Hey!
Yes, you!
Haven't found love yet?
You're in the right place, these simple steps will act as a guide to find your one true love. In thirty days, it's guaranteed you'll find the one!
Probably don't believe me, right?
But you're still reading, you're still curious. You're going to read this, at least to find out what I'm going to say.
Well since you're still here, read the following steps.
STEP 1: Take what you can get!
Lower your standards completely! Let's get real, it's you we're talking about! If someone shows any sort of vague interest in you, act fast! If they don't, act faster! You cannot afford to be picky! Have someone in mind? Good.
STEP 2: Don't panic if there is someone else!
So what if you aren't the only person if their life? After all sharing is caring! Eliminating is a stronger form of caring!
STEP 3: Feelings don't need to be mutual.
This is probably the most important step of them all. The other person probably has no interest in you whatsoever, but that doesn't matter! They just need time and a little push. Just force 'em till you get 'em! Give them hell if it comes to it!
STEP 4: No good relationship is based on trust.
Sometimes the truth can be destructive. We don't want that now do we? There is nothing like a relationship that stands on unnecessary lies!
STEP 5: Attraction is an urban myth.
Attraction is the most overrated part of any relationship.
STEP 6: Respecting their privacy? Ain't nobody got time for that!
You cannot afford to give them privacy! Go through their phone, facebook account, pretty much anything that you can. So what if they blocked you? So what if they have a restraining order against you? After all, love is all about breaking walls, if necessary, breaking in.
STEP 7: "Me too."
No matter what they say, reply with the words "Me too." If needed it can be followed with an exclamation mark, add a surprised emoji for good measure if you're texting.
STEP 8: Do your homework.
Maintain a file. Keep an account of all their likes, dislikes, favourite stuff, passwords, house keys. You know, the usual.
STEP 9: Show them you care.
Make sure they know you know everything about them. Like all of their posts, even ones from a few years ago. Let them know you'll embrace their past, just as you'll embrace their future, with you. With you and your unborn child, that you've already named. Send them the occasional card, buy her some flowers, buy him a tie, buy them a house. Let them know you care.
STEP 10: No means yes.
No means yes. Kids these days like the whole 'playing hard to get' thing. It's foreplay.
"Want to hang out?"
"No." (Yes!!)
"Want to kiss me?''
"No." (Yes!!)
"Do you love me?"
"Why are you doing this to me?" (I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
STEP 11: Make your love known.
Change your relationship status on Facebook. Tell all their friends that you guys are in love. Spread the word of your love!
STEP 12: Make sacrifices.
Male pigeon, without blemish.
STEP 13: Mould them into the image that you have of them.
If you see something you don't like in them, be sure to let them know. Don't worry if it'll hurt their feelings, or completely shatter their self respect. Be the bigger person.
Take my word, if you follow this, finding love is just a step away, in this case thirteen. Nothing screams love like thirteen, well, except like your significant other will.
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