This letter is for you since you break my heart.
"PAST LOVER???"
Of course you are. You are not my present and you will never be my future (except if I will give you a chance in future then so be it).
I fell in love with you not because of how you look. I've known you for almost four years now. I know your attitudes, your problems and your what-ifs questions in life. We have been friends for that four years and we treated each other like brothers-sisters. We once called each other "kambals" (twins). We became close until we reach the point that we always tell stories about ourselves.
I thought that you are just a bad boy who only know how to make fun of people and do crazy stuffs. I didn't know that you have also a serious side. Maybe because that time, I didn't really know you completely. I found out that you also have a good side when I have a heart problem and you became my love adviser. That's the time that I fell in love with my best friend's boyfriend. I never thought that you also have a writer's mind like me. You make me smile with your flowery words that most of them, I don't really understand. But, I'm happy because it really helps and comforts me a lot. Because of that, we are chatting everyday and you always cheer me up with your funny jokes and inspiring quotes.
And as the time goes by, I have discovered an admirable trait of you. That is the reason why I fell in love with you. You are very reverent, humorous and fun to be with person. I never really expect that someone like you could be reverent because you do crazy things in school.
I tried to confess to you in a weird manner. Confessing that I like you is hard. At first attempt, you didn't believe me. After that, we became closer and closer that we are not shy to show our true personalities with each other. I tried to stalk you in social medias so that I can know your likes and dislikes in a girl. And... I have failed in that way. So the next day, I asked you a question. "What is your type of girl?" My voice is shaking and also my body. I am so nervous that I almost drop my things on the floor. Good thing, you answered before I drop it all. "Just a normal type of girl who shows her true color and does not pretend to be someone she's not." Then, you smiled and walk away. Whew... I sigh. Is it me? Do you have feelings for me? Or is it just me? I really assumed that I am and will be that girl.
All is well until we reach Grade 10, I really have no guts to tell it to other people...to tell what?.. that I have crush on you. I don't like people teasing us because that will be the start of awkwardness between the two of us. Even though I tried to hide it, I can't keep my secrets to my best friends because I really trust them. I have regretted that decision. Our classmates and batch mates started to tease us and yup... I was right. There is now an "awkward" feeling between the two of us.
Months have passed, our classmates are still teasing us with each other. It maybe has an advantage but it also has disadvantage. The advantage is I'm inspired everyday because of you. While the disadvantage, a lot of people hated me for loving you. They said that you are undeserving for my feelings because we are totally different. The thing is - I don't care. I love you not because of our difference but because of your extraordinary personality. One of my teachers who said that I'm one of his favorite students once compared to a talented, smart and handsome boy in school. But there is something missing... it's the H-E-A-R-T. My heart doesn't tell him to be inside it.It should be you.
I thought that all these fights and all these sacrifices that I have done for you are worth it. But no...it is not worth it. I didn't get what I deserve. I thought the SIGNS that you are showing me are SIGNS that you like me. And that girl you're in love right now, turns out to be the girl whom you are talking about in the first place. Sadly, that is totally not ME.
Well, I am speechless. I never thought that this will happen. I really expect something will happen...something like LOVE. All the positive vibes became negative. All those blue skies became dark. All those love became suffer. I cried and cried and cried. I am never hurt like this way before. This is my first time I became serious in love and my first time to make a move for a boy... but I've been rejected.
Nah... all these tears are not worth it. I am now over it. One thing I realize in loving you is NEVER EVER LET YOUR EMOTIONS CONTROL YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS DECEIVED YOU. I AM A GIRL WHO ONCE LOVED YOU BUT I GUESS YOU DIDN'T NOTICE AND YOU WILL NOT NOTICE IT. BY THE WAY, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE "KILIG" MOMENTS THAT YOU MADE ME EXPERIENCE. I HOPE IN FUTURE I WILL JUST LAUGH IN ALL THE CRAZY THINGS I DO FOR YOU THAT ARE NOT "WORTH IT". THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU (in the past).
Sincerely,
The girl who once loved you,
PurplePinkNovelist,