The November rains had sent in a chill through the night; gusts of cold air rushed in through the half-open windowpanes.
It was absolute darkness swathing the street across Nita’s apartment. Faraway, a lone street-light was
valiantly warding off the eerie silence! Tears streamed down her cheek in muffled sighs. Amit was nomore…
A year back, Nita could almost see the glint in his eyes…Amit was a new joinee in her office. Well-built, sharp eyes, aquiline nose and sinfully sexy lips…Nita could not help giving him a long lasting glance, when he came into say,“Hello”.
A couple of months flew by. Usual priorities of life took centre-stage.But
underneath life’s daily caveat, her heart longed to live life a new once again! Nita
knew she just had to fit into the daily routine, but somewhere life was ebbing
away. Ravi, her husband was never happy with her, strangely he attributed all his
shortcomings in life to her.Tiara, her four year old daughter was the only light in
life’s sojourn for Nita. Love was lost, mutual respect was defunct, lovemaking
was scarce and functional…each day seemed a forced repetition of the former.
Years of physical and mental abuse and lost communication, still she was
clinging to what seemed the sanctified norm…’marriage'
“Office -romance”, Ravi had sniggered, when Amit’s late night messages flew in
to say “Good-night jaan” or simply“ sleeptight”. Occasional movies, visit to art
exhibitions…her dates with Amit were no longer a one–off affair.She craved his
closeness; life was so magical, even travelling in an over-crowded metro with
Amit was orgasmic. He would silently stand close behind her, lean over and
speak into her ears, softly caressing her back and making her dizzy!Eachtime
they were close, Nita wished to make love to him. He was married, he had a kid,
she reasoned to herself, but the fire was too strong to resist.
Finally Amit asked her out for a date and wanted to make love to her. But a
strange fear gripped Nita, she was married,she had a kid, how could she accept
a man outside marriage! Amit was deeply hurt. Her ‘ NO’ was inexplicable to him.
Despite their best efforts coldness set in their relationship. The dates no longer
happened. It was home to office and back. Nita heard Amit had taken to
drinking; he was staying back till late at work.Back home, Nita abhorred the
idea of sex with Ravi, what was a well managed show soon became a non-starter.
Nita lost her little world, which Amit had so beautifully laid out for her…
It was a rain drenched afternoon. Amit was on leave.He had started taking
sudden leaves and would often travel out of the city with his surreptitious circle
offriends.
The office peon, Bihari came rushing in,he was gasping… “Amit babuka
accident hogaya…hospital mai hai!”Amit was driving his bike in a drunken
stupor and had been mowed down by a bus.
Nita went to the hospital ICU.He was in deep coma; his wife was in there,the
pallor of her face etching the tragedy, which Amit could not even comprehend.
He never came back from the ICU and she could never bring her up to attend his
funeral. Nita could never forgive herself for her ‘NO’ to the man who never
forced her, who loved her and who made her feel alive every moment of her life!
The November rains have again brought in tears,the pain refuses to subside,
and doctors have diagnosed her with an ischemic heart. Tiara is now twelve, a
few more years and she would be a lady. Nita is penning down her
memoirs…there she would put down her lovemaking with Amit, exactly the way
he wished for.Life had forced her a ‘NO’, but her broken heart lived on seeking
the forbidden fields of love in her dreams, which the world outside could no longer seek out and feel.