Hey,
I would like to start by telling you how sorry I am for hurting you.
For making you fell unwanted.
For making you feel bad.
For making you sad,
For poking you,
For laughing at you,
For taunting you,
For everything.
I know this doesn’t matter anymore because you have moved on in your in your life, but how do I look at a girl I loved and tell myself It’s time to move on.
How can I tell myself not to care for you anymore,
How can I tell myself not to think about you anymore,
How can I tell myself to hate you,
How can I tell myself that it’s over,
How can I tell myself that you don’t mean anything to me now,
How can I tell myself???
I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you and I regret the things I've done. I've lost the 1 girl I've ever loved and it was cause of the things I've done.
These tears that run down my cheek are filled with sadness and hurt, because I loved you so much and now I know that it will never work :( I messed up and now I see that you mean the absolute world to me.
I know sorry's not enough because I'm such a screw up.. But for whatever its worth I wanted to say, that you cross my mind every single day...
What I really want to say is that I'm sorry, I know that you didn't deserve to be hurt like that, and I know that you will find someone who will love you and treat you right, they will make you happy and that person won't hurt you like I did.
The worst day of my entire life existence was when you told me on my phone that I have destroyed your life and you hate me. I felt so ashamed of myself, so angry at myself. That for the woman who has been there for me at my darkest hour is saying this. The fact is that you have been there for me when no one has. And I have not been able to look at that in a way which I should and you so magnificently deserve. I think you never held back your care, I did.
My selfish and ego nature only saw what was being done wrong and not what was being done right. If things were different you would be different. Circumstances changes people and I know I have put you through a very difficult time.
I really had no idea what to expect when I was back. I don’t seem to be a normal nice guy. In fact I am not a nice guy at all.
People only see one side of me, a side which is a shallow and twisted version of me. They see the generous and respecting guy. They see a helpful guy. They see someone else. I am confused on who I really am. Am I the one who seeks attention all the time and is much unsecured? Or am I happy. The truth is I have no idea. God gave me an angel in my arms and I did not value it.
I fight and rebel with you because I see only your strict and angry nature. I do not see the care. That tough exterior is what I see. I see the warm and loving nature reserved for everyone else but me. And that may be true but I have created the wall around you against me. And I have to now find my way in.
But when I try to go in, I just get pushed right back out. Your shell is too strong for me. I know for sure that I am not a nice guy
Being nice is caring for people and helping them. Sometimes I hate myself so much that I feel like just running away.
Sorry is too small a word to express my apology, for what I did to you. But believe me it was all because of my fear of losing you. My insecurities had conquered my heart and soul and rendered me its captive. My mind doesn’t even miss a nanosecond, nor does the heart skips a beat when I don’t think about you. You are on my mind for 24×7.
You mean more to me than I ever thought anyone could and I know I don’t show it hard enough or often enough or deeply enough. I know I’m a terrible person and I know I need to stop being so fucking scared. I’m sorry. I know I make you feel guilty like a ‘burden’ but none of this is your fault.
I’m sorry I can’t keep my mouth shut when I’m afraid and I ruin things by making them worse. I’m sorry I’m so much less than you deserve because you are beautiful and damaged and fragile and I’m an idiot who doesn’t understand.
I’m sorry people have hurt you and I wish I could show you I’m not going to do the same. I’m sorry I can’t open up my heart and my mind and show you how much I love you.
Most of all, I’m sorry for apologising all the time. Maybe I should stop fucking up so much.
I just have to say:
“I loved you for a thousand years and will love for a thousand more”