Every Day is a Choice

Every day is a choice.

Just this morning, I chose not to drink that cup of coffee no matter how tempting it might have looked. I chose to wear a different kind of perfume than the regular one which I always use. I chose to comb my hair, clean my shoes, brush my teeth just like a normal homo sapiens and to download a new e-book to read while on the way to school.

Every day is a choice. Whether I drink that cup of coffee or not, whatever kind of perfume I wear, whatever change I do with my daily routine, I am accountable for all of these. It is because I can make those choices that I am also responsible for the choices that I make. I can never point my finger at another person and say that “this is all your fault” unless I’m at death’s doorsteps or if I am held at gunpoint.

Every day is a choice. And a single choice that I have continually made is loving you. I have chosen to know this entity which I have seen. A short black hair, pale white skin, a height no higher than any Grade 7 student, yet containing the atmosphere of a giant. A smile so sincere that she only lets it escape from time to time, as if there is a limit to how many she can make in a day. The moment I saw her, I felt it…that this woman has something which I have yet to understand. Of course the feelings did not surge right away, nor did my heart skip a beat. I was peacefully lost in a trance, observing a beauty that I have yet to fully comprehend.

Every day is a choice. From that day on I have dedicated myself to knowing more about you. If there is something which I have always loved, it is mystery and so far you are the biggest mystery that I have encountered. Time passed by and we got to know each other. I chose to let you into my chaotic world and to show you how messed up it is. I chose to let you see all the wounds that I’ve carefully wrapped and hidden from sight. I chose to let you see the void that I’ve always tried to keep at bay. I chose to let you see how vulnerable I am…and most importantly, I chose to let you know that I love you.

Every day is a choice. I know that you’ve said that I am just confused. You said that I just found comfort in finding a soul that is the same as mine, and you are probably right. I do find comfort in being with you but that does not change the amount of assurance that I have with these emotions. I am not asking for you to reciprocate what I feel. I cannot point my finger at you, I cannot say that this is all your fault; because it really is not. I have chosen to know you, I have chosen to get lost in the universe that you brought, I have chosen to take the chance and wish that you would also feel the same…but you didn’t and that’s fine.

Every day is a choice… and I will continue choosing to love you. After all love is never a mere emotion, it is an action. Love is never a noun but a verb. Not something served by mere lip service but by actions and deeds. So, I’ll keep on choosing to love you. I’ll keep on choosing to stay without asking for anything in return. I won’t force you nor act in ways that would make you feel uncomfortable. I would continue to choose to love you each and every day...and…if the time comes that I grow tired of choosing to love you - I would just like you to know, that I would feel no regret and that, out of all the choices I have made, loving you would probably be one of the best.