Fake Friend

Who would ever have thought that someone like you,
Who has charismatic mien and angelic face,
Who is very friendly and nice,
Who always smile and entice,

Is the one who will be the monster in my fantasy,
Is the one who will be the villain in my story,
Is the one who will crash my delicately made castle,
And the one who will dilute my burning spark,

You were once a friend,
But shame on me for letting you be.
I'm always accused and judged by you,
But sorry because I'm stronger than you

I may be hurt because of what you did,
But you can never suck my jubilant air that's surrounded by me
Your anarchic persona will always be attached to you,
Because your insecurity is as solid as your head 
 
Are you satisfied now?
Wasn’t felt good when destroying someone?
Perhaps, it just reflects that you’re utterly a living trash
You just slapped me with the fact that you’re actually an enemy

Now that I've seen your true colors,
Thank you for now I know that it was all just for your own sake and interest,
Thank you for now I'm awaken with the truth
Thank you for teaching me not to trust easily 

I'm sorry for being too naive,
Believing that you won’t do such things 
I'm sorry for being too silly,
Thinking that you’re an authentic ally

Maybe you just love yourself that much..

The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. I’m sorry because I just wrote something bad. I just expressed how disappointed I am because she's a friend of mine. I will always love my friends. I treated her like she is really my friend. At first, she seemed to be very nice and always the first one who approaches. But little did I know, I was never her friend. The angelic her that I know only just exist when she needs something. How ironic because you always share links in facebook that you're against judgmental people but you will be the one who judge me all the time like you know everything. How ironic because you're very sensitive because you easily get hurt when people say bad things about you and then you will be the one who would be very insensitive to accuse me all the time even in the things that I didn't even do. You always have negative things to say when I say something like I'm such a fool. You always say I’m wrong. You will ask, then you will oppose and it makes me sick because it'll turn into an argument. So I will just be quiet. You always ask what's my score, what are my grades. But I'm sorry because I’m usually above average and sometimes I have a perfect score. I may look stupid but I am very good in memorization and I know, it is both a blessing and a curse to have a long term memory. I still remember what they did, how much it felt, and how much it cost, whether it’s a bad thing or a good thing. I always have higher grades than you, until you didn’t inform me something in our studies because I was not around. Then, yeah. I failed the test. But thanks to God because I still didn’t get a failing grade in finals because I still worked hard. Why are you like that? You’re one of the students who always ask for my own made reviewers, who always borrow money and my laptop, then I will always give because I think you’re my friend. I care about your feeling but you never care about mine. And I didn’t just say anything because I know you wouldn’t care. You always blame. You never listen. For all the times that you ignore my questions in chat in facebook, you will ‘seen’. For the times that you accuse me, judge me and blame me even without doing anything, and if I will defend myself, you will still flare up like I’m the bad, sometimes you will send thumbnail sticker, and sometimes you will act like I’m the one who hurt you. And you will be kind again when you need something from me and act like you didn’t do anything. I didn’t cry. I’m just barely breathing because I am hurt.. and I am angry. It’s too dark inside. It’s not necessary to say this everything to someone. Why did I let you in? But yeah, no time to regret because it just happened. 

I also didn’t expect this. I always feel a sense of euphoria when I write. I didn’t know that I can also be a mad writer. Melancholic and hating are not my thing but now I just wrote something like this. Maybe I got too influence how my family gave me the love that a daughter’s looking for. And I got too happy with my friends who are always there to support me. That’s why I am shocked that there are kind of malicious people. I experience being bullied when I was a kid. But I just did understand because they’re just kids. And I experienced to be broken by a guy, I did a lot of mistakes and I just too focused in the negative things. That’s why I was depressed. But now I learned and I know it just made me stronger and wiser. Maybe God is also preparing me because there are still troubles in life that I am about to encounter. And because the thing that I am a Christian, I will still forgive her. But I will never forget. I am also guided by logic so I won’t be able to trust her again as a friend. And this is the only thing I can do, to write about it. I will not revenge and I won’t treat her the way she treated me. I deserve peace so I am being distant to her. I searched to google & I read something in Candy Magazine the characteristics and all stereotypes of a fake friend. It's all her. I admire females because I always see them as pretty princesses who would do amazing things in the future, even they are always seemed to be the emotional and difficult to understand. It just makes me sad because I just encountered someone like her. It’s just strange that there are really some females who would dislike other females. It forms through like being in a competition, and worst thing is that, being judgmental of other females. Why? We should just help together against that instead of treating other females like they don't deserve to be happy. Let people enjoy things in life. Not to judge and make someone feels inferior. It just makes me wonder why some people would love to destroy or manipulate someone? We humans all have value.

I remember what I’ve read in Transit book of our school, “Even you are good and pleasing to people, you will still have haters, some will vile things about you but it is okay. Don’t change yourself. As long as you have a good heart, your true friends will always love you.” Oh yeah, I just remember now how my true friends in another section cherish me, and how my family supports, and proud that I am their daughter. I love it how my family treats me like a princess. I love it when seeing my friends happy when they saw me and will ask how's life. I may sometimes being miserable in school but my mood will just easily change when I hear your voices calling my name then I will see, you're already smiling. Then would embrace me and we're glad to see each other. And I'm crying now while I'm typing this. Lol. You guys are very much appreciated more than you realize. It just gives me strength to overcome things because their love gives me energy to be confident in facing difficulties in life. I realized I still have everything even I'm weak. And I know that difficulties in life are intended to make us better not bitter. Thank you God for inspiring and you’re there to remind me that I am still worth. Like Anne Frank said "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy". Life has its fair share of ups and downs, but you must not give up and whenever we are suffering, it is nothing compared to the glory that is coming. I can still start each day having a grateful and a happy heart. I can sense the chemicals inside my body are releasing because of the information in my brain that corrects itself. Our bodies and our minds are changeable. So we are. 

P.S.This happened when I was 3rd year college (also happened before Marilyn and I broke up).

*(Hello readers there. Marilyn is the person who’s in my story titled, “What if I say No” and the person who’s in my poem titled, “A Girl Walking Contradiction”, and they're the two ex-friends who I mentioned in my story titled, "Sensitivity" and it's all published here in launchora. By the way, I’m not a lesbian. What I mean is, we’re just bestfriends and we broke up. And anyone who's a movie addict here? Do you watch Marvel movies? I love Iron Man because he's genius, sarcastic, and he loves the pleasures in life. But I love Captain America more than him not because he's hot and handsome. But because he's a loving friend of Bucky, he can be a good leader, and above all, he hates bullies. <3 When I'm watching the movie, I like it when he says "I can do this all day" even he's weak. It just shows he never gives up. Oh my gosh, didn't know I can also be inspired in a Superhero that every child will love!)*