He was kissing the nape of my neck when I very smartly took out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and typed in the possible passwords. Of course, all I knew about the person I was making out with was that he was a drug addict and possibly a smuggler too so guessing the password was like a needle in the hay stack but I've seen him type the password, it's a three letter word.
I did it, I did it, I did! If it was not for Jayden's hands reaching for my hooks I would've sang the song Dora sings at the the end of the show. Not very surprisingly his password was guess what??? OXY. He had once told me how Oxy gets him high like nothing other. Fucking Addict. Ironically, I'm high right now too, I guess. But sober enough to delete the MMS the only reason I'm tolerating this snob. I need to get him somewhere else or get myself somewhere else to do that.
I caught his hand fumbling on my jeans button while we were kissing and pretended I needed air.
"I...um... Can we like just...go to your room or something...feels awkward in the pool area"
He caught the back of my neck and kissed me full on the lips again. God, he'll have to pay me for each of his disgusting kisses.
"Come on baby, let's have fun. Wanna try something new today? Oral maybe?"
What did he mean by that? Are we having sex for the last century that he needed 'something new'? Admittedly, what we had that night wasn't even close to sex.
I put his phone between my stomach and jeans.
"Ya...it'll be great. You go up, I'll be right there"
"Okay, make it fast babe, I'm turned on"
The drug he gave me with that purple drink started to doze on. I was already getting tipsy. As I saw Jayden go up, I quickly deleted the video and then threw his phone in the pool. Then next it felt like I'd lose my balance too and join his phone in the pool when a very strong grip prevented me from falling in.
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
Shit. I am so dead now. I really didn't want to do what I did next but something, I mean, probably the drug made me do it. I started grinning at him like an idiot.
"Hey Ashy, your best friend wants some oral stuff from me, you know? Should I or should I not go there?"
"What?... Are you drunk?"
"Do I look like an alcoholic to you, by the way, you are much hotter than him so maybe I'll do it..." I can't believe I just ran a finger down his chest. I mean, I actually think he's hot and cute but I never knew I'd be that bold and extroverted to say it to his face. What the fuck? In which in between am I stuck? Want to say something else while I do quite the opposite.
"Shut up."
Then everything blacked out and when lights turned on I was about to drown in the swimming pool.
Shit. I can't swim.
"I can't swim Ash, get me out! I'll drown"
"The water's too shallow for you to drown, plus I think you're better off there"
***
"I left my sick mom in the hospital for what? Tell me Ivy, do you have or do you not have a thing for Jayden?"
"Duh, NO! He's disgusting as Fuck."
"Then you went to him for drugs. Look, I'm not letting you go down the road, I've been through it and it's paved with regret"
I don't know what made him think whatever he was thinking but I for sure didn't go to him for drugs. Or maybe I did. I've been like an insect caught in the web of 'maybes' lately. I can't find a reason as to why I do what I do. I'd just stand by the window and stare at the cloudless sky when I should've been completing my history papers. I spent the last night thinking about how would've things gone if I would've made a different decision. I wonder whether the present have been a bit different if we took a different choice in the past. Like, would me and Ash ever had been this good at reading each other if Jayden wasn't being rowdy that day or whether Annie would've been at home right now if she would've chosen to take the chemos. Annie, oh yeah, I haven't heard about her since I met her at the hospital last evening.
"Hey, how's Annie? Is she alone? And why did you come to Jayden's."
"Excuse me. You are in no position to ask questions. Aunt Lindsey is with her and I was going home to bring some stuff when your mom said you went to Jayden's."
I honestly love the way he just denied to answer me while answering me. Ash sometimes show the innocence one could not expect from someone who's graduating next month.
"Now your turn. Why did you come here? For drugs?"
"I... wanted to clarify somethings to him. So..."
"Okay.All lies accepted. Now the truth."
I don't know whether I should tell him 'bout the MMS thing. Jayden is his best friend and after knowing this he'd surely beat the crap out of his friendship. So, I decided to lie.
"I came for the drugs. But, I swear, I won't do it again"
***
It's been a week. The last time I saw Ash was when I got his car wet and he gave me a long lecture on staying Away from drugs. I wanted to shout at his face that I didn't go there for drugs but couldn't. He didn't asnwer my calls after that. I've been going to see Annie as frequently as humanly possible and surprisingly I didn't meet Ash there. Nope, not even a sight of him. I made a mental note of asking Annie about Ash's whereabouts when I see her next.
I threw my bag at the couch and went to the kitchen to find something to eat when I heard mom coming from upstairs.
"What took you so long to reach back home?"
"I went to see Annie. Our neighbour if you remember her name?"
"Where's Matt?"
"Why do you care?" That just slipped from my mouth. I never wanted to say that though I intended to.Most of the times
"What?"
"He's at his friend's birthday party. I dropped him off. Two blocks down House No. 31-B"
She looked a bit different today. She is actually acting weird today. Then I noticed Dad's laptop on the kitchen table. Laptop's one thing he never leaves at home, if he goes to the office. That means dads at home, which happens l like only a counted number of times in the whole year.
"Dad's at home?" I asked mon looking at the laptop.
"Uh...yeah...I...we...need to talk. dad and me to you. Got some time or mood?"
"Time's something you lack, not me."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, yes, let's talk." About your divorce. I already know.
I saw the papers, the signed papers in dad's drawer. And no, I didn't find them accidentally, I was actually looking for them. You see, no matter how dumb and confused and clueless (all of which are essentially the same things) I am I know each nerve of both of my parents plus I'm a creep listening to you even from behind closed doors.
***
"What about Matt and me?"
"You'll be with me, Matt with your mom." Dad told.
That's it. That is what I was most concerned about, most terrified of. And Matt going with mom just makes it all the more worse. You see, dad not being there when Matt graduates his highschool is to some extent excuse-able, like he might have got some Japanese clients or something, but mom not being there even after promising is kinda... weird? I don't know what word to use. This language binds me. I was there a year ago and I know Matt so I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like that.
I know you are thinking I'm overthinking and that no one can say that so surely and that maybe I'm not completely over my ED and that it's just the broken teenage taking its toll over me and if you really are thinking that then- oh so judgemental of you. You must be among the ones whose mothers still clip their nails and other bullshit. Guess what, my mom barely knew when I put those scars on my back and couldn't lean back in a chair for like two weeks. Even my psychiatrist knew it back then.
"You both will be fine."
"Fine? Really mom? Do you honestly think I want to be or rather I will be fine? Alone without Matt?
Look, I know it might hurt and shit. I am all he has and he is all I have. He can't sleep until I read him the story you never will.
It's you guys seperating, why the hell do we get this? And you should've probably talked to me before you signed those papers."
"How do you know about the paper"
"Angels from heaven were sent to me with the message. Come on dad, I might be mentally retarded but I'm still not an idiot"
"You don't talk to your dad like that, Ivy"
"Weren't you too busy to teach me that a bit early? I'm done with you guys. I don't know what for you needed this goddamn talk when I don't get a say in anything"
"You have the say. There's no other way Ivy, tell me what would you do?"
Dad will always be dad. For ever and ever putting the whole thing on me and making me more guilty than ever before. But, this time he had a fair point and I had a fair answer to it. Though it won't be justice to all.
"Matt and me, we stay with one of you. Together. Then you can do whatever the shit you want"
"Firstly, watch out your language. Secondly, custody papers are already signed."
Then where the fuck my say Steps in? That night I just lied in my bed and did what I usually do. Hope to fall asleep before I fall apart.
TO BE CONTINUED...