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Illustration by @dariaesste
1. Keep waking up in the middle of the night to write a poem
No matter how good or bad it is just to keep the midnight voice solemn
2. Fuck up so many times over, failure just becomes as big of a deal as a curtain unraised at 5 pm
I do not care anymore if the flowers just becomes as dying as I am
3. Catch a shit load of diseases
4. Get the doctors to examine and play with your feces
5. Hate yourself, hate this body they always find something wrong about
These trembling knees and sweaty hands they always doubt
Hate these organs that keeps on failing
These desire to self-destruct and be ruined beyond healing
6. Make your family believe you will never go far enough by the times you let them down
Convince them that your dreams are just paper cranes that can never fly away from this paper town
7. Get your heart broken
Relish on the warmth of being with someone else that will make you realize that you've been alone all this time
Give in to this manifestation they call "love" that always seemed profound and sublime
Only just to be left, in solitude, in destruction, in pain
Yet with this endless pursuit of finding love again
8. Get diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder
Absorb their stares as you organize your meal by color
Or when you can't read until you sort the bookshelf in alphabetical order
Step on every crack on the sidewalk
Blabber some deep nonsense just to convince them that you talk
That you speak up, that you say what's on your mind
When mental illness is an illusion people can never see, or perceive, or find
9. There will come a time when solitude that was once a labyrinth you can never escape
Or the darkness that is everywhere and changes shape
Turns into a calm silence in the middle of a storm
It is not always a prison you can't get out of, it is a dorm
No one dares to come in
It is a cliff no one pushes you into but no one also pulls you out of
You will see a doorway in knives, and razors, and opened cans
You will find escape in ropes, on rooftops, and into the barrel of guns
10. But you will never find the courage to pull the trigger or do the first cut
Instead, you will find the truth
That "this" is all entirely your fault
The insomnia, the sickness
The hatred, the mental illness
Your family, friends, the girl you used to love will at least once be there with you
But you will always, ALWAYS feel alone
Because of all reasons for leaving, there is nothing you haven't shown
1. Write this poem in the middle of the night
Prove to them that you will never need a light
Draw your scars like the Sistine Chapel of your ceiling
Paint your warcries on the walls of a building
Make them find inspiration in this hopelessness
Make them find courage from this cowardice
Make them see, and make them touch
Make them feel your heart in their clutch
Make them find God from this blasphemy
Make them see faith from this uncertainty
So let them,
Let them see a treasure in your chest despite the coldness of your eyes
Let them worship in your temples despite the hard knots of your thighs
Let them feel, and let them catch
Let them figure the value of such
Because there will be a time
When your name will be engraved in statues and stones
When they will find motivation from the surrender you have shown
By then, you will see your face no longer felt unknown
Capture the view from the seat of your throne
You will see, that you are STILL alone
Tell yourself, "it doesn't matter anymore ".
298 Launches
Part of the Poetry Wars collection
Updated on December 08, 2017
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