Happy Men Never Write Poems

I don't know why I am writing this, but sometimes I am not able to understand this if it is me or something else which I don't know. My world can never start from someone's eyes. Or I can not change my definition of loyalty for something which I am not supposed to do.I cannot die following somebody for rest of my life. I cannot end up waiting for the time when our paths meet because someone's path that she uses to choose cannot be my domain. Someone's eyes can never be my inspiration. Sometimes I use to write poems, some more times I believe that is shit out of me. This is total crap I write. Now here, I am admitting I hate writing poems. When you are happy, you cannot write poems. I write poems when I am hurt. Or when I am mentally unstable. Fucking this is the term, all my life I have been listening to this. And when somebody tells me how amazing my poems are, you need to know how horrible was the feeling of writing that. I am not a fiction writer, I don't randomly write whatever crap comes to my mind ( sorry! no offense to fiction writers) I write what I  have learnt or what I have felt or what I have observed all my life. You people need to know how horrible it is to not to speak directly or not to share it with a friend because there is no one who you guess will understand and you go to  write it in riddles. I hate my poems because they simply tell my truth that I have chosen not to show. Some people say my poems are deep and they have layers according to reader's intellect. It means, me myself have layers and and this weighs too much. I cannot handle it anymore. I don't know whether my poems are crap, my life is crap or me myself is a bundle of craps. I need to overlook my life. And I know I can win the battle within me.