Cygnus' Last Letter

Its been exactly 18 months since I met you. Exactly 18 months since I fell inlove with those eyes, those smile, and your laughs. I never really thought we'd come this far. At first I thought that you were never serious with me so I tried to play it cool and act like I'm not falling inlove with you.

But truth to be told, every single day, I'd fall.

Little by little.

I miss you, Cygnus.

I miss those sweet little things we'd do when no one's around. The hugs, the kisses we'll share, the laughter. I got used to our little rants, fights, sweetness and love. Remember when we were at the cloud 9? My heart was silently praying for the night to go longer and never ending. Because I know right in that moment that I was going to miss you.

And then I was right.

I miss my Cygnus.

My Cygnus who will tell me everyday how much he loves me.

The one who will call me every night just to tell me different things about his life.

The one who will give me random kisses and ask for the same.

The one who will hold my hand and ask to look at his eyes when I'm scared.

The one who will hug me when I'm starting to worry about petty things.

I remembered the night where things got bad between us. The night when I told you that offending thing. I'm sorry. I really do. I know it did make you feel so small. But believe me, Cygnus. My respect for you was much bigger than you expected. You underestimated my love I have for you.

One night, I asked you if you still love me but to my despair, you said "a little." Tears fucking escaped my eyes instantly as if they're racing downwards my cheeks. An invisible spear was shot through my heart and It was getting harder for me to breathe.

Then at an instant, we were okay again.

Or so I thought.

I have always been wanting to have your facebook account. Because I gave you mine like it was nothing but my privacy. Actually I dont really care about my privacy as long as you'll be reassured that I'm not cheating and I will never cheat because I love you so much.

But you did it again.

For the second time, you underestimated my feelings.

It was when I got home that I decided to read your inbox. I was fucking confident that I'll never see your bullshits. Because you told me you love me.

And I believed every fucking fiber of that word.

But I was wrong.

I saw a name. I tried reading it but I wish I never did. It was your ex girlfriend whom you're talking to. You were so sweet.

You asked her to go to your basketball game.

You even told her you'll wait for her outside her school which was 13 kilometers away from your home.

You told her you'd kiss her and you want to get back with her because you still love her.

You called her "love". Which you called me the on first day of our relationship and we both know we call each other by the endearment "babe".

And you never asked me those things when were together.

And then I saw a date where you chatted her and told her that you missed her. It was on November 26.

We were together since November 18 a year before.

My heart was shattered. It was pulverized by your words.

You cheated.

And I became blind about it even if it hurts. It fucking hurts that everytime it crosses my mind, I'd cry out of pity.

Pity for my fucking self.

I was battling with my brain whether to confront you or not because it can affect our relationship even more. It could lead to us, breaking up.

But I followed my guts and confronted you.

I was crying when I heard your voice. My hands were shaking while hoping that you would deny it.

But you didn't.

"Who is she?" I asked you, pain was evident in my voice.

"She's my ex. Its just my past, babe." You told me while looking straight into my eyes.

A fucking lone tear fell from my fucking eyes.

Your eyes were not like that before. Your voice was cold and still.

You said those words like it was nothing.

I was so afraid.

I couldn't see any remorse in your eyes after of what you did.

You didn't even said sorry.

Days passed and I tried to save our dying relationship which was so impossible at that time. I know we'll have to end things sooner or later because it can affect both of us emotionally.

And later on, we ended things between us.

We parted our ways knowing that we'll never have to see each other again. 

And it broke me. 

Months after our break-up, You asked me what was I up to these past few days, And you offered to meet me at a nearby coffee shop. I agreed and went 10 minutes earlier than the proposed time. 

"Hey." You said. My heart was starting to crumble again into pieces that I have to remind myself not to fall for you again everytime you look into my eyes. 

"Hey, Cygnus. It's been a while." I politely said while stealing glances from you. 

The Barista went to us and immediately recognized us because we treated that place as our hangout or go-to-place when we are bored. 

"Three shots of espresso with cinnamon danish and one slice of blueberry cheesecake." We both said. The barista nodded and smiled and we were just looking at each other not saying anything that might ruin the ambiance. 

This is our closure. And I guess it was the proper one. 

The order came and I immediately sipped on my coffee, It burned my tongue but I didn't mind it at all because I was just used to it.

Maybe there are just some things that can hurt us but our body chose to not react on it because it was used to the pain already. 

And I think this is just the same. 

"Ehem." I faked a cough and I successfully caught his attention. He stopped eating and raised his eyebrows to ask what's going on. 

"Let's formally break up." I said as I slid the ring into his direction and a lone tear escaped from my fucking eyes. 

That lone tear became millions, like they're my feelings trying to escape from my heart and from my soul. 

"Thank you for everything, Cygnus. It was fun while it lasted." I said as I stood up, Trying not to look back and rushed towards the exit. And when I'm outside, 

I finally felt free from all the heartaches you've caused me.