The D-day.

Soon after the exams are over, Students are usually overwhelmed with excitement. 'Finally, IT IS OUR TIME NOW and the fun begins' is what you find every student saying. Sometimes, we students get too dramatic and even start wishing "Happy Independence day" to each other! (Yes, It has happened to me a LOT of times.)  It is a relief, that the exams are over. And the completion of these exams is usually followed by a week or a fortnight long vacation. Obviously, that's all we students are looking forward to! 
In these holidays, we tend to make a hell lot of plans. A To-do list is prepared. This list is made during our exams. Those times while studying when nothing practically gets in our brain and we are just too saturated and sick of giving tests! We just want them to end once and for all. So, this is our booster! However, I don't know if it's just me, But brilliant ideas come to my mind just when am supposed to be studying hard and with 100% concentration. My mind should actually be deep inside my CHEMISTRY-PART I FOR STD 11 TEXTBOOK, But somehow, It knows a lot of loopholes. It can easily wander about. My train of thought is usually something like this: "Okay, so this how it goes, if the oxidation number increases, It's oxidation and if it decreases it's reduction. Okay.---------Stupid Redox Reactions! Well, It's still better than Chemical Bonding and Organic!--------Chill Apurva, Just do this well and then it's Holidays! Look just 3 more exams to go!-----Wow, what a blast I am going to have!---------" .........And it's never-ending! Then it takes around 10 mins for me to regain myself and come back to reality. I have to convince myself- "FOCUS! No distractions Apurva!" (I know, you must be like, "This lady has horrible concentration skills! Plus she is speaking to herself!" I agree. I am working on it! Oh and yeah, I have been having tough time dealing with Chemistry!) 
However, All this thinking , deciding and planning about holidays is of no use as that is not how we end up spending our vacation. After 9 days of waking up earlier than you'd like, Getting ready and then spending almost the whole day with our 'beloved' books, the whole energy and enthusiasm of 'having fun' is lost somewhere. All we want to do is just Sleep. Sleep like the day lasts for 48 hours straight! Sleep like there is no tomorrow! Or let me put it this way, Do anything that does not involve using our Brains! 
As we approach the reopening of School, It is just then that we start to realize the importance of these precious 7-10 days we had. This realization hits us hard in the gut! It is then, that we look at our To-do List. It is regret that we are filled with. 
Why didn't we be so enthusiastic since Day-1?! Then, I usually go on to console myself  and enjoy the remaining days, Because what usually comes next (Without fail) is going to shake my world. 

PRE-RESULTS.

After the period of enjoyment ends, It is followed by one of the most dreaded day- The day when Results are announced. No matter how amazing you think your papers went, The eve of this day is the time when we students are stressed out and scared out of our pants. And this applies, to all age-groups. (Except of course, Those little kids who have no clue about or relationship with the word EXAM or RESULTS and have a wonderful and playful life! I so envy them. Never mind, They will one day reach 11th, is what I tell myself.) 
All the time during vacations, Even if by chance I ever get a thought about how my results would look like, or how good/bad my papers had gone I, with much difficulty, just distract myself. What's the point of worrying about something which is no longer in our hands, My way of indirectly telling my mind: Shut up and do not try to ruin my holidays! 
The sense of seriousness and sincerity dawns upon me on the eve of results-day. 'I could have done better than what I did, I guess', Is what I now think. A little more hard work, A little more will-power is all I needed. And this sense of realization is truly genuine, Just not enough to make me grab books again and prepare for Term-II. We, students, are filled with regret- no matter how great our papers were. Up until now, all we were doing was to follow the To-do list and having the time of our lives. Now, reality sinks in. 

This reaction to fear is different for everyone. There are some students who would walk into a temple (for some people, Maybe for the first time in their life.) and just go like ''Dear God, I just hope I have passed! Please!''. There are others, like me who try to be very smart and diplomatic- "You know what? It's okay, I wont ask for anything because I know You would be just, But look into Physics if you can!". Basically, everyone is busy setting up deals with God. As if that's gonna do anything! But, We still indulge in it and do it anyway. It's just to reassure ourselves- We did ALL we can. 
Our expectations of how our papers had gone range from ''Great'' on the day when our exams got over to- ''Okay, I guess.", on the day before announcement of results. This drastic drop in the graph of confidence is routine. On the other hand for me, this year, it started itself with latter! And I was just speechless on my last holiday.  I had no Idea what the next day had in store for me. I decided it was best for me to try and go to sleep than to dwell over the question for the 'nth' time-What is it going to be? Only tomorrow will tell. And with this thought I shut my eyes and tried hard to have a sound sleep- A task quiet next to impossible. 

 

THE BIG DAY.

Nobody expects one to wake up on the first day of school at 5:30 am (Yes, In the morning!) with ease after waking up at 9:00 am everyday for the last 2 weeks with superb consistency. My mother had a tough time waking me up and I had a tough time leaving my comfortable bed, that too, to get my not-so-great results. As I boarded my school bus, My mother wished me good luck. I know that she meant well, but somehow this triggered the fear to kick in again. The worst part: The other students were even more scared than I was, and That did not turn out to be helpful at all. The ride to school included me asking the seniors as to how much they scored in 11th, And they just laughed. What the hell was that supposed to mean?! I let it go, thinking it's better to not know, and walked my way up to my classroom- The room which just today had the ability to make me cry! 

On my way, I noticed an extremely peculiar and typical expression on almost every teacher's face. They smiled. All of them. Even those who were renowned to not be capable of smiling! But their smiles weren't comforting, friendly or welcoming. These were the evil smiles. The smug smile. The smile usually I give when I realize that I solved a question no one else could. (A rare occasion.). I believe, Today was their day. They must be waiting just too eagerly for this moment to arrive. They must all be thinking "Having fun in 11th are you kiddos? Let me do the honors of introducing you to the REAL 11th!" (Though, I don't think any of my teachers are sadist. They are very kind and helpful. Maybe it was just my mind! But I can swear I noticed this!)

I reached my class with mixed feelings. I was so happy to see all my friends again (After all, we were all in the same boat!). Nothing can be more depressing and scary than these last minute rumors you hear. Like: "I have heard, This time they have done a strict checking! Cut marks where ever they could." When the person is speaking this, I am thinking that I anyways had so small a chance, now what? 

The school finally begins. Teachers walked in with a big bundle of answer-sheets. They all started with the usual intro- We have done a very lenient checking-----check your totaling and mistakes before you come up begging for half-half marks----we are very disappointed with the results------please improve and blah blah. It's the same old. Now this is it. For the next 6 hours, I am  going to be traumatized by the papers I once wrote. 
And I was traumatized. Out of the 5 subjects, 2 were relief camp sites and the rest 3...epicenter of an earthquake. (Okay, maybe not so bad!). The rumor was true after all. Super-strict checking Super-tough papers = A not-so-great result. The teachers had got this equation correct. But I think We handled it pretty fine. Considering the whole big jump from an easy pond of 10th to the vast and difficult ocean of 11th. (And this is what my parents are telling me, so am not saying this to console myself or anything!) . I also noticed that up until now, English was a subject which was NEVER considered scoring, as teachers always had a simple yet stupid justification to easily deduct your marks- "I think you could have done much more better, So more creativity will do child." However, In 11th. English was the Safe camp. The relief center! I scored the highest in English as compared to my scores in other subjects where as, in junior classes English could be one your lowest grades!  

SO, maybe the day wasn't all that bad as I had expected it to be. I had lost all hopes by the mid-day, but as they say- All is well that ends well. The one thing about results which always draws my attention like a bright neon light is the fact that Numbers Never Lie. What I mean is, No matter how much you try to tell yourself that okay they are not so bad marks, these mathematical figures have such brilliant clarity in themselves that in the back of your mind, you know...these are just so and so per-cent. (This is why I love Maths. It's perpetual!).
These results somehow have shown me that there is really nothing that one cannot manage to accomplish. We might have to push ourselves to the very extreme and work shit hard, but we will succeed eventually. I will not call these grades of mine as great as being a success, But when I began my school as a class XI student 6 months ago , I did not imagine that I would even pass. One must remember these 3 rules to success, told to me by my dear elder brother: 
1) There is ALWAYS a scope for improvement.

2) Failure is the stepping stone to success. 

3) There is NO substitute to Hard work. 

After all, Even Rome wasn't built in a day! 


Cheers!
Apurva