I sat there, for the first time in my life, I just sat there. My feet hanging off the sidings of the bridge. I just felt the drizzling rain washing away all my regrets. When I reflect back to what I've ever been, its a blank right now. I told you, I just sat there, not even thinking. Asking myself the questions I always do but for the first time not getting lost in the hunt for answers I don't want to know. I stared at the grassy area where Ash and I spent that night and felt the calmness the void of that night's sky drowned us in, but today, the void was just a void. The rain, however, tried to echo something in me through the void. Something deep and completely sober, but it was incomprehensible for me right now.
An Hour Ago
"Don't make such a fuss Mattie, I said we'll be spending all of the summers together right?"
I knew I was making a fake promise. A promise bound to be broken. A promise just as vague as life itself. But...no, there's no excuse for what I'm going to do to him, but through the course of time, I'm sure, it'll make him much much stronger. I don't want Matt to end up like me, emotionally crippled.
"But, a new school again? I just made a new friend Ivy and what about my stories?"
"Well, we're not in the age of stone men, call me, I'll read you a story on the phone, today"
"Come on, Matthew. We don't want to miss the plane"
Mom called out for him and I quickly kissed him on both cheeks and he did the same. We waved our goodbyes then.
Right Now
My cell rang in my back pocket and I quickly took it out. I was waiting for him to call.
"You remember, my story?"
His voice overwhelmed me with emotions of some other world. Of all the vague promises, this one I meant to keep. I'll have to read him a story, today.
"Hey, I do. And today I have a very special story for you."
"I'll judge by the title, what's it?"
"Actually, the author forgot to give it a title. Lets start with the story.
Once upon time, there was boy. He had no friends, no family.
His only friend was the man in the moon but even sometimes he would go away too. But one day as he was lying on the cool grass just after a pretty shower, he saw a shadow flying high. The shadow's owner came to him with the sweetest smile that he's ever known and he said-"Peter Pan that's what they call me, I promise that you'll never be lonely" and ever since that day, he's been the lost boy from neverland. Usually hanging out with Peter Pan, and when they're bored they'd play in the woods, always on the run from captain hook.
Now, captain hook is the reality, the reality we often run away from, the lost boy is inside each one of and Peter pan? Well Peter Pan is our belief. The belief that keeps us going even in the loneliest hour. The belief is that friend that neither leaves our side nor warn us of it's presence. We gotta know on our own that it's there and we gotta believe in it and in ourself."
I didn't realise I was speaking like Ash.
"And the man in the moon?"
"Man in the moon, is the character you choose. For me, it's my imagination that keep on taking breaks and I snap back to reality, captain Hook? Now, this world cannot be everybody's neverland, but everybody can have their own piece of neverland in it. And we all can have our own Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Wendy and even captain hook. Afterall, they gotta make our own perfect storybook. "
"You know what? I think I will someday understand this story better than today, because today I already feel sleepy. Goodnight, Ivy. I love you"
"You understood it Mattie, I know. Love you too"
I threw my phone in the deep water below me and realised it was soon going to rain cats and dogs. I stood up on the railings of the bridge, my arms open as if I will just start flying away from all of it. I looked up at the moon, my man on the moon was gone today, but I somehow felt I had the Peter Pan by my side holding me from doing what I can came to do here tonight, holding me up to live this life, though it sucks, a little longer.
"You can't do that to me Ivy. You can't do that to Matt. We don't deserve losing you. Just get down from there"
I turned around swiftly hearing his voice and lost my balance but a very strong grip prevented me from drowning in the deep. We were both in the middle of the bridge and Ash held me so tight as if he I was being snatched away from him.
"I wasn't going to jump"
I know he didn't believe me. He yelled at me for about five minutes and I kept repeating, I wasn't going to jump with no explanation at all. It was raining cats and dogs now and so we are walking back home in the rain, still in search of our neverland but I am sure of one thing now, I have my Peter Pan living Eleven Steps Away...
Regards to Ruth B. Who wrote the song, 'Lost boy' that inspired the story Ivy tells Matt, the story that made her believe in her Peter Pan.