I hate math. Not a past or a future tense but a perpetual present. I just don't like the idea of having something so fixed that no effort is made anymore. I mean, sure you do the equations and follow a specific set of rules that often becomes the grounds for martyrdom of some students...their grades dying from a lack of understanding of all these things. But before I discuss this to the point that we might argue, let me take a hundred and eighty degree turn.
You.
Yes...
You.
You were supposed to be the end to all the coldness I felt in my heart. Our conversations were long, entertaining and lively. You'd chat with messages that takes a lifetime to read and I would respond in kind. You'd use emojis and icons and I would do the same. We'd chat on and on but the topics don't run out. For the longest time, I have waited for someone like you...someone who can dive into the depths with me. Someone who is not afraid of sinking in this ocean of thoughts. Someone who would willingly run out of the air of commonplace chatter and take in the waters of curiosity in their lungs. You were an absolute pleasure to talk with. A goddess whom I've always been waiting for.
Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. I would open a topic, anything under the sun: Death, Time, Goodness, Beauty, Existence, God, Religion, Politics, and you would always give me answers I never expected to hear. Whenever I discuss these things, people go to specific events or shift the conversation to their experiences... they would talk of presidents, or worship sessions, or even unbelievable experiencea...yet it's you, it is only you, who would sail at the same current as me. Always aiming to reach the point of no return where we uncloth our being with the useless things this world focuses on, until we become bare.
You were unlike all of them.
You were never an equation.
There is nothing about you that is certain. There is no formula, no static moment, no answer so sure that the probability of error is almost zero. You were the best thing that ever happened to me...I felt that, maybe...just maybe, with you this life would be bearable...even with all the formulas of life around me. Maybe the world didn't have to torture me with all the small talks and vanities after all because, now, you are there. But then everything changed...
Our conversations became shorter and shorter. The universe that we expanded together now shrunk little by little. If we have created the most beautiful galaxy before, now all that's left is a piece of dark space on the verge of collapsing. The deep conversations became hi's and hello's, how are you's, and how was your day's...they bore me, tore me apart, yet we continued this way without either of us begging to turn things back to normal... or maybe this was normal? Maybe this is what conversations should really be...formulated, dull, boring equations which always ended with the same answers.
MDAS.
Multiplication...
Division...
Addition...
Subtraction...
That is yet another formula which Math strictly follows. The days multiplied. There are now more commonplace discussions rather than deep discussions. I tried to add other variables to break this formula but you wouldn't give them any notice. You wouldn't even pay any attention to them. You'd stick to the formula that lead us to division. The days when we communicate divided...they became shorter and shorter...duller and duller. Until we reached subtraction which we both decided to do. Just like how we stopped talking about the things which gave our conversation life unconsciously...we have also subtracted each other in the same manner. We became strangers; as if we never existed in each other's lives.
In the end, the formulas still won.