I fell for myself this time

Today I went through the message when we first talked and instead of cringing, I smiled when I remembered how sweet the beginning was. It’s always sweet in the beginning until the bitterness seeps in. Today I remembered our story and how I would always rewrite our ending because I didn’t want to accept that you and I won’t end up together.

Today I remembered why I never wanted our story to end, I was afraid of losing that boy that loved so passionately, the boy that would forgive even the gravest mistakes and the boy that would take you back no matter how long it has been. I thought that this version of me will only exist with you and I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t want to try with someone else half-heartedly or with a broken spirit. I thought that this version of me was the best version of me.

Today I smiled because I’m not that boy anymore and you don’t mean anything to me anymore. Today I smiled because I’m not the boy who would let another person cause him that much pain again or cry over losing someone who never loved him. I finally outgrew you. I finally outgrew our story. I finally outgrew the kind of love that I had for you. The unhealthy, childish, hot and cold, possessive kind of love. I finally outgrew the version of me that fell in love with someone like you.

Because that’s the best part about getting over someone, you see them for who they really are not who you want them to be and when you finally do the inner work to heal and love yourself, you will never again wait for someone to come back or cry over the one that got away or dwell on the past. The best part about getting over someone is that everything that used to make you cry now makes you laugh because you’re not hurting anymore, they’re not on a pedestal anymore and you finally see how you’re so much better off without them.

And you realize that you love yourself and your life a little bit more without them. You don’t miss them. Now, they’re just a chapter in your book or maybe just a page.