I’m now sitting on one of the lower branches of the sycamore tree in our backyard, staring at the orange-tinged canopy above me. This used to be our favorite spot. But now, all I have left of him is a letter.
Two weeks ago, he was battling against his brain tumor. His seizures started occurring more often. He couldn’t remember anyone. One moment he’d be smiling, the next thing you know, he’d be throwing stuff across the room. My mom couldn’t take it anymore so I took care of him, even though he barely remembers me.
I endured the pain of seeing him at his worst.
That one Saturday, my best friend Max invited me at some party. My mom wanted for me to go, said that I deserved a little break from the mess that was our family in those days. So I went. At ten o’clock in the evening that day, I was already walking home when I saw that his window was open, the lights on in his room. Something was wrong. His window was never opened, his lights were never turned on. He hated that.
I ran to the house, my breath catching, my heart thumping. I found my mom in his room, wrapping him with her arms, crying. I ran across the room to her, to him. The ambulance wailed outside and the next thing I know, I was being hauled off him, my cheeks red and wet with tears.
I could’ve stayed at home. I could’ve been there with him.
My eyes start to well with tears. This is it. I have to do this.
I open the letter, and there it was. His familiar handwriting inked across the flimsy paper. I wonder when he wrote this… maybe months or weeks before he started forgetting us all.
Hey kid…
I’m not gonna be the cliché one and say,”By the time you read this, I’d be gone.” The truth is, I know that even when I was still around, you already lost me. Even now, I can’t remember most things, that’s why I’m writing this now. This might be the last time I’ll get to say I love you, Liv.
I know I’ve said this a million times, but you’re the best blessing your mom and I have received.
When I die, I won’t regret it, Liv. You know why? Because I know that I have raised a wonderful lady. I’ve seen you grow into a beautiful young lady, Liv. I’m proud of you, you should know that.
When I’m gone, don’t stop living, okay? Live your life to the fullest. Live the life that I could’ve lived for the rest of my years. Whatever you do, daddy will always support you, my kitten.
Take care of your mom for me. Take care of yourself, too. I love you Liv. I love you… but I might have to say goodbye now.
Dad
The sky’s a dark blue now. I hold the paper to my chest, now blotched with my tears.
I never got to say that I loved him one last time, not when he could’ve heard it.
I close my eyes, letting the tears come.
“I love you, Dad. I love you, goodbye,” I whisper to the crisp November air, carrying my words to the star-strewn sky.