Do you think I'm pretty?

Do you think I'm pretty? I've always asked. They said to me, "You could be prettier if you loosen some of your fats."

So I tried to starve.

I asked again, "Have I been prettier?" Then they answered me again. "Put some make-up on your face, you'll be prettier."

The powder covered my oily face and the blush-on had turned my cheeks pink. Now I won't look pale nor a person who hadn't slept for forty days because the dark circles were gone and my lips had turned like the color of blood I'm willing to spill out of my body in order to be pretty. I seeked some help, they put on different kind of things in my face. I don't know what it is or what's it called as long as I could be prettier.

Now that I have changed, everyone automatically knew me as a pretty person. I was happy and overwhelmed.

Then someone had told me that even without those things in my face or even if I eat alot than usual girls, I'm already pretty. But I thought that they only wanted to make me feel better to lessen my insecurity.

But then I took off the make-up and let my face be viewed by everyone.

They didn't recognize me. I felt like a person who had worn a mask for so long that my identity would change without it.

That is when I realized, I didn't get any prettier, I just changed until no one knew my bare face better than with my mask on.

I hated it. And now, I'm starting to get to know my real self because I felt like I don't know me anymore.

I asked myself, "Do you think I'm pretty?"

She answered, "What took you so long to ask me?"

I realized that the time I accepted myself is also the only thing I needed to feel satisfied of my face or my body. That's why, right now, I'm learning to appreciate the love I'm receiving rather than the love I thought I wanted.