I Remember The Boy

 A week ago my sister saw you. Riding in your motorbike you happen to pass by in our neighborhood for a reason I do not know about. Last time I checked--actually no, I didn’t check I have no idea where you’re currently residing (maybe from hell not that I care, oops just kidding ), just to be clear--you are not from here so I guess it is just by a chance that she saw you.

My sister said you saw her and you smiled and she had done the same. I know if you only had a chance (which clearly you don’t have as it was a busy street and she, too, don’t have the time to to talk to you --she would stop by if she had), you’d ask about me.

Noooo. I’m not imagining things. I am certain you’d ask about me.

Well, it’s automatic, they always told me things about you, whenever they heard news about you, that is. Just as from time to time when my sister and my best friend see you or even when you post some stuff on your facebook wall or ew forgive my bestie sometimes she took screenshots of your “my day” and guess what? Of course she’s sending it to me.

Yup. Obviously, we’re not friends on facebook.

Not because I’m bitter. I am not…?

Typo. I don’t know what that question mark is doing there.

Anyway, we’re not friends because you thought my facebook account--where we were friends, yup past tense--you thought it was a dummy account, clearly it is not because that is my real account. But I think you saw my other facebook account (that I only use for work because I don’t want my boss to know my real account for reasons I do not wish to say here, I’m bad I know) so you unfriend me on my real account and sent a friend request on my let’s call it “work account” Now, now I look like a facebook addict here because currently I have three, the last one with my pseudonym. I don’t have the energy to explain. In fact there’s nothing to explain.

I didn’t add you there I think. I don’t use it anyway. Plus truth is, I don’t want to follow your everyday life. People nowadays seems to do it, post their everyday life as if other people care about what they do to waste their time. Newsflash: you can travel without posting your plane ticket on your wall. Or when you had a haircut. And damn, my golly wow you can eat without posting it first.

Hmn. I must say following meme pages are far better than following certain people. Now I remember my brother said my facebook account belongs to a nerd person. Well, I think I’m nerd but not that nerd. So what.

So technically we are not friends. In real life and in social media.

So what are we, now I asked myself.

So funny because whenever people close to me ask me about you I always told them: I don’t care. I’ve already moved on.

Harhar. Move on from what?

WE ARE AND WE WERE NOT EVEN AN ITEM TO BEGIN WITH. In bold capitals, baby.

We are not friends. And you’re not even my ex.

We are practically stranger to each other, now that I think about it.

So my question to you myself, why?

Why did it take you years to realize that?

That you and him? You two have nothing.

Just few moments that when I remember now I  think  it’s kind of silly.

Well, maybe because I hold on to the thought of “us” that never really happened.

The love that I will never know, that I will never experience.

Because yes. We have nothing. A whole lot of nothing.

And now while writing this I am smiling like a fool because I remember the time when I was too hung up on you I even say your name whenever I feel scared. Yup, I’ll just say your name on my head and weird, but it calms me down.

The constant thought of you, sad yet, comforting.

I don’t know why comforting though, maybe because when people ask me why I’m alone I just smiled and my mind filled with thoughts of you.

How to say this, maybe you were my excuse whenever I ask myself, why am I still alone?

And my brain will answer, because you didn’t choose me.

An automatic thought. I can’t even feel it.

Maybe because yes my mind recognized you, but my heart, it no longer remember you.

I don't know when it happen but I no longer think of you. I'll just remember you when my friends say they saw you and I'll go on with my line--- yes the move on thing.

Yup now, I do not have this weird thing going on saying your name whenever I'm into some scary thing going on. Like when I'm getting lost. Yup I am bad at  direction--remembering places even when it's not my first time going there.

It's like that line in a song:

I remember the boy but I don't remember the feelings anymore.

Yup, that's more like it, I guess.

Going back to my sister when she said she saw you, I just shrugged and smiled at her and said:

Oh, so he was still alive, I guess voodoo’s not working, eh?

Nah. I just smiled at her and said: not interested.

Nah, I just said “oh” :)