Happy Fathers' Day, Dad.

"Happy fathers' day, Papa."

"Hmm...thanks." You smiled, patted my back softly and walked away.

Dad, do you remember how I used to lock my room and make cards for you on this day? You would scold me for not studying but then I wouldn't care. You would make me sit on your lap and read the message out aloud,to everyone with a hint of nostalgia in your voice. You would hug me, and would keep the card safely in between the pages of your diary. 

Do you know how much I miss those days?

I remember when you would scold me a bit more sternly than the other days. I used to run back to my room and weep in a corner when you would come, wipe my tears and tickled me till I laughed. Now it seems you don't even care. 

Or you don't want to?

Papa, I know I have grown up and now you don't talk much to me. I know you want me to be strong emotionally. I know you're afraid you might bother me. I know you love me, and I know you still care. But sometimes I do miss the bond we used to share. 

I remember the times I have let you down. The time I saw tears in your eyes because of me. The times I did not meet your expectations. The times I went against your will. The times I lied, and you knew I wasn't being honest. The times I wasn't a good daughter. The times I made you feel ashamed of me. I remember because I love you and I never wanted to hurt you. 

Papa, I hate the world. You're the only person who makes me still believe in the good things that may exist.

I miss you. A lot.

I know you're there when I want to talk. I know you're my superhero whenever I feel troubled. I know you're a guide whenever I'm confused. But, I still do miss you.

You know it feels so good when someone says I look like you, that I'm so alike to you because that's all I ever wanted. To be you. Someone like you. Because for me, you're the best person I have ever met.

Just know that I'm still up for bear hugs whenever you want to, that I'm still up for tickled-laughters, that I'm still up for a walk on your feet(only if I'm not too heavy for you), that I'm still up for falling asleep in your lap, and will always.

The girl you knew might have grown up, to the world. Inside, she remains the tiny, clumsy girl you knew who needed you to hold her hand every time she took a step forward. 

And just in case you need to know, she still loves you and she always will.