The night is cold, the moon shone brightly through the glistening sea. The cold breeze continues to tap my shoulder as if it was telling me that it’s okay. That it’s okay to weep, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to force yourself on a daily basis to smile. School had always been, and always will be hard for me. The social life, the academics, the remarks of every professor, and the statements of every person down the hallway, all seems to be a blur. None of them really matters. Yet why do I still care and feel like I’m the one who doesn’t matter? Every teenager must have felt this way. Every single day is a struggle, and every day is trial and error. And how do we handle it? I don’t know. Do you know? Maybe my parents know. But sadly, no. All they do is nag at me for all the wrong things I’ve done. And they never seem to praise me whenever I do something right. Why can’t I be like him? Why didn’t I try as hard as her? I am sick and tired of being compared to others. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Happiness… Yes, it is my dream. To get just maybe a single glimpse of happiness. You can call me an emo, or a sentimental fool. But depression and anxiety is every teenagers challenge in their life and at school. I stood up and took one last look at the beautiful sea. The waves continued to roll roughly onto the shore. And as I walk away, I started to think that maybe my life has something more.
My alarm went on ringing, screaming, and piercing my ears. I can hardly get up, hiding behind these sheets. Do I have to go? Is school even necessary? Continuous questions that deliberately play inside my head. I hate the thought of leaving my sanctuary, my peace, my home. Yet as I hear the ear piercing screams of my angry mother downstairs, I started to move faster, wanting to get a glimpse of fresh air.
I walk out the door, wearing the same old torn sneakers. I walk slowly through the alley since there’s not really much of a rush. I began to think. I played a flashback on my mind. For I still couldn’t remember when and where did my life exactly went wrong. I think that it is everyone’s daily struggle to find a peace of mind, and find out who they really want to be in their life.
I reached my destination, struggling to find an answer. I wanted to go yet the breeze seems to be calling out to me in a different direction. Academics is important. Yes, I know that. It is what shapes you and molds you onto your upcoming challenges in the far, far future. Readying you for every challenge you will face in your adulthood. I want to be smart. I want to be wise. Not a single teenager would want to live in a life that they despise. Yet why do I hate my life till this very day? I want to ask for help but there’s no one to reach my hand out to.
Can you hear my voice? No one can. My life is filled with silent prayers that were never sent. If I can ask google for an answer, I would have done it decades ago. But no one will know the answer except from you, and you alone. For only you can tell what you think is right or wrong. And only you can tell the difference between happiness and depression.
Yes, my friend. The answer is within me. And finding the answer isn’t really the key. What’s important is the process in finding and searching for the answer. For in this process is where you will have lots of problems to encounter.
I may be a fool now, and yes I’m inexperienced. And yes this school had given me trials but everyone faces the same. The situations maybe different, but the thoughts and lessons are but the same. Education may sometimes torture us, but it helps us pave our ways. The struggle is real, it is indeed true. You will collect scars and pain will never really leave soon. But you don’t have to force yourself. No, you don’t have to. Just be yourself and just be true.
These words are actually harder that it looks. I know, believe me, I’ve been there too. So whenever you feel lonely, listen to that small little voice inside of you. It may be little but it will guide you through. Sometimes you will doubt, in fact, you will definitely doubt a lot. And it’s okay to be a little emo, or become a sentimental fool. Everyone needs a time out. Even adults do. Be patient my friend, the answer is there. You’ll be surprised at how you’ve grown so much, once you’ve finally found out where your road has led. And it doesn’t really matter what others think of you. My only advice is that you pay attention to “You.”
You will get lost and finding your way back will be the hardest. But that’s what life is. You don’t need to always pass every single test they have. As long as you are happy in passing all the trials you’ve had. Be what you want to be, a valedictorian or an employee. Only you can tell who you really are, and who you want to be.
And as for me my friend, my internal debate has finally come to an end. I thank my school, my friends, and my class, or every trials and challenges I have passed. To be honest, I might not be the smartest person in class. But at least I have found who I really am at last. Way past the long gloomy road that I had driven. Now I’m onto a different road, with a whole new wonders and experiments. Going forth this road I have no idea whatsoever. But I know that my past experiences will guide me through.
My friends this is the end of my story. I will bid farewell now, for alas I have passed and I am happy now.