the same with his ex. We got closer each time we talked and my friends, as usual, started to tease me with this guy.

I kind of liked this guy and his name was Emman. He was easy to talk with but not with everything. We'd go home together and do stuffs together. I thought I was completely over "crush" but I was wrong.

One afternoon, when we were dismissed, "crush" walked with my group of friends. Well, let's just name him Sky. Sky made Emman choose since they were friends too. 

"Choose. Me or her?" 

Emman smiled and jokingly said "her". I didn't get to see the whole scene but just when I turned to their direction, Sky walked pass me really fast. 

Time went by faster than when I was waiting for the "Tea Day". It went so fast that I got my heart broken by Emman who ended up choosing another girl.

Once again, I promised not to sing love song again.

I thought I'd be in peace. But being with such troublemaker friends, I don't think that would be possible. It wasn't long when they started teasing me again with Sky.

I thought I was over him but I wasn't. That strange heartbeat came back and it didn't feel good. I knew something was wrong and I was right. A friend of mine who was a supporter of our "loveteam" told me that he was seeing someone.

I don't know. I was confused whether I felt hurt or what. Of course, being the kind of person who doesn't push through, I just said "Oh, I wish they'd be happy then."

Nobody knew that I kept a diary. It contained photos of me and Sky, notes of important days and summary of that five second moment that I got to see Sky smiling.

Months passed by and my friends have been bugging me to find a new crush. What should I do? I tried but no one just seemed to spark my interest. And the best plan they came up with?

Tease me again with Sky.

I told them to stop because he's seeing someone already but they didn't listen. That's when I knew that it didn't work out. I wasn't happy about it at all. After all, I spent weeks praying for their happiness and a lot of courage to finally stop this stupid crush thing.

I wanted them to be together because if they weren't, my friends would tease again and my heart will start hoping again. 

Right now, a lot more people are teasing us together. Sky and I talk sometimes personally but just for a really short time. We'd just talk about Game of Thrones. Yes, I'm a big fan because of him. He recommended it to me before when we first talked to each other. 

After all this, I came to a conclusion. Maybe. Just maybe. I didn't stop liking Sky. Maybe he's always been there. Like he's got a spot of his own somewhere in my heart. Now, I started to ask. Or am I crazy to have an on and off crush with someone? David Archuleta's song really fits me well.

"Am I crazy of falling in love? Is this really just another crush?"

If... Only if... I were given that awesome chance to be with him, I'd be the happiest girl. I'd hold him so tight and never let him go. I'd take risks and finally, I won't just sing love songs, but create one myself with him as an inspiration. If only.

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40 Launches

Part of the Love collection

Updated on January 11, 2017

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