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Illustration by @_ximena.arias
Written on September 20, 2014
Hi, my name is Lakshya, and I am the Founder & CEO of Launchora, i.e., the online platform you're reading this on.
I'm writing this "introduction" to you on September 20, 2014 (as stated above) - the day this story will be published on Launchora.
So technically, this is the last thing I am writing before I hit publish.
Even more technically, this means that the rest of the book is a flashback.
Which could also mean that, metaphorically, this book is a time machine.
Exactly how far back does this flashback go?
Well, I started writing this book on May 4, 2013. However, the contents of this story are mostly confined to two years of my life: September 19, 2012 to September 19, 2014.
The first date is the day I turned 23 and also the day I started Launchora (on paper, and in my mind).
The second date is my 25th birthday.
The significance of this specific time period is this: I told myself on my 23rd birthday that I will be worth at least a million dollars by my 25th birthday.
I turned 25 yesterday (again, I'm writing and publishing this on 9/20/14).
You can consider this book to be an autobiography (I prefer to call it self-biography), or a first-time CEO's experiences with starting a company, or just a story about a guy who tried to do something with his life.
I think that just about sets up the rest of this story. Once you finish this chapter and begin reading "Disclaimer" (i.e. Chapter 2), you will be hearing from the past-me, who - and I promise you this - will become present-me over the course of this story.
(Future-me is unavailable at this time.)
Finally, this book is a story told in real time. When I began this book, I had no idea whether or when Launchora would succeed, and if this book that I was writing would ever get published. So I wrote optimistically, hoping that by the end my hopes and dreams would come true. I liked writing in this format, not only because it was refreshing to write something real, but also because it was challenging to begin a journey with no path or light to guide me. Similar to how life works, and even how a business works, we really have no idea what will happen along the way. We can aim, we can dream, and we can hope that the end is worth the effort.
Every chapter begins with a date, i.e., "Written on ..." (you may have noticed it at the beginning of this chapter) - what this means is that I wrote that chapter on that day. Once I finished the chapter, I did not return to it or edit it. Everything you read will be as it was intended to be read at the time of writing.
I may have mentioned the above disclaimer a couple times during the course of this book.
Oh and one other thing (last one, for serious) - at the moment of publishing this story the Launchora reader has yet to have a Single-Page reader. That means that you will have to read this story in continuous view, i.e., by scrolling. Since this is a long story (about 81,500 words), the best way to keep track of where you left is by chapter titles/numbers. To help you, I use a symbol "-ll-" to indicate the end of each chapter, so you can use that as a checkpoint. To return to where you left, just click on first icon on the left (above the "A"). This will open the "Contents" drawer. Click on "Contents", and you will see a Chapter List. To skip to a particular chapter, just click on it and the reader will jump to it instantly. There's a total of 60 chapters in this book, so you might have to use the scroll in the list to reach the later chapters.
I know that sounds like an inefficient process, and believe me I wish I didn't have to provide these directions. But sometimes things just don't happen the way you want them to, which is when you improvise.
Of course it is quite possible that you're reading this story in the future where the Single-Page reader is available! To check this, click on the "A" (I hope that is still there) and then click on the "Single". If it switches to "Single" view, then great!
If it still says "Coming Soon", then I'm sorry, you're just not in the right future yet. But please don't leave! This way is cool too, more retro.
I just realized that if things work out how I plan them to, there is a possibility that this story already opened in the Single view by default. If that happened to you, then this is awkward. Let's just move on.
Let's just start this thing.
So here is my story until now, which I began writing at 23 and finished when I am 25. All thoughts, failures, victories, and celebrations are written with full honesty and without any knowledge of what happens in the next chapter.
Thank you for reading my story. I'm going to click on "Publish" now. I'll see you at the end of the book!
And...Publish.
Written on May 4, 2013
Firstly, let's be honest about one thing: I did absolutely no research for this book.
It would have been a waste of time because this book does not contain any studies or important facts that need to be stated or referenced.
Secondly, I did not use a ghostwriter to write this book. I write in the way I think and speak, so there may be some literature no-no's in the content. I did not study literature, and I choose not to remember those do's and don'ts of english class as I write this book. In fact, wasn't language invented to help us and not enslave us? If you agree, then ignore my intentional ignorance of the english language.
Moreover, the contents of this book were constructed almost entirely out of my imagination and memory. Any resemblance to people, places, or situations is either completely intentional or a misinterpretation of their side of the story, depending on the legal issues that may arise. If you are upset with your portrayal in this book, I dare you to write a book about it and publish it exclusively on Launchora.
Lastly, I would not consider myself an expert in anything. Even if I was less humble, I can proudly say that writing has not been, is not, and will almost definitely not be my forte. But what I lack in intellect, I make up in delusion backed by confidence backed by a healthy ego.
The ego is self-inflicted.
I have noticed that most autobiographies are written after-the-fact. Read any book written by an accomplished individual, and you'll see him or her write about their early years as if he or she just knew they were going to become their future self. I don't blame them for having that retrospective knowledge about their capabilities. Many of them truly were or are remarkable, and many autobiographies are truly inspiring.
But this autobiography (for the lack of another term, perhaps "Self-biography"?) is a little different. The biggest difference being that I really haven't become the person I want to be just yet.
I started writing this "book" in May 2013 (as I write this sentence it is still May 2013), when I was (am) about 23. I don't know yet when it will be published, and I'll talk about why later.
Some chapters are written in real time and/or in present tense. I can understand that this approach breaks a few writing rules, but I've always been a fan of questioning standards and ignoring best-practices. I am sure that I am far away from any writer in terms of skill, but my goal is to unleash stories: to turn a person into a "writer". In that aspect, I am my first test subject.
It is possible that in some chapters I'll even mention the day I wrote them, and I can tell you with full honestly that I didn't (or will not) go back to edit them. All these stories are real and either written through memory or as they happen.
What that really means is: when I write about my hopes, dreams, and aspirations about my future in the early chapters, I really didn't know my future which will be talked about in the later chapters.
Why am I doing this?
First reason: For fun. I'm tired of reading non-fiction books where, spoiler alert!, we are told about what will happen in the prologue or in the first chapter or almost always at the end of every chapter in a way to remind the reader what the book is about. Most readers prefer to read the life story of a famous or influential person, but can imagine reading the story of a guy who hasn't yet become famous or influential? When will he get there? Will he get there? These questions are just so much more fun.
Second reason: I perceive myself as more of a reader rather than a writer. So I am writing this book in a way that would appeal to me if I was reading it. I want you, my dear reader, to take the journey with me. I hope you find that as exciting as I do.
Third reason: This reason is a bit obvious. Autobiographies are usually written when you know what you want to discuss. I don't know that yet. I haven't reached a point in my life where I have thought hey, that life I just lived deserves a book. I really want to explore the opposite of that: I want to find out whether I can find my purpose and place in this giant infinite universe so that I can create something that lasts longer than my finite time here. And what better way to do that by starting a company that deals with sharing stories and then writing a book about starting that company? Cross- promotion: Check.
Basically, I honestly, at this moment, have truly no idea or clue or insight into how this book ends.
End of disclaimer.
An idea can last longer than its creator.
A product can last longer than its maker.
A story can last longer than its writer.
Shakespeare was a mere mortal, but his works have been read and studied and adapted for decades and will continue to be immortalized for generations.
I started Launchora to make an attempt at creating something that lasts longer than I do.
I am writing this story - my story - so that it can last longer than I do. It may not be good. But if everything goes well with technology and this planet, there will be a copy of this story somewhere on the internet. Forever.
A book. A poem. A story. They can last longer than all of us.
As I begin writing this book, I really don't know if I want to publish this. Why is my story important? Why should you read this? I would be the last person to give you a good reason. If you've reached this sentence you have your own reason to continue reading.
I am a private person. I wouldn't call myself an extrovert. I have a small group of close friends. I don't use facebook or twitter on a daily basis. I have never tweeted. I haven't written a status update on Facebook in about four years I think. I'm really not someone who wants to share his thoughts openly with the world.
This book is my one and only attempt to share my story. I am doing this because I believe in the idea of sharing. I believe that every person on this planet is unique, so we all must have a truly unique story. I want to hear those stories. I want to read those stories. I want everyone to feel safe and good and optimistic about their stories.
All authors dedicate their book to someone. Their parents. Their significant others. Their children.
I too would like to dedicate this book to my parents, my wife (I'm single as I write this sentence, but I might be married when you read this book, so I'm being proactive; Also, if you are reading this and you are my future wife, remind me to tell you how lucky I am - in fact, do it right now), my entire family, and my friends. You all know who you are so I'm not going to namedrop anyone.
I also want to dedicate this book to another group of people. A group that has no defined member count. A group that so far has a limited amount of people in it, but will hopefully be innumerable in the future.
I want to dedicate this book to every person who decides to start writing their story one day soon. I want to dedicate this book to you.
Because all stories are unique. Because all stories are important. Because your story is important.
And because our stories, will last forever.
Welcome readers! Hi Mom! Hello people who know me!
Yes, those are mostly the kind of people who would read an autobiography. Your friends and family. People who know you. Which makes me feel even worse for writing about them and their contribution to my life and career (if I do choose to that).
So now that you're here, I'm assuming you've bought this book. For that I thank you.
Oh wait - there is also a possibility you didn't buy this book yet. It's not that you can go to a bookstore and read the back of this book or check out the first couple pages. eBooks have destroyed that bad habit readers have.
What you could be doing at this point is reading the "FirstLook" or a free sample of this eBook, courtesy of Launchora, the exclusive platform selling this book.
If you are reading the FirstLook, do me a favor. Press Launch. You won't regret it.
Not sure? Alright I'll sweeten the deal. Buy this book, enter this code (DRWHO) into the promo code box, and you'll get an extra 2 credits. But that's between you and me. Let's not brag about it.
This offer isn't real. Mostly, because there is a strong possibility that there is no promo code or promo box in the future when future-me publishes this book. For that, blame him, not me. I tried. I actually care about you - enough to joke with you.
Here's where I am sure he will come through - if you're in the first 500 users to Launch this book, you'll receive Credits for purchasing it (this one isn't a joke, I'm quite certain of that). If you can't find where to check this, click on the chat button (again, just assuming that future-me had that feature installed).
Either way, if you're really not convinced if you should pay for this, then just keep reading until you're sure.
I'm still going to assume you did. So let's jump to the next chapter...
Got the credit? Spent it already on your next purchase? Don't start reading that one just yet.
So if you've reached this line, you're definitely a buyer (unless you're not, which is totally cool). Thank you. Seriously.
Alright. Autobiography. I always wanted to write one. I just didn't know if I had an interesting story to share.
Let's talk about this first: the title of the book.
This book is called Lakshya, Part One. And my name is Lakshya. Hello. You can Google the meaning. Or actually you can do this too: Launchora's reader has an awesome feature we added a few weeks ago. If you're using our app, just tap on the word "Lakshya". It will show you a bunch of cool info. If you're reading this online on our website, you can click on the word.
Full disclosure: I wrote the above thing anticipating that by the time I publish this, we actually will have this feature. I don't know if we do as I write this; so if it doesn't, just Google the meaning.
So now you know what my name means. I should tell you that my name is very important to me, and I'm very proud of it. It's hard to say, and not a lot of people have heard of it before, but its meaning has been a huge part of my life's purpose. When your parents name you "aim", you better have one.
Also, and maybe it's a bit late to state this now since you've already purchased this book, but just because this book is called Lakshya, Part One doesn't mean there has to be a Part Two. I called it Part One mostly because I'm only 23 right now and I hope I'll still have more to write about later in life. When I have new material from new experiences, you'll see a Part Two on Launchora. If not, history will remember a title called Lakshya, Part One that never got a sequel. I could live with that intrigue-ness.
So, what is this book about? It's about my life and experiences. That's usually what autobiographies are about I think. Although saying "life and experiences" sounds pretty boring. And I hate boring. So I'll make a promise to you right now. If there is any story that I find boring, I won't write it. That will make us both happy.
So as I write this line, I'm about 23-years-and-6-ish-months old. I am the Founder & CEO of Launchora, where this book will be published in the future. I'm also an Adjunct Lecturer at San Diego State University where I teach a class I created on Investment Banking. How did I get here? And what else did I do after here? That's what this book is about. That sounds a bit more interesting than "life and experiences" doesn't it?
Alright. Let's begin.
Written on May 5, 2013
Let's go to 9th grade. I was about 14 or 15. The year was 2004. I was (still am) a huge fan of video games - particularly story-heavy single-player games - and proudly owned a Playstation 2. In New Delhi, where I lived at the time, there was a market called Paalika Bazaar where people could purchase pirated video games and other forms of media. Video games didn't release on day 1 in India, if at all. So my friends (to be honest: friend. singular.) and I would go to this market to buy pirated versions of games you would get in the US for about $50 each.
The price per game in this market: $1.
So at that price, I could afford 50 titles for the price of one in the US. So obviously, I played everything.
I learned that video games are a unique art form: it's a story created specifically for the player to live through. Books, movies, television, and even music are made by the creator in a "read-only" format. The user can only experience the story of their content in a fixed way. Video games, on the other hand, are made to encourage the user, or "player", to create their own experience - which is always different for every player.
I grew up consuming three major forms of media which taught me everything about the US and even world history: movies, television shows, and video games. I also read books, comics, and listened to music; but I would pick watching a movie or playing a game over anything else. I don't know if people would agree with me, but I am willing to state that I learned more about being a good person - with aspirations to become a better person who contributes to the world - by consuming media than I did through schools and study books.
Back to video games: one of my most favorite games of all time (at that time, and even today) was Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. So when I heard Rockstar Games, the creator and publisher of all GTA titles, was going to release a new and much, much larger game titled Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, I called my cousin, who was living in the US at the time, and asked him to bring me a copy when he comes to India. That was my first "original" game ever, and it cost $50. If I had to say one thing about that purchase that I can now twist into a lesson, it would be this one: if your product is good, and the consumer can't wait to have it, you can charge anything for it and the consumer will pay.
Another lesson: I paid $50 for an original, non-pirated version of a video game that I could have bought for $1. However, I knew that I was 50 times (to stick with the math) more likely to enjoy the full value and complete the $50 game rather than a $1 game. Because I knew the cost of a $1 to me was nothing compared to a $50 game, the value of the $50 game to me was much more. I was willing to not play the next 50 games because I really wanted this one game. That, my dear reader, is the another value of a great product: it is worth more to us because it costs more to us.
My relationship with video games hasn't changed much. I currently own a Playstation 3 and I love it. Sadly, I no longer buy pirated versions, so I pay the full price. Still, I remain an Indian person, so I find other ways to save money. I buy used games, or utilize discounts, and sell back almost every game I finish to get Amazon.com credit.
To end this chapter, I must mention that I eagerly await the next GTA title: Grand Theft Auto V. It comes out in September 2013, which is five months away. By the time I publish this book, I will probably have played the game, and I may not be able to predict other things, but I can predict that I will love that game as well. And when the new Playstation comes out later this year, I hope to buy that on the first day as well.
As I wrote the above line, I just realized it's been over 10 years since I began my relationship with the Playstation as well as Grand Theft Auto franchise, and I am clearly still I fan. This loyalty, both to Sony and Rockstar Games, didn't cost either company any marketing dollars. All they did was create a product that I loved enough to always purchase as soon as it came out.
Now that's a brand you want to be.
Written on May 7, 2013
This is the story about how I got my first job.
Year: 2010
Month: February or March
An academic year at UCSD (University of California, San Diego - where I went to college) is divided into three quarters: Fall goes from September to December; Winter goes from January to March; and Spring goes from April to June. Near the end of my Winter quarter, I was taking 5 courses (a normal course load is 3 to 4) so that I could graduate on time. With my new major, and new topics, that meant a lot of hard work. I was happy to word hard because it was my decision to take on a new major with only two years left till graduation. I was doing pretty well too - A's and the occasional B.
One day I made plans with a friend of mine to hang out.
The reason I'm not going to name him - or other people I talk about in this book - is because I want to see if they read this book. If they do read this, they'll know who I'm talking about and whether it is them or not. It's like a fun test.
I met him though a mutual friend, so at this point we didn't really know each other that well. So this day would be the first time it wound just be the two of us. We shared stories, learned about each others' lives and career aspirations.
There may have been some casual drinking involved.
He told me about his plans for the future. He is a year older than me, so he was graduating that summer. He told me about his interview process at a giant investment bank, which he would be joining as an investment banking analyst upon graduation later that summer.
I was fascinated by his interest in banking. I really had no idea what it was, but he caught me up on the field and the overall finance industry.
The timing was perfect. I had about a year left till graduation. I had no idea what I would do after. I was looking for a career option, and investment banking sounded perfect. And I was already an Management Science major - which was basically an Economics major with a focus on business and finance.
There was one problem - to get into an investment bank, I would have to start applying that fall. That didn't give me much time.
Why? Because until that point I had never worked a day in my life. I had never received a paycheck. I didn't even have an internship.
I was 20 years old. I was supposed to enter the workforce in a year. And I had zero experience.
I told him that, and that is when he told me about FPN.
The Financial Professionals Network, or FPN, was started in 2008 by four UCSD alumni as a mentorship program that would connect students interested in high finance with alumni working in the industry. Twice a year, FPN would do mentorship drives where students would apply into the program and then FPN would match them with alumni working in the finance industry.
My friend, and another person who is now a very good friend of mine, took over the leadership of FPN after the founders graduated in 2009.
When I met him that day, they had just finished the application process earlier that week. He told me that if I was interested in getting into investment banking, I should send him my resume and he'll get me a mentor.
Problem: I had never made a resume before. How do you even start writing one?
So instead of admitting I didn't have a resume or any experience, I asked my friend a question.
"Who is going to take over FPN leadership after you graduate?"
The FPN alumni leaders acted as advisors at that time, but it was the undergraduate leaders that decided who became the next Administrator. The current leaders didn't have succession plan yet, so they were still looking for someone.
I told him I'm interested. I don't have any work experience, and this will be my first ever "job", so I can only give it my best.
After a couple phone calls and interviews with FPN founders and alumni, I got the job.
They were all taking a chance on me. FPN wasn't a huge organization, so it wasn't like I was going to have huge responsibilities. And I'm sure that I got the position because my friend put in a good word. All FPN did until that point was organize mentorship recruitment. There wasn't a lot for me to screw up, and even before I could, the alumni leaders would step in and help me out.
So here I was, starting my first job as the leader of a non-profit educational organization.
As of today (May 7, 2013), a little over three years later, FPN is one of the most influential organizations at UCSD. We have an Alumni Network with hundreds of members all over the world. We have had a couple hundred mentorship pairings. We have held seminars and workshops and even unofficial courses that have been attended by hundreds of students. We have brought investment banks and financial services company on campus at UCSD - a non-target school - for recruitment.
I didn't do it alone, of course. We've expanded to be run equally by students and alumni. I'm still involved as an Alumni leader, and I teach a seminar or workshop at the university every couple months.
What fascinates me is how much FPN has grown. Three years ago when I applied to become a leader at FPN, I had no experience and no resume.
Today, even to get into our mentorship program a student must have a high GPA, relevant internships and experiences, and must go through a two-week-long interview process. Our acceptance rate is low; not because the candidates aren't good, but because we want to keep up the quality of our program.
Back to 2010. When I officially started with FPN in May of that year, my first order of business was to change my title.
I gave myself the title of FPN's Undergraduate President. Until now we hadn't called anyone that, so I got to call myself FPN's first President. Of course I did it to give a boost to my ego, but also because I had plans for FPN that needed an authoritative title to back it.
That summer, I also got my first internship in finance. But I still refer to leading FPN as my first job.
During my senior year in college, the time period I was FPN's UG President, I had two experiences that I will always remember. I'll talk about them in the next couple chapters.
Written on May 10, 2013
The year was 2011. The month was probably January or February. The date was probably between 1 to 31 or 1 to 28.
It was on that day I had an idea, the impact of which resonates in every aspect of my personality today. I decided I wanted to teach.
Why? I was a senior, graduating in about 6 months, and, at the time, I think it was to impress potential employers. I wanted to get a job in investment banking, and I figured I would get brownie points for stating "I taught a class on that stuff while I was still in school".
So I emailed one of the reps of a book asking if they would let me teach their book to UCSD students. Not only did they say yes, they also sent me a free book.
Not once did anyone ask me the question:
Do you know investment banking?
OR
Have you read the book?
The answers, if someone had asked, were yes, and no. I learned that day that if you have the right confidence to back up your claim, people generally assume you know what you're talking about.
That realization was a gold mine. It came with some power, but tremendous responsibility. I tried my best to not abuse it, but I'll let you be the judge of that.
So once I got the author's approval - and a free copy of the book - I went to the Economics department at UCSD as well as the business school. I told the department heads and deans that I have an idea for a class as well as the author's approval and support. Their response was along the lines of "we'll consider it." I told them I'll teach it myself, so we don't need to find a professor/lecturer. I'll do it for free too, so their only cost would be the administrative work and classroom usage. They said they could help market it, and give me a classroom, but it would be completely unofficial. I was okay with that since that meant I had full control.
Lesson learned: compromise and/or unofficial-ness are okay if you are getting creative control.
Throughout the process of actually getting this class started, not once did I find myself thinking whether I'll be able to do it. It just didn't cross my mind. I had spent so much of my life away from leadership or a stage; and here I was, planning - unintentionally - to take center stage.
I was lucky. Because there was no thought whatsoever about the consequences of this pseudo class, I didn't worry about not being able to pull it off. Because I was so concerned with getting everyone to the first lecture, I had no time to worry about the implications of my actions. I was taking this huge step of becoming a (self-assigned) authority on an entire subject - I had zero teaching experience and no public speaking experience.
Some risks you don't even realize you're taking. When you're young(er), a lot of decisions come easily and without thinking much of the consequences. I think that as we get older, the more we know about the world and society and how stuff works. But the more information we have about our lives and future, the more time we need to process that information.
When I decided to teach, it was a quick decision because I was just 21. Would I be able to make that same decision for the first time at 28? I don't know. And I would probably need a PhD.
I based my teaching style on three simple philosophies:
1) Teach and you will learn: If you have more knowledge about something than other people, you must share it. You will learn much more in the process.
2) In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king: I am not smarter than the faculty at these great universities. But if there is a topic that I know about, which students are demanding but no one is teaching - then I will try my best to fulfill that gap.
3) One Chapter Ahead: If you are reading an educational book, and you're on chapter 10 of 30, teach or share what you have learned in chapters 1 to 9. If you are able to pull this off, you have really learned something.
In order to get people to take this class seriously, I asked a friend of mine to help run the class as a co-teacher. He was the head Teaching Assistant for the basic Accounting course at UCSD, which meant he had access to a lot of students. He is one of the smartest people I know, and he already had experience in finance.
With him on board, and with the help of the FPN team, I was able to build awareness about the course in just a week. We still had no confirmed schedule, time, or location. But the logistics were the easiest part to figure out once we had demand.
The business school agreed to give us a room for 75 students on Wednesday nights from 7.00-9.30 pm. Both of us had classes during the day, so we were okay with a late evening class schedule. Amongst FPN members, and members of other finance and business organizations on campus, we thought we could get together about 20-30 students, so a 75 capacity room seemed more than enough.
We decided to schedule our first class for March 31, 2011. That week would be the first week of the new quarter, and we had decided to do the class for the full 10 weeks. We hadn't started sign ups yet because I wanted to wait for the right opportunity.
That opportunity was the UIS's (Undergraduate Investment Society) Annual Financial Horizons Conference on February 26, 2011. The conference was a big deal at UCSD, and probably the most popular finance-related event held for students. FPN was founded by UIS members, so we had a sister org sort-of relationship with UIS. FPN was also a part of the conference and did a careers panel every year. We decided that announcing the class officially during the conference and at the panel would be our best shot at unveiling this product.
On the day of the conference, I got to speak before the keynote and announce UCSD's first student-taught course. There were about a couple hundred people in the room, so I figured we would get at least 20 people interested.
I had put up the sign up form online on our website earlier that morning. Within 10 minutes of the announcement at the conference, we had 30 students sign up. Within 30 minutes, another 20 signed up. About an hour later, all 75 seats had been filled.
I'm not making any of that up. That really happened.
I was more than shocked. In my head the maximum number of students signing up was 40, and I guessed about 25 would show up the day of the class. And here we were with 75, and counting. We hadn't put up a notice or limit on the sign up form, so over the next few days the sign ups kept on coming.
By March 6, 2011, about 10 days after we announced the course, over 300 students had signed up.
We had a over-demanded product. It didn't make sense to deny anyone access, or restrict the students based on qualification or GPA. This was a free course for anyone, and if they wanted to learn, who were we to decide to gets to learn or not?
We had only one problem to fix: find a bigger room.
With about two weeks left before the first class, I went around campus asking departments for a bigger room. The only room available and big enough to fit everyone was the ballroom at Price Center, located in the center of the university. This was the same ballroom where I had announced the course, so it seemed like it was meant to happen. However, since we were making a last minute reservation, I had to pay the university $100 to reserve the room. I didn't agree with the idea of charging us, but it was my decision to do this class so I didn't mind paying up.
On March 31, the day of the first class, I was a bit worried. I reached the ballroom a half hour early and there were 300 empty seats facing the stage.
I had spent the last couple weeks working on the lectures, and one thought had not crossed my mind:
What if nobody shows up?
Getting a person to go to a website and filling out a sign up sheet is easy. Getting them to show up to the event on a Wednesday night, knowing that they won't receive credit or a grade for this class, is tough. And expecting them to show up is too optimistic. And I am not an optimistic person when I need to be one.
I left the room because I really couldn't bear watching the students, whoever shows up, come in one by one and fill in a few of the 300 seats. These thoughts went through my head:
Why did I have to get so many seats?
Just because 300 people sign up doesn't mean 300 will show up.
A 100 people is more practical.
I could have kept the 75 seat room and just had everyone else stand.
That would have looked better.
Now there will be 30 people sitting in a giant ballroom 10 seats apart.
I came back into the room around 6.55 pm. Whatever I could have thought or expected, wouldn't have compared to this scene. Here it is
Sitting on these portable chairs, and eagerly waiting, were about 275 students. I knew because I counted the empty seats.
I went up on the stage, put on my mic, and said:
Thank you.
The rest of that quarter went by very quickly. Teaching this class had become my first priority. I even ignored one of my own classes, which luckily I was taking for Pass/Fail. Every day, I worked on lectures. I wanted to know everything, and anticipate any question the students might ask.
Was I the best person to teach 250 fellow students? Did I have the right to tell my peers what they should learn? Probably not. But they came every week, and I didn't question their dedication to their end goals. So I tried my best to become a teacher they deserved.
I graduated at the end of that quarter and left UCSD. But teaching, which I thought was a one-time thing, didn't leave me.
Written on May 17, 2013
In May 2011, I visited New York for the first time.
FPN, my organization at UCSD, was launching our Alumni Network that week at a big investment bank. I had flown to New York and was staying in Midtown in an apartment I rented using AirBnb.
I am, and was at the time, a big fan of the talk show Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. I was going to be in New York for about 4 days, and the day before our alumni event, I thought about checking about the show at 30 Rockerfeller Plaza. I had read on the show's website that all tickets to be in the audience are free, but are given out weeks before.
I was in New York for the first time ever, and the one thing I wanted to do, I couldn't.
I didn't give up, obviously. The website also stated that the morning of the show's taping some tickets are given out for a wait list. Depending on whether some booked ticket holders are a no-show, the wait list people are put in the audience in their place.
So, on the morning of May 2, 2011, I walked from my rental apartment to 30 Rock.
Time - 6:30 am.
When I got to 30 Rock, there was not a big line, just two people. So I stood in line for about 30 minutes, until 7:00 am.
By this time, the line behind me was around 60 to 75 people. I was number 3. So I had a good chance.
When the show's people asked me how many tickets I wanted, I instinctively said "two, please".
Did I have anyone to go with me? No.
Did I want to go alone? No.
So I texted my friend Tristan (I'm mentioning his name because it's not possible not to in order to justly tell the story of this event - also, he is an investor in Launchora so he better be paying to read this story), who had flown from San Francisco for the same alumni event. I asked him if he wanted to go to the show that evening. The taping would start at around 5 pm, and we had to be at an informal alumni gathering at a bar around 8.
He said yes, so we met at 30 Rock that evening around 4 pm. At about 4.30 pm, the doors opened, and the show's people said there were going to take some wait list people to the show. Since we had numbers 3 and 4, we got in.
My dream - yes, I wish to refer to it as a dream. It's not the dream, but it was a dream - was about to come true.
As we waited in the line to get inside the studio, I told Tristan how excited I was to be there. I had no idea whether I'll ever return to New York, or even how long I would stay in the US after graduating, so I was really happy in that moment. This experience, to me, was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Something I would tell my friends and family about for years.
While we stood in that line waiting to get inside, one of the show's producers came over to us.
"Are you two over 21?" he asked.
Tristan and I looked at each other. Are they going to give us drinks?
"Yes," we both replied.
"Are you two friends?"
"Yes."
"Good friends?"
"Sure."
We had no idea where this was going. And then the producer said this:
"Would you like to be on the show?"
Tristan and I looked at each other for about a second before uttering in unison:
"YES."
They asked us to get out of the line and follow them.
"What are we actually going to be doing on the show?" I asked, even though I didn't care what it actually was.
"Have you seen the show before?"
"Yes, big fan. This is episode 304 or something right?"
I had to show off. Tristan and the producer just stared at me as we got into the elevator.
"Have you seen the spit-takes game?" the producer asked.
"Yes," I said, wondering where this is going.
While I said that, we were walking through a hall way heading to what they called their props room. We reached a props area for the show, as I brushed shoulders with Lorne Michaels, the creator of Saturday Night Live and executive producer of Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.
That was my first celebrity sighting in America.
In the props room, the producers handed us a couple bottles of water, and told us to practice spit taking into a vertical plastic sheet attached to a garbage can.
Why would one need to practice spit taking? Well, I needed to, apparently. It took a couple (six) tries, but I was able to do a good spit take. And then they told us the kicker.
I had forgotten their first question: Are the two of you over 21?
You see, this particular episode was a yacht-themed episode. So instead of water, we would be using champagne (albeit cheap champagne).
Sadly, we didn't get to practice with champagne.
While I got good at spit-taking, I was drenched. I was wearing a t-shirt and a jacket, and the t-shirt was completely wet. We were going live in a couple minutes, so one of the producers took me to a dressing room and used a hand dryer to dry my shirt so the mic attached to my chest didn't malfunction.
Dear producer-who-dried-my-shirt,
if you are reading this, you probably don't remember me - and I definitely don't remember you - but on that fateful evening on May 2, 2011 we had a stranger-to-stranger moment that I will always remember. And although in reality you were a guy, every time I tell this story to a person or a group of people, your character will always be played by an extremely attractive girl.
Since we were busy practicing for the show, we didn't get to watch the beginning. Our segment would come after the monologue, so after about five minutes of practice, we would be going to join Jimmy on camera.
I was about to go on live (taped) television in America. A 21-year-old kid from India was going to on a TV show watched by millions of people.
I didn't have time, in that moment, to register that. I was just hoping I didn't suck at spitting champagne into my friend's face.
Tristan and I would be playing as a team and competing with another two guys to "win" the spit take. By the time we got to the set, the other group had already started. I didn't get time to even stop and stare at this talk show set I had only seen on a TV screen before. Until that moment, this show was just a two dimensional thing that would be beamed through wires into TV sets or through Wi-Fi into our laptops.
As I thought all of that in about 3 seconds, the producers pushed Tristan and I to go stand next to Jimmy.
We shook hands, and said our names and where we were from. The producers had made it very clear to us to not try to be funny. It's Jimmy's show. He's the funny one. Let him do his thing.
Still, there were a couple jokes about what we were doing in New York and whether we were good friends or not. In the moment, I really wasn't thinking or listening or paying attention. I was just hoping to not make a fool of myself.
I rolled a dice to see which one of us would be spitting and which one would be receiving. We were only going to do this once, so I would either get to spit or get spit on.
The way it works is simple: the person receiving is given a joke to read out loud, while the other person is given a glass full of champagne. The spit-giver fills up his mouth with the champagne, and then the receiver says the joke. At the punchline, the spit-giver spits out the champagne in a shocking manner, supposedly offended or shocked by the joke.
I rolled the dice, and it said: Receive.
Great. Tristan was going to spit champagne into my face in front of a couple hundred people sitting in the audience, and millions of people sitting at home watching this happen later that night.
The time had come. I said my joke, and Tristan spit-taked cheap champagne into my face. We didn't use the entire glass of champagne, but he didn't wish to waste it, so as an after-spit, he just decided to throw the rest of the champagne in the glass into my face.
Here I was, drenched in champagne, and seeing golden.
But it was over now. The audience would vote on which of the two groups won - the first two or Tristan and I - and then we would go back to sit with the audience.
But wait. It isn't over.
In classic Jimmy Fallon fashion, he looked at us and said the following:
"We have time for one more! Switch it up!"
Time. For. Revenge.
I forgot we were on television. I forgot I was standing in front of 200 people. I forgot millions of people were going to watch us. I forgot I was standing next to Jimmy Fallon - one of my favorite comedians.
I took the glass of champagne, filled up all of it into my mouth, and right at the second Tristan said his joke's punchline…
Revenge.
The people voted. We won.
Later that night, Tristan and I got into a cab and went to the bar where some UCSD alumni had gathered to get drinks. We told them our story and made some new friends.
We had reached that bar around 8 pm, and by 12.30 am, only a few of us remained. We had had a few drinks, and we were having a blast. We asked the bartender to put on NBC, and while the TV was on mute, we got to watch our spit-take game on TV in a bar in New York city.
Our new friends finally believed that we weren't making it up.
Tristan and I are still friends, in fact we're better friends, because once you spit champagne into another person's face, your friendship is sealed for life.
This story is important to me not just because it was a great experience and I got to be on TV, but because of what I learned the next day.
Jimmy Fallon, who I had just met the night before, was also born on September 19th.
It's a good thing I didn't know that before I met him, because I probably would have freaked out and mentioned us being same-day-twins on live television. That wouldn't have been creepy at all.
I had just met my birthday-brother. He doesn't know me at all, and of course there are other people born on that day, but this coincidental fact will always remain a fond memory.
The following
And as I write this down on May 17, 2013, two years later, I must confess something.
Ever since that night, I have made a goal: to go back on Jimmy Fallon's show, but as a guest.
Back then, I had no idea whether it would actually happen or how it would happen. I still have no clue. But that goal is still unchecked, and I like to believe that it's not impossible. I am fully aware of the fact that the chances are minuscule, and I am far from their typical guest type. But still, I want to do something that gets me back there one day. Just as a new experience.
As of a couple weeks ago, Jimmy Fallon will be taking over the Tonight Show in February 2014. Maybe Launchora will make it big and I'll be able to go and promote it. Maybe I'll accomplish something else one day and get invited to be a guest. I don't know. Maybe it will never happen. I am okay with that. This is one of those goals that can remain unchecked.
I just think that it's better to have an unchecked goal than no goal at all.
And if one day Launchora does succeed and this book is published and either or both of them become popular, I hope someone at Late Night or probably the Tonight Show reads this and helps me check this goal.
But on this day of May 17, 2013, just knowing that it's possible is enough.
Because the goal isn't to just be a guest on a talk show. It doesn't make sense for a nobody sitting in San Diego to be a guest on a talk show.
The goal is to become someone worth inviting. Someone worth talking to. Someone worth talking about.
Side Note: If you are reading this and you work at the Colbert Report, being a guest on your show and meeting Stephen Colbert is another goal of mine. This goal is equally far-fetched, but so is wanting to be a millionaire by 25 (I'll elaborate on this in the next chapter, probably).
Second Side Note: The timing on finishing this chapter couldn't be more perfect, because the time is 12.35 am on Friday, May 17, and Late Night With Jimmy Fallon is about to start.
This chapter ends…now.
Post-Chapter-Talk
Alright, now that I've ended this chapter, I want to address this whole wanting to be on the Jimmy Fallon's show. Some of you may write this off as just simple delusion. Maybe it's a little sad.
If you do not think that, thank you! Please move on to the next chapter.
Those of you who do think this is a little weird and sad, let me give you a little insight into why I wanted to write about this.
As a 23 year old, I like to believe I haven't experienced everything yet. I want to be hopeful of unexpected and lasting moments that haven't happened to me yet.
Also, most of my writing of this book happens late at night after (sometimes during commercial breaks) of watching late night shows like Colbert Report and Late Night. I wasn't born into this lifestyle, but I currently live as a self-entitled entrepreneur who sits at home all day and pays himself to think. If I didn't have late night TV, and Friends reruns, I wouldn't feel particularly sane during public gatherings (although you could raise the point that there isn't much sanity involved with early-stage entrepreneurship).
When you start from scratch, you can go anywhere. You hope it’s towards a great future with great ideas turning into important companies. Because the other option, which is everything else, or sometimes referred to as "failure", is a letdown. Who wants to think about failing on a daily basis? But failure is a foundation component in our thinking. We do not want to fail, but the fear of failing lies in all of us.
Despite this fear, we still carry on and trust the inner voice - which in many professions would qualify as insanity - to be with us on this journey.
Now back to this whole wanting to be back on TV thing. I wouldn't say I'm just stating this to be a want. I'd even like to go as far as saying it’s a prediction. Because if you are going to dream, dream a dream that is unrealistic today. If we dreamt realistically, it wouldn't be a dream. We are meant to dream of things we haven't seen yet or of things that don't exist yet. That is the power of fiction. And while this book does lie in the category of autobiography, that classification only lasts till the story catches up to the present. Everything else I write is fiction - Fiction I hope to turn into non-fiction. Reality. I want to show you, the reader, that dreaming big and out of the universe (or box) is what we are capable of as human beings.
I'll give you an example. Yesterday (which was June 10, 2013, and yes I came back to this chapter after almost a month to put this update in) I was watching the E3 2013 conference live on my laptop. For those of you who aren't aware of E3, it is an annual conference where giant media companies such as Microsoft, Electronic Arts, Ubisoft, Nintendo, and Sony unveil their new media inventions, specially gaming consoles and video games. I was watching this live on IGN.com, my favorite website for video game news. The team at IGN, between conferences held by these companies, was hosting a live analysis show. During this show, they encouraged viewers to tweet them questions.
Because of the genius of Apple TV, I was able to take my macbook air's screen onto my gorgeous Samsung 60-inch TV and watch the show live in HD. Now, I personally have never tweeted. I started a Twitter account for Launchora and myself just to be prepared for the future. But as I watched this live show on my TV (no longer on a laptop, but a TV), I forgot that this wasn't a live TV show airing on national television. All I could think was: "I grew up playing these games and talking with my friends about new games and Playstations back in India, and now I have the opportunity of being a part of the discussion!"
Of course, I didn't tweet to them. Not because I was shy, but because actually having my tweet read out loud on live TV and then discussed by these people I have followed on IGN for the last 8 years wasn't one of my goals. I was simply amazed and satisfied by the fact that it was possible to do this. I, as a consumer and an outsider, could actually become a part of a conversation, and moreover, change the conversation happening live in front of my eyes. Just knowing that this is a possibility was enough for my reserved personality.
This is why I wanted to write this chapter. Not because I actually want to be on TV - although I wouldn't say no if asked - but because by writing this chapter about being on Late Night and hoping to go back, I am able to start a conversation that some day might change the conversation.
One of my lines that I've been working on to describe what I hope someday to be the power of Launchora should help summarize this intention:
"Every story gives us a new perspective, but some stories can change the perspective."
If, and that is a big if, one day someone does read this book and reads this chapter, and thinks about how just by saying something, and more specifically, writing something can change their current expected future, I would have achieved my goal of writing this chapter and this book.
Beyond Today, lies a Tomorrow. Today is a fact, but Tomorrow is open to imagination.
Let's dream. Let's imagine. Let's write.
Let's change our future.
Because just by attempting to create this change, you are writing your own future.
I can hope that by writing this I can create a new category of content in writing. Let's call it "Wishful Autobiography"? Or just simply "Dreams"?
You may suggest a new category by tweeting us @Launchora or me @LakshDatta.
Written on June 8, 2013
After graduating from UCSD, I jumped into work. I wanted to learn as much as I could about finance, so I became quite focused. A 50-hour workload felt better than a never-ending study load.
I graduated in June 2011, and around August, I started getting worried. I had just done something crazy at UCSD. I felt like I had started a revolution of student teaching! College education would never be the same.
I know that it sounds lame and I never actually said that out loud. The above feeling is just a thought in my head and now in this book. Let's keep it between us.
Anyway, I had now become an alumnus. The importance of what I had done earlier that year was shrinking. Soon people would forget about it. I would just become the guy who did something cool in his senior year and talked about it for years. That experience was all I will have to be proud of.
If you know me, you are aware that I actually do still talk about it. But in most cases it is because someone else brings it up. Really!
The thought of feeling like I had "peaked" this early scared me. What if I do nothing different again? Will my life's accomplishment graph start at 21, hit the peak, and then hit the bottom again?
I was 21 and no longer a student. I would have to do something really spectacular to get the same feeling again.
That was the day I learned that no good feeling lasts forever. While you are doing the "thing" (and yes this analogy can go beyond a PG13 rating, but let's stick to the work-related topic) you are so busy doing it that you don't get the time to really enjoy the feeling. Once it's over, the good feeling leaves too.
In more simpler terms, I now knew a new level of happiness, and I wanted to reach it again. But this time, I will have to figure out a way to make it last.
From that desperation, came the idea of my first venture: Let Us Teach Us.
Before you decide to Google that, I must confess Let Us Teach Us isn't active. But be patient, the story isn't over.
I'm going to have to rewind time a bit here. Let's go back to February 2011, the month I came up with the idea for the class at UCSD.
When I have an idea, I tend to think of every single possibility of that idea, and take each of those invisible threads as down the road as I possibly can. So back in February 2011, before even the syllabus was created for the course, I came up with Let Us Teach Us.
Around the same time I was working on the course idea, I was taking a class at Rady School (UCSD's business chool) called "Innovation to Market". For our final project we were supposed to break up into groups and come up with an idea, make a business plan, and then present it to the professor and the entire class.
Since I rarely like to be passionate about more than one thing at a time, I suggested to our group that we work on this idea I had for a nonprofit.
This nonprofit was code-named Let Us Teach Us (yes, I own the domain www.letusteachus.org). The premise was simple. At UCSD, I was creating a course on Investment Banking, a subject high in demand by students but not offered by the university. LUTU's mission would be to create courses at any university where students are demanding a subject to learn but the university hasn't offered it yet. We would ask professionals who are actively involved in that subject to teach it, and quite literally ask the university: Let Us Teach Us.
Here is my "long-term vision" for LUTU, word for word, written back in 2011:
Long-Term Vision:
* To have an organization made of talented and experienced professionals who teach aspiring professionals of their field.
* To have courses through which students learn how to make a career in an industry of their choice.
* To have an influential network where people volunteer to go into a university classroom and talk to students about what they have done and how they would do things differently.
* To have a website where people can go and select the university, find the course they want, sign up to teach or learn, or even donate to a specific course or school.
I hadn't even taught my first course, and here I was planning an entire educational nonprofit. Of course if it wasn't for the class project, I wouldn't have even dreamed of going that far with the idea.
Sadly, LUTU did not get off the ground. Why not? Because I didn't see it through. I couldn't give up on it, but I also couldn't dedicate my entire focus on it. I had to worry about getting a job, getting a visa, making money. Passion could wait.
So I put the long term vision on hold, hoping to restart it when I had money and credibility.
However, in order to earn this money and creditability, I had to start somewhere. I realized that credibility will bring in the money, so let's start there. Since I had already taught at UCSD, I figured I should ask other universities in San Diego if they would like me to come in and teach finance. I would make them the same offer - we will keep the class noncredit and I will teach it for free. If I had the entire region under my belt, I could move on to other areas and find people to join me.
So I wrote an email to the Dean of the business school at San Diego State University (SDSU). After clicking on send, I readied myself to not hear back from them.
After about 10 minutes, I got a call. On the phone was the Chair of the Finance Department at SDSU. The Dean had forwarded the email to him, and he called me immediately.
We discussed the idea and the possible ways to accomplish it. SDSU is a semester based school, which meant that my 10 week syllabus from UCSD would have to be expanded to 18 weeks. Also, this conversation happened during August, and the fall semester was about to begin in a week or so. This meant that even if we figured out the course-plan, there just wasn't enough time to figure out the logistics and market the course. We ended the conversation, and decided to stay in touch.
That was the bad news.
And yes, there is good news.
After a few weeks, I emailed the Chair a new course-plan and syllabus tailored to SDSU. He liked it so much that he wanted to make me an offer.
He would submit this syllabus to the university, if they approved it, this course would be offered for credit in the business school.
This meant that if this course got approved, I would become part of the faculty and teach my own course.
There was a slight catch. The procedure to submit and approve the course would take time, so it wouldn't start until August 2012.
I was willing to wait for that long. But I had my own catch. My visa was ending July 31, 2012.
That was a major pickle for me. How could I avoid thinking of this as destiny screwing with me? I have something I want to do badly, something I'm very passionate about, but I can't commit to even see it through.
Of course, the story doesn't end here, and much more happens between August 2011 and August 2012.
So should we skip over to August 2012, or move forward chronologically?
Now that I think of it, wouldn't it be amazing if there was a technology that actually allowed you to choose how the story is told? Actually, I have thought of such an idea. It's interactive storytelling, where you choose between options over how the story should move forward. Imagine reading a book and getting to decide what the protagonist should do next. All of us experience a story differently, and all of us see a character differently, so why shouldn't we get to choose how they move forward? Of course one can argue that this would change the storyteller's vision, or it would confuse the readers, or it would require the writer to write multiple story lines. All of those reasons are true. However, I think it's worth the risk to do so. We've already seen it happen in video games, so why not in books? I hope writers try this vertical on Launchora one day.
Anyway, since at this point you can't pick an option, let's go chronologically. I prefer it because it keeps the suspense.
As I write this sentence, the day is June 9, 2013. 2012 started just 18 months ago.
In these 18 months I have grown up 18 times (yes, that's very dramatic - but 18 makes more of an impact than the truth, which is probably 8 or 9).
A lot of things happened in my life in 2012. This chapter will only touch upon some aspects, but the 2012 journey will continue in subsequent chapters.
First, Let's go to February 2012.
I was working at a company based out of Cardiff, California. I lived in La Jolla, and I would drive up 15 miles to the office everyday. This office was amazing. My room was a conference room that was rarely used. The walls were made of glass, and the view was the Pacific Ocean. I had no reason not to love my life.
But the paying job wasn't enough. The spectacular view wasn't enough. The monotonous work life wasn't enough. I was 22, and this was not the way I wanted to spend my early 20s.
I stayed because I didn't have a solution. I stayed because in order to continue living in America, I needed a job. So I kept my dreams dormant, and let the job continue.
The one thing that did excite me was the possibility of working at SDSU. So around mid-February, I emailed the Chair again asking if it was time to start evaluating the possibility of getting the course started in the upcoming Fall semester.
We had a couple of meetings. Various drafts of the syllabus and course plan were emailed back and forth. Sending the syllabus to the university board was a one time shot, and I didn't want to mess it up.
Our chances looked good. I still didn't have a solution for the visa, but I didn't want to bring that issue up until we had a green light from the university.
Near the end of February, my boss informed me that he was quitting. He would be starting his own firm, and he wanted me to join him. I had been working for him for over a year, so it made sense for me to stick with him. I told him I'll join him, but I had a problem. My visa was ending on July 31, and the only option was to apply for a new visa. This visa is called the H1b.
The H1b is a work visa that allows a person to work for a US based company for three years, with a possible extension of another three years. Getting this visa is tough, because there are a lot of people interested in applying. Also, the visa is applied by the employer, not the employee. This meant that whoever I was working for would have to sponsor this visa.
I told my boss that if I was to join his new firm, I would need a guarantee that his new company would apply for my visa. He said yes, and on March 1, 2012, I joined his company.
The H1b visa begins on October 1 of every year. Since the application process can take up to six months, the application opens on April 1. The USCIS (the authority that processes the US visas) only accepts 85,000 applications per year. Out of these 85,000, 20,000 are for applicants who have a masters degree or above. The remaining 65,000 is the quota I came under. Sometimes the quota is met within the first week itself, and sometimes it takes months. In 2007, the quota filled on day 7. In 2011, it took about 7 months. 2012 did not look too bad.
Since the paperwork takes time, my boss hired a lawyer to consult on the visa application and I provided them with all the information they requested. Since the quota wasn't expected to be filled quickly, we weren't in a hurry to make the April 1 date.
On April 1, my boss informed me that the lawyer had bad news. He said that the chances of getting an approval weren't good since his company was only a few weeks old; that applying for this visa would be a waste of his money.
So, on the day we were supposed to apply for the visa, we decided not to.
I figured it was time to quit.
I had four months left on my visa. Even if the officials at SDSU approved my course, I would not be able to teach it.
The rest of April was awful. I had to look for a new job, but even if I found one, there wasn't enough time to apply for the visa since the quota could be filled any day. So I continued working, all the while knowing that I would have to quit soon. One of the main reasons I had stayed at this job for so long was because companies rarely want to hire people who need visas. I thought staying in one place was safer, so that when it came time to apply for a visa, the company would be more likely to apply since I already worked there.
I spent all my time researching and looking for a solution, but good news was no where in sight.
So one day near the end of April, my best friend (and housemate) Sam and I went for a drink at our favorite bar across the street from our house. While discussing how I had just about three months left with no solution, Sam said something I still remember to this very day.
Well I don't remember it word for word exactly, but I'll paraphrase it. He said:
"You can't see it right now, but there is a solution out there somewhere. Whatever happens, will be the right thing for you. And on July 31, you and I will be sitting right here getting a drink and laughing about this whole experience."
He was right.
On May 1, after 30 days of sadness, I found my solution.
Before I explain this solution, I'll have to give you a quick back-story. I came to the US on a student visa called F1. This visa began on August 29, 2007 and I graduated on June 11, 2011. After I finished my degree, I had to apply for an OPT: Optional Practical Training. This OPT lasts for twelve months, and would allow me to work during that time. The OPT takes three months to process, so I asked for a start date of August 1, 2011. This meant that my OPT would end on July 31, 2012.
This OPT acts as a work permit attached to the student visa. Because this OPT was ending on July 31, I had to find a new visa to continue working in the US.
Or so I thought.
When I had started studying at UCSD, my major was Bioengineering. Students who graduate with engineering degrees are part of STEM: Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math. The STEM program is an additional seventeen month work permit on top of the standard twelve month OPT.
But since I changed my major to Management Science during my sophomore year, I could no longer be a STEM candidate; so when I graduated in 2011, I was informed by the university that twelve months of OPT is all I would get.
However, since the time I had applied for the OPT, STEM made a small change. They added Management Science as a qualified major to their list.
I read this on May 1. For a few minutes, I couldn't believe my luck. Being slightly skeptic, I immediately called the university and my department to confirm.
it was true. I had my answer. I would be able to get an extension on my visa that would allow me to stay in the US and work till December 31, 2012.
But of course, there was a catch.
This STEM extension required me to be employed at all times. I had already decided to quit my job, so this was a pickle. I could either look for a new job, or continue working at a job I no longer felt good about. The entire experience of the H1b visa process with my boss had left the relationship broken. It really didn't make sense to continue working there.
But getting another job was just too risky. So I told my boss I would stay for a few months. The STEM application would take three months to get approved, so it made sense to stay at least until I heard back. Another advantage of applying for the STEM extension was that while the application was pending, it would give me an automatic 180-day work extension beyond July 31. This meant that if SDSU approved my course, I could teach that fall semester which would go from August to December 2012.
So near the end of May 2012, things were looking better.
Firstly, I no longer had to be scared about leaving the country I had spent 5 years in. At least for another six to seven months.
Secondly, I was very close to achieving a goal I couldn't have even imagined a year ago: to teach at a university.
Finally, I realized that not getting the three year work visa with my current company was a good thing. My heart wasn't in it, and I really didn't want to be at that job - or even industry - for another three years.
Up until that point, I had always felt good about life's twists and turns by convincing myself that everything happens for a reason.
What happened on May 31 of the glorious year two thousand and twelve, truly made me a believer that everything does happen for a reason.
A good reason.
Before you move on to the next chapter where I reveal the events of May 31 and beyond, I'd like to address a couple events that are relevant to the contents of this chapter.
In order to do that, I'll have to make a quick time jump.
On June 4, 2012: SDSU approved my course. More on this later.
On July 31, 2012: Sam and I did get that drink and laugh.
Now, let's get back to May 31, 2012.
Written on June 10, 2013
An idea can change the world. Every company, product, film, song - any creative thought - began with an idea. What fascinates me about ideas is their inception. Sure, we can all trace back our idea to the moment it popped in our head. The Aha! moment. But an idea is bigger than the Aha! moment. An idea is built of several components spread across time in the creator's life. The idea - the beginning and the final product - is an application of these components.
Perhaps in the future this book will be used by someone to understand the components and experiences that go into the inception of an idea, so I'd like to spend this chapter on just that topic. Maybe my journey may help you, maybe it won't. But I'm the one telling the story, and since this is a one-sided story, I really can't stop telling it because I do not know whether you like it or not.
Launchora started as just an idea on May 31, 2012. Let's talk about the components of that idea:
G.I. Joe
When I was a kid, I used to love G.I. Joe action figures. I also loved comics and superheroes (Batman is the greatest), but Joes started it all. I had almost all different kinds that were sold, along with their accessories such as cars and guns. Every day after school, I would come home and create stories about the Joes. I don't remember any of the actual stories, but let's just say they involved an evil person with an evil castle (made of books) and the Joes attacked that castle every day and won every time. Sometimes stories were split into parts over several days. That usually happened when I couldn't finish playing and had to do some homework.
Joes helped me create my first story. I never wrote it down, but the experience is imprinted in my memory. Of course, this could be explained as a non-component because every little boy plays with action figures. But to me, now that I look back, making these stories was the best part of my day.
Books
Books came into my life in school. First there was the required summer reading list. I honestly did not enjoy any of them. I don't really remember exactly what I read, but I think there was some David Copperfield and Adventures of Tom Sawyer in the early grades, and stuff like Shakespeare in the higher grades.
My first real book that I actually wanted to read was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. The second was Lord of The Rings. I read both of those because I had just seen the first movie in each franchise and couldn't wait to know the rest of the story. Since LOTR, I have been reading at least one book - fiction and nonfiction - at any given point.
What fascinated me about books was the power of words and how they really can change someone's life, or at least their perspective. Books taught me that everyone on this planet has a unique perspective of how they see the world. What makes writing even more important to our culture is the possibility of not only representing everyone's perspective, but even changing perspectives.
Film & TV
Growing up, I watched every movie I could find - at movie theaters, on TV, or via downloading. IMDb.com was my favorite website as a teenager, and when I found their list of 250 greatest movies of all time, I watched every movie in the list that was available through some format. I loved watching these stories from all over the world, and it was my way of learning about life outside school. I didn't move to America until I was almost 18, and everything I learned about the country is through movies and shows. I don't regret any minute I spent watching movies or TV shows. My friends still think of me as a human IMDb. I continue to watch TV shows on a daily basis, and every Friday is movie night in my family (even though we live on different continents).
Film and Television are where stories become real. What was once simply an idea in the head of a writer, is turned into a production where hundreds and thousands of people are being hired to bring those words to life. I've dreamed of being a part of the film-making business since I was 13. Still dreaming.
Film Minor
During my freshman year at UCSD, while I was still a Bioengineering major, my favorite class was a general education elective called Theater in Film. The class sounded really exciting. We would read a play, and then watch the film adapted from that play. The tests and exams were essays where we compared the film and the play. This class was my first writing experience, and I couldn't believe that education could be so much fun. I got an A on every essay. That class was actually my first A in college.
After I finished that course, I decided I would do a film minor. UCSD had a great selection of courses in the film and writing department, and it really seemed like a fun thing to do while in college.
Writing
Still in my freshman year, I took a course where our final exam was to write a science fiction short story. My story was called Tabula Rasa, and it was my first piece of creative writing. I still have the hard copy, and although it isn't great, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that story.
During my sophomore year, I started taking more film minor classes. First there was Great Performances on Film, which involved watching movies for the performances, discussing them, and then writing papers on them.
Then came Play-writing 101. This was my first experience in play-writing, and was also my last class in the film minor. I gave up the minor to concentrate on my new major, but the writing didn't leave me.
It was during Play-writing 101 that I started writing more stories, although I rarely finished them. I didn't finish them for many reasons - the main reason being this thought: who cares?
May 31, 2012
Play-writing 101 ended in June 2009. It wasn't until almost 3 years later that everything - all the above components - came together to form an idea.
On May 31, 2012, I was on a plane back home to San Diego. I was going through some old folders in my laptop when I came across a folder I hadn't looked at in a couple years. That folder, which is still in my Dropbox, is called "Stories". In this folder I found 4 finished plays, 8 unfinished screenplays, 3 unfinished TV show pilots, and 13 unfinished short stories and novels.
It was on that flight, as I stared at this folder on my laptop screen, that I thought: someone could have cared.
I had started writing to express some ideas and thoughts. I had stopped writing because:
a) I didn't think they were any good
b) I had other things to concentrate on, like getting a degree and a job
c) I didn't think anyone would want to read them
As I thought about the above reasons, I started coming up with answers - in the form of questions - to these "problems":
a) Who am I to say if they are good or not?
b) What if there was a way to pursue writing as a passion while still working on our priorities?
c) What if someone does want to read them?
The answers to the above questions gave me the idea to create an online platform where anyone on this planet could easily share their stories with the world, in the hope that someone, somewhere, might appreciate them.
That answer, became Launchora.
Written on June 11, 2013
The same week I came with the idea of Launchora, I received some good news.
On June 4, 2012, San Diego State University approved my course. Starting August 30, I would be teaching my own 3-unit course on Investment Banking. The school offered me the position of Adjunct Lecturer. Adjunct formally means "not tenure" or "not full-time", but informally means "pro bono". I was completely okay with not getting paid, mostly because it was my own suggestion.
I knew the university was more likely to approve the course if it didn't cost them a salary. Also, education was not a job for me. if it was up to me, all college education would be free. If people didn't charge to teach, schools would be much cheaper. Of course these people will ideally be the ones who have careers in the field they are teaching, and would probably be honored to share their knowledge with students for free.
I know it sounds impractical, but this belief is what I wanted to be the foundation of Let Us Teach Us (which I was still hoping to work on in the future).
Also, in case you were wondering why I didn't get SDSU to get me a visa since I will be working for them, here's why:
A) I didn't ask them because it would only go against my course's approval (since a visa requirement raises red flags)
B) The university only offers visas to research and tenured professors - I was neither
The day of my first class was August 30. This experience was quite different from the first lecture at UCSD (back in March 2011).
Firstly, I had more authority here. I was officially a lecturer (I’d love to call myself a professor like my students do, but I’m technically not supposed to, so I won’t), and not a student teaching other students.
Secondly, the class size was more manageable. At UCSD, there were almost 300 students (although by the last class it was more around 75-100). At SDSU, 32.
And finally, I was extremely over-prepared since in this class I not only had to make exams, but I was also responsible for the learning and grading of 32 business school students, most of whom were in their senior year.
I was 22 back then, and to this day (which is June 11, 2013), I am not sure if my students in that class were aware of my age. I'm also not sure if them knowing my age would work for me or against me. From my point of view, I received a lot of respect from them, which only made me feel older.
This is besides the fact that some people (random strangers, colleagues, etc) already thought I was in my late twenties.
My class was scheduled for Thursdays from 4.00pm to 6.40pm. When I had started, I hadn't anticipated how much work it would be. Making the lecture slides took my entire weekend. I was still at my job, working the same amount of hours, which made Thursdays even harder since I had to work remotely before and after the class.
I have (probably) stated this before, but I'll say it again: I have a tendency to only be passionate about one thing at a time. I thought I would be able to continue working and teaching, but teaching was winning in importance. On top of that I had the dream of Launchora in my head every night, and I knew I had to give up something.
Out of three priorities: the job, the teaching, and the idea, I gave up the only one that paid.
On September 12, 2012, I quit my job.
I decided to dedicate my entire time to building Launchora and teaching. I told my parents that this is what I wanted to do, and while they were skeptical about the whole no income aspect of my life, they supported me completely.
Now for an American citizen, quitting a job is easy. You quit, and then you go get a drink or something.
For an immigrant on a visa, quitting is the last thing you want to do. If you quit, and you don't find a new job, you're basically out. Bye bye. Thanks for all the taxes.
Luckily I had already received the STEM extension on my visa, but since I was quitting my job, I needed to replace my employer in order to comply with immigration regulations.
And just like how individual letters combine to create a word, all of 2012 and its many, many, many issues and experiences led me to the fateful day of September 19, 2012: the day I turned 23.
And, more importantly, the day Launchora was born.
Written on June 11, 2013
I was born on September 19, 1989. I would like to say that it was the first day in my "Most Important Days of my Life" list. That one is unquestionably #1 on the list.
23 years later to the exact date was September 19, 2012 - my 23rd birthday. This was the day I gave my life to an idea.
This day is unquestionably #2 on the "Most Important Days of my Life" list.
#1 and #2 are 23 years apart. I hope #3 doesn't take this long.
So on September 18 (2012), my parents arrived in San Diego. The last time I saw them before this was January (2012). Over the summer I had been talking to my parents about the career and life decisions I had been struggling with, on top of the visa-related stress, so they decided to come spend my birthday with me in San Diego.
Leave it to your parents to know what you need before you do.
Mom and Dad, if you're reading this, first I should apologize for being so candid about my life. If it helps, you've only made my life easier everyday. Everything i am doing, and will continue to do in the future, is to make you proud. I love you more than I love my ambition (that means I love you the most, but you already knew that).
I'm glad my parents got here in time. The next day wouldn't have been easy for me if I didn't have their emotional and physical support.
This next day was a big deal. My parents have always tried to be with me on every birthday in some way. Before I came to the US back in 2007, I spent every birthday with my parents. We had a 17 year record of celebrating my birth. But it was my 18th birthday that required me to be in San Diego since school was starting. My parents wanted to be with me, but I was insensitive and said that I wanted to go to America alone.
I was a better son for my next birthday. Since UCSD classes start in late September, I was able to spend my 19th birthday with my parents and extended family. I stayed in India till my birthday, and flew to San Diego the next day.
The 20th birthday was supposed to be the same, except in another location. My sister was moving to Edinburgh (Scotland) in August 2009 to pursue a masters degree in interior and architectural design, which meant she wouldn't be present for my birthday in India. Since we're a close family, we decided that I would make a stop in Scotland before I fly to school in San Diego, and my parents would join my sister and I for my birthday. Because of unforeseen circumstances, my parents didn't get the chance to meet us in Scotland, but I know they felt good about the final result since I got to spend my 20th birthday with my sister in Scotland.
I got to spend my 21st birthday twice. Since I was staying New Delhi for the whole summer (because of an internship), I got to have a family party for my 21st on the day of. The next day, I flew back to San Diego for my senior year, and then a couple days later I flew to Las Vegas to have a 21st birthday bash with a bunch of close friends.
22 was a much more sober event. Having graduated just a couple months before, I was working on my birthday. The day went by uneventful and without family presence, but I had a few close friends to make it fun.
That brings us back to the big Two-Three. Probably the last birthday I had for myself.
Might I remind you, this was the day I chose to officially put ink to paper on the birth of Launchora.
Until this day, all my birthdays had been about me and the celebration of my life. But on this fateful day, I found myself making the most unselfish (or what some consider the most egotistical) decision of my life so far. The actual event of signing away my life to a purpose was as easy as signing a couple pieces of paper.
I knew that this was a big decision. I didn't plan on taking it lightly. By linking my birthday to my first company's birthday, I was sealing our lives together. Till the end of my time, and maybe beyond, September 19th would be remembered as the birth of a great idea.
Ever since then I've been trying to turn that great idea into a great company.
The greatness of this idea is measured by my own personal opinion. I'm not going to be modest about it - I really believe Launchora is a great idea. I wouldn't make the choices I have made or take the risks I have taken if I didn't believe in it.
This September 19 (2013) will be the first anniversary of this company. And I am more worried about its well being than turning 24.
This day will also mark what could possibly be the 50% mark of this book.
Do I wish I had more to show up for it? Yes, very much so. From what it looks like, we won't be able to launch until December.
But I'm okay with that. I have worked hard to get till here, and I'm no way near giving up.
That's the funny thing. I started this company on my birthday so I wouldn't ever be inclined to give up. I locked up my happiness and my fate to this mutual date so I would have a reason to celebrate it every year.
Luckily we're still a couple months away. Lets find out what happens till then.
I hope...
...well, I just hope.
Written on June 12, 2013
Decisions are choices, sure. I always assumed that as something we should already have realized. But it wasn't until I was about 20 that I realized that I had been making decisions very easily. After pondering that occurrence for a few months, I came to a eureka moment: I was making decisions easily because of the limited amount of information in front of me.
When we're really, really young, our data set is so small, that we aren't really capable of making our own decisions. That's probably because just like language, we haven't even gotten to the chapter of being aware that we are individuals who have the capability of making our own decisions.
As we get older, our data set increases, and so does the time to compute the information. The older we get, the harder it gets to make a decision. There are so many variables and outcomes to think of that we find ourselves more and more confused as we enter our 20's. The decision I made about my life at 18 took much less time as it did when I was 21.
As a kid, I did what came easiest: let my parents make all decisions for me.
Finally, there came a point where I started seeing how I had choices. I didn't have to do as my parents said. This wasn't a self-realization. It happened when statements and orders became questions and suggestions. My parents figured out before I did that maybe I'm ready to make my own decisions for some things.
Circular Reference
The first category I took charge of was really simple: food.
Once I knew I didn't have to eat what my parents wanted me to, I stood my ground and started disliking almost everything that was cooked at home. Why did I choose to rebel rather than compromise or even counter-offer? I'm not sure. This was my first time making decisions and choices, so I chose to test the depth of the pool by jumping right in.
It wasn't that I wasn't happy with what my parents wanted me to do. I really was happy with their choices for me. They had known me longer than I did, so in terms of seniority, they win. If I'm going to trust anyone to make decisions for me, it will be my parents.
Where I did get confused was thinking that their choices for me were what they wanted for me. They never pressured me to do anything if I didn't want to do it. But since I wasn't really into making decisions, I went with the flow and did whatever I figured they wanted me to do. I made their wants for me my goals, not seeing that they are assuming that I want them.
So, in short, I did what I thought my parents wanted me to do while they went along thinking it was what I wanted. I was making a choice based on the information that my choices were giving to my parents. In analyst terms, this is called a circular reference.
Basically, when a variable depends on its own answer, you're in a circular reference.
One way to fix a circular reference is to break the link. Let one scenario happen, and then use at the answer. Note it down, and then repeat.
But I didn't even know what a circular reference was until I was 20, so I just let it happen.
I wouldn't call that miscommunication. It was simply wishful thinking for each other's sake. I did what I assumed they would want me to do, and they assumed that what I was doing was what I wanted. Simple problem to figure out, but the hard part is to see the problem itself.
Education in the time of India
A popular assumption about Indians is that we are raised to be doctors or engineers. That every household pressurizes their kids to come first in their class so they can get into medical or engineering schools.
The assumption isn't wrong. I have seen enough people growing up to turn this assumption into theory into fact.
Education is India is very much based on the philosophy of "the ends justify the means". Every class is not a lesson, but a session. Learning what you're being taught is optional, testing what you learned is mandatory. Everything is a competition, and if you place anywhere below the top 5, you're surely not meant for the big leagues.
Since I started teaching, I have tried my best to understand where it all went wrong. Who decided to make education a competition? What caused the urgency to become someone well versed in an entire subject by the age of 22? When did we decide to stop making well-educated individuals and instead chose to manufacture well-trained drones?
We can't blame just the teachers. We can't blame just the students. We can't blame just the parents. We can't blame just the schools and institutions. We can't blame just the governments. We can't blame just the job market.
Education and the stock market have one very important problem in common: assuming history will repeat itself.
In finance, one of the first things you learn is that the stock market is random. This theory is known as the Random Walk hypothesis. This hypothesis states that stock market prices evolve to a random walk and thus cannot be predicted.
Simply put, if you wish to make money in the stock market, looking at the past will not help you predict the future.
Now, of course, this is simply a "theory". There are many who have tried, and possibly accomplished, to disprove this theory. What is very interesting about this fight of random versus predictable is that we seldom notice that even while trying to state this theory, we are simply using the past to make our conclusions. History shows that the stock market can't be predicted, so it must be true.
So what is the stock market in "practice"? The best answer to a question that will not be properly be answered until the end of time or the end of the stock market, whichever comes after.
In my personal opinion, there is another reason that might disprove this theory, or at least prove as a notable exception. Exceptions, of course, are to science what the number "Zero" is to mathematics. If you can't explain why something can't be explained by your current data set, call it an exception and you're good for a while.
This exception to the random walk hypothesis in finance is simple: human error.
The market knows it is random. The market knows it can't be predicted. The market knows that history can't be repeated exactly as it happened.
It is the human beings running the corporate world that can be predicted to repeat history. Unfortunately, they seem to repeat the bad outcomes more often than the good outcomes.
Anyway, I'll stop the finance lectures. What I am really trying to say is that this Random Walk hypothesis is the closest thing we have to a fact in the finance world. Sadly, it is ignored because the market's best outcomes come out of exceptions. And money is made in exceptions, not in theories.
In education, we do something similar. We assume that what worked in the past will work in the future too. We let the facts become reasons. We look at individuals who are successful and have "made it", and turn their long and twist-heavy careers into a fact sheet called a resume. We look at their jobs. We look at their education. We look at their extra curricular work. And once we have enough resumes to make a data set, we combine into a report showing statistics. These statistics are then used by universities to show what an education at their school has led to. Students and their parents then read these statistics and mistake the past for a possible future.
What is beautifully fucked up about the education industry is that it is an investment that does not guarantee a return.
We do this everyday. And we know we are doing this. Our intentions are not wrong. We want to have great careers and lives. We want to feel fulfillment and happiness. And most of us know that in order to get to the top we need a ladder. Not everyone can afford elevators.
What we are doing wrong is forgetting that we know that the future can't be predicted. We forget that the stock market is random. And the very act of ignoring these facts leads to exceptions.
Facts cannot teach you the reasons why something happens. Facts can simply show you what happened or didn't happen.
When I started college, I thought - like most eager-to-reach-the-top students - if I get a good education, if I get a good job, I'll have a good chance of becoming rich and successful.
I was wrong. My goal was wrong. Because I wanted to be rich and successful, I was backtracking from that goal to what I should do today.
What I did then, is what we see happen in our educational institutions everyday.
We take classes we think will be interesting. We go to these classes to learn something we are interested in.
After that first day, we get derailed.
What we learn in a course is proven by how well we do in exams. The grades of those exams will determine our GPA. Our GPA will determine what job interview we get or what graduate school we go to. What job or graduate degree we get will determine if we'll get where we want to in the future.
Because we don't want to mess our future, we change our learning process. We started the course with the intention of learning what we want, but end up learning what we need.
An average college student has 4 classes per semester. All midterms and final exams are mostly in the same week. The time to study for each exam is limited and fixed. Since there is a time limit on learning, we only learn what we think is most important. Because we only want to learn what is important, we want our teachers to tell us what is mostly likely to be on the exam. Because our teachers want to get results, they actually might tell us what we should study.
'Should and 'need' beat out 'could' and 'want' to a pulp every exam week.
There is a Indian film called 3 Idiots, directed by Rajkumar Hirani. If you watch the film, you'll see everything that is wrong with education in India, and you might see something similar in your own country.
There is a great line in the film (in Hindi, but I'm paraphrasing it below in English) that shows the potential of education, something only exceptions, in the form of students or teachers or schools have proven:
"Don't chase success. Aim for excellence, and success will chase you down."
If we can somehow help our students and teachers and schools rekindle the above thought - something we all believe is true and was the reason we wanted to learn - we might be able to predict our own futures.
I saw that film on the Christmas weekend in 2009. About nine months before, in March 2009, I made the first of many important decisions that led to my current career.
I started by college education in September 2007 at UC San Diego as a Bioengineering major. I had chosen that major because I thought becoming an engineer by choice would be honorable. And because I really looked up to my cousin and he suggested it was a field with a strong and innovative future. And because I wanted to make my parents proud. Also, UC San Diego was, and is, in the top 3 universities in the US for Bioengineering, so it was a big deal.
I stayed on that path for almost two years.
The Auto Pilot
Being a student is a voluntary limbo. You know your first priority is to stay in school and go to class and get good grades. Everything else - careers, jobs, relationships - can wait.
College, from the outside, seemed like a 4 year long commute from a 17 year old happy kid to a 21 year old "you-better-become-something-great" person. It’s a great journey, which comes with a pretty awesome safety net: being a student. When we're learning, we have the best excuse to not be doing.
It’s because most of us treat college like a great cruise vacation that when we actually reach our destination - adulthood - we are not sure how to exist on land anymore. We were different people when we climbed aboard, and developed a lot of metaphorical layers over our personality, but now that we're back, it’s like we have to justify who we are now to the rest of the world. Are we worth hiring? Are we worth dating? Are we worth knowing?
I had to study a lot to get through my 12th grade exams in India, so when I graduated high school and came to San Diego to start college, I knew I didn't want to work too hard. Even though my exams had ended in April, and I moved to San Diego in August, I was still tired. 12th grade in India is tough, or was tough when I was there. You had to study every day and all year round. It was gruesome, but I loved it (now, not so much during). It was a great experience, and it really was rewarding. I had always been a good student, so studying was welcome when needed.
In late August 2007, when I reached San Diego, I began my auto-pilot mode. It wasn't a conscious decision at the time, but is a realization now. I knew that I didn't want to over-stress my college life. I had worked hard in school to get here, and this was my first time living alone, and that too in a foreign country. I didn't plan any of the things I wanted to do that year. Nothing. I was ready to give up control of the wheel and let life guide me for the next four years. I just let things happen as they did, trying to make the least amount of decisions possible, and staying clear of metaphorical icebergs.
Freshmen year was 100% auto-pilot. I lived vicariously as some would say. I was 18, in a new world, studying the same stuff I did for 12th grade in India (translation: didn't really have to study), and completely care-free. I made friends easily, and did anything impulsive. It really was a great year.
However, there is one huge disadvantage to auto-pilot mode: a change of course.
That change of course occurred during February to March 2009. That was the last time I lived without direction.
Maybe a good way to describe that period is this: imagine that your life is a horizontal scale. The scale has two ends. Either ends doesn't mean good or bad, or moral or immoral. They are just two ends representing your approach to living life. Now imagine that for the first 19 years of your life, you lived on one end. And then, one day, you find yourself completely displaced and now living on the other end of the scale.
That's what they change of course did to me.
Here's a more fun explanation that might make sense to some of you - those of you who are "Doctor Who" fans. I am a fan, obviously.
During my sophomore year of college, I regenerated. Specifically, I went from the First Lakshya to the Second Lakshya. I still had the same memories and knowledge, but I had a new life and personality.
To those of you who aren't Doctor Who fans, I'm sorry the Doctor hasn't changed your life yet. I highly recommend the years of the Eleventh Doctor (Matt Smith). I loved the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant) as well, but Matt Smith's Doctor was the first Doctor I met, so I am biased and somewhat loyal.
Now for the people who already were fans of Doctor Who, and for those that just became fans, my transformation in my sophomore year of college was similar to what happened at the end of The End of Time.
That's all I'll say about Doctor Who.
Spoilers!: I haven't read the rest of this book but I can say that Doctor Who is probably mentioned again.
Decision #1
In March 2009, I changed my major from Bioengineering to Management Science. The decision was not easy. I was extremely scared about what I was going to do with either major. But I knew that what I was doing wasn't it. I was very upset with the fact that I was admitting defeat in a way. My parents had sent me to another country at a huge cost to them so I could become an educated person with a good and productive career in the sciences. But If I had learned anything in the past couple years, it was what I didn't want to do.
This was the first decision I made that could possibly break the link that was causing the circular reference. I saw that I was doing something my parents wanted me to do. But they didn't. They just wanted me to do something good with my life. Something respectful. Something important. Something that made me happy.
I didn't realize this until I told them that I wanted to quit Bioengineering. This was the first time I had quit something. Until then I thought that quitting was bad. That leaving something unfinished was irresponsible.
And, as a future business lesson, if this turns about to be marketed as a business book, I learned that a bad investment will always be a bad investment. Get out when you can, and save your future-self some time and money.
All my parents wanted to know about my decision was if I was sure. Once I said I was, the circular reference was broken. I had grown up enough to let myself free from letting someone else make decisions for me. I was no longer scared of being in control, although having control brought its own fears. But those fears weren't of trying, but fears of not reaching my potential.
So I switched my major and looked at my future: a blank slate.
Decision #2
I made several decisions after Decision #1, but in terms of importance and relevance, there is a Decision #2 that happened in 2012.
I have already talked about what happened in 2012. The visa. The uncertainty. The idea. The vision.
But deciding if I should indeed quit a career-in-progress to another road - to break from pattern and relative safety - was it's own process.
There is something exciting about new things. We don't know how they will affect or change or improve our life until they happen to us. What we do know, before we decide to go after them, is that they are new. Just seeing them become clearer and clearer before our eyes ends up justifying the decision to go after them.
The 'road less traveled' is less traveled for many reasons. Here are a few common ones:
1) Some people are just not interested in finding new ways to their destination. They just want to get there.
2) Some want to save time by choosing a route they know. After all, just because you decide to not use a GPS doesn't mean you'll find a shorter way. The odds are most probably against you.
3) Some assume that everyone before them has probably found all the possible routes to their destination. By wasting their time to find a new way, they might fall behind everyone else.
4) Some don't care about the time it takes to get there. All they want is maximum possible safety/security/guarantee that they will get there.
5) Some see the forest for the trees. The most traveled road is a part of their or a higher authority's plan.
If you saw the above reasons for what they were, you have probably seen the reasons within for why some people chose the road less traveled.
Because, if they did, they might get to be the exception. Here are some reasons for that occurrence:
1) Some want to be the one who found a new way.
2) Some want to be the one who tried so others wouldn't feel afraid to try new ways.
3) Some believe they have to do it because they see no other choice.
4) Some realize that the destination they see on the more travelled road isn't their destination.
I made the decision on September 19, 2012. Today is June 12, 2013. In these past nine months, I have found myself in at least one of the above groups. Most recently, I saw myself in Group 4.
In almost all job interviews, there is one common question: where do you see yourself in X years?
I chose my first career (Bioengineering), because I wanted to know that answer.
I chose my second career (finance), because I saw a better destination with a better answer.
I chose my third career (entrepreneurship), because I didn't want to know the answer.
I made the decision to stop working and begin creating. To stop preparing and begin doing. To stop learning and begin trying.
In order to begin this new career, I had to erase the board of all possible endings for my life. I wanted to stop knowing where I'll be in 5, 10, or even 20 years.
I started thinking of this decision out of necessity. A lot of doors were closing on my second career. I knew what I wanted, and I knew my destination. I could have stayed on course and gone through that career. And it probably would have gone well.
But seeing an entire lifetime disinterested me. I no longer wanted it. Not because I wanted to chase the thrills of not knowing, but because I wanted to exceed my current potential.
I saw that I wasn't a person who was interested in destinations. Especially not the final destination (learning that I am, in fact, mortal). Maybe I do equate seeing the destination to death. Maybe this is because I watch too many Woody Allen movies and see a little bit of his personality in me. Maybe I too will work till I fall down so I don't have to think about the inevitable fall. I don't know what I'll believe in when I get to be his age, but as of right now, I certainly believe in working forever.
I do know what I am interested in as a substitute to destinations: milestones. I want an A to B path where as soon as I get near B, it's pushed further away from me so that I am always innovating in some way.
Of course, the idea has to happen first. If you don't have an idea, you can't quit everything to pursue it.
And once the idea happened, the decision became easier. Still extremely risky, and not without its doubts and insecurities.
I don't know how other people made this similar decision, but at 22 years old, this was a very risky investment. I had to know that the information I already had was enough to pull this off. I had to be ready to adapt to negative outcomes. Sure there is something romantic about not knowing exactly where you'll end up. But the biggest drawback of quitting a path is that the next one isn't guaranteed to be better. Just because you are hoping to be the exception doesn't affect your chances. Many people say that just deciding to do something changes everything and brings you closer to accomplishing your goals. But what they don't quite often mention is that once you jump off this cliff, you won't know whether you made the right decision until you reach the bottom.
What I do know:
1) This path feels better than any previous path.
2) The distance I have to travel isn't as important as what I accomplish with it.
3) The time it takes to reach my next milestone is irrelevant, but only once I reach it. Until then, everything is scheduled into the ASAP category.
4) Once you take that leap of faith, you'll know that no other path would have satisfied you.
5) If I fail to reach the next milestone, I'll have accomplished and/or learned enough to reevaluate and reroute to a new milestone.
The Quarter Life Goal
Since I have spoken of milestones, I think now I am ready to share with you my next big milestone.
When I started Launchora on my 23rd birthday, I set up a goal for myself with a time limit.
I told myself I had to become a millionaire by the time I turn 25. I had exactly two years, a great idea, and my parents' support.
Since you have read enough of my musings so far, you must know that this isn't about the money.
What this milestone represents is a career-based goal measured in monetary terms. I knew Launchora was a great idea, and I was giving myself two years to create some value out of that idea. If Launchora succeeds, I succeed. So I set up this millionaire goal as a mirror-goal: if I am worth a million dollars by the time I'm 25, then that means that Launchora is worth much more.
Full disclosure: I wrote the above in June 2013, so I have about 15 months left till I turn 25. Am I a millionaire?
The answer is: not yet.
Does it trouble me to not be much closer to my goal? of course it does. But this goal is nothing without Launchora. And Launchora is still in progress. The only way I don't accomplish this is if Launchora fails or it takes too long and I don't quite make it by September 19, 2014. If the former happens, I'll reevaluate and think of the next milestone, the next goal. If the latter happens, I'll probably legally change by birthday to the day I accomplish the goal.
Either way, this worry of not making it is self-induced. I created this goal. No one challenged me to do it. No one told me to do it. No one forced me to do it. The worry of not making it is dwarfed by the excitement of trying to make it. Just because I don't know whether I'll reach this goal doesn't mean it is impossible.
When people hear me mention this goal, some find it ambitious, and some find it foolish. The reasons they think either way is embedded in the two variables in the goal:
1) That I wish to become a millionaire
2) That I wish to become one by the time I turn 25
People can look at the above goals and then make their judgements about whether it is ambitious or foolish.
As much as I prefer to be seen as ambitious, it isn't the reason I set this goal or chose to share it with people. The reasons I chose to set this goal is a combination of the following:
1) To not limit my potential, but still limit it to a half-crazy and half-realistic level (it would be slightly crazier to say I want to become a billionaire by next week).
2) To challenge the idea of goal setting itself by letting it be ambitious and foolish at the same time.
3) To hopefully show others that anything is possible if you question the basic assumptions of failure.
4) To be the guy who committed to something by writing it in a book without knowing if he'll get there.
5) To see if I can turn an idea into a multi-million dollar company in less than 2 years.
Yes, this is a dream. Yes, it is unrealistic by most standards. But if we dream realistically, is it still a dream?
As hard as I am trying to make it, I can't tell you if I'll really make it. I don't like thinking about odds, so I'll just say there's a 50-50 chance of this happening.
What I can say with all surety and confidence is this:
No matter what happens on September 19, 2014…
…on September 20, 2014, I will be working on my next milestone.
Written on June 20, 2013
Being young is complicated. The younger we are, the more potential we have. The 10-year-old-me had a lot more opportunities and possible futures than the 23-year-old me. A time we don't get to or choose to live has infinite possibilities. In those theoretically infinite possibilities, variations are very little, but there is tremendous power.
Wait. That topic clearly has its own purpose.
That's right. It's time for a Doctor Who reference.
Remember the 'Weeping Angels'? You don't have to Google it, I'll still mention it a little here. The Weeping Angels are a Doctor Who villain. They look just like a normal angel statue (if that's a normal thing). But there's a twist. They are actually an alien race that feeds on time.
Isn't that interesting? I hope you're a little intrigued. Because the Weeping Angels are the creation of Stephen Moffat - the eccentric mind behind Doctor Who (The Eleventh Doctor) and Sherlock.
The cool thing about these Weeping Angels is that they aren't really statues. They can move.
The trick is - they can only move when no one is looking at them.
It's like that statue game you played as a kid, the only difference being is that someone is born with that condition in the Doctor Who world.
Interesting, isn't it?
Well I won't divulge too much about the Weeping Angels. You should really watch Doctor Who if you want to know more.
What I did mean to bring up is how they eat. The Weeping Angels feed off on time not lived. When they come in contact with another living being, they send that person back into the past and feed off the time and infinite possibilities that this person could have lived.
That brings me back to the point of doubt. I chose to make a lot of decisions in my life so far that really shouldn't be considered at this point.
The first was teaching. The second was entrepreneur-ing. And I hope I can live off the excitement from those two for a while.
There really wasn't a push for me to do these things. I just wanted to. Mostly because I didn't want to live a future that I could predict. A decent job. A as-expected or deserved climb up the corporate ladder. A six figure salary. If I could see that happening to my future self, I would change the direction. Bye-bye boring and predictable and life-already-lived future-me!
What I do enjoy and believe is that life really excels at being a great pass time if it is unpredictable.
So I chose the lesser chosen path.
And along with those paths came constant and periodic doubts. Doubts about whether it was the right decision. Doubts about whether it was worth it or if it will be worth it. Doubts about whether it is a good path.
What I did learn is that I was born into a family of risk takers. My parents must have done something right if I am this eager to succeed?
They inspire me beyond the FDA-appoved dosage count. And knowing that they trust me and believe in me takes away a major portion of the unsystematic risk in any investment of time or money I made or will make in the future.
I still don't know if my risk of giving up a traditional career to work on my own company will pay off. But I wouldn't want to know the result before it has to happen. Where is the fun in that? I've worked hard to reach this place in my life where I am close, but not just there yet. Launchora will happen, I know that.
Whether it will make a difference, I don't know.
But I do know that a 23-year-old-me has more potential and can achieve more with this idea than a 25-year-old-me.
That realization - or assumption - is more than enough to simmer down the doubts when they do come.
Written on June 26, 2013
On March 2, 2013, I was supposed to speak on a panel for careers in finance at UC San Diego. The event, titled "UIS and FPN's Financial Horizons Conference", was for the first time being sponsored by my organization, the Financial Professionals Network (FPN).
I was excited, but a day before the event, I had a terrible cold and fever. I dread getting sick before important events, but find myself getting sick only before important events in my life. So of course I got sick before this one as well.
My friend Nader, whom you may remember from chapter 8 ("Mr. President"), was back in San Diego for the first time since his graduation in summer 2010. On the day of the event, around 8 AM, Nader called me asking where I was, since we were supposed to be there at 7.30 AM.
Since I was sick, I decided to sleep in until someone called me to get there. So when Nader called, I got ready, and within the hour I was at UCSD.
Nader wasn't the only friend and alum in town. A couple other FPN alumni were there as well, and it was great to see them again. We attended the opening keynote, and then separated to catch up. Nader and I were supposed to be at a panel at 11 AM. The time was probably 10 AM, so we decided to get a drink.
I was on advil, which is a mild fever reducer. I get very unsocial and cranky when I'm sick, so I figured alcohol would only help me get back in form. We got a couple beers before our panel and chatted. I told Nader about Launchora, and after a good conversation, he agreed to invest some of his savings into the company.
I was ecstatic. Just a couple days before this event another friend, Tristan (my champagne spit buddy from the chapter "Late Night"), had agreed to invest into Launchora as well. Tristan and Nader were the first non-family investors into Launchora, so I was finally getting some outside doses of confidence in my idea and ambition.
When I had arrived on campus, I had parked my car in the parking structure near the conference halls, and had no intention of driving until later that night, if at all. I knew there was a reception with drinks later in the evening, and I assumed we would all be drinking casually in the name of catching up and networking.
That was a small disclaimer for what was going to happen later that night.
We get to the panel, and I am in strong need of another advil. I hate being sick, especially when I am sitting on a panel facing about 80-100 students. I had become very secluded sitting at home working on Launchora, and these events where I get to escape and regroup my mind's forces are a much desired vacation.
I took the advil(s), and was at my best during the panel. I was talking to students just a couple years, if at all, younger than me, sitting in a room I took classes in, and later taught in, just two years ago.
After the panel, the panelists and I got together at the campus sports bar to grab another couple beers. I didn't feel a buzz at all, mostly because I had a lot of adrenaline, and advil, distracting my inhibitions to feel drunk. And 4 beers over 4 hours is hardly worth a buzz. Might I add these were no ordinary beers - they were world class San Diego brewed Stone IPA's. A wink to the makers at Stone Brewery for creating this beer which would be my friend and savior on several occasions.
From the bar, we headed off to the reception, which wasn't supposed to start till about 4 PM. We hung around campus for a bit, and reached the reception around 3.30 PM. This reception is very much for the in-crowd of the conference. Only the organizers - in this case UIS and FPN - and the alumni invited are amongst the invitees. We all got together for some wine, beer, and cheese et al. I stuck to wine in this instance since my throat wasn't doing all that well, so I let the beer take a break.
After a couple hours of fun and games and wine binging, some of the alumni decided to get dinner at one of the best restaurants in town. We decided to meet there around 8 something, so Nader and I headed out with one of our close friends to his apartment. There was a shot of tequila involved, and eventually we ended up at the restaurant.
I was very happy by how things were turning out, not just for the new investment coming into Launchora, but because I was back together with some good friends who I didn't see much. I knew by this time that I had had enough to drink, and was probably in for some more, so I decided to stay the night at the friend's place and pick up my car the next morning.
After the dinner, Nader and Niema (the friend I mentioned) got a text from one of their college buddies that they were having a party at a nearby restaurant. For reasons I can't really state here, we decided to take two cars there since Nader might be needing one. At this point, I was not drunk by my own evaluation, so I decided to take my car. All of this was happening within a 5 mile radius, so I wasn't afraid of any trouble. I consider myself a good driver, and have never felt drunk enough to not feel like I can drive.
I must state now that even though I do not regret taking my car that night, it was a bad idea.
We got to the restaurant where the friends of N&N were getting together. We stayed there for a while, and some saki bombs were involved.
I can't recall the time that well, since this was almost 4 months ago (as I write this it is 1.45 AM on June 26, 2013). I think around midnight Niema and I decided to leave this party and head over to meet some other alumni from the conference at another bar nearby. I drove, feeling perfectly normal. I had assumed this next place was the last stop, and decided not to drink anymore. I realized that it was Saturday night, and even though we weren't in police prone areas such as downtown San Diego or Pacific Beach, it was better to be safe and not drink further.
We get to the next bar, and meet up with our friends. Everyone at this bar except Niema and I were from out of town, so the drinks were flowing. A friend ordered a beer for me, and I kept it the entire time, just sipping it like a pro who knows he won't be finishing the drink.
At this point I should mention that my assumption - that this spot with be the last stop for the night - was proved wrong.
There were about 6 or 7 of us, and only two cars including mine. Someone suggested the idea of going to a strip club on the other side of town, and I agreed to join and drive.
Now by this point you may begin to judge my actions, and you have every right to. I actually encourage you to judge me because I really shouldn't have done it. But I was, and still am, a 23 year old hanging out with some friends who I rarely see. This conference was a once in a year event, and at that time I really was a secluded kid sitting at home working on a startup. I intentionally chose not to go out too much, minor-ly to save money and majority-ly to avoid social gatherings that would distract my process.
So call it a bro thing. Or call it peer pressure. But I did what I did.
I should also tell you that I had no interest in going to a strip club in San Diego. I have no interest in the idea of a strip club. I am a guy, and sure I am not one to judge the women who work or men to go to a strip club. I simply - personally - have no interest in going to one. Before this night I had been to a strip club in Las Vegas on my 21st birthday with some friends, but that one can be written off as a just-turned-21 thing. An isolated event, if I must make an excuse for it.
So I had no interest in actually getting involved in the processes and events that happen at this strip club that night of March 2, 2013.
We get there, and I am simply checking out my surroundings. I didn't get a drink, nor did I get tempted to try the hookahs they were serving. I am a big fan of hookahs, but the idea of a hookah and smoking it at a strip club very close to the Mexican border didn't sound appealing to me.
After some time, we leave the club. The time by now is probably 3 AM. I get in the car, completely normal and sober, although my fever was back and I was sleepy, to drive two of my friends back to their hotel.
Now, if you started this chapter and read the title "Twelve Hours", or paid attention to some of my disclaimers or explanations or excuses along the way, you may have an idea of what happens next.
One of the friends in my car suggested picking up some mexican food at a 24-hour drive thru. It was on the way, so I had no problem doing so. I hadn't eaten since about 9 PM, and felt a decent amount of hunger.
This club was in a part of San Diego County I had never had the urge or reason to visit before, so I was using my Google maps app on my iPhone. Due to taking these directions, I almost took a wrong exit when we were trying to get to the mexican restaurant. The action that I made was this: I turned the blinker on for right, and started moving my car towards the exit lane. However, since it was not the exit I was supposed to take, I swerved the car back into the lane. I used the blinker again, but this whole action took place within 3 seconds.
And that is when I heard the sirens.
I pulled over, not panicking, although I dreaded the possibility of what might happen, mostly because the rational part of my being, which is what I turn to for most hours out of a day, was saying that the probability of me getting in trouble was excruciatingly high.
When I stepped out of my car at the request of the police officer, I was fairly certain it wouldn't be a problem. I did not at all feel drunk. Definitely not at a level I should stop driving at. But i feared the rules of the law that were about to be figuratively impaled into my soul.
There were some questions about why and what we were doing on the road at almost 4 AM in the morning. There were some questions about what I did for a living.
They did not believe I was a 23-year-old professor.
And then there were those awful, meant-to-defy-you tests.
I am not going to justify whether I did well on those tests or not. I believe I did, but the law thought differently and it has the authority and moral-higher-ground to do so.
I was handcuffed and put in the back of the police car. My friends were forced to wait for a ride from Nader.
My first thought when I was put into the back of that car - and I am being very honest - was:
I was just handcuffed and put into the back of a police car in America, and this feeling, of having handcuffs around my hands - which are now for some reason behind my back, somewhere they are not used to being - is something I wish to freeze into my memory so that this never ever happens again. But besides the fact that this night just took a very, very dark turn, this is sort of exciting in a bleak fashion. I never thought being in handcuffs was a weird, it's-okay-if-I-never-experience-it bucket list item. But now that it has happened, let's accept this situation and come out strong. It has happened. It just happened. And now some other events will unfold which were not planned or anticipated. So close your mind, and open your mind's pencil, because whatever happens from now on will be built upon this experience.
I almost didn't write this chapter. Not because I am ashamed. I am not ashamed. I take responsibility. And this isn't one of those things that I want to say so you might find the law or justice system to be unfair. My personal feelings about my experience are my own, and in no way should they be duplicated or transplanted.
I almost didn't write this chapter because I don't like to share experiences which hinder my quest for becoming a good person who contributes to the world. I am ashamed for having a notch on my belt which I would have preferred to not have. I am not mad at myself, just disappointed.
But it did happen. And now that it has happened, I wish to own it, because it is a part of my growth as a person. It is a part of my personality and everything I chose to do since.
I don't think people change. I do think people grow on a new, fresh layer made of personality and experience every day. And this is one of those layers. Hopefully, in my life and career, I will be able to grow enough that this particular layer doesn't haunt my path.
So, after the journey in the back seat with handcuffs, we arrived at the central jail in downtown San Diego. I hadn't had the time to write down any phone numbers of my friends who I was with that night, so the officer said they would let me access my phone before I was put in the cell.
They didn't.
After my belongings were taken - including my phone, wallet, and watch - and after the only-seen-on-TV-and-movies mug shot, which I looked decent in, I was taken to a holding cell.
I can't even begin to describe the horribleness of these jail cells. Sure I don't get to opine on the conditions in a jail, it certainly isn't a Sheraton or Hyatt, and I didn't find any comment cards. But I am a person who never ever thought he would be in a jail cell. I didn't think that this was something I was supposed to live through so I can talk about it in a book I didn't even know I was going to write.
So, as an opinion of a person who never wanted to be in jail, and I hope you are one too, I must say that it sucked.
Again, I feel obliged to say that I do not in any way wish to criticize the criminal and law system in this country.
Having said that...
Fuck you, American jails.
I don't care that you believe I am an equal threat to you as a drug dealer or a wife-beater (the person, not the shirt) or a thief or worse. I don't care that you don't have the funding (which California certainly does since the prisons get more money than schools) to have separate facilities and processes for different offenders. I simply don't care about your reasons for putting me in a cell with those people.
But I digress. I was in a cell with people who were, by law, worse human beings than I am. And I stayed in those cells, without the phone numbers of any friends or family to call for help, for hours.
As soon as I reached inside, I called a Bail Bondsman - which is a person who pays your bail amount so you can be released until your court hearing. I found one after an hour or so, and this is a succinct version of how that phone conversation went:
Me: Hi, my name is Lakshya Datta. I have been charged with a DUI (Drinking Under the Influence) and my bail is $2,500. Can you help me?
Bail Guy: I'll look you up in the system. Call me back in 15 minutes.
Me: Okay.
Fifteen minutes later -
Me: HI, It's Lakshya Datta again. Did you find my info in the system?
Bail Guy: No.
Me: Why not?
Bail Guy: how long ago did you get put into the jail cell?
Me: Must have been at least two hours.
Bail Guy: It's been 40 minutes. Be patient. They'll "book" you in an hour or so. Call me after you're in the next room.
Me: Next room? There's a next room?
Bail Guy: There will be some rooms.
And there were some rooms.
I didn't have a watch of course, so I had no idea about how time was passing. I was hungry, completely sober, and had a high fever. But of course I couldn't expect anyone but my go-to-person - God - to care.
So I sat in those cells, for hours, having an internal dialogue between me and my conscience.
We talked about everything. Here are some topics there was much debate on:
1. What just happened?
2. What will I do next?
3. What's the worst that could happen?
4. Will I ever get out?
5. Will I get deported?
6. Will anyone care that I am not home yet?
7. What will I tell my parents?
8. Will I tell my parents? Should I?
9. Is this bad, and I am bad person?
10. Do I think I have done something wrong?
11. How much will this cost?
12. Will I ever drive again?
13. What happened to my car?
14. When will I get out?
15. Should I eat this horrible food?
16. How long should I wait till I eat this food?
And finally, the last topic:
17. Will I remember this as a good or bad memory?
I will not discuss the answers because I really don't wish to go deep into my psyche to find those file cabinets. But I will say that by the time I got out, after hours and hours of processing and "did they just call my name?", I had resolved all of my life's issues.
I got out at about 4 PM, about 12 hours after being handcuffed, and in those 12 hours I had panicked, gotten sick, gotten well, gotten hungry to a point where food became an optional convenience, had epiphanies, had about 15 minutes of sleep total, and had figured out how I wish to live my life moving forward.
Surprisingly, my conclusion about how to live my life hadn't change from the day earlier.
What had changed in the hindrances that would affect how I would live my life for the next 4 months.
I spent 12 hours in Jail, only to be later given a sentence of 4 months in suburban solitary.
And that, my dear reader, is the title of our next chapter.
Written on June 26, 2013
Immediately after getting out of Jail, I called my corporate lawyer, asking for something I really didn't think I would ever need: a criminal lawyer.
I found one, and after some tedious discussions about the what and how and the why and the what-now, I was given a choice:
Option 1: Starting April 12, I can't drive for two months. After the two months end, I can apply for a restricted license to drive from home to work. This restricted license lasts for four months. So I won't be able to drive normally until October 12.
Option 2: Starting April 12, I can't drive for four months. After August 12, I can drive freely.
I thought a lot about Option 1, and realized that my job at San Diego State University is only till May 9. I only need to be there once a week. My main job is Launchora, but my work place is my residence. So technically I can't drive home to work since I work at home. If I do get the restricted license, I will only be able to drive to SDSU for a couple days.
I chose Option 2, because it made the most sense. I could drive starting August 12, which isn't as bad as October 12.
Today is June 26, and I am still about 6-7 weeks from August 12.
How has life been living without driving? Two words come to mind: inconvenient, and different.
Since March 2, my case has been resolved. I didn't receive a DUI, thanks to my lawyer and my lack of criminal behavior so far. I simply paid a fine, and have to suffer this four month license suspension. Which is interesting since if I was actually a California driving license holder, which I am not, they would take away my license. Since I drive on my Indian driving license, the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles - the government entity that gives and takes away licenses) can't take my license away. I knew that holding off on getting a California license until I get my new visa was going to pay off, and this was the best pay off. Also, my insurance rates don't get affected because - again - I do not have an American driver's license. Since my Indian license can't be found in a DMV system or something, my insurance company doesn't have to know.
If you are a GEICO employee, please don't be an upright employee and report me.
If you did 'rat' me out, I actually would be okay with it simply because I would be amazed that this book ended up in the hands of a GEICO employee. Please refer this book to your boss's boss's boss times infinity - Mr. Warren Buffet.
I call this four month period the time of suburban solitary because I like alliteration. What it really is - four months of me away from society outside a 3 mile radius.
It's been over two months already, and it has been difficult at times. I don't regret it or feel victimized, since that would lead to me hoping for a better outcome. This is what happened, and I must simply learn to adapt.
I have adapted, and can't even imagine a different four months. I had adjusted my life and work to this new temporary lifestyle. Now I finally have a reason to get out of social gatherings, although those invitations didn't come pouring in anyway.
In all honestly, it has been a crazy experience. I have done things I never would have if I was able to drive away. I walk around. I cook. I became comfortable - to a point of annoying - with living with myself.
This time has been harder because of the slow pace at which work is going. My immediate family and close friends are aware of my situation, so they empathize and sympathize when possible - both being welcome occurrences.
What this period has really taught me is to be prepared to adapt to any situation. I'm not glad it happened, but now that is has, I am learning to get used to it.
It has also affected my decisions. Until earlier this month (June 2013), I was sharing an amazing two bedroom apartment with my long-time roommate. He moved out a couple weeks ago to go to graduate school, and if I didn't have this metaphorical ankle bracelet (not literal because they give those to people who are repeat offenders I think), I would have moved out too to a smaller apartment.
This penance has given me an excuse to stay in this place. This apartment is where I conceived Launchora, where I began my journey as a teacher, and where I work daily. Until I close a certain chapter in my life, I can't let go of these lodgings. So I'm okay with the way things turned out.
Still, the four month period isn't over yet, and certain things may yet have to happen.
Stay tuned. This is all I have to say about this topic as of June 26, 2013.
Written on July 4, 2013
On May 8, 2013, I decided to do something I rarely do.
I made a bet with myself.
On May 9, I was supposed to finally begin work on Launchora's design and development. So, for fun, I told myself I wouldn't shave until the Launchora webiste goes live. At the time, I really thought it would only be for a couple months because I was hoping for a simple beta version to go live by August.
Well, today is July 4, 2013, and I can state with certainty that we're not going live next month. There are many reasons for the delay, mostly money and personal circumstances. As of this moment, we're on track to go live with the final product in 5-6 months. That puts launch in November or December.
And now I find myself with a two month old beard that might see a 8-month birthday.
This promise to not shave has become a big deal. The beard itself isn't that relevant of course. It started as a harmless "why not". But in the last two months it's become much more. Everyday when I wake up and look into the mirror, I'm reminded of what I haven't accomplished yet. This harmless beard has now become a tangible reminder of what I am working for everyday.
It's only been two months so far though. I don't know what I'll feel about it in another couple months.
There is a clause I can make use of to remove it before launch. On May 8, what I had really said was that I wouldn't shave until the website goes up. So technically, I could shave whenever we put up anything on www.launchora.com. We're working on a splash page to say we're "coming soon". If I was lenient on myself, I would allow that to satisfy the requirement.
But that is when I have this conversation with myself:
Me: I could shave the beard when we put up the splash page.
Me #2: You could.
Me #1: I could?
Me #2: It's up to you.
Me #1: I could. Yeah, I could. It won't be breaking the promise. It satisfies the requirement.
Me #2: Technically, you are correct.
Me #1: So you agree with me?
Me #2: We're both me.
Me #1: If we were both me, we wouldn't be having this dialogue.
Me #2: Don't you mean monologue?
Me #1: Hah. Good one.
Me #2: Thanks for setting up the joke.
Me #1: You're not going to let me shave it till we fully launch, are you?
Me #2: No.
Me #1: Good.
So, let's see where we are in couple more months.
Written on July 4, 2013
Now that you've read about my Quarter Life Goal in Chapter 16 ("The Decision")…
I hope you have - unless you're reading this book out of order for fun and maximum confusion or surprise, depending on what you're looking for. Either way, I said something about a Quarter Life Goal in the that chapter. Go look it up. It's just a couple clicks/flicks away!
…you may be wondering about why I don't talk much about where I'd like to be after I turn 25.
Great question. I'm glad you brought that up.
Once (or "if" in case you're not rooting for me) I get to my goal by September 19, 2014 (or before), I have a few goals to accomplish.
Disclaimer: These are all professional goals. I'm going to keep the personal goals out of this list. They are pretty obvious and involve the purchase and subsequent enjoyment of expensive things. But I'll need a few million to get everything on that list.
Second Disclaimer: The following goals aren't necessarily things I want to spend my wealth on. Assuming I do become a millionaire, it will be because of the value of my stock in Launchora. I don't plan to sell those shares, so my value will remain on paper. These goals are just ideas that will move from the "one day" pile into the "today, or latest tomorrow" pile.
Third Disclaimer: You know what, I'll make this clearer - these are things I wish to start working on once I reach my goal at 25...till I turn 30 I guess. Yeah, 5 years sounds good enough. Let's call these the THREE-O Goal List.
Alright, now that I've just written that, I'm realizing that I may be overdoing this whole goal setting thing.
Oh well, it's been written and since I promised at the beginning of this book that I won't edit, I'll let it stay.
Anyway, here are the THREE-O Goals (in no specific order):
Let Us Teach Us
I mentioned LUTU back in the "21 and Peaked" chapter. I would really like to continue teaching personally, and if I can, I'd like to do it though LUTU as soon as possible. The only thing stopping me is a little funding so I can hire some people to bring the idea to life. Beyond that, I hope donations will support its day-to-day operations.
LUTU was the first idea I ever had, and I'm still teaching to make sure I continue building credibility in the field. Thanks to amazing educational resources such as Khan Academy and Coursera (two of many cool ones out there), online education has gotten a lot of much-awaited attention from high profile individuals and institutions. I hope LUTU can help bring even a fraction of that excitement to the physical classroom.
Scholarship Fund
Ever since I graduated, I have never had enough money to donate back to scholarships at UCSD. I did what I could do - I donated my time and went back to teach seminars and workshops. But I'd like to do more for future students.
In a conversation I'm sure he doesn't remember, I told the Director of UCSD Alumni that once I feel like I have "made it", I'll donate a large amount back to the school. I'm sure he's heard that before, but I really meant it. As a joke, I told him that I would do so on one condition: he would have to create a new fund for my donation called The Lakshya Fund.
Since you've read so much about me so far in this book, you're very much aware I have a moderately-healthy amount of ego. I don't deny it and I won't try to justify why this fund should be in my name.
Okay, maybe I'll give you a quick two-reason justification.
Reason 1
As much as I want to have a an empire and a legacy, everything I do is based on one very important question:
Will this make my parents proud of me?
Many times I have assumed the answer to that question and done things, but I am certain that if I have a scholarship fund in my name at my university, they will be very proud.
Reason 2
When my parents named me, I had no say in it. So my name was always a given and I never thought too much about it until I was about 20.
In sanskrit, Lakshya means Aim. Target. Objective. You know how when you meet people they ask you "what do you want to do in life? What drives you? What is your aim?"
I got that asked to me (and still do) by almost everyone who knows what my name means. They ask me, almost always trying to make a joke or a pun...
"Lakshya, what is your Lakshya?"
For the longest time I didn't know what to say. It took me a while to understand that I'm not my name just because my parents named me. I learned that I have to earn my name. I have to prove to my parents and to the rest of the world that I know what I'm doing. I know where I'm going. I know what my aim is. I know what my objective is. I know what my target is. I know what my Lakshya is.
So, all ego aside, I want to create this scholarship not in my name but in the name of what it means to me. I want this fund to help others figure out and fulfill their Lakshya.
If you think I'm full of it, you have every right to think so and are welcome to be vocal about it.
But if you also think that this is a pretty awesome name for a scholarship fund, just nod and smile quietly.
.....
...
..
Did you do it?
That's enough for me.
Also, you knew what you were getting into went you started reading a book titled Lakshya, Part One.
Seed Fund
I love entrepreneurship. I've been in love with it ever since I was 6 and saw my dad start his own company. Sure, I didn't try to become an entrepreneur until I was 22. But once I had, I realized that maybe I was always an entrepreneur... just one without an idea.
I don't wish to do anything else with my life. I want to create as much as I can. And one experience I would love to be a part of one day is helping others like me. Once I can, and hopefully I'll be able to once Launchora permits me, I want to start a seed fund to invest in early stage startups.
The name of this fund you ask?
You know what it is. Must I say it?
Okay, I'll say it.
Lakshya Ventures.
You knew that was coming.
And yes, I already registered the domain name. Back in July 2012.
Second Startup
This one is obvious, but unlike the others it doesn't require Launchora's success. Sure, if Launchora succeeds it would really benefit my second startup, but like I said in the previous goal, I am not going to ever stop creating.
So, whether Launchora works out or not, I will start another company soon.
I already have an idea (and yes, a domain has been registered) that caters specifically to the Indian market. Once Launchora gets off the ground and I have some seed money, I'll get working on that one. Probably sometime in 2015.
If that was doesn't work out, I hope I will have more solid ideas in the future. The thought of not having an idea to work on scares the sanity out of me.
The Experiment
This one's definitely dependent on my financial success. Not because it's a risky bet, but because in order for this idea to work, I will have to put in a lot of money knowing with full certainty that I'll never see it again. And I'm talking about at least six figures. In fact, the success of this experiment requires all that money to be spent. Isn't that the whole basis of an experiment?
Here's what the experiment is. I create a fund. People put in money into this fund. The fund managers do their research and invest that money into projects.
Wait…that sounds very similar to EVERY investment fund ever.
But "Wait…" again. There is a twist.
These "projects" are high school students.
These fund managers are scholarship recruiters who will find these students.
This fund is a nonprofit fund.
Wait…that sounds like a scholarship fund. Haven't we already covered that here?
Yes, you are correct again.
And yes, there is another twist.
Actually there are two twists.
Twist 1 (or 2 depending on how you're keeping count)
The person who donates into the fund can take back a portion or all of the amount they donate at any time. If they want to or need to.
Twist 2 (or 3)
The person who uses the funds has to return the amount they take within 10 years. Interest free.
Basically, this fund is for people who want to become part of a rolling scholarship fund. When they have a surplus in their bank account, instead of investing the money they can put it in this fund. When they need some or all back, they are free to do so.
Of course there are many things to figure out. What if the person who uses the funds can't pay it back? What if they can't pay back the full amount?
Those scenarios may happen. And the only way to avoid them is to make sure the screening process for entry into this fund helps hedge the risk of someone's career not working out.
There are other issues. I will need a big amount to test this experiment. I'd prefer to use my own money initially before letting others donate. It will probably take four years or so to find out what happens to the students who used the funds. We could run out of money at any stage.
But those issues are problems I want to have. I want to do this because I want to see if we're capable of creating a new way to help other people.
And, yes, I'll probably call it something with the word "Lakshya" in it.
…and that's all I have on my THREE-O list so far.
I can understand that you might not take me seriously when I say these things about what I want to do with my future. And some of you might be right - I don't know if I'll ever get do to any of these things. It's July 2013 right now, and I don't even know whether I'll still be allowed to live in the US after December. Ever since I graduated and got into this visa-based life, I haven't had the permission to plan more than six months at a time.
When you're not even allowed to plan the next six months of your life, you don't want to plan any of it. These days I live two weeks at a time. I have to pay myself a salary every on the 15th and 31st of every month (yes, another requirement for the visa). Every 16th and 1st my company's bank account is back to nearly zero and I have to find the funds to pay the next payroll.
When you can't plan realistically, you have to dream. And you have to take those dreams seriously. I may not know where I'll be living in five months, but I know where I want to be in fourteen months. That's all that keeps me going.
I make these statements and set up these goals for myself because it's the only way I won't loose sight of what I wish my life to become. Launchora is my ticket to get to the next level. I chose to do this because I couldn't find any other way that would get me to the next level faster.
Once I get to this level, whatever it is, I have so much more I want to dream about. And if those dreams turn out to be fun, maybe I'll get to write Lakshya, Part Two.
One of the exciting things about writing this current book (Part One) is that soon I will have finished writing about the past and even the present. Beyond that I'll be predicting and/or dreaming about the future, and once we reach there, you and I both will find out if I made it.
I can almost feel your excitement.
The story of this chapter is quite funny.
Hello, I'm the future-me again (from September 2014). I'm really sorry to break the continuity of this book, but I kind of have no choice. Think of this chapter as like the intermission in a movie (if you watch Bollywood movies you know what I'm talking about).
I reason I'm back here (only for this chapter) is that I made a small error. See, I am currently formatting this book into the Launchora writer/publisher. Since I'm using the current version of Launchora (Sept 2014), there is a small issue with the Chapter-Based template. I won't get into the why and the how, but basically, once a chapter is created via the "Add Chapter" button, it can't be deleted. I made such a mistake in the previous chapter, only to exit the writer. When I returned, I started from the previous chapter and yet again clicked on "Add Chapter". I didn't realize this until five chapters later, which brings us back to this "(Mistake)".
Anyway, I figured it would be more fun to just address this thing as the error it is than re-do the formatting of the next five chapters.
But now that I have you, how's it going so far? Do you like the past-me? Can you too feel his anger and frustrations and excitement? Is he treating you alright?
I hope you're happy with everything so far. I hope you've enjoyed my story. Let's move on then! Another 30-something chapters to go!
Alright, this is future-me saying bye-bye. I'll see you at the end!
Written on July 8, 2013
Let's turn the time clock (or let's take the TARDIS?!) backwards to Fall 2010.
I had just spent an entire summer in India working on my first internship. I had also turned 21, and was now back in San Diego starting my senior year at UCSD.
The Fall quarter of your senior year means job search. This is when everyone is interviewing and locking a job offer for next June. I had just started my role as Undergrad President of FPN, which gave me the double duty of helping our members find jobs as well.
I personally don't like resumes or interviews. One of my life's goals very early in my career was to do something that eliminates the need for a resume. Any job where I need to squeeze my past, present, and future in one page is not for me.
That attitude is really not suitable for a 21-year-old college student looking for his first paying job.
But I was adamant to have unrealistic ideals, and decided to not throw my resume around. I would use my network, meet employers in person, ask for an unpaid internship during the school year starting January, and turn that into a full time job.
This is back when I still wanted to become an investment banker, which limited my options to a very few companies in the San Diego region.
Add in the complication of visa issues: I only have one year to work (from July 2011 to July 2012), and if I'm unemployed after graduation for more than 2 months, I have to leave the country.
All of this is great material to show how desperate you are to get a job.
In order to figure out a solution for all these issues, I stumbled upon the website for Teach For America. According to their website, TFA had a really influential alumni base, and also had connections with big investment banks. If I could get into TFA, I would have to teach for two years, and could then interview with Investment Banks. That sounded like a good deal.
So I applied. I was lucky enough to get through to the final in-person interview, but didn't get an offer. I had no idea why they said no, so I tried to find out. That is when I came across a section on their website about international candidates. All international candidates needed to have a Math or Science degree. I had an Economics degree. Maybe that was the reason, maybe it wasn't.
I prefer to think it was because it helps me feel better.
Getting rejected sucked. I'm not someone who juggles multiple options. I like to research many possibilities, but then hone into one or two so I can give them my full attention.
TFA was my only option at the time. We're probably in December 2010 now. And I still hadn't gotten an internship. I was genuinely upset. I really felt like teaching would be a good experience for me, and I could be really good at it.
If I had been accepted, I would have taught in Houston from July 2011 to July 2013.
Today, is July 8, 2013.
Today, I can tell you with complete honestly I am very happy that I didn't get accepted. Because what I have done and gone through in these last two years is exactly what I needed. The song - "You can't always get what you want, but you get what you need" - makes a lot of sense now.
What I did learn from the whole TFA experience was this: if you really want do something, you don't need anyone's permission.
If I had been accepted by TFA, I wouldn't have gotten the internship in January 2011. I wouldn't have learned everything I know about finance. I wouldn't have turned that unpaid internship into a full time offer. I wouldn't have started my own class at UCSD. I wouldn't have become a Professor (yes, I mean Lecturer, but Professor has a slightly better effect when trying to make a point). I wouldn't have started Launchora.
Sometime down the road, if I have to look back at my career and find the most important portion, it would be these last two years.
So, to Teach For America: thank you for rejecting me. If you hadn't told me that I wasn't qualified to teach middle school students, I wouldn't have been able to teach college students.
Okay, that was a bit resentful. I apologize.
But, you know what, I don't care. Even if what happened after the rejection was great and the result turned out better than I had hoped, I was still hurt.
Apology rescinded.
Written on July 8, 2013
It's July 2013. I still don't know where I'll be when 2014 comes knocking.
I could spend my time waiting. But there is one giant, huge problem with waiting: when you're waiting, you're not moving. And when you're not moving, you're wasting opportunity.
Both of my careers - teaching and entrepreneurship - came out of this waiting period. If you are or have ever been in similar circumstances, where you feel that you're losing control on almost all fronts, I hope you'll learn from my experiences. Because I have been on both sides of the spectrum of reaction to this waiting problem. There have been times when I've chosen to not act and let the waiting drown my brain, and then I've also made some risky decisions about moving forward regardless.
I've often looked at Woody Allen as inspiration. I'm in no way near him in terms of talent and importance. Not many are. But I do agree with his way of living. He's been making one film a year for over 40 years. Even the greatest filmmakers this world has ever seen can't compete with that relentless passion for storytelling.
Allen says that he works everyday because if he didn't he would have to think about his mortality - and he hates doing that. His characters say it quite well - Woody Allen would prefer not to be around when death comes knocking. He doesn't let his age stop him. He doesn't let criticism stop him. He doesn't let a writer's block stop him. After he finishes editing one film, he starts writing the next one.
There is one question I think of and avoid pondering on everyday. This one question scares me and saves me everyday:
What if I'm wrong?
Before I quit my paying job, or had the guts to try being a lecturer at a university at the age of 22, I made boringly safe choices in life because I was afraid of the answer to the above question.
And then, not on the cliched "one day" but over years of calculations, I came up with the right answer:
So.
Fucking.
What.
The phrase "what's the worst that could happen" is not an excuse. It's a statement. We've all heard stories about the outliers - the men and women who thought different and changed the world. There are many, many things separating you and me from those personalities. But there is at least one thing we can have in common with them: complete disregard of the status quo. If only we could find a way past that uneasy feeling of taking the road less traveled, we might have a shot at becoming the outlier.
Sure it's risky. Sure the odds don't favor you. But you know what? If you really want it, you'd prefer to not have your life and dreams and aspirations reduced to a percentage. Being told you can't make it or don't have the "X factor" should act as fuel for you. Everything you've ever accomplished or experienced is an asset.
Why don't we encourage our young-lings to become outliers? For two reasons -
1) we're afraid they'll get hurt or disappointed, or
2) it would look bad on our track record.
Parents suffer from reason 1. Teachers suffer from both.
I believe in seeing the forest for the trees. I would rather spend two years in seclusion if it gives me a chance at creating something that last for decades. I would rather give my youth to an idea, than spend it waiting for the right moment to make use of it.
I don't know who you are or how old you are or what your dreams and aspirations are. I don't even know if you like what I have to say. Most writers write for a general and big numbers audience, but if you'll permit me, I'd like to talk to a small group for the next few sentences.
If you are a fellow twenty-something (or less) want-to-change-the-world person, this is for you:
Figure out a way. Do anything that pushes your idea further to realization. The world around you feels better if you try. The world will be better if you try. No matter how much you think that you and your ideas are irrelevant, there is no way you can use that as an excuse. If you don't try, you are already failing. We all start our lives at Zero, and spend decades trying to make a positive impact. If you have an idea, no matter how early it is or how immature or inexperienced you think you are, give it a try. Whatever happens, the world is better if you put it out there. Thinking and planning doesn't change the world. Doing and executing is responsible for every innovation. Everything you are is an asset. Use it while you can.
I have struggled a lot with one question:
What is my purpose?
I'm sure you have also thought of that at some point. And what I'm about to tell you is something you are already aware of.
The only person who can answer that question is you.
Yes, you're right - that is obvious and cheesy. But that's what I've learned. So many of us waste our potential because we don't learn certain things early enough.
I've seen and heard people use the "there are two kinds of X in the world…", so I'll use one too.
There are two kinds of experiences in this world. Those we can control, and those we can't.
The problem is that when we experience them, they look absolutely alike. We don't know which one they were until after. In some cases we never find out.
In my experience, the only way to spot the situation's type is by testing it. Before I try to control the situation, I ask myself a couple questions:
1. If I were to take control of this situation, what are the chances it could shift to my benefit?
2. What is the payoff of that benefit?
There's no mathematical threshold for both answers. Once I get both answers, I either take control, or sit back. This process of choosing to act or not helps me further understand my power over the situation. And in most cases it helps me separate the two types.
It took me a long time to learn about these two types of experiences. There were small moments in my personal life growing up where I would unknowingly and without planning find myself taking control of a situation - sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Some decisions were simple - eating, drinking, dating - because in those cases there was mostly a right or wrong answer. But some decisions don't come with a morality scale. Some decisions completely change the color of your life permanently. In those cases it's hard to find out if you did the right thing or not. And in some cases you don't even care.
This system also helps me stay clear of a harmful human emotion: regret. Maybe it was my upbringing, or maybe it was a genetic defect - but I've always been able to look back at my life, no matter how painful the memory, and not regret it or think about what-ifs or if-onlys. I have a strict code about how to lead my life, and if I'm going to continue making important decisions and choices, I can not allow myself to regret making them. To that effect, I've learned that regret is a choice.
What I am interested in is the beneficial byproducts of regret - regroup, reassess, redo. And yes, I chose those words since they work well with a "re" in front of them.
In many cases, a decision does turn out to hurt my progress or plan. When that happens, it shakes you. You have to take a moment to let that feeling in. Finding out you didn't make the decision with the highest payoff sucks. In some cases you can't fix your mistake or improve the outcome. Sometimes you just have to give up and let go.
In other cases, where you do have a chance at fixing the outcome, your first action should be to regroup. Get yourself together. Brush off the dust and get ready to get back into the field. Then, you figure out - mechanically, not emotionally - what went wrong. Finally, if you still have a chance, try again.
In my professional life, I've learned to make use of this system quite well I think. I've fallen many, many times and it has hurt like a bitch. But the outcomes have either been in my favor or are still in-processing. There are still many challenges to face, many opportunities to be proven right or wrong, and I hope to still have the courage to continue doing what seems right the next day. To that effect, I'd even go as far out to say it's worked out well for me so far.
I'll go even further - I'm living the best-case scenario of my life.
That statement is the best way for me to feel good about what I've done and accomplished, while also raising the stakes for what's next. When you believe you're in the best possible case scenario, you have no time for regret. You can't dream of what-ifs. You have to really let yourself feel good about where you are. You can't move forward on your path if your mind wants another. We are perfectly capable of becoming our biggest obstacle at crucial life-upgrading moments.
That statement is a realization wrapped in a promise. I want to believe it's true, so I try my best to make it true.
Many who have met me or know me or really know me believe I am (a little, somewhat, very, extremely, irritatingly) arrogant and/or possess a (tiny, healthy, unnecessary, unproven, unnatural, destructive) ego. I laugh it off in most social situations, mostly because I take any comment as a compliment. I've worked very hard to find, develop, and utilize my strengths and flaws. My way of living and believing and working requires all my characteristics to be on high alert at all times. If I stopped to subdue or dilute one, I might break the pattern and fall off my path.
I don't know if you're thinking this or not, but when I've mentioned this whole best-case scenario living to people in two-way conversations, they ask a very important question that I mentioned earlier in this chapter:
"What if you're wrong, Lakshya?"
This time, my answer is a little more traditional and PG-13, but equally vague:
"I hope I don't find out."
There is a lot of delusion in my way of living. I really prefer living like this, because the alternate requires me to not try taking control of situations. Yes, it would suck if I was wrong. I usually don't like to compete, so when I lose a game where I am the only player, I don't take it well. But I'd rather fail than sit in the stands. If I see an opportunity to take control, I will. If I'm going to make an impact to this world and its future - if I'm going to do anything worth remembering - I need a little delusion. I need to think that I am capable. That I am worth listening to. That I have the right ingredients needed to make people's lives better. That I will do something important.
Believing is the absolute first step to taking control. It doesn't matter if this belief is natural, artificial, or in my case - self-inflicted. All that matters is what you believe in and what you do with it. No matter what intangible material your belief is made of, the product of that belief will be real and tangible.
In most dreams, we don't find out that we were dreaming until after we wake up. Until that moment, where we check our surroundings to see if what we just experienced was real or not, we are truly immersed in a different experience.
I would like to continue living as the person who is still dreaming. Because if this is a dream, I hope I don't wake up.
Written on July 8, 2013
This story is still in July 2013. Not much as happened to change my situation. The visa is still pending. Launchora is still in design. The driving ban is still in effect.
Living and working from home has never really been a problem for me. I prefer to not have a line between work and life. I get more done and also take breaks whenever I need to or want to. It's a pretty comfortable lifestyle.
The one problem - this whole no-driving-allowed-which-is-pretty-much-like-being-on-house-arrest business. I am not someone who likes to be denied access to things. It's only natural to me to dislike something I can't control. Because of this problem, I can't take a drive to change the scenery. The only way for me to leave is by walking to the downtown Del Mar area near the beach. And the problem with that scenario is that if I'm doing that walk, I can't work.
So, after almost a year of avoiding it, I have found myself at the Starbucks across the street from my house every day for the past week.
I sort-of put in a pause there to let you finish that "GASP! Oh know he didn't!" thought you just had.
This is my new work day schedule:
1) Get up
2) Get a bagel
3) Get work done at Starbucks for two hours
4) Get happy hour food and work done at the bar next to Starbucks for the next two hours
5) Come back home and get work done until you get tired
6) Start again with #1
As someone who had a SBUX every day at his last job, I was really proud of not drinking that ponder-juice for almost a year.
Let's hope the situation remains temporary.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you that because that is where I am most of the time as I write this book. Except for right now where I am in bed trying to sleep. It's about 3.30 AM and I am wondering, just like every previous day this week, if I should stay awake till SBUX opens at 5 AM.
Luckily it hasn't gotten to that yet. Partially because I usually fall asleep by 5 AM. Partially because it would still be dark outside and Del Mar is most beautiful around the 2-4 PM time frame when I usually go there. And the rest of the reason is that I'm worried I'll pass out inside SBUX.
Are you wondering why I'm up so late? Because I woke up at 1.30 PM.
Why did I wake up at 1.30 PM, you ask? Because I slept at 5 AM last night.
And why did that happen? See the first answer.
I have a horrible sleep cycle. I somehow can only sleep 24 hours (plus minus 2 hours) after the last time I slept. The only way to fix this cycle is for me to wake up early, and then stay awake all day.
Now that you know a lot about me, and since we're practically talking this night away, I'm going to do something unplanned but maybe fun.
On July 26, 2011, while I was trying to deal with my problems by writing about something completely unrelated to them, I wrote an idea for a TV show. The working title of this show was (still is) Treating Evil.
I'm not in love with the name. I'm waiting for something cooler like "Fringe" or "Doctor Who" to hit me in the head.
In order to realize this idea onto paper (or the laptop screen), I wanted to do something different. I thought to myself:
In terms of TV-watching capabilities, it's safe to say I've been around the block a few times and could possibly do it blindfolded. So what is the first thing I look for when I want to decide if I should watch a new show or not?
The answer is: the Trailer (more like a teaser).
So, for fun, I thought I'd try inventing a TV show by only writing scenes that would be shown in the trailer/teaser. This exercise lasted about 30 minutes, and this is what I came up with:
PROMO #1
Scene opens with a medium close up of DAMON, a psychiatrist, looking at a patient and listening. We're in DAMON's office. At this point you only here the voice of the patient.
PATIENT #1
I looked at her, walking towards me in a black dress that would leave any man breathless, and all I could see was her rosy lips, her plush cheeks, her beautiful neckline. She was the prettiest woman I had ever met. She was my wife - the love of my life. But in that moment only one thought was spreading like a virus in my mind --
Camera shows the patient for the first time –
PATIENT #1
What would her blood taste like?
While he speaks, you see the vampire fangs.
CUT TO – Black screen with Title: Treating Evil
DAMON (Voice Over with Title)
And then what did you do?
PROMO #2
Scene opens with PATIENT #2 sitting on the couch in DAMON's office. She looks scared.
CUT TO – Mid close-up of Damon. Looking at her, listening to her, reading her. He says –
DAMON
Don’t be scared.
PATIENT #2
I’m not scared.
DAMON
Then show me.
PATIENT #2
I can’t control it. I don’t want to hurt you.
DAMON
You won’t hurt me.
She looks up. She looks young – no more than 16 or 17 years old.
Wide shot of room - DAMON leans forward.
DAMON
Show me.
The girl looks at DAMON. She doesn’t blink. The room is still. We close into her face. She closes her eyes. When she opens them two seconds later, the room is teleported to another location.
DAMON
Where are we?
PATIENT #2
South of France. 12th century.
CUT TO – Black screen with title: Treating Evil
DAMON (Voice Over with title)
What else can you do?
PROMO #3
Scene opens with DAMON sitting in his chair in his office. Mid close-up.
DAMON
I’m not amused.
CUT TO – PATIENT #3 sitting on the couch. She is young, attractive, and wearing a black short dress.
PATIENT #3
Do you find my appearance distracting?
She crosses her legs.
DAMON
Stop it. Now.
PATIENT #3
You’ll think about this tonight. You’ll picture your dead wife again, and think about how much you miss the touch of her skin. I can make it happen. I can help you re-live all your memories. I can bring her back to you.
DAMON stands up. His fists are clenched.
DAMON
If you don’t stop now, I will kill you.
PATIENT #3 starts morphing.
Camera comes back on DAMON.
PATIENT #3 (Voice Over of a man – camera stays on DAMON)
Is this better?
Wide shot of DAMON sitting back down on his chair, and the patient is sitting on the couch. The patient has taken the appearance of DAMON.
CUT TO – Black screen with Title: Treating Evil
DAMON (Voice Over with title)
Let’s talk.
----
That is all I have ever written about this idea. Did you get the concept? Basically, Damon is a therapist-like person for supernatural creatures.
Today, almost two years later, I am inclined to try writing again. Should I?
I don't know if or when anyone will ever read this, but if this does end up in someone's hands, I would love to find out what you thought of it.
If you believe I am just procrastinating in this chapter, you're not wrong. But that is not my first intention.
So far in this chapter I wanted both of us to take a break and slow things down. Relax a little. Smile a little. I've talked about some serious and heavy subjects in the past couple chapters. So I thought I'd take it easier with this one, at least in the beginning.
Alright, I think I'm ready to get back in. Are you? If you need to get some water/coffee etc please go ahead and do so now.
Or do it whenever, I cannot control how you read this book.
Okay, let's stop the procrastination right here.
I called this chapter "What's Next". Here I'm not referring to what's next for me or where I plan to go. I've talked about those things in previous chapters, specifically in "The Experiment". This is more of a what-do-we-not-know-about-our-future-yet question.
The problem with "having a plan" is that in most cases this plan you and I have only represents a small portion of our future pie (chart).
In this future pie, say about 10% is all the data/information related to your plan. This plan is known. You are aware of what it requires or will require to succeed. You are aware of it's limitations. You are aware of its consequences. But that is the extent to which your plan can actually be projected.
The remaining 90% of your future pie is completely unknown. As much as we try to find out more about this portion, we can't because it depends on two wild cards: time, and the free will of others. It's impossible to predict what will happen tomorrow, or how a person we have never met will affect our future.
Because a huge portion of our future is unknown and unpredictable, we hang on to whatever we can control or use.
But all is not lost. The great thing about this pie is that everything is connected. My known plan needs the unknown portion to do its thing in order to succeed.
For example, one of my goals is to one day teach a seminar or class at Harvard, Stanford, and/or Wharton business schools. The fact that I want to do this is known to me, so I will do my best to achieve it. I am doing what I think will get me closer, but I can only control my part of that deal. The remaining portion is unknown and out of my control. It's either one of those "time will tell" situations, or it's controlled by another person's known pie piece. My plan needs their plan.
One area where all our pies form a web effect is social change and philanthropy.
It is with the above understanding that I am trying to figure out what's next for me. In the last six years, I have gone through many possible careers and plans. The 18-year-old version of me wanted to become a bioengineer. To him, that plan was known. He had no idea that at 20 he'd want to become an investment banker. And then that 20-year-old had a new path and a new known plan. That 20-year-old thought that was it - he was going to be a finance guy for the rest, or at least 20 years or so, of his life. He went along that path, and unknowingly ended up on a new one at 22.
Will this happen again?
At this point in my life, I really feel good and safe about who I am and what I can accomplish with my current careers. I feel that I moved around a couple options because I probably wasn't satisfied with the possibilities. What I am doing right now makes me feel like there is so much to explore with these two careers that I may not have time to move on to a new one.
Still, what if there's something else in my future pie waiting to happen? That question excites me and scares me at the same time. As it should.
I'm scared there's something else because I wouldn't want to move from my current path without accomplishing all that I want.
I'm excited because maybe the unknown might bring new goals and paths with it. Maybe what I do next is more important than my current plan.
This concept of the unknown is also a big portion of the idea behind this book. So far I've written about 20-25 chapters (depending on which ones might make it to the final cut). I've covered most of what I wanted to about my past, and am now talking about the present and hopeful future. I know that I'll either publish it at Launchora's launch at the end of 2013 or on September 19, 2014. All I have is a time limit. Everything else - content, topics, style, length - is unknown.
At this point I'm really waiting for the future to become the present so I can write about it. Since I have only an outline of what it could or should be, I'm trying to go with the flow and try to be patient that it will work out.
If it doesn't, I don't even know if I'll publish this book.
Because let's be honest, who wants to read a book about a guy who never gets to do what he says he will do? If you're reading this book, whenever you're reading it, chances are you picked it up because you're either a family member/friend, or are aware of my future already and are intrigued to find out how I get there.
There is real beauty in written text. Here I am sitting in a Starbucks 100 meters from my apartment writing about what I want my future to be. And you, my dear reader, can just look it up by doing a quick Google search.
My future is your present.
There is something quite extraordinary about this experience.
I wanted to write this book for moments like this, where you and I are somehow connected because you are witnessing my life as I live it. I don't think I'm important enough yet for you to do this, but I'm glad you have a reason to do so.
To that extent, the question of "What's Next" seems a little less important. The end result is not the answer we're looking for. If you picked up this book, you're not waiting for the big turns or twists or ending. You're here to find out what led to those moments.
So, for a change, let's not think about what's next for us. Let's use our capabilities to do what we came out here to do.
Because once we get right to it, we'll be living through yesterday's what's next moment. And we wouldn't even have the time to stop and ask that question again.
Written on July 9, 2013
If you've every taken any writing class, one of the first things they teach you is how to give a character life. The character needs to have his own soul, thoughts, feelings and aspirations.
An idea for a company or a "startup", needs to go through a similar thought process. Sure, you've come up with a great idea. But what does it do? How does it do it? What are its goals? How does it accomplish its goals?
That process - of giving life to an idea I came up with on a plane - started in the summer of 2012.
When I started thinking about Launchora, it wasn't called that. It didn't have a name for a few weeks. I thought about names, but that's like giving a character a name first and a personality later. Once you know the personality, the name is easier to come up with.
So as I started thinking more and more about what this idea could become, I started writing down all thoughts. Thanks to Evernote, which I had discovered just a few days before, I was able to write down every idea - good or bad - that my brain created.
I have read a lot of stories about how an entrepreneur comes up with the idea for their startup, but what they usually gave is the final product. My goal with this chapter is to give you the raw materials that formed the clay with which I molded the idea of Launchora.
So, to make sure this book stays true to its promise of telling a story in real time, below is a summarized version of what happened in the first six months of Launchora. Because I wrote everyday, this is all based on actual stuff I wrote during each month.
Disclaimer: some of the ideas I talk about here may or may not be in the final version of Launchora that you're reading this on. That's just a guess, because I still don't know what Launchora will look like.
May 2012
I came up with the idea of an open publishing platform on May 31, 2012. On day 1, this idea was heavily based on the concept of authors publishing a teaser of their content for free, and if the user likes it, they buy the rest.
I probably spent about 4-5 hours that day brainstorming ideas and possible features. This process is incredibly fun because you are creating an idea from scratch. Many of the base concepts from that day are still at the core of Launchora.
June
After coming up with some ideas (and rejecting several ideas) on May 31, I took a 4 week long break. This isn't surprising. I've done this a few times where I come up with something - a story or TV show idea - spend a few hours thinking about it and get all excited, and then leave it for days and months. The only difference between this idea and the ideas I had before it was that this time I was desperate for a path.
On June 26, I found the hook that drew me into Launchora and we've stayed connected ever since. This hook was the credit system.
The credit system started as a way to help spread the word about an author's title using social media. If a user bought a book on Launchora, he or she would get $1 in Launchora Credits each if she shared her purchase on Facebook and Twitter. This idea came out of a problem I noticed over online shopping. Every retailer wants us to share our purchase on social media. But why should I do so? What's the incentive?
A couple days later came the idea of revenue sharing which completed the credit system. The concept is simple - say your friend just wrote a book and put it up on Launchora. You want to help him out, so you purchase the book and share it on social media. When you do this, two things happen -
1. You get $1 in Credit each for sharing the purchase on Facebook and Twitter.
2. If you're in the first 500 people to purchase this book, you get credits back based on how early you purchased it.
The premise encourages users to purchase new books early since they can get huge discounts. The author agrees to these discounts for the first 500 copies, and hopefully gains enough traction to sell many more.
If it wasn't was the credit system, I don't think I would have the interest and required amount of delusion to risk everything and work on Launchora. I had faith in this concept now. No matter what happens, I had to find out if it had any effect on how we purchase and share digital media online.
Once I had the basic idea figured out, it was time for the name to come to me. And it did.
On June 26, 2012, I registered the domain name www.launchora.com.
Here's what I wrote about what I thought about the name on that day:
We have a name. Our company is a launchpad for creativity. We will be launching pandora's box into the future. I was always fascinated by the human mind and our ability to create something out of nothing. I saw the human mind as this pandora's box - you have no idea what's in there until you open it. Launchora not only lets you open and peek into your mind, it helps you launch your ideas into the world, into the future.
I always thought that our imagination is not limited the way technology is. It's only limited by our choice of whether we want to open this pandora's box and find out what's in it. We don't know that we don't know. Launchora, quite literally, gives anyone the ability to not just open and look into their pandora's box, but to launch the amazing stories they find in there into the world.
LaunchOra, Inc.
I have a name for it now. I'm not a 100% faithful to it yet. It could go either way. I could hate it, I could be crazy about it. But for now we will call it Launchora.
After over a year, I am fucking crazy about it.
July & August
I didn't quit my job until mid-September, so progress was made only at night or on weekends.
All of July and August was spent on building the idea into a possible product. That meant coming up with features, making lists and pros cons, and figuring out what happens first and what is kept for later.
Once I had that down, it was time to do the industry research.
Here's my issue with research: I hate it. I find it extremely useless. I don't see the connection history has to do with the future I'm trying to build.
Yes, that is the delusion I've been talking about.
I'm not going to defend my beliefs. I really believed in my idea, and it didn't matter how big or small or growing or declining the industry was. I was trying to create a new idea, something the world hasn't seen before. When Steve Jobs (technically, Apple) made the iPod, he didn't care how much Walkmans were sold worldwide. He created his own category in electronics. Research would have only discouraged him.
But I still did the research anyway because without some numbers no one would be interested in investing into Launchora.
Luckily the numbers were promising on their own.
What I did find to be important is consumer behavior research and competitive research. While I wasn't much interested in industry sales numbers, I did find useful information about who else is part of this business and how consumers consume their products.
One huge problem with knowing what has been happening in an industry is that it limits you to think in terms of a box. Amazon Kindle is the giant. Small time publishers are the ants. If you are given the two ends of a scale, you find yourself trying to find your place on it. Yes, it's important to know what your competition is doing right and wrong so you know what to avoid or improve on. But all of that information shouldn't limit your imagination. When you're starting an idea from scratch, don't look for templates. It will spoil the fun and excitement of innovation.
The ultimate purpose of all this research was to only confirm two things:
1. It's a billion dollar industry
2. No one is doing what Launchora is capable of
Once I confirmed the above, it was time to go nuts and ignore reality.
September to December
As you've already read in the chapter titled "Twenty Three", September is when I quit my job and registered Launchora as a US (Delaware-based) corporation.
At the end of August I had started teaching at SDSU, which meant splitting time between teaching and working on Launchora. I was happy to be this busy, although I had no idea when I would make my next dollar.
These four months went by quickly. I spent about three days a week on the class and the remaining four days on Launchora. There was no need for a holiday or weekend since I was working from home six days of the week (the one remaining day being my day at SDSU). I could take a break whenever I wanted, or work till 6 AM. I was my own boss and my own employee, which was fun and exhausting at the same time.
While the idea itself was ready to go to the next level, I had one huge issue: ZERO employees.
Did I not mention that yet?
Yes, I was working alone on what I was planning to make into the next Youtube.
AND, I had (still don't) no knowledge whatever about how to actually design and develop a website.
I was okay with that, since it didn't limit my ideas. I was making a website from the point of view of a user, and it helped that there wasn't a part of my brain going "yeah, that's not possible".
Here is the problem with hiring: people actually need a reason to work for free for a guy who has zero experience and no guarantee to stay in the country to see the idea through.
For weeks and months I worried about not having a co-founder. Everyone I met or asked for advice told me I needed a technical co-founder to run an online platform. I didn't know what to do. Should I wait? Should I find anyone capable of coding? What if we don't click? What if he or she sucks at their job?
I grew up with my dad having a few (many) terrible experiences with busienss partners, so I decided to walk this plank alone.
There was still the issue of hiring designers and developers. Launchora needed a great visual design to encourage people to write and read. Even if I wanted to hire a couple good designers, San Diego was just not the city to find good talent. They are either already taken, or just don't want to risk it by working for a startup. And I also didn't want to compromise on quality, so I tried looking for design/development companies that did this for a living.
I found a good one in November, and after a couple meetings, we decided to start with designing the logo and 5-6 pages to explore and express the idea visually.
The goal was to create presentation materials to show investors so I could get enough money to design and develop the platform.
We started work in December and completed this first project by the end of January.
The next six months, were the hardest days of my entire life (so far, since this period just ended).
Written on July 9, 2013
Before we move on to "The Hard Six" (the next chapter which contains the story about the hardest time of my life), lets loosen up a little.
Lets have some fun at my expense.
In this chapter, you'll find some things I wrote during The First Six months of Launchora as a way to imagine a future I hope to have.
The below text, and you'll know when it ends, was written in November 2012, as I continued to address an unknown - and probably non-existent - audience:
I believe we should always have the end goal in mind. A lot of people say that and call it "advice". It is great advice. But so is "eat healthy". Either be specific, or don't advise at all.
So how do you really succeed with this overarching end goal looming over the fate of your business? Let me tell you how I did it. This is me being specific.
I write. I don't call myself a "Writer" because the meaning of that word means something else in our current society. People say "Writer" the same way they say any kind of professional title "Doctor", "Professor", "Scientist", etc. A professional title is for those who actually make a direct income from that title. But my direct income isn't because of my writing.
I'm a writer in a traditional sense. I write almost everything I think. I wasn't always like this. There was a time I saw writing as a task. Mostly during my teenage years when it was a task assigned by teachers. And when you're told to do something, you're much less interested in doing so.
It was when I came to college that I really realized the power of writing. It started as class assignments, but I never saw myself focusing on those too. Even for graded assignments I would sometimes go on a tangent, completely changing the required topic. I remember a short conversation I had with a professor regarding one of my essays:
Professor: I liked what you wrote. But I gave you a B.
Me: Why?
Professor: Because this wasn't what you were supposed to write.
Me: It's what I wanted to write. So I did that.
Professor: And I wanted to give you a B. So I did that.
I never enjoyed writing about things I was supposed to write. It was never my end goal. My end goal was to find out something about myself as I wrote whatever my mind articulated in the brief moments prior to the writing.
So when I started writing down the idea that eventually became Launchora, my mind was transported to a new land altogether. Writing can change any rule, law, norm, reality, past, present, and future. Let me give you an example that in my opinion truly represents the awesomeness of writing:
A while ago I was watching an interview of Glen Mazarra, the show runner (at the time) of the mega-hit AMC TV Show The Walking Dead (a show about humans trying to survive a zombie apocalypse). I am going to quote Glen from my memory of the conversation:
Glen: "There was a scene I wrote in which a zombie was climbing a ladder. One of my writers told me that zombies can't climb ladders. I told him yes they can: I just wrote it."
Glen's comments really gave me something to think about. A little while after that I also realized that becoming an entrepreneur made me realize my full craziness potential.
It had been about a couple months since I started Launchora, and I would write down things all day every day on Evernote. When I had built most of what Launchora was going to be, I had a weird writers block where I really couldn't come up with a good way to write down about possible features about Launchora.
So I tried another approach. I started writing down announcement posts and emails that Launchora would display on our intro page or email out to our users.
It's a good time to note that this is a time when we didn't even have a website and only a handful of people knew what Launchora was.
So I started writing down ideas as if we had just launched a new feature. It was no longer a note for myself. It was a note from the Founder & CEO of Launchora to the millions (realistically: thousands, or hundreds, or just my family and friends) of Launchora users.
By focusing on what I really want to say to our users, I found a new way to come up with ideas. What I said in these posts was going to be read by a lot of people (I assumed this of course). So I had to narrow down my pages of ideas into a few lines. It was easier than I thought it would be.
After a couple days, I found myself regularly updating this note, and had a few epiphanies about what Launchora can do for our users. I even wrote down some imaginary conversations between two people where one person was describing Launchora to another person.
By thinking about who I was actually writing to, I was able to come up with things that those readers would like and find interesting.
It was around that time that it really started hitting me that this company - which has been the majority of my life for the last two months - was longer mine. It belonged to the people I was making it for.
So, a weird tactic, maybe even a bit delusional, but it worked. I was just writing to invisible people who had no idea what Launchora was.
By focusing on the end goal of Launchora, I was able to break down thoughts and ideas from the end goal back to the beginning of the idea.
The above was me being specific about how I stayed focused on the end goal. And the beauty of the end goal is that as you progress, it is always getting further and further away from where it previously was. That's how you build an idea that can last for as long as you think and write about it. That's how you build a company that can be passed on from one mind to generations. That's how you build an idea. Just remember to always have the end goal in mind.
…And that is the end of the text I wrote back in November 2012.
Now in case you're wondering if I'm going to actually share those posts I wrote, I'm sorry to disappoint. It's not that I am worried you might judge me (more) after reading the stuff I made up in my happy/crazy times, it's just that the actual text is pretty mundane and about Launchora's features etc that I'd love to introduce one day.
But anyway, I hope that was a little lighthearted. Because The Hard Six start next.
P.S. Don't worry, it's not a depressing chapter. It's actually got more twists and turns than all the chapters till now combined! I think you'll like it.
Written on July 9, 2013
Welcome to The Hard Six! Similar to The First Six, I've divided this chapter by months.
Alright, are you ready? Here we go.
January 2013
The new year has started. I have 365 days left on my current visa.
That was the first line in my January notes. This visa I mentioned was the 17-month extension I had received at the end of 2012 which allowed me to continue living and working in the US till December 31, 2013.
Because of this visa not being confirmed till October, I didn't know if I would be able to teach for another semester at SDSU. They had more faith in me than I did, and they kept the class on the roster for Spring semester anyway.
That was the best part of January: getting to take a day off work and teach.
Besides the class, not much positive was happening. The people I had hired to design and develop the website had given me a cost I couldn't even imagine to bring together. Here's an excerpt from my notes describing my state of mind:
At this point, I can't differentiate between excitement and stress. They have the same consequence for my mind right now : more of it. Whatever it is.
Talking to a couple industry guys tomorrow. That should clear my mind of options and push me on the right path.
See the thing is - this was bound to happen. I don't see another path. This was always part of the plan to get this done. And to that effect that number isn't the problem. I'm not scared. I'm anxious about where I'll be a month from now because I have no clue what will happen.
I knew I have to raise money. I knew it would happen at this point. I have nothing to be afraid of. This shouldn't be stressful because it is the only thing that is supposed to happen next.
I've got this. I will make this website happen. One way or another.
Yes, I give myself pep talks.
On top of all this, there was still the problem of hiring. I hadn't found anyone to commit full time. Why would they? All I had was an idea.
And now I also needed a lot of money.
One good occurrence was that by January 23rd I had some visual materials to show people what Launchora is and can be. So I did, which led to a meeting with a friend who also happens to be an experienced entrepreneur and investor.
Here's my note from January 25:
Met with X today. He says the website cost is too much. He's not wrong.
He believes I need a technical co-founder. How do I find one?
He said what's the point of spending six figures on a website that no one uses. Sure I want a high quality product but that doesn't mean I should spend so much money on it. I need to find a cheap solution.
On the other hand - a technical co founder isn't a requirement. I can hire a couple programmers and get working on this myself.
I can do two things:
1) find the money to fund this. Might have to give up equity but its a risk I'm willing to take to make sure we do this right
A) if we do this - I need to bring down their cost
B) one option is to bring the design company in as an equity investor
2) find a tech co-founder and some programmers to do it in house and save money
A) I have no idea how long this would take and if I'll ever find one
B) saves a lot of money and is a safer investment
C) if I go through this route, nothing happens. I wait till I find the right person. What if that never happens? I can't waste time now. I need to figure out what route I'm going to take.
This is the problem: if I use the design company and figure out a fee structure, they are still not invested in this. We could fail miserably and no one would be responsible or held accountable but me and whoever invests. If they are going to be a creative partner, they can't work for just a fee. They need to be invested. They need to want to make Launchora the greatest website ever.
I don't know where launchora goes from here. What do I do tomorrow? What should I do?
It's either in house or partnership. One is cheap but will take time. The other is expensive and will still take time since I'll have to find the right investor.
Maybe I'm negating the self-hire path too much. If I have the set up and directions ready, why can't I find a couple programmers to do this for me? How hard can it be?
Very hard.
And here's the next day's note, which is probably one of the scariest feelings to have about your capabilities:
Have I gotten to a point where I can't just kid myself anymore? I was embarrassed to tell my friend how much the visual look cost. I spent too much money. I didn't have to. But what's done is done. And I have learned that I can't be a free spender anymore. I believe I am a smart person but this wasn't the smartest decision. It was the decision that had to be made. Without spending this money I wouldn't have learned what I know now. Spending money on Launchora without proper risks calculated and calling myself an entrepreneur doesn't make me one. Just like a guy making a film doesn't make him a filmmaker. You become one when the public can see your product. Until then I'm just a kid with some very expensive digital files.
I wonder if this is the last stop on this crazy train.
So near the end of the month, I made a decision. I was going to tell the design company I can't do that cost. The best I can do is half of what they are asking, and if they can't do that, I'm out.
That conversation-turned-negotiation lasted about a month.
February
Wow, this chapter is really tough to write. The thing is, I'm really still too close to this period (I'll say it again, this insane six month just ended a last week).
So, I'm going to trust future-me to be stronger than present-me. Perhaps when he's ready, he'll tell you about what happened here.
As for me, I really want to just move on from this period and make Launchora happen. If I've learned anything from these last six months, this company and idea is all that matters.
Written on July 12, 2013
I'm going to talk about a tough topic here. I hope you'll keep it in perspective.
I hope I'll do so as well.
And if by the end you want to believe that I am an alcoholic, then...well it's good that readers can't talk back during this writing process.
Before I begin this chapter, I must say something…
Mom, Dad: It is okay if you wish to skip this chapter.
Alright, my dear readers. I'm going to assume my parents have skipped to the next chapter by now. Let's dive in.
My first drink ever was during the 2006 Fifa World Cup final. I was about 16. Italy won that one. I can't remember who they beat, and I'm not going to do a Google search for it. History remembers the winners, and apparently, so do I.
I was watching the game with a good friend of mine at a hotel bar in New Delhi. He had had beer before, but I hadn't. I ordered a Heineken; and foolishly, when it got warm, I put some ice in the glass.
My first drink was just that: one drink.
After that, I can't exactly give you a count, but I had a couple beers when I went out with friends in India. Maybe like two beers or a cocktail every other week (that is how often I went out with friends or my girlfriend at the time).
It wasn't until I came to the US that I had unlimited access to alcohol. With no one to judge me or see me drunk, I was free.
I didn't drink excessively, at all. I had the occasional few beers during pre-parties and shots during parties. But I wasn't a party person, so those events were seldom during my first couple years of college.
I was a normal college party drinker…which means I only drank when there were a bunch of us. Beer pong was probably the game that got me the most drunk during my sophomore and junior years of school. That was when I was partying - and living the following year - at International House in UCSD.
Like most people in America, I guess, I started buying my own alcohol at 21. That was my senior year, and while the partying had died down, I enjoyed beer a lot. I was 21 and had the ways and means to buy any amount of beer I wanted! How can you find a reason to not do that?
As I may have already told you, I don't like to put restrictions on myself. I believe that if I restrict myself, I'll become a slave to an addiction. My formula to not be addicted is to not feel like I need to do something. If I want to do something, I do it. And…I'm aware that this might be a dumb strategy, but I've always been able to stop those wants when I get bored of them.
I've treated almost every want I've ever had this way. I do it as much as I want, and one day I just get bored and stop doing it.
And yes, I will confirm some of your suspicions: I have utilized that formula in my dating life as well…so far.
Anyway, during my senior year I had a lot of unrealized stress relating to a lack of career plan plus no job and then a job but still no guarantee that it will stay because of the visa. Add on top of that the usual stress from doing an unpaid internship during a school year while I tried to run a school organization and become a self-proclaimed professor.
That last sentence was my senior year…and during the last six months of that year, which was January to June 2011, I guess I would have no more than a couple beers every other day. So it wasn't much, by some standards.
After graduation, when a whole lot of stuff happened (and is still happening…you have already read about it so you know what I'm talking about) I found wine to be a great release. And again, I'm talking about a couple glasses every one or two days. So again, not a lot by some standards.
I grew up watching my dad and my uncles drink whiskey, and it never intrigued me until I was about 22. Until then, I rarely drank alone since I had a roommate (sorry for ratting you out buddy). We would drink whiskey once or twice a week while watching a movie or just hanging out with friends.
I think my drinking became a solo act after I started Launchora in September 2012.
It wasn't just the unseeable and unavoidable stress from risking so much. It wasn't just the financial problem of not making money and living off my parents. It wasn't just the visa problems. And it wasn't just all the other problems of being a 23-year-old.
Yes, it wasn't any of those problems alone. It was all of them, happening at the same time.
I can honestly say I've never needed alcohol. There are times where I don't drink at all for days. For me, alcohol is involved in two major situations:
1. When I'm with friends drinking socially
2. When I'm alone and have absolutely nothing to do
It's the second one that is a subjective topic. During this period of living at home (see "Four Months in Suburban Solitary") and working on the company, which is a very slow process, there are moments where I really get bored with just sitting around and waiting for things to happen. I don't like to not have control, so when I get the feeling that all I can do is wait for some one/thing else to trigger the next event, I drink. It's just the only way to pass time sometimes. Smoke hookah. Drink some wine (I don't drink beer with Hookah since it spoils the flavor's taste). Watch TV. A lot of my nights go by as I enjoy these things.
I don't know exactly why I started writing this chapter…
Full Disclosure: When I started this chapter, I may have had a couple drinks.
…I think I am writing this to make a case for a casual drinker who is just having a bad...four months. I'm in here because of my drinking. I'm stuck here. I know that I can never drink and drive again…which means I either take cabs (which is expensive) or drink at home.
The latter has been picked for me by destiny.
In conclusion, I would like to say this:
Today is July 12, 2013. In exactly one month, I'll be done with my driving suspension. I know I make it sound like a prison sentence..and some of you may be thinking "#firstworldproblems".
Alcohol brought me this problem. And somehow, it's also a part of the solution.
I enjoy the taste of beer, wine, and whiskey. I don't drink to get drunk. That usually happens after a winning streak in a beer pong tournament.
I have a drink so that I can release some stress. So that I can stop worrying, just for a moment, about all that can go wrong - about all that is wrong.
I have a drink so that I have something to do - because I really hate not having anything to do.
It's just lucky for me that alcohol happens to be delicious.
…And so my dear reader, I have just opened up to you about what some consider a tough topic. I hope you're not a psychologist or just a normal-quick-to-judge person who decides to label me "Alcoholic! We have an Alcoholic in this book!" after reading a few pages about me. This book has been about honesty so far…so I wanted to tell you about what goes on in my life besides Launchora and teaching. I also have a personal life where girls are involved…but you're not going to read about it in here because I would like to keep some things private.
Well, maybe. Who knows what future-me has in store for you.
It's July 23, 2013. The time is about 4.21 AM. I'm sitting in my living room watching Tom Hiddleston's NERD HQ interview from Comic Con 2013 weekend that just happened. In case you're wondering why I'm doing this, I should remind you I am a big fan of movies and TV. And I've spent the past three nights watching Comic Con panels and NERD HQ interviews. Since I have Apple TV, and Youtube is made in God's HD image, I get to enjoy these videos on my 60 inch LED HDTV. Yes, small victories should be boasted.
Anyway, Tom just mentioned a quote in French, which he then translated to English. It goes like this:
"We all have two lives. The second one starts when we realize we only have one."
I don't know who wrote that. I don't really care for context here. Quotes are used with our own lives as context, so does it really matter who wrote it?
It's a simple saying. But what it made me realize is this entrepreneur-ing thing I'm doing. This new life I've decided to live. And I've also come to a big realization about this path.
I'm not good at it.
How can I be good at something I've never done? I never thought about this because I thought we're all supposed to act like know-it-all visionaries. And sure I want some of that to be part of my persona in public one day. But now that I've admitted it to you and to myself, I can tell you I am mostly proud of this feeling.
There's so much I don't know about this new career of choice. I've never made a company from scratch before. I really thought I can do it because a lot of people have, and I am surely unique, right? While that realization may not be incorrect, it is unnecessary.
One area where I am truly and simply just winging it is budget. Because of my inexperience and lack of a technical skill set, I'm spending a lot of money on this first product. And I'm not against it. It's like I'm throwing money on a wall, hoping that there is some adhesive on this wall, and that most if not all the money would stick.
Speaking of celebrities...there's one thing I am really envious of when it comes to celebrities: they change our life path.
I am a normal person almost every day. I work. I eat. I sleep. All moves forward on normal life schedule.
But when a celebrity I like somehow shows up - whether its in person in the same city, or on TV, or on the Internet - I really go out of my normal life path to watch or see them.
And in my case a celebrity is anyone I admire. Film or TV people. Entrepreneurs. Anyone that has done or achieved something extraordinary.
Here's what I envy about them the most - they can fill up a room and people actually want to hear what they say. I call that experience "The Celebrity Moment".
For me, teaching is my celebrity moment. When I enter my classroom, it is mine. I control everything. It's one of the only places in the physical world where I know I am being listened to.
I hope to add one more location to this celebrity moment list: the future offices of Launchora.
Today is August 12, 2013: the day I am rejoining society. Today is the day I can get behind the wheel and drive anywhere, something I have been unable to do for the past four months.
The first place I found myself driving to was this cafe near by old workplace. I love this acai bowl they make there, and it’s one of the main things I had been deprived of while I was under suburban solitary.
Besides returning to my favorite food joint, I can't say things are back to normal.
It's August 15, 2013. Things are going okay.
I wouldn't say great - the beard is still here.
There were three items on the end-the-beard checklist:
1. Put up something on Launchora.com CHECK
2. (Something personal) CHECK
3. Visa approval PENDING
Yes, I'm still waiting on the visa to get approved.
What visa, you ask? Have I not mentioned it yet? I'm not really sure because I haven't read the stuff I've written so far. So I'll just go ahead and tell you.
Remember the H1b visa I mentioned in Chapter 12 ("Two Thousand Twelve")? Well, since my current visa in ending on December 31, 2013 (so in about five months), I had to apply for a new visa. This new H1b visa would be applied via Launchora for me, so it means a lot of problems and paperwork and risk-taking and money.
I applied for this visa on April 1, 2013. The process wasn't fun, and it really isn't a sure-thing.
First, there are too many applicants.
Second, my case is unique which means big risk.
Third, there was a lottery just to get into the visa consideration.
Fourth, if I don't get this visa, I'm basically going to have to leave the US by the end of the year.
And finally, this whole thing has really affected Launchora's progress - my hands are tied by so many different rules that I am stuck.
It's been over four months since I applied. This whole thing is hovering over my head like an angel's halo (with none of the angel benefits).
Written on September 8, 2013
So about a week ago I started thinking about getting a tattoo. My friend was visiting me and he really wanted to get one while in San Diego. I was interested, since it brought me back to six years ago when I almost got one. But I just wasn't ready when he asked, so I told him I would think about it.
I spent the past six days thinking about what to get. What is it about myself that I would like branded on my body? Is it a lesson? Is it a symbol? It is a reminder? Is it a memory? Why was there this sudden urge to make something permanent about me, when I spent the last four years trying to change? And isn't coming up with a tattoo against the point? Shouldn't it be something that just clicks in your brain and you just have to get it?
My friend wanted to get a poem that resonated with him. So I thought I'd look for one too. I went through some options, but it turned me off thinking that someone else's words would be on my body forever.
Then I moved on to symbols. Back in college, when I first thought of getting a tattoo, I wanted to get a cool religious symbol. I am not super religious, so I dropped the idea even though the symbol was really unique and meant something to a lot of people. But it didn't mean enough to me, so I decided against it.
While searching for a perfect symbol, I had a crazy idea: Launchora. I've spent the last year living for one idea. Wouldn't it be fitting to get my company logo as a tattoo? As a way to represent all the hardships and happiness I experienced working on it?
That almost made the cut, except for three reasons:
1. The rest of the world that doesn't live in my head would find it weird and probably crazy.
2. If I ever start a second company, which I probably will, does this mean I have to get a tattoo for every company I start?
3. Launchora's logo is an egg rocket ship.
After I dropped that idea, I went back to the poem thing. Since my only problem with a poem was that it would be someone else's words, I had an epiphany.
Why don't I write a poem myself?
So for about four days, I tried to write. And after four days of writing, I realized I'm not a poet. At least not a good one.
That brings me to today. I was looking through some Urdu/Hindi poems and quotes, when I came across one I have been hearing as a kid.
"Khudi ko kar buland itna ke har takdir se pehle,
Khuda bande se pooche bata teri raza kya hai."
- Allama Iqbal
Translated to English:
Elevate your "self" to a level so high that even God, before issuing you every decree of your destiny, has to ask you "tell me, what is your intent?"
While the poem itself doesn't work for me (since I didn't write it), I did find inspiration in the words.
In Urdu, Khuda means God, and Khudi means the self.
The symmetry in the letters got me thinking. To an individual, beyond family and friends and others, there are two beings that are most important. The person him/herself, and God. Now God necessarily doesn't have to mean a religious deity, but simply the creator. The being that lead to the creation of the self.
I've never seen God the person, so I always saw God in my parents. And my parents love God, so I love God.
One of the smallest and most important word in the Hindu religion is "Om". It represents Lord Shiva and my parents are devoted followers of his.
So, I decided to have two tattoos. One on each wrist, written in Hindi:
Lakshya (left), and Om (right).
Lakshya also works as a constant reminder of my aim in life - which is basically to always have one. And I find it kind of neat that my name is literally on me, as a self-identification.
Here's what it looks like in Hindi:
Now that I know what I want, all that remains to be decided is when...
Today is September 11, 2013.
Today is the end of the beard.
Now if you've been following the evolution of the beard you know that I haven't shaved since May 8. I told myself I wouldn't shave until certain things happened or were accomplished. On August 15, I wrote a short chapter on the checklist. Here it is again:
1. Put up something on Launchora.com CHECK
2. (Something personal) CHECK
3. Visa approval
On August 15, the item 3 was still pending.
As of September 11, which is today, item 3 is...
Still pending.
So why did I shave?
For many reasons. Here are the top 3:
1. I received a notification from the visa officials that they needed more information before making a decision on my case. This would delay the decision by another couple months at least.
2. It's my birthday on the 19th, which also happens to be Launchora's one year anniversary. Last year on this day I was with my parents. This year I can't see them since we are in different countries and neither can travel to the other one. So, since my mom dislikes my beard, I thought I'd surprise her and shave. As a gift.
3. I missed my face.
Bonus: this is post-shave, but we just hit 5000 likes on Facebook after being live on Facebook for less than 6 weeks. So in retrospect, maybe this is a good reason too.
Written on September 19, 2013
Today is my 24th birthday.
More importantly, today is Launchora's one year anniversary.
So, what kind of year has it been?
Today, which is a Thursday, I only had two things planned. Teach my class from 4-6. Party from 6.30 till close of senses.
I'm not sure how I feel about this one year mark. As I've mentioned earlier in this book, my goal is to be worth at least a million dollars by the time I turn 25. Today, as I turned 24, marks the 50% completion of that journey.
That scares me. I'm half-way through the two year period and all the hard work has yet to be paid off. Sure, I didn't expect to be worth $500,000 by now. I also didn't expect to be worth a million already. I just expected things to be different from the time I was 23.
Many things are different. I know a lot more about myself than I did a year ago. My goals and dreams for Launchora have certainly matured. The fog hiding my future is clearing up. But the uncertainty about my personal future has only achieved new levels of…uncertainty.
I'm about three months away from the end of my current work visa. For me that fact is like gravity - I can't escape it. Every decision I have to make requires the answer to my visa situation. Without knowing, I'm just stuck.
I haven't been able to write for about a month or so. I simply lost the will to do so. Also, I had nothing to talk about. In terms of work, Launchora is going well. I'm doing the best I can with what I have, and we're trying to function as if nothing is wrong or waiting for an impending doom-like outcome. On the bright side, if a 1000 things go well, Launchora will be live by the end of the year.
On a happier note: what we have been working on, it's like a dream being realized and turning into reality. The designs we've been working on look incredible - far better than what I drew on a white board a year ago. When Launchora goes live, I truly believe it will change the way people read and write.
Of course on the flip side of that is the reality that I wish was just a dream. Every two weeks, I have to figure out new ways to bring in enough funds into the company so it can afford to pay me a salary. And of course I only see 60% of that. Of course.
I often tell my friends that I don't want to know where I will be in five years. Not because I am clueless, but because I don't want to set a bar for myself. Because I want to achieve things that the present version of me can't even dream of.
But as I reach the half-time of this book's journey, I am clueless. The dream still exists. But at this point I am truly afraid of where I might be a year from today.
Even more scary is the realization that I don't know where Launchora will be a year from today…of if it will even be.
Written on October 10, 2013
Alright, by now we've established that I'm in this entrepreneurship thing wholly. So let's talk about what happened today.
I had a meeting with my design team where the agenda was to sign off on the final designs for the Launchora website and discuss next steps.
The aftermath of this meeting could possibly lead to the end of my current career path.
Let's travel back in time to about five months ago: May 2013. You, my dear reader, may also remember this month as the beginning of the beard (and this book). Back in May, after months of negotiating, Launchora finally had a design and development deal with a company. The budget was going to be $150,000 to $175,000. $125,000 of that would be paid in cash, and the rest would be in equity. The timeline for full product launch was four to seven months.
Full disclosure - at the time of agreement (which never really happened as you'll read ahead), I only had about $15,000 in Launchora's bank account. But I seem to live in the delusional state of "everything will work out", so I agreed.
The Agency (that's what we'll call them here to keep it anonymous-ish, even though I'm sure none of the people there will ever read this) asked for a $50,000 start deposit. I didn't have it, so I gave them two checks: one for $15,000 which was available to deposit immediately, and the other for $35,000 that I would need some time to arrange. This was my way of showing them that I will come up with the money.
My First Mistake: not mentioning the shortage of funds till the end of the kickoff meeting.
So now we're in mid-June. I try my best to come up with the money, but wasn't able to. So I spoke with the Agency's head and we came to an understanding: we would divide the project into two parts:
Part 1: Visual Design and UI/UX
Part 2: Website Development and Launch
Part 1's budget was $60,000 to $70,000 and the timeline was 3 months. The Agency asked for a $30,000 start deposit. Since they already had the $15,000, all I had to do was arrange another $15,000. I was able to, so on July 2 we started Part 1.
My Second Mistake: only signing paperwork for Part 1. Part 2's existence was not acknowledged in this agreement. I was actually happy that we only signed one agreement - mostly since I didn't have my visa yet (and wouldn't for months) and it felt comforting to only sign on for a part of the deal.
Let's come back to the present. It's October 10th (today), and we are finishing up with Part 1. I walked into this meeting assuming that at the end of finishing designs, we will discuss Part 2.
What actually happened was nowhere close to my two-mistakes-backed assumption.
My first clue: the head of the Agency wasn't at the meeting.
My second clue (in hindsight): nothing about Part 2 had been mentioned since July 2.
My third clue: a couple weeks ago, the account manager at the Agency mentioned speaking to developers to get a cost estimate. So technically, this clue came before the first clue.
The third clue led to...
My Third Mistake: assuming that the account manager meant that they were speaking with their own development team for a revised cost estimate.
After all these clues, the truth was revealed as such by the account manager: they had spoken to a few developers and had a recommendation. This developer is based in San Francisco, and projects launching the website at a cost of $21,000 to $25,000 per month. Timeline for project: four to six months.
So when I started with Part 1 on July 2, the timeline was four to seven months total to Launch. That would mean launch by January 2014 at the latest.
Now, the launch is pushed to six months from the beginning of development. Assuming we start development November 1, that would mean the website wouldn't be up until end of April 2014.
More importantly, instead of costing me $125,000 total in cash to launch by end of January 2014, it would cost me $170,000 to launch three months late.
Of course I am responsible partly for these new developments. of course I'm still visa-less and broke. Of course I feel like I am failing my family and my investors. Of course I believe I am the worst entrepreneur of all time.
Most of these feelings are backed by these facts: I have been working on Launchora since September 2012. Twelve months in, I have raised about $125,000 and spent it all on lawyers, salaries, and design work - with no knowledge of when I will actually deliver a website to everyone counting on me.
After the account manager told me about the developer's price, I told them everything about what I had assumed was going to happen. They were surprised to find out what I was expecting to happen. We ended the meeting with the decision to talk again when the head of the Agency was available next week.
For the rest of the day (I am writing this at close to midnight as I finish a bottle of wine) I recapped my entire career until today in my head. How did I get here? Why did I do this? What do I have to show for the last one year of my life?
I know why I am here. I know and take responsibility for my actions that led to this reality. But I also know this:
I am not good at this.
I am not happy with how I've handled this.
I am disappointed with myself.
Basically, today was a difficult day.
That brings us to...
My Fourth Mistake: not knowing what to do next.
Written on October 11, 2013
After having "A Difficult Day", I feel like I need to escape today.
So, for the purpose of revitalizing my hope for a happy future, I would like to dream one up. I would like to say that this is for you, my reader, to enjoy - but it's for me. I need this.
Of course this isn't your typical filmi (an Indian word for "film-like") dream sequence. This is a Lakshi (forgive me, I just had to write that) dream sequence. So expect some specificity, and some lavish best case scenario outcomes.
Alright, let's get started.
Let's start with assuming I get my work visa approved within this month.
Wow, that's a relief.
Even if it is in fictional form. Let's hope it's non-fiction soon.
I've been using my visa as an excuse for Launchora's slow progress. I admit it. It's safe, and I believe it's also true. My typical comment is "no one wants to invest in a company where the Founder & CEO is working in the US on borrowed time." But besides the funding problem, the real problem is making decisions about the company's future. I can't hire people without money, of course. But I also can't hire them because I can't give them the assurance of a job in three months. What if I have to move back to India? Then what will I do with having an expensive team in America without being able to see them on a daily basis?
Okay, enough excuse-confessions. Since in this dream sequence I already have the visa, let's move on.
Starting November-December I will be in hardcore pitching mode. Meanwhile the development will kick off sometime in November, and we'll probably be ready to Launch in February-March 2014. Once I find the right angel investor, we'll even have the funds to work fast and hire faster. Marketing a product like Launchora depends on delivering the website to the right audience. If we market the March 2014 launch well, we should be in a good place regarding an initial viewer base.
By May or June, we are probably going to be in good shape and have had decent hits as well as a good collection of content on the website. And after securing the Angel funding in say, February, we should be able to bleep on the radar of some venture capitalists. Plug in some operational and marketing funding, and Launchora could see a decent global audience. At the closing of such a VC funding round (typically called Series A according to most people), I could be looking at meeting my million dollar goal by end of summer in 2014.
Sure, all of this is based on hitting the right milestones at the right time. But this is a dream sequence, which means I can also give myself the privilege of converting those hopeful-yet-specific milestones into assumptions for the next sequence. This is where things might get a bit crazier.
By September 2014, after meeting my self-assigned goal of being worth at least a million dollars on paper, I will be neck deep in Launchora.
That is where this story about the future starts to play fast and loose with what might happen.
As I write this, I am debating whether I should go with a straight one-scenario story, or come up with a few scenarios so that you, my reader, can have a "Choose Your Own Adventure"-like experience. I have decided against the multiple scenarios, mostly because I know that if I went down that road I will probably write a scenario where things don't go well. Since the point of this "What If…" experience is to take me away from panicking my way to a almost-quarter life crisis, let's stick to a happy outcome.
So for beyond September 2014, I imagine being in a place where I am content with what I have accomplished and am hungry to reach the next milestone. Assuming I have the time to partake in side projects, I would really like to invest in early stage startups by the end of 2014. Becoming an angel investor and eventually start a VC fund is my current life plan, and I would like to start early to build a reputation as well as test my skill set when dealing with other people's dreams.
I also see myself continuing to teach. While a university position may be too much of a time commitment, I would really enjoy staying in touch with students and teaching seminars in multiple schools. I've often told my friends and family that my dream for my teaching career is to teach at Stanford and Harvard one day. Considering the pedigree of students and speakers that go through the doors of those schools, it is safe to assume Launchora will have to become a really big media empire before anyone at those universities answers my calls.
Looking ahead to 2015 and beyond seems silly right now, even though 2015 is less than 15 months away. One thing I am definitely aiming for is moving Launchora to New York as soon as we can afford to. I cannot think of a better city to advance the company and spend my mid-20s in.
What about 2020? Well, I'll be 30 by then, which doesn't seem that scary from this far. To make my mom happy since she might be reading this, I should mention that I'll probably be married by then. I don't know to whom, mom! So don't call me to ask when you read this!
Hold on - before you light the torches(-app) - I haven't forgotten about my dream to visit Jimmy Fallon's show as a guest. I WILL find a way to become important enough (in a positive and harmless way) to get on that show again. He'll be doing the Tonight Show starting February 2014, but that doesn't change the plans. I'm guessing the chances of getting on will increase when I'm a m(b)illionaire living and working in New York. And of course the Daily Show and Colbert Report are on the list too.
As I think of my future, what strikes me is the ability of these words - any words - to create an alternate universe. There are so many possibilities, so many paths that I could end up walking through. Maybe things do work out. Maybe Launchora does become the media empire I envision. Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe the next chapter I write will be about uprooting myself from the life I've spent six years building here in San Diego. Maybe I'll have to get back to finding a job in a stable field (for the record, I really don't want this path to exist).
Maybe the real 2014 will look nothing like this fictional 2014.
What does fascinate me in the end is the power of writing. Because even if I don't get everything - or anything - I want, there will be a record of what could have been right here. In a year I could come back to this chapter and look at my state then with a glass full of happiness or sadness (the glass will be full of beer or wine in each case).
Because even when time stops counting me in, my words will still be here. Some may think them foolish, or inspiring, or laughable - or some may not find them at all because this might never get published or read. But because I wrote this, it will exist somewhere.
Because maybe "what if" isn't a question after all. Maybe "what if" is just the beginning of a fictional tale morphing into reality.
Before I end this chapter - actually the previous line is the end of the chapter, this is just an after thought - I want to take a moment to thank you for sticking through with my weird tale so far. I hope you don't find it boring. If you do, please come up with a better-sounding synonym for boring so my feelings don't get hurt. I personally don't find my words boring, but that's mostly because I've learned to love me for my antics. What does excite me, and I hope it excites you too, is that somewhere out there in the future (on Launchora, hopefully) are the future chapters of my life - waiting for me to live them. I really hope that my current hope for the future doesn't get distinguished, but even if it did, I know that I will find the strength to pour a glass of happiness and give you another "What If…" with new tales and dreams.
See you in the next chapter.
Written on October 29, 2013
Today, I am going to make an admission. I was stupid.
Maybe that shouldn’t be limited to past tense.
I always tell myself that I will never regret my decisions. What’s done is done. Whatever happened, happened. That’s a guilty man’s excuse I guess. Someone who doesn’t like to admit his mistakes maybe. But I mean it in a different sense. I say I don’t want to regret anything because admitting that would mean I am not happy with the present version of myself or my life. And that’s the worst way for a prideful man to admit defeat.
Sure, I am still not willing to regret. But - as a cautious, older, and finally a bit wise man - I must say that I was stupid. And admitting you’ve been stupid isn’t enough to make me immune to this condition in the present or the future.
I’ve been working on Launchora for thirteen months now. 13-fucking-months. That’s roughly 400 days. FOUR-0-FIVE, to be exact.
And what has been my biggest mistake? He says as he realizes it - not doing enough.
Specifically, not taking the charge of my biggest problem: technology.
I have spent months and months waiting, budgeting, negotiating, sulking, watching tv, drinking, eating, not learning. I could have used these last 400 days and learned something - anything - about my technological needs. I could have learned how to code. I could have solved my problem myself. But instead I waited for it to be solved by others. I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t even think about it.
I feel like a person who has lived in another country - another culture - for 405 days who still hasn’t learned a single word of this world’s language.
Shame on me.
I have already admitting to wasting money. Wasting time. But I also wasted opportunity. Sure, it’s very much possible that even if I tried to learn how to program and become my own solution, it wouldn’t have solved the problem per se. But it wouldn’t have hurt. What makes me really upset is the realization that I didn’t even think of this once. And what is my excuse? The truth - that I didn’t think it would take so long to get here. Every day for the past 405 days I thought tomorrow I will find my solution.
Anyway, that “truth” is my First Excuse for not knowing I was stupid.
Here’s the Second Excuse: personality.
I can’t tell if this is my fault or not. Is a “personality” even real thing? Or did someone just decide to come up with a name for “I want to do things a certain way without apologizing or changing or learning from my mistakes, so let’s just call it my personality.”
Maybe not knowing if my personality is my own prison is just part of my personality.
So what crime has my so-called-personality committed anyway?
It has limited me to thinking I’m the business guy - not the tech guy. Here’s what my personality tells me:
“A CEO who codes too? Bullshit. Only Mark Zuckerberg can do that.”
Or, “I’m better off being great at one thing than being mediocre at two things.”
Or,”The business end needs 100% of my attention. Someone better than me needs to be focusing their 100% on tech.”
Thanks, personality. You’ve been very helpful. Just one question - what has your 100% focus on business accomplished so far?
No answer? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
And if two excuses for not knowing I was stupid isn’t enough, here’s a bonus one:
Warning: I am not proud of this one.
Third Excuse: Pride.
The part of me that still believes I can learn from my mistakes tells me that this isn’t regret I feel. What I am feeling is even worse: guilt.
Great.
Written on November 12, 2013
I'm painstakingly close to my visa decision, so now might be a good time to talk about a thing that confuses, intrigues, infuriates, and flabbergasts me: vanity.
I've been writing about my two year journey - this so-called "book" - for several months now. Only now have I fixed upon this question: why?
Why am I writing this? In the beginning I thought it would be funny; writing about my life as if it's a behind the scenes of something spectacular. Then I thought that even if I can't make it to my year 25 goal, this book would be an interesting tale telling people about what went wrong. But who wants to read about how either outcome came to place?
That's when I realized something rather stupid: it's about me. I really believe that people would want to read things I want to say.
Your turn, universe: crush my ego. You deserve a shot. Go nuts. I'm ready.
Written on December 5, 2013
Good one, universe.
Something happened last night. Something I can’t really say to you directly, because I don’t know how to. So I did the second-best thing - I wrote about it and sent it to my good friend Tiffany so she could put it on her blog. It fascinates me to learn that I just preferred being public about something extremely private.
Anyway, here’s what I wrote -
Another Day, Another Way
My name is Lakshya. Some of you may remember me from the guest post I did for Tiffany a few weeks ago titled “The Allure of The Founder”. This post, is a darker sequel to that one.
The time, as I begin writing this, is about 2.06 AM on December 5, 2013. I arrived home in San Diego just a couple hours ago from San Francisco where I was visiting extended family. Tomorrow is my last teaching day at San Diego State University, before Final exams next week.
As usual, I began my day with going on the www.uscis.gov website and checking the status of my H1b Work Visa petition. I am an Indian citizen who has been in the United States since August 2007. I completed a Bachelors in Science degree in Management Science from University of California, San Diego in 2011. I’m currently living in the US on a work permit attached to my student visa (F1) which is expiring on December 31, 2013. That’s about 25 days away.
About 8 months ago, or 247 days ago to be specific since that is the number I count every day, I applied for the H1b visa through my startup, Launchora. I’m not going to get into the why-what-how here, but simply tell you where things are now.
Back to today. I woke up this morning and checked my visa status. When I had applied for the visa, the USCIS (the government entity that decides whether you get the visa or not) stated that they will provide me with a yes or no decision by September 30, 2013. On August 23, 2013 they informed my company that they need more paperwork as evidence to make the decision. My company and I complied. On October 7, 2013, they received the paperwork and stated that they will inform me (and Launchora) with a decision within 60 days. Those 60 days end this Friday, December 6, 2013.
This morning, just 2 days before the 60 days end, I checked my status and it was still in review. I exhaled and waited for the next day, the same thing I’ve been doing for the previous 246 days. When I reached home tonight, I checked my status again (about 30 minutes ago) and was informed that they have denied my visa application. The formal decision letter and the reasoning will be mailed to Launchora within 15 days.
Now, since I’ve only had about 30 minutes to process this, I have a few things fighting for thought and attention in my head. If you’d let me, I’d like to give you a breakdown of those thoughts in the order in which they were…thought:
Okay, that happened
It was really a 50-50 chance buddy, poop happens
Let’s figure out the alternatives
Maybe the USCIS system made a glitch and when I receive the actual letter it will be an approval
Probably not, the government doesn’t have glitches!
So what? Not getting to continue your career in the country you have spent age 17-24 isn’t the end of the world...
...Literally, there are more countries out there
Call your parents, be honest, be strong, be you, be better (if applicable)
Write it down and try to share your story, since that is what your idea and company represent
That pretty much brings us to this moment, right here. Here is what I can tell you - I will figure it out. Tomorrow (today, actually) will be the beginning of a new struggle. One I aim to face with all the strength I have (which luckily got replenished after I spoke to my dad).
Here’s another thing I can tell you. Actually this is more of a statement and a promise, because why not! The next time I write anything publicly (or, internet-ally) will be via Launchora - a platform I still envision to be a safe haven and outlet for any writer, any story. This company - this idea - has been my rock for the past 247 days (and many more before then) and it has yet to let me down. And with no barriers anymore - geographically at least - I am going to be Launchora’s rock and bring it to life, just as planned.
I’ll see you on another day, another way.
——
That’s the end of the post I wrote. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I know what I would think if I was reading this book: this story just took a very interesting, possibly dark, or equally possibly exciting, turn.
I haven’t written anything for the past few weeks because it was too much. The waiting just wasn’t bearable anymore, and writing about my plans for a future that may not happen just seemed too cruel. But what I did have was hope. I’ll be honest and tell you that at least 75% of me thought I would get the visa. Even though my brain knew it was a 50-50 shot. Stupid brain.
In those hopeful moments, I would make plans for the “what if”. Not the what-if if things went the other way, but the what-if it works out and I get to stay here. Launchora is doing really well. If things went fine, we would have been online by the end of February 2014 - just three months away. I was going to cancel my India trip so I could stay here and concentrate. Over the past couple weeks I had even begun making plans for a road trip in January and February where I would drive from San Diego to Seattle, stopping in as many cities as possible and getting those early writers for Launchora. Yesterday, before I got the news, I told myself that today (December 5) I will start working out the logistics. And I was really looking forward to writing about that experience in here.
I will be planning something alright. Just not that road trip. Not anymore.
It’s funny how all of this has worked out, isn’t it? When I started this book, I truly thought that somehow I will make it to September 19, 2014 the way I want to. But the roads are still changing. And as usual, I can’t control them.
I’m about nine months away from the end of this two year book. I have a feeling these next nine months are going to be very different from the last nine.
Stay tuned my friends. I suggest you take a break, go get some popcorn or a drink. Think of this as the intermission (for my Indian readers) or the mid-season finale (for my global readers).
While you get ready for the next chapter, I’ll be getting ready to be introduced to the not-so-popular-but-will-probably-be-everyone’s-boss-one-day step-sibling of “what if”:
What Now…
Written on December 5, 2013
Welcome to my new chapter! As the title suggests, this chapter is about the 25 days I have left on my visa before I have to leave the United States. It is what it is, and I'm more than okay with dealing with what's next. One thing I've been waiting for these past months is an external force that would give me the ultimate answer: yes, or no. Now that I know that the action is a no, I can move forward with my life and get out of this limbo. The power is finally back in my hands. This is new for me, and for you I think, since this is the first time your author has full control of his destiny.
Before I begin my account of what will happen here, I want to tell you about a fascinating video I watched recently. As you may already know, I am a fan of the TV show Doctor Who. The show celebrated its 50th anniversary on November 23 of this year. One of their specials was called The Science of Doctor Who with Brian Cox. In this video, the renowned British scientist Brian Cox (you should check out his TEDTalks) demonstrated how time travel is actually, weirdly, sort-of possible. He showed that with some timey-wimey scientific-magic, we could actually (theoretically) travel to the future. I don’t remember the exact details since I couldn’t find the show on Youtube, but here’s what I remember: if a person were to be sent to outer space towards a black hole at 96% of the speed of light, by the time he would have come back, the Earth (and all of its inhabitants) would have aged some 20 years. However, due to the aforementioned timey-wimey scientific-magic, the human traveler would have only aged about 2 or 3 years. So, theoretically and technically, he would be a time traveler.
The reason I just went all nerdy was to make this observation: as you know, I’m writing this book in real time. That means that I write about my life and my experiences and hilarious struggles as they happen to me. So as I experience my current predicament and find a way out of it, I have to wait to see what happens to me. But you, my beloved reader, can just turn the page and jump to the future - my future. So, in my own way, I am talking to the future. What you will know about me in just a few minutes, I will not live through for days or even months.
Did that blow your mind? Just a little bit?
I’ll let you think about that while I continue my story.
Actually, how about I give you a demo?
I started writing this chapter on December 5, but today is December 13.
Did you feel that? You just jumped a week in time in seconds, but I had to experience it the traditional one-second-at-a-time way.
Over the past week I have had several questions for the universe.
What is your plan? Are you happy with that you just did? Can you hear me? Could you put the remote down for one second and notice me?
I don’t have problems with the universe. It is there to take all the blame, but rarely the compliment. To be honest, I am not really angry at the universe. Or anyone or anything. I’m just curious. Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do now?
Of course, the bigger question I ask myself out loud, as the author of this book, is this: what will happen to my two year goal? Do I postpone it? No, that would be cheating. I didn’t set my deadline just to move it.
But: what if I don’t make it? What if September 19, 2014 comes and I have not met my goal? Do I end this book on a sad note? Who in their right mind would buy a book where the author fails page by page?
So now you have an idea about why I chose to wait a week to continue this chapter.
I do have some news. While I did have just 25 days left on my visa as of December 5, I am allowed to stay in the US for 60 days after my visa ends of December 31. Yay?
I won’t be using all of those days. I’m trying to fly out as close to January 1 as possible. Moving and packing is a bitch, but my concern is Launchora’s immediate future. The more time I spend here in the US, a country that very literally has rejected me, the more time I waste for Launchora. The sooner I get to India, my old and new home, the sooner Launchora will see the light of day.
So that’s my goal for the remaining days I have left here. I’ll be saying my goodbyes to this deaf country, and then move on to the home that has somehow become foreign to me.
Also, this whole “leave our country” feels very awkward. It’s like you’ve just been dumped, but are still living together and the movers won’t show up for another few weeks.
I would write more here, but I don’t want to waste your time with my complaints about the horribleness of moving.
Oh…one more thing before I end this chapter: I didn’t write much here in the past week because I filled up on some creative juices and started working on two new stories. One of them is a short story, and the other is a play. I don’t want to reveal much, mostly because I’m still figuring them out, but I will say this: there is a possibility that the protagonist in each of those stories is based on your troubled author.
What is that old writing cliche? Write what you know?
Well, I don’t know myself that well, but it’s all I have to work with.
Written on December 15, 2013
Yesterday I made the first action to kindle my new beginning: I bought a One Way plane ticket to India. Maybe I’m giving it too much credit, but I have never purchased a one way ticket, ever. Isn’t there something reassuring and safe about knowing you get to come back from wherever you’re going to wherever you belong? Isn’t there always a home base from where we channel towards all our hopes and dreams and risks?
The first time I came to the US, back in 2007 to start college, I had a return ticket. I knew I was going to be in the US for at least four years, so I didn’t put too much thought into this back then. Delhi was home, San Diego was the risk. Somewhere around Year Four, there was a reversal of roles: America became home, and India became the…foundation? There was something comforting in knowing that I had a new base. India was there and always will be, but all my future journeys would embark from this new hub. Suddenly but over a long time, America was no longer the risk but just the base for new dreams.
It was like I was playing a video game and I just hit a checkpoint, i.e., the point from which you re-spawn when you...well...die.
Scratch that last analogy, too grim. Even for me.
Well, as we all know, that dream disintegrated a few days ago. You’ve been reading it for a while so maybe you can see this entire year as the disintegration period, but for me it only looks so when I look back. I tried very hard to hold on to this port, but the tide has come, and I must embark on another journey.
That makes me think: will returning to the foundation feel the same? Does 2013 still have some juice left in it to sprinkle it on my 2014?
Sure, sure. You can say that it is up to me. I am the architect and I control what happens. Maybe you’re right. I even hope you’re right.
So let’s go down that path. Let’s introduce my capabilities to courage. Let’s see what happens when your author doesn’t have the “externalities” to blame for his setbacks.
We all make plans when we can. 2014 may sound like a big long-time event, but it is divided into 365 smaller units. And while I can believe that something magical will happen when I step off that plane, I also know that some things will still follow the rules of reality. I know that it will take me a few weeks to find my ground and unpause Launchora. I know that once it is unpaused, Launchora will take a couple months to grow up. From then on, we could be back on track - wait, scratch that (but not really because I need those words to stay there to make the point) - we could be on a new, improved track and launch the product I’ve been hiding from this world. Maybe that is how it will go. Maybe by mid-2014, I’ll have a better understanding of who I am and where I belong.
But why, oh why, must we always “know” the future? Why must we always look for the trick behind the magic? Why must we always look for the misdirection so we can call the trick a fake? Why can’t we just let magic have it’s moment and wow us?
Well, I know why some of us do that. It isn’t really a condition we suffer from. It isn’t even an on-off switch. It really is frustratingly simple: we have to know what’s next because next rarely wows us. We have beaten reality so far down our own throat that it gets to have it’s own fruit next to Adam’s.
At this point I would like to apologize to my female readers for excluding you from that "Adam's Apple" reference. My intention was not to be sexist, but simply to take advantage of a fun-to-write line. You could argue that I set up my own clever joke, and you would win that argument.
Anyway, is it too soon for me to say I want to believe in the magic? That I want to step on that plane without my skeptic pills and just let the magician wow me? Is that all that separates us from believers?
Maybe we’re not wowed anymore because we are convinced that the world around us just doesn’t have time to give us our moment of pure and unsaturated disbelief. Maybe we are sure that the calendar and our misfortunes are not buddies that get together every day to plan a prank on us.
I don’t know about you, but I want to write this now so I can’t delete it later: I believe.
I believe that going back to my foundation will be a good thing. I believe that I will find a new path that has my name written all over it. I believe that opportunity and I will finally be at the same place at the same time.
And, most magically, I believe that if I treat opportunity well, it will introduce me to its elusive companion: success.
Some hope, and some believe.
Some dream, and some achieve.
Some try, and some do.
Some act, and some become.
Some trick, and some wow.
Yes, I just wrote that. And I’m really proud of myself in this moment so please refrain from Googling those words - to see if someone else came up with them first - and ruining my moment. I promise I won’t, if you don’t.
Written on December 29, 2013
It’s almost the end of 2013, and I’m feeling torn by my beliefs. Does everything really happen for a reason? Or are we just finding excuses for not taking actions when we should have?
I didn’t do a lot in the last fifteen months since I started Launchora. Specifically, I never tried to actively “pitch” the idea to investors. I have time to do that, I’d tell myself. Where’s the time now? Just about two days left. Nice going, Lakshya.
If I knew there was a chance this visa wasn’t going to happen, and I did, why didn’t I make the most of my time here? Why did I wait for the decision?
These questions haunt me everyday, and I just let them do their thing till they get tired. I don’t talk back because I don’t have anything to say. I can’t change the past…I can barely control the present! All I can do is trust my past-self for making the right decision, and make sure I learn from whatever he tried to do. I wouldn’t want my future-self to give up on me, so why should I give up on my past?
As I sit in my empty apartment in San Diego, the birthplace of Launchora, I don’t have a lot of feelings happening. I’m about to move out tomorrow, but I don’t feel anything. I just sold my car of over two years just two days ago and I wouldn’t even stand next to it so my friend could take a picture. What does that say about me?
Ever since I started Launchora, I’ve always been almost where I want to be. Nine months ago, when I was in the process of applying for the visa, I told myself that I wouldn’t let the visa stop me from working. But it did. Although it still was a legitimate and practical reason for slowing things down, the more I used “the visa” as an excuse, the more it actually felt like one. All I wanted was to be done with it. But every day it was almost done.
I don’t know how I will see 2013 in a few years, but for now, I want to say that this past year really wasn’t my best. But saying that really doesn’t seem fair, does it? How do you really judge an entire year? If I value it based on unique and new experiences, I really couldn’t have asked for a more “grown up” year.
To be honest, when all is said and done, there is only two ways I can view this year as - the year of the 365 mistakes, or the year that had to happen.
Hopefully it will be the latter, because if 2014 goes anything like 2013, it won’t be a fun read and you might call reading my story a mistake.
With that, I’d like to wave a quiet goodbye to this year, and welcome the next.
But wait! This chapter is almost over. A thought just popped into my head and I would like to share that will all of you: throughout the journey of this two-year book, I have always almost been at my goal of becoming worth at least a million dollars. Of course that is an “almost” in a more traditional sense, similar to how a “no” is almost a “yes”, if those are the only two options.
So, I wonder, how would this story have turned out if I had reached by goal early? What’s even more interesting is this: what if, and this is a beautiful “if”, I reach my goal almost at the end of this two-year story? Would that be just the most incredible ending?
I know that to most my goal is uninspired or superficial and so on. And I also know that there is a strong possibility it may never happen to me. But I choose not to spend time thinking about those things. For me this goal is as real as my Launchora: it’s almost real.
So if I’m not a millionaire on September 19th of 2014, that will be okay. Because I know in my heart and head that I won’t give up on this goal until the clock hits midnight on the night of September 18th. Because until that moment, I will still be almost there.
Goodbye, 2013. Thanks for the lessons. What? You don’t know what lessons means? Oh right, in your language it goes by horrors.
Written on January 13, 2013
I'm back in my hometown, my home country. It's been about three days since I've been back, and it feels...normal. Maybe everyone gave this whole moving thing too much credit, or maybe it’s just me, but I don't feel that different. I know this is supposed to be a big deal - leaving a life you created behind and starting fresh in a place you left behind years ago - but then why do I feel nothing? Am I supposed to be sad? Am I supposed to be excited? Maybe I'm feeling all the right and wrong emotions at the same time and now they have all cancelled each other out.
If that is true, then I'm glad. I'm glad I'm not more sad or less excited. I'm glad that I was able to leave a life I wanted for a new one. I'm glad I have a life waiting for me here.
Maybe pushing reset doesn't erase all your past. Maybe it doesn't make your progress worthless. Maybe it doesn't make a re-attempt a "back to square one situation".
Maybe a reset is simply just a much needed checkpoint.
Written on March 19, 2014
Today is my half-birthday, which means that I am three-quarters of the way through my two-year goal.
Like you, I too am wondering whether I’ll succeed. This goal - should I really have to remind you of it by now? - really wasn’t supposed to become so serious. Sure, I was serious about trying to accomplish it, but I hadn’t really thought about what would happen to my psyche if I didn’t make it. Whenever the thought of failing came to my mind, I brushed it off with one of the following after-thoughts:
a) It’s N MONTHS away (with “N” being >= 6), worry about it when you’re closer.
b) So what if you’re not a millionaire by 25? Lots of people aren’t. Chill. Work. Repeat. It’ll be worth it either way.
However, now that N <= 6, I am worrying about it. What was I thinking? Did I really think that I could go from nothing to a millionaire so easily? How could I be so egotistical? This was a stupid and immature idea.
Then, when I’m done feeling bad for myself, I usually go back to thinking “a” and/or “b”.
But now, at this very moment where I’m exactly N=6 months away from my deadline, I’m rather confident I’ll make it. And there is only one reason why -
Launchora. Is. Coming.
Sure, just because Launchora is actually happening and will be out soon doesn’t mean I’ll become a millionaire in six months. I’m confident just because we’re no longer standing still - the wheels are turning and the machine is up and running.
But how will I actually become worth a million dollars in the next six months?
I’ll fill you in when I know.
In the meantime, allow me catch you up.
I don’t know how fast you’re reading this by now - actually I’m not even sure why you’re reading this, but I’m glad you’re still with me - because if you noticed the date at the beginning of this chapter, you must have realized that it’s been a little over two months since the last chapter was written.
Are you upset? Does this feel like that point in the movie or show where there is a huge plot development and then the screen goes black for way too long and instead of diving right into the meat of what happens next they skip ahead to something like “SIX MONTHS LATER…”?
Are you now wondering whether the real reason I didn’t write for two months is so that I could pull off that awesome move via writing?
Well I’ll let you ponder that for a moment while I figure out exactly how to summarize the last two months…
Twelve minutes later...
Okay. I think I have it. I’ve decided to divide this flashback into four topics rather than time periods. Why? Because I can.
Un-pause
As I had hoped, coming back home has been a blessing. I landed back in Delhi on a Friday (Jan 9) and was in a meeting with a web development company on Monday (Jan 13).
In fact, I wrote “Reset” (the previous chapter) while waiting at the development company’s reception.
It took about three weeks to get all the negotiations done, and by the end of the first week of February, Launchora was back on track. In three-ish months and at a cost of only 20% of what it would have cost me in the US, I would finally have a website.
Simple enough, right? Wait eighteen months to see your dream turn into reality and *poof* it’s finally happening?
Are you wondering “what’s the catch?”
There isn’t one anymore, actually. Or not yet anyway. After I started working with the developer, everything actually starting coming together. And I’m thankful for it. I know now that Launchora was only supposed to happen this way. This path that I had to take may have seemed foggy and crooked - with numerous twists and turns and backtracking - as I walked it, but now that I look back, it magically seems to have turned into a straight line. That’s the problem with paths - they aren’t clear until we’ve crossed them.
Timing is important - and it certainly has been for me and Launchora. I am better, Launchora is better, and best of all - I am actually doing something productive everyday. Case in point: you might remember that I was planning on going on a road trip from San Diego to Seattle and back in February 2014. Of course that never happened since I had to leave the country. The purpose of that trip was to contact and meet with professors and students of universities where writing is taught. Writing students have always been my first target customer, so I needed a solution. I started thinking and found that the easiest solution was one that will give me direct contact with my target demo, and carried the same risk of them being a no-show when the site is ready. This solution would also cost me next to nothing.
So by the end of February I had started work on my three-part quest:
Part 1
Task: To create a list of all the universities and colleges in the US, UK, and Canada where English, writing, and/or literature is taught.
Status: Completed
Result: 646 universities in the US, 14 in Canada, and 138 in the UK. Total: 798.
Part 2
Task: To find the email addresses of all the professors that teach English, writing, and/or literature at those universities.
Status: Work in Progress
Result: So far, I have covered 110 universities in total, and found about 5,500 emails.
Part 3
Task: Contact all professors, one university at a time, introduce Launchora, and ask for feedback.
Status: Pending (until Launchora is ready for first release)
Result: Pending
If I was able to find 5,500 emails from just 110 universities, that’s an average of about 50 professors per university. For 800 universities, that’s an expected total of 40,000 professors. Assuming each professor teaches at least one class per semester, and has an estimated 20 students per class (assuming no overlap), that’s a potential audience of 800,000 writing and literature students.
Now of course I couldn’t have visited 800 universities if I had been able to do that road trip. Of course I wouldn’t have been able to pitch Launchora to all 40,000 professors and their collective 800,000 students.
However, there is no guarantee that the 40,000 professors I email will even open the email. Best case scenario - 50% (or 20,000) open the email. Of these 20,000, maybe 20% (or 4,000) share the email with their students.
4,000 times 20 students = 80,000 students
After all this estimation and projection, there is still no guarantee these 80,000 students will actually read this email. So let’s dwell into this a bit further, same percentages applied:
50% of 80,000 = 40,000 students open the email
20% of 40,000 = 8,000 students visit launchora.com
8,000 / 800,000 = 0.01 or 1%
So, according to my estimations, this email marketing tactic will have a 1% conversion rate.
Now I’ll be very honest with you - I have absolutely no clue if that is good or bad. I cannot confidently say whether I’m being conservative or aggressive with my predictions. We could see a 1% conversion, or it could be 20%, or if could be 0.01%.
But I’m not scared. I am not intimidated by the unpredictability of all this. I am very aware that I cannot control most of what will happen after I click send on these emails. But what I can control is the content of those emails. What I can control is what lies at the end of the link www.launchora.com.
What truly excites me is what will happen when those 8,000 people land on the site.
Because what happens after that moment is what the last 18 months of my life have been leading up to. That moment will give me the strength to do this for the next couple years -and that moment is when one of those 8,000 people clicks on…
“SHARE."
A Social Painting
I was about to start this topic by saying “I’ll be honest with you..” and then I realized that saying that is probably counterproductive since isn’t honesty a given when you’re reading a autobiographical book such as this?
So I’m not going to say it. What I’ll do instead is continue that sentence without using the actual phrase.
…I am pretty happy with how the previous topic ended. I can be dramatic when it’s worth it, and if I hadn’t already stated that this chapter will be separated into topics, I would have ended the chapter with “SHARE."
Anyway, this topic requires a turning of the clocks to an ancient time when Jennifer Lawrence was still the queen of everything: March 3, 2014.
(If you're reading this, and you are, in fact, Jennifer Lawrence, then - I'm quite flattered. And now I'm speechless because I just realized that JLaw is reading my book! Can we start over? Hi, I'm Lakshya, the person who wrote the book you're reading. Please, no autographs. But I'd be more than happy to discuss all this over dinner. No? Okay, how about lunch? No? You're busy every night and afternoon for the next year? Fine, you can write me a fan letter like the common folk do. But it was great talking to you over the one-way nature of this communication! I loved....and she's gone. She literally walked out of this side-note and the book. Good one, Lakshya. She was with you for 75% of your journey, but you just had to ruin the moment by calling her out. Now she'll never know how you really felt about her performance in Silver Linings Playbook. And she'll never, ever know how this books ends. You might as well give up writing the rest of this. What's the point anymore? No, you can't run after her, you're a digital book.)
So about two weeks ago (March 3), out of nowhere, an idea hit me. The force was strong with this one, because it quickly sped across my brain’s metaphorical body.
As usual, the idea started with two words and a punctuation: What if?
That’s when I went into a monologue:
What if...there was a story of us, told by us, that lasted beyond us? What if we all got together and created a social painting...with words?
A story that never ends. A story that will exist until the end of time…or the internet. Whichever comes first.
Anyone can contribute to this story, but only one line at a time.
Users can choose to continue the story, or take in a completely new direction. You can write several times a day, or once a year. The story will keep going, and through it, so will we.
In these two weeks, this idea already has a layout, functionality list and specifications, a name, and a release date.
Now, this idea is called EKahani. Here’s why:
In Hindi, “Ek” = One and “Kahani” = Story. Put them together and you get “EKahani”.
EKahani.com: One Story. One line at a time. One author at a time.
While the goal is to be global, I had to choose a hindi-based name because I love the word “kahani”. Also, the domain was easy to get.
In May 2014, when Launchora is ready to be released, www.ekahani.com will go live simultaneously as Launchora’s first sub-brand. While Launchora is a big, revenue-making (hopefully) concept that might take a short while to take in, EKahani is a simple idea with a simple requirement: write one line to keep the story going. That’s it.
Almost every functionality required by EKahani is being built for Launchora, so I have to wait anyway to put it up. But releasing them together will facilitate cross-promotion; for example, you may not have heard of or been on Launchora.com yet, but you might see a link for EKahani.com via social media. If you want to contribute to the story, you’ll create an account, which will be an auto Launchora account and will give us access to you without you even visiting our website yet.
When I told some close family and friends about EKahani, I was relieved to see their enthusiasm for it. I had forgotten how good it felt.
What truly amazes me is the fact that two weeks ago this idea didn’t exist, and now it could potentially be crucial for Launchora’s marketing strategy. Even more, if it spreads, Ekahani could become its own phenomenon.
Idea to phenomenon - that was the first tagline I thought of for Launchora. It wasn’t until EKahani that I saw its significance.
I needed EKahani. The rejuvenation of confidence, optimism, and energy that I have experienced because of this idea is one of the main reasons I was able to start writing again. I hope times like these come again, because I really haven’t felt this good since Launchora’s early days.
So no matter how the next six months go or what they bring along, all I know is that I’m ready to face them…one line at a time.
Ideas Everywhere
This chapter is really becoming a small collection of stories on its own. I really didn’t expect to write this much. Especially after ending that last topic on yet another chapter-ending-worthy note.
Two for two so far. Let’s keep going before I lose this weird-but-feels-good mojo.
Before EKahani even laid its metaphorical egg in my brain, there was a brain-wide search for other ideas.
Back in “The Experiment”, I mentioned that one of the tasks on my THREE-O list was a second startup dedicated to the Indian market. Now that I’m back in India, I have the ability to start on that idea.
However, I do not plan to do so…yet. While I still believe in that idea, it requires a lot of effort to get started and I don’t have the time or manpower to spend on it.
There has been a development though. My dad, who taught me everything I know and has always been #1 on the list Lakshya Believers (it is a short list, yes), has come up with a really awesome idea.
Even though I don’t need a reason to work with my dad - there are two big ones about this idea:
1. My dad is a genius and can work his magic on this idea’s market like no other
2. It would give me an opportunity to support him on a new venture while also getting to learn even more from him
So it really is a win-win-win for me. I’m not going to get into the details of this idea just yet (maybe in later chapters) but I will reveal the name I came up with for this idea (and yes, I bought the domain):
Cheersfully.com
You can start working on your theories about what the idea is during your work hours.
I Am Here
In my final topic for this chapter, I want to take a break from trying to impress you.
If you’ve really stayed with me this long, you probably know me better than 90% of the people in my life; so there is a possibility that when I try to act smart and collected you see right through that crap. And that is great because the weirdest thing about writing a book for this long is that there is no feedback whatsoever. Of course to a point I am afraid of feedback, because knowing that no one is interested in reading my story would in turn affect my story. On the flip side, if I was doing this in a blog format and for some odd reason it became popular, the knowledge of that would also affect how I express myself.
When I was writing about EKahani earlier in this chapter, which was a week ago since today is March 26th, a thought hit me: EKahani is an idea that is theoretically fail-proof! Whereas a normal concept has a shelf-life, Ekahani can potentially exist as long as someone in the future finds it.
To that effect, I’m not afraid of this book not being read. Because there is hope that someone, someday, might find it lying around in the metaphorically dusty Launchora library.
Delusional - yes.
Happy - absolutely.
I started this topic to share with you how I feel about being back home. I don’t really know how to encapsulate all the feelings I have felt these past two months, so I’ll stick to talking about them randomly and then picking a tangent I find interesting.
While I love being back and couldn’t be happier, I’ve had moments where I find myself trying to figure out if this is where I was meant to be, or whether this is just temporary and I belong back where I was or somewhere else. It’s sort of like my brain is aware of the fact that this wasn’t really a choice and it had to happen, but my heart is so used to not having a permanent “home” that it refuses to completely settle down. I had gotten so used to living a few weeks or months at a time that now I’m finding it hard to accept that I can make plans for six months from now without hesitation.
However, if I was to let this feeling do its thing, it could lead to other thoughts. For example, if I belong at home here in India, is it a disadvantage to have missed the past 6.5 years here? Sure I never truly had a location-based plan for my future, but isn’t it almost like a half-measure to work on creating a life in one place for X years to only move away back where you came from?
From one perspective, my adult life has been about half-measures. Specifically, my decisions/acts/actions have a shelf-life of about two-ish years. I quit bioengineering after two years. I tried to learn economics/finance for the remaining two years of college. I worked in finance for about two years before quitting. In my personal life, I haven’t had a relationship longer than two years.
This is the first time I have ever thought this: why did I pick two years as the time period for my millionaire-challenge? Did I subconsciously know that two years is all I need to survive or quit? Or was it a positive subconscious choice so I could challenge myself to overcome my two-year…curse?
You see, I think and I think and I think even more only to break up with all my intellectual thoughts - that are probably good for me - and chase the sexy, unpredictable, and exciting thoughts.
Or, I’m just a regular 24-year-old who is trying to find a pattern with only a short 6-year time period (considering I’ve been an “adult” for 6 years).
This much I do know: those sexy, unpredictable, and exciting thoughts I’ve been chasing have led to what I can call - so far - the best decisions of my life.
Switching majors. Learning finance. Starting Launchora. EKahani - all of these ideas wouldn’t have happened if I was always going for the safe, healthy, and predictably-smart thoughts.
More importantly, all of these ideas wouldn’t have even given me a fleeting smile if I hadn’t tried to create a life in the US. If I had known I would be coming back home to India after 6.5 years in the US, I would have taken completely different decisions. Imagining that alternate reality is as useless as regretting any choices I’ve made in the past.
So maybe knowing where we will be in six months or ten years isn’t as important as believing that we will be somewhere good, and then doing whatever we can to find it.
...And with that ends this topic and the chapter. Were you expecting some kind of post-chapter note such as this? I guess you could call this my version of an after-credits-sequence at the end of a Marvel movie.
But don’t call this that since that wouldn’t be a completely accurate description. What I can safely let you call this portion of my chapters is "sort-of like a director’s commentary of his/her film - but for a book". I know, this is so very meta of me.
Anyway, I am not writing this bommentary (book commentary, trademark pending) just for the sake of writing it (or to bring the word bommentary into your life). I am writing this because I want to say thank you. I know that right now, as I write this, you don’t exist. But knowing that someday a real person might read my story is the only reason I was able to begin writing again after this two month break.
Before I end this segment and get back to work, I want to tell you a quick story that probably should have received it’s own topic in this chapter. It didn’t because I forgot about it.
In the chapter “Twelve Hours” I told you the story of how I got arrested. That incident took place on March 2, 2013 - almost a year ago.
Do you see where this story is going? Because I’m about to drop a bombshell that will shock you...
...and the shocker is that...
...this chapter actually has FIVE topics. By reading this sentence you have just unlocked the hidden topic number five:
Get Home
On March 16, 2014 - just a few days ago - I was driving alone home at about 11.30 pm. It was a Sunday night and I had just left a friend’s birthday party. Now I know what you’re thinking - that I got drunk again and got pulled over.
That is not what happened.
Well…not exactly.
Since the incident back in the US last year, I have never driven my car after having a drink. So when my friend invited me to her birthday, I decided to not drink at the party so I could drive back home. At the party, I ordered a half-pint of beer, did the obligatory cheers with everyone else, took three sips over two hours and left about two-thirds of the beer. When I got behind the wheel, I was completely sober.
The bar was in New Delhi, and about 25 minutes from my house in Gurgaon. The next day - March 17 - was Holi, the national festival of colors and also a holiday.
Some context: In Delhi, the Police sets up checkpoints on major roads around midnight to slow down drivers, and to possibly catch any drunk drivers (to make bribe money). Since this was a Sunday of a three-day weekend and the night before a major festival, there were probably more than a few people driving under the influence.
I should also mention at this point that I was driving my dad’s Mercedes E-class. I’m not showing off - this information is important to understand why I get pulled over, as I’ll be stating in the next line.
So less than five minutes after I left the bar, there was a police checkpoint. Most cars drove through the deliberately-obstacled barricade. But not mine. I was asked to stop and pull over to the side. So I did.
I have heard stories about how sometimes certain smells and tastes can trigger memories. In some cases one can even relive a memory when the proper trigger is applied.
I didn’t need to smell or taste anything. As soon as the cop told me to pull over to the side, I was already back in that car in San Diego on March 2, 2013. This was definitely not a memory I wanted to relive.
I remained calm on the outside. I knew how cops worked in India, and had I not had a previous experience with cops in the US, I probably would have handled this calmly on the inside as well.
The cop came over and asked me for my driving license. Might I remind you that this was the same license I gave to the cop in San Diego - that thought wasn’t helping in squashing that memory. He then asked me for the car’s registration. I told him it was my dad’s car (something the registration would confirm anyway) so I didn’t know where it was. I wasn’t even sure it was in the car, but luckily it was. I handed it to the cop, and he pretended to read it.
Then came the question (in hindi) -
Cop: You haven’t been drinking, have you?
Me: No, of course not.
Technically, that was a lie since I had consumed almost half of a half-pint (again, that isn't my version of the truth, I honestly had just that much). But the telling the cop the truth was only going to give him a reason to do what he ended up doing anyway.
Cop: Don’t lie. I can smell it on you.
Liar. I was sitting in the car and his face was at least three feet away from mine. It had also been over an hour since I had that beer and had since had three glasses of water, dinner, and a couple mints. But he knew I couldn’t argue with him - considering he had all the power - so I couldn’t call his bluff.
Me: I had half a beer. Call the bar if you want, my half-full glass is probably still on the table.
Cop: What would calling the bar get me?
I laughed. I knew exactly where this was going.
I stayed quiet for a few seconds. I wasn’t going to start this negotiation.
Cop: You know the fine of even having a single drink is 2000 Rupees.
For my international readers, 2000 Rupees is roughly 33 USD.
I stayed quiet. After a few more seconds:
Me: So what should we do?
Cop: It’s Holi tomorrow.
Me: Yes…so?
Cop: It’s Holi...so...do what you think is best.
At this point, I am aware that he is asking me for a bribe. In India, cash is given within family members (from the old to the young) on festivals as a gift. So he was basically asking for a “gift” to let me go.
The problem now was that I didn’t have change, so the lowest form of cash I had was a 1000 Rupee (16.5 USD) note. I handed it to him and said…
Me: Happy Holi.
The cop took the cash, smiled, and handed me my license and car registration. I was free to go.
And that was the story of my first bribe.
What truly upsets me is that now I’m a part of the system. Once I paid that cop off, I not only became a victim of corruption, but I was now also a culprit. I’ll admit that my past experience affected my thinking - had I not gotten scared I could have handled this situation better. But what would that have gotten me? A story about how I fought the cops? Or a story about how I got off the hook for cheaper?
I believe I did the smart thing considering my circumstances. The next morning I told my parents what happened and they agreed. The money I lost was nothing compared to the treatment I would have received had I tried to fight it. Even worse, had I opted to take a breathalyzer test and stepped out of the car, it could have led to other forms of harassment.
When the cop pulled me over I told myself the following:
1. Don’t try to be smart
2. Don’t get out of the car
3. Get it done quickly and just get home ASAP
I hope this never happens to me again, because what happened last year was the worst experience of my life. But knowing how my country works, I am bound to run into such cops at some point again. And even then it wouldn’t matter if I’ve had zero drinks or 10.
Oh wait, I forgot to mention that in the 20 minutes it took me to get home that night, I had to go through 3 more checkpoints.
Luckily, I wasn’t stopped again. Think of all the money I saved!
And that is the end of this bommentary.
See you in the next chapter. Hopefully, I won’t take another two months off this time.
Written on March 29, 2014
Alternate chapter title A: Why I'm Going To Be Rich
Alternate chapter title B: Why I Need To Be Rich
I think it is about time we dealt with this million-dollar-challenge. I know I’ve mentioned it as many times as the word “Doctor” is used in an episode of Doctor Who. I’ve also stated how I'm supposed to become one. Also…
Wait. You know what…let’s just do a quick summary via bullet points:
* On September 19, 2012, I gave myself a target: become worth a million dollars by September 19, 2014
* The baseline was set at $0, since I was worth absolutely nothing at that moment
* That day is also the day I started Launchora, so it was assumed that this worth would probably come from that
* The way worth is decided: I own approx. 5 Million shares of Launchora’s stock, in order for me to be worth at least $1 Million, each one of Launchora’s shares will have to be worth about 20 Cents each (aka the share price)
* After about 18 months, Launchora’s share price is 4 Cents today
* Quick math will mean that I’m only worth 20% of $1 Million
Everything seems clear now, right? I hope any concern or confusion you had about this is gone now. If you’re still not sure, here’s a couple Q&A things:
Q: What is the difference between being worth a million dollars and having a million dollars?
A: Great question. In order to be worth a million dollars, one must own assets whose combined value is over $1 Million Dollars. In order to have a million dollars, one must actually have $1 Million in cash. This is of course the simplified version of the answer, and also the way I am choosing to set up my challenge.
Q: Why don’t you (Lakshya) just sell one share of Launchora for 20 Cents?
A: Ahhh, you’ve just brought up a rather interesting scenario. Theoretically, if I were to ask an investor X to buy just ONE share of Launchora for 20 Cents, it would technically value my shares at 0.20*5 Million = $1 Million (well, technically it would be $1M minus 20 cents, but rounding it off makes it $1M). That would actually, in principle, fulfill my challenge and this book would end way before September 2014. The reason I haven’t picked this route is simple: you know I won’t try to get away with this by applying “technicalities”. Besides, my ego won’t let me.
Q: So how do you plan to raise your value by 500% in less than 6 months?
A: You’ve hit a nerve there my friend. I’ll give you the short version for now (since you and I both will find out the truth in the upcoming chapters): given Launchora’s current timeline, which estimates release by end of May, I’ll have about 3.5 months to find an investor willing to come in at 20 Cents a share (or higher).
Q: Be honest, did you meet your goal already and are just making up this whole book?
A: Good one! The answer is sadly a no - even my imagination isn’t capable of making up the stories I’ve lived through.
End of Q&A...
...but not the end of the chapter.
So now that we have the basics, rules, and Q&A out of the way, let’s dive into why I’m writing this chapter. Starting with the title...
Why I Want To Be Rich
Some of you may find my self-challenge to be ridiculous, unnecessary, delusional, immature, impossible, or even un-entrepreneurial.
I’m not going to lie to you - what I’m about to tell you may seem like all of the above. As much as I’d like to believe that no one can figure me out, you probably have already. Still, humor me, and let me tell you why I want to be rich.
Reason A
This was, is, and will always remain the top reason for why I do anything: my parents. If you think this just got too cheesy, let me assure you that isn’t the intention. Everyone has a reason for why they choose to do something good, nice, ambitious, crazy, etc. For me, that reason is to make my parents happy; if they are even slightly proud of me in the process, it’s a win-win.
Okay at this point you might say that my parents’ love for me isn’t based on whether I get rich or not. And you’re right. In fact, my parents remind me as often as possible to never keep money as the main goal. I know very well that they don’t care whether I spend $10 dollars or $10 Million on them. So let me assure you that I don’t want to be rich so I can somehow “thank” them for creating and raising me by spending money on them.
I simply want to be rich so I can pamper them.
First on the list is another house near where we live currently. The going rate for what they like is about $3 Million and above. I hope to gift them one in the next 3-5 years.
My parents are the reason I exist and am capable of dreaming. And I want to dedicated my life to fulfilling their every dream, no matter what the cost.
Reason B
Condition: Reason B will be green-lit only when funds for Reason A are secure.
This one is pretty simple. I want to continue doing what I have tried to do for the past eighteen months: create. Basically, I want to be able to afford the life of an entrepreneur so I can keep on taking risks. Still, the problem with that life is that it is constantly under threat due to risk. So it is pretty important for me to have a safety cushion before I can embark on another adventure. Once that cushion - which I expect to be at least 25% of my worth - I’d like to create an angel investing fund as well as a venture capital fund. You might remember this idea being mentioned in an earlier chapter.
Over the past few years, I’ve gotten to know myself pretty well, almost to a point of completely certainty that I want to stay an entrepreneur for the rest of my days. If I fail at my first try, it will truly suck. But after an appropriate mourning period, I will try again. And whenever I do succeed, I will still try again, and again, until the ideas stop coming.
Reason C
Live. Die. Repeat.
While doing what I love and making a decent living around it will be enough to fill the “fun and adventure” quota, there are some other things I would like to experience in my lifetime. And since we have already established that this chapter - and probably this entire book as well - is either a sad fantasy or a fantastically happy prediction, it doesn’t hurt to add a few more items to the life list.
So in the interest of keeping my faith in myself, allow me to indulge in making a list that covers a few things I'd like to do before I turn 30 (in no particular order):
- Learn how to fly (a plane, not literally)
- Learn how to fly (literally, if not possible, fly a plane at least)
- Buy a private plane (unless you can fly literally, otherwise it's a waste)
- Live in a small town in France for at least three months and write
- Live in a small town in Spain for at least two months and write
- Buy a house in Edinburgh, Scotland and live there for at least 4 months every year
- Buy a house in San Diego and live there for at least 4-6 months every year
- Start the Lakshya Fund
- Write Lakshya, Part Two
- Keep on adding items to this list until you're 30
- When 30, make a new list for 35
And there you have it. Now you know why I want to be rich.
Now that I’ve been honest with you, I need you to reciprocate a bit. I know I can’t hear you or see you or know you, but still I’d like you to do something right now: say out loud, even if it’s just a whisper, if you judged me even a little bit during this segment. Just a simple yes or no will do.
Say it. Now.
...
Did you?
It’s okay if you did. Now answer me this: is there something wrong with my reasons? Do I seem materialistic? Greedy? Immature? Delusional?
No, you didn’t have to say that one out loud.
I’m telling you all of this because I’m not ashamed to have these reasons. They may not be inspirational, but they are still my dreams. I want to make them happen. So often we are unaware of what we want, what we really want, until it’s too late to reach out and find it. I am young, determined, and above all - hopeful.
I want to be rich.
If you didn’t like this segment, you’re really not going to like this next one...
Why I’m Going To Be Rich
This one may get a bit weird. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had - what’s the right word for this...feelings? yeah, feelings - feelings that I am going to be important.
Is that a surprise?
I’ll elaborate. Whenever I think about my future, say 5 or 10 years from now, there are always two ways I imagine things to go:
a. I’m successful, have built a name for myself in my field, am happy
b. I’m not-so-successful, everyone who knows me is disappointed that I didn’t become someone important, am miserable
I sometimes joke with my friends that I am a pessimistic optimist, i.e., I believe good things will happen to me eventually, but that isn’t the only possibility. So when it comes to having the above thoughts, I always have a probability attached to each of them:
a. Probability of occurrence: 80%
b. Probability of occurrence: 20%
Why 80%? Well there are a few things going in my favor:
1. I’m only 24, so there is a lot of time to fuck up, recover, and become better
2. My professional choices/decisions have been rewarding so far, so I have a good track record
3. I’ve chosen to become an entrepreneur - a profession where success either happens or doesn’t, there is no middle
Sure, there are days when my brain just gives up and says “you’re so delusional bro, what makes you think you have any chance of becoming important?”
On those days, I choose not to pay attention to the change in probabilities. Sure, there are variations (10% here, 10% there) as I get older, but everything usually gets back to the same 80-20 split.
Call it delusion, call it faith - I really know I am going to do something relevant, something important, something that lasts. And I believe that if you do something good and you do it right, success and wealth will follow. So yeah, I know I will be rich.
Of course the million dollar question is WHEN?!
Above, in point number 3, I mentioned that for an entrepreneur success either happens or it doesn’t. So there itself lies the 50-50 chance we all have of becoming or achieving anything.
My Dad always says that a job begun is a job half-done. So with my (ridiculous? bold? pompous? silly?) prediction that I’m Going To Be Rich, I already have a 50% shot at achieving my goal just by trying. All I really need to work on is securing that remaining half or 50%. That’s where all the hard work, dedication, and optimism comes in handy.
This story will be published on September 20th, 2014. So if you’re reading this (thanks again for doing that), then you can probably just Google me or Launchora to find out if I was able to complete my million-dollar-challenge. Of course if you’re not into spoiler alerts you can choose to wait till I find out myself when I type in the last chapter on September 19th.
Either way, you should know by now that this isn’t about being rich. This isn’t about being worth millions of dollars. This isn’t about owning expensive stuff and living a luxurious life.
This isn’t just about all of that. This is about having a dream, calling it Launchora, and hoping that one day it helps someone even a little bit with achieving their dreams.
And, my dear friend (we’re friends now right?), if you’re reading this on Launchora, my dream has already come true.
-
That’s a pretty great place to end the chapter, right? I agree too. Which is why I’m going to say a bit more.
So I know that I kind of took a 180 when I went from I’m Going To Be Rich to It’s Not About Money. That’s the sort of stuff you expect from a fictional character in a movie or something when they go through some mandatory character-development and realize that they were wrong about blah blah.
Well this isn’t a story about a fictional character. Those guys have it easy because they get to not exist when the writer stops typing. This story is very real and about an equally real person. When I stop typing, I still exist. Even worse, I don’t have any mandatory character-development to go through.
Of course, if you were slightly impressed by that last line about “it’s really about having a dream called Launchora etc”, then please do continue to see me in that way. Maybe I can actually have some character-development through the your eyes.
What I’m really trying to say here is that maybe it’s okay to be ambitious, grateful, rich, humble, and young - all the same time. I want to achieve a lot of things. I want to become someone worth reading about. I want to create amazing ideas and turn them into profitable companies. And I want to do all of this while I’m still young.
If all of that is asking for too much, then frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn (pardon my Gone With The Wind). Because, I’m not asking for anything from anyone. I’m trying to do what I can with what I have. I’m trying to create something.
To me, the beauty of creating is that the act in itself is worth the effort. It’s kind of like one of those chemical reactions where A B = C, and C > A B combined. I’m not trying to make what I am doing sound noble or anything. I’m just trying to say that for me, being a part of creating something new, something fresh, something that no one has ever experienced before, and something that could have an impact on our future is all I need to call this life a good one. If that creation also ends up earning me a decent, happy living - well…that is great too.
Now if you’re seriously thinking about Googling me to find out if I made it, go ahead. Just don’t tell me.
Knowing what happens next will take the fun out of living it.
Written on April 9, 2014
Is it okay for a 24 year old to talk about having children?
As I begin to write this chapter, I’m wondering: If my kids read this - the if is contingent on their existence and/or their interest in my writings - would they be happy?
Because I’m about to lay the truth here about my feelings about having kids; it’s actually a singular feeling: I do not want to have kids.
For those of you who aren’t related to me or aren't of Indian origin, that statement probably isn’t a big deal. But if you do happen to be either one of those exceptions, you might be experiencing an emotion I can only call (type) as the WHAT?-something-is-wrong-with-this-boy-look.
If you’re imagining what that look actually looks like, it’s 5% wide eyes, 5% frown, 5% confusion, and 85% judgement.
Anyway, allow me to un-digress and - as the hilarious Kevin Hart would say - let me explain…
First, let me assure you that this “I do not want to have kids” is just what I feel at the moment. So if you’re my future son or future daughter, don’t think that you weren’t wanted or planned. Of course I’m not confirming that you were wanted or planned, I’m just saying that this isn’t the reason for the unwanted/unplanned-ness.
As has become customary in this story, I will make my point via a non-exhaustive list of topics:
One: Do I Have To?
Yeah, like, what’s up with everyone having babies? This question is for all my Indian readers: why does our society require that we reproduce? It certainly isn’t a worry that there aren’t enough of us as a people. Basically, there is an assumption in our world where one must add branches to the family tree. We certainly can’t let the family name die right? So instead of the question being “should we have kids?” it becomes “why don’t you want to have kids?”
The way I’ve been brought up, it’s just part of the system: when things are okay financially, you get married. Then, as soon as you can afford to, have kids. Keep with the program. Question the program at your own risk, and know that questioning the system will not change the system. The system is good. The system knows more than you do.
Two: Probably Better Off Not
I don’t think I should become a parent. I think raising children into grown up individuals is quite possibly the weirdest job in the world.
Tough? Sure.
Pays well? With love, if you’re lucky.
Worth it? Most say it is.
But can we stop for a minute and think about the consequences of this decision?
I mean, it's not marriage - you can't divorce your kids because you're no longer in love.
Maybe this is just me, but I don't like to take 50-50 chances with other people's lives. If I have a kid, and the marriage doesn't work - then that's three lives ruined, and one of them didn't even get a say in it.
Also, I don't think I'm ready or eligible to guarantee that I will raise a good person.
On the flip side of that, even if I nurture a child with a good life and values, what's to stop him or her from becoming a horrible person anyway?
Basically, my point is, why take the risk?
Three: Happy Without It
I have heard a lot…a lot of people say things along the lines of -
when you become a parent…
just wait till your child…
the moment when you see their face…
I am really not questioning those peoples’ beliefs. I am sure that once they became parents, everything made sense. I’m sure that when they say it cannot imagine their life without their children, they mean it. I do not question the joy/happiness of being a parent.
However, just because someone chooses not to become a parent, it doesn’t have to mean they are missing out of some form of happiness. I’m not pointing fingers here, but if you are a parent you know you’ve said this to your friends at some point.
Saying to a person that if they don’t have kids there will always be an empty compartment in their hearts is basically the same thing as saying that if you never try pizza ever you’ll die without having experienced one of the greatest joys ever felt by the human race.
Well, in the case of pizzas, I’ll have to agree with you if you use that analogy.
Still, my point is this: the people that never taste pizza, or a juicy steak, or that specialty at that world famous spot - these people actually have no idea what happiness or joy you’re talking of. So to them, whatever makes them happy or brings them joy in their current state is pretty much filling up all the compartments of their heart.
The area where I can agree with people who say all those nice things about being a parent, is that when you have kids, maybe, quite possibly, new compartments open up in your heart. Kind of like bonus parts, if you will. You are completely fine without them, but it’s nice to have them too.
It should be noted that the universe works in pretty non-mysterious ways - Newton didn’t make that Third Law of Motion to complete a trilogy. If happiness compartments are being added to your heart, be prepared for some issues with your brain or other organs when those kids don’t turn out the way you wished they would.
Alright I think this chapter has basically become a rant that even I’m not enjoying. I’ll round this up quickly to make my point clearer, hopefully nicer too.
What I've been trying to say, but obviously failing at, is that at the current point in my life - where I have no financial stability or long term plans - i can’t possibly imagine one day making something that is part-me but fully my responsibility. I don’t think I am ready for that job, and I am really doubting if I’ll ever be.
Maybe I’m not meant to become a father. And maybe it is okay to think that.
Alright, now let’s tackle the baby elephant in the room: if you are reading this in the distant future and you are my child, you should know that…
Daddy was just kidding!
Still, if you’re old enough to understand the point I was trying to make - and I hope you are old enough considering you read this book so far - then I hope you also understand why I am saying this. Remember, this is daddy talking at 24. I probably tell you quite often how I had no idea what I was doing back then. Well…now you know that I was not lying.
For my non-kids, would it be okay with you if I turn this chapter from a self-indulgent rant into a letter to my possible-future kids? You may skip to the next chapter if you’d like. Just press the right arrow button on the right (if that’s how the Launchora reader is designed in the future time you’re reading this).
So, here it goes…
Dear Possible-Future Son/Daughter (insert name here),
Pre-primary-content-of-this-letter-Note: I am going to assume for the sake of this letter that you actually exist and that I did indeed find the courage in me to become a father one day. For being that courage - thank you.
I was going to address you by name in that “Dear…” part but I didn’t want to assume that your mother let me keep the names I have picked for you. But just so you know, if it was (is, possibly) up to me, I would have named you Butters. For either gender.
Haha! Just kidding. I hope you knew that was a joke because assumption #3 is that a majority of your childhood (and my parenting strategy) involves the family watching South Park together.
In max-possible seriousness, I would have named you Luvya (son) and/or Kira (daughter). Picked those names last year when your cousin Avyan was born. Did I ever tell you I deserve 80% of the credit for naming him? It’s a short story...and that’s the end of it.
If those are indeed your name(s) presently, then forget what I just said - your mother came up with those names, not me. Your mother is and always will be right.
Yeah, I just used a future letter to my possible-future kids to score some brownie points with my future-wife.
Here’s the real meat of what I would like to tell you kid(s) so read carefully:
Go to my old house in San Diego. You know which one. Behind the patio there is a small garden. Start digging near the NW corner of the garden. There will be a brown box that looks likes those boxes people in movies pack their stuff in when they get fired. Don’t open the box there. Bring it to a safe location (preferably the "It's A Small World" ride at Disneyland so no one can hear or follow you) and read the instructions inside. Those instructions should say that you should get on a plane to Hawaii. It’s a trick, so don’t do that. Instead, get on a plane to Egypt. I know, I know - if I wanted you to go to Egypt I should have mentioned that before I sent you to San Diego first (and then to Disneyland, possibly), but this misdirection was the only way to make sure you weren’t followed. Once you’re in Egypt, await further instructions because current-me has yet to go there to plan another stage to this time-traveling-decades-long-multi-generational scavenger hunt. Maybe I’ll get to it in Lakshya, Part Two, so go read that.
Okay so at this point I should stop this and make sure you waited to finish that paragraph before getting on a place to San Diego and/or Egypt (based on what country you live in this could be a very expensive non-refundable plane ticket). Because honestly if you did then you’re super dumb and I can’t believe you’re my kid(s).
Anyway, dumb or not, you’re still my kid(s). I don’t know what kind of world you’re living in, but daddy - wait, if you're old enough to read this serious book about your father, why are you still calling me daddy? Stop that. It's weird.
You know what...I'm not even ready to future-talk to you right now. I'll just leave you with this:
YOU BETTER BE A GOOD PERSON.
OTHERWISE PRESENT-ME WAS RIGHT.
WHICH MEANS FUTURE-ME SHOULD HAVE LISTENED.
Love,
Daddy (stop calling me that!)
So that's the end of that letter. If you aren't my future-kid and are still reading this and are now upset that I've wasted your time, don't blame me! I warned you.
On to the next chapter! The one you should have skipped to. Because what you just read really wasn't me at my best. I'm telling you, this kids stuff has really freaked me out.
Written on May 1, 2014
I started writing about my love story today. I don’t know if its a good idea - considering how private I like to be about my personal life, as well as the privacy of the girls in my past and present. But I figured that if I really wanted to take writing seriously (and figure out who I am as a writer, fix this writers block I think I'm having) I needed to write my story first.
It’s called Letters To My Future Wife. If I did finish it and decide to publish, you can find it on my Launchora profile page.
One idea is that I first write my story, and then when its done I go back and rewrite it to change the characters and some of the plot to make it more of a semi-fictional story. I think that could be a win-win in terms of privacy.Yeah, that seems like the right way to go. Make it a nameless narrator so that no one will be sure if something I wrote in it actually happened or not.
Anyway I just started the story so we’ll see where it goes. Feel free to take a break from reading this to search for it on the site. I'll just sit here and wait.
Written on May 29, 2014
I’m going to turn up the temperature in this story room to "startup-y” for this chapter.
Okay so I just checked the last chapter, and it seems I did take two months off again between writing. I would like to say it wasn’t intentional, but I don’t think I want to start lying to you in the fourth quarter. That’s an American football reference for the non-US audience.
A part of me believes that if this story of mine ever becomes popular, it will be because I did something worth reading about in the business world. That’s fine, I have accepted that reality. What’s the point of reading the story of someone who never really becomes important? Seems like a complete waste of time.
Of course, I don’t know if I’ll succeed in the business world. But I like to think that I will, which is why I started writing this story just to stay ahead of myself. If my success via Launchora and/or future companies I start is the superhero comic at it’s most popular, then Lakshya, Part One is the origin story that starts getting reprints because everyone wants to know how the superhero got his powers!
Yes, I did just use an analogy that equated me with being a superhero. Hey, that’s a superhero in the FUTURE. I’m not saying I’m Spider-man, I’m saying I might become Spider-man. Right now I’m just good ol’ Peter Parker.
The real point here is this: if you are someone interested in my story to understand how I became who I plan to become in the business world, then this chapter is for you!
The story begins two weeks ago. Work on the Launchora website (yes, the one where you’re reading this) is going off on all cylinders, but we’re delayed by two weeks. May 15 was supposed to be the end of the development phase and the user testing phase. The main reason for this delay is sort-of expected thought - some features we’re building look much easier on paper than in reality. When I had the site designed, we only made the top layer of the website. But in order to make a fully functional website, we had to develop every single layer beneath the top layer.
But I expected that, so I wasn’t worried. Since the beginning of the dev process, I had been meeting with the team once a week and reviewing every single feature. Everything was discussed in the open, and I was especially vocal about what I didn’t like. But I did make one thing clear: for them this might be a project with a budget and a deadline, but for me it will go on as long as it takes to become near-perfect. For that reason the delay wasn’t adding any more stress to my brain and body.
So everything was going as it was expected to - until last night.
At 9pm last night I got a call from the team lead. We have a problem. What worse is that I knew exactly what he was talking about.
Since you’re reading this on Launchora I can tell you exactly what the issue is. If you’ve used our built-in publisher (that you can access via the orange “Create” button on the top right - I can say that now because we've made the first version of the publisher), then you know that when you write on Launchora, you write in continuous form. What that means is that you are writing on an endlessly long piece of digital paper. At launch, we will be offering two ways to write: “Free Write” and “Chapter Based”. Both function the same way in terms of the actual writing experience, i.e., you still write in the continuous form. The key difference between the two is that in Free Write you keep on writing till your story is done, while in Chapter Based you get to break the story into chapters.
Offering at least two templates in the publisher at launch was always the goal for me. I knew that in the beginning we may not get a lot of long-form stories (100 pages and up), but unless we offer a way to write them, how will the users know that they can?
With the publisher working exceptionally well (and as close to perfect as I could expect), the worry now was the reader. Even if we’re able to get the user to write and publish a story, what’s the point of it all if users aren’t getting the best reading experience?
In the original designs for the site, we offered two reading experiences: "Continuous", and “Single". It’s important to remember that when I envisioned the reader, Launchora was a platform for eBooks. That was several months ago. Today, Launchora doesn’t use the word “books”; Instead, everything that is written or read on this site is a “story”.
Truth is, I don’t know how people will use Launchora. I don’t know if I will be able to change the way we perceive storytelling or publishing or books or stories. I don’t know if Launchora will even be able to deliver the message of “everyone has a story” correctly.
What I do know is what I want Launchora to feel like: a website where anyone can write and store and publish and share and sell their written content. The exciting/scary thing about that is that I don't know if users would like to write 20 pages per story or 500 pages per story. So it is important for me to provide readers with enough options so that they can comfortably read stories of any length.
Hence the decision to provide the two options: Continuous reads just like the story was written (meant for stories up to 7,500 words), and Single divides up the story to display one page at a time with the ability to change to the next page.
It was about three weeks ago when I started having some doubts about being able to accomplish both options. Having absolutely no technical knowledge of how to actually turn a story written on an endless piece of digital paper into two reading formats, I wasn’t in control of the situation, which always makes me quietly scared. So when I first saw the reader three weeks ago, I wasn’t happy. The team linked the two formats in the wrong way: they tried to make the Single view happen first by splitting the story into pages, and then attached those pages vertically to make the Continuous view.
I didn’t have an issue with their methods - I trusted the professionals do their job and make their own calls - as long as the solution worked. But it didn’t work. The team wasn’t able to split the story into pages correctly: the last sentence on each page would end at random points, with the rest of the sentence being sent to the next page. This would get worse in Continuous view, where a sentence would suddenly break and start again in the next line, with the page break in between quite visible to my perfection-seeking eyes. That would look like something like th
is.
But since we had a lot of other features under construction, I decided to give them the time to work on fixing the issue while I focused on the other features. I suggested that they try to separate the link between the two formats - maybe if they worked independently they wouldn’t be affecting each other.
Which brings us to this week: I was supposed to have a final full-site review meeting with the team yesterday, but the team lead called me in advance to ask me for rescheduling to early next week because they needed an extra couple days to finish up. I knew that the reader was the main reason for the delay, which the team lead admitted, but assured me that they would have a solution by the end of the day.
The end of the day happened when I received the call at 9pm last night. The team had tried several variations, but the reader still wasn’t working correctly. The bigger issue here was that even if they were able to find a solution for the current stories we were testing, it still wouldn’t guarantee that the problem would go away for future stories written by real users.
Here’s what I am thinking during this call:
We’re already two weeks late; without a solution in sight, there’s no way to know how long it would take to fix the issue. What should I do?
I asked the team lead to go back to the drawing board and re-think both formats as individual, independent features. Since the story is written in continuous form, it can be turned into the Continuous view quite easily. We’re basically taking one endless piece of digital paper and turning it from write-only to read-only. Then, to accomplish Single view, we cut up that hypothetical digital paper into pages. So for example, if a story is 100 feet long in Continuous view, we cut it up into 100 pages of 1 foot each. Sounds simple enough, right?
Of course when I give the team lead my so-easy-it’s-ridiculous-your-team-wasted-three-weeks idea, I have absolutely no idea how to technically make any of this happen. Not having any technical know-how has always been my biggest brain-flaw, but I try to use it as a strength because I’m not limited to thinking “is it even possible?”
The team lead agrees that the idea works in theory - but not for us. Since our publisher offers the ability to upload pictures into the story, cutting up a story at a pre-decided marker could result in cutting up the picture. Also, the way our Single view was working right now, in order to switch to the next page the user would have to click on the right arrow which is - you guessed it - on the right. However, because of how my plan for cutting a story into pages works, when the user clicks on the right arrow to change the page, the page would turn vertically rather than horizontally.
With those issues, as well as the time constraints, I had to make the final decision: one, or both? Do I deliver the best version of the Continuous view, or keep on trying to accomplish both views with no timeline or best-possible guarantee?
I can understand if this isn’t interesting to you. I can also understand if you’re laughing at how uneducated I am at the technical stuff. But I hope you also understand that Launchora is my everything. So no matter how big or small the issue or decision or solution - everything feels life-changing in my brain.
Don’t believe me? You know the font you’re reading this in? And those other 4 options available to choose from in settings? I spent an entire day on finding, testing, and deciding which ones to use. And you know what? It was the best day ever. When the day ended and I had gone from 500 font options to a final 5, I actually felt like I accomplished something.
So in this Continuous Versus Single cold-war, I had to pick the side I needed at the moment. I asked the team lead to do Continuous the way it deserves to be done, and put up a “Coming Soon” on the Single view. When we’re done with the whole site and everything is working, we’ll go back to the Single view and figure out a new solution.
So that was the story of what feels like my hardest and biggest decision yet in the Launchora life-cycle. No matter what it did to me psychologically, or whether or not it the stress wasn’t just about the reading formats, I know that I am happy and content and full of joy to know that when you click on the setting button on the top left, you can switch seamlessly between Continuous and Single view - and it WORKS.
Unless, of course you’re reading this story too early into the launch period and it still says “Coming Soon” on the Single view - in which case I should commend your interest in my story! I know I seem like a winner and destined for greatness, but thanks for the vote of confidence!
Although now that I think about it, I plan to publish this book in late September 2014, which is four months away. That means that my team has had four months to fix the Single view, so yeah it should be working.
Also, without the Single view, I don’t really have a way to count number of pages per story. And why would a user start reading a story without any idea how long it is? Right? I mean, can I really sell a reading platform where the users can’t know how long each story is?
Single view has to be functional by launch, somehow.
Either way, if you are reading this book in September/October 2014, I must have done something really amazing to deserve your Launch. Maybe I made my millionaire goal? Did I? Do the next three months take me on a completely unexpected journey? Did I finally get to go back on Jimmy Fallon’s show?
Wait - don’t answer that. I’d rather hope than know. Hope’s been much nicer to me lately.
——
Alright, that’s the end of that chapter, which means its that time in the story again!
Post-Chapter Talks! (or whatever I called it in the previous chapters)
Well, you must have guessed why I didn’t write for the past couple months. Mostly because my brain is too impatient to stop and think clear thoughts, but also because I really just wanted to wait till Launchora was almost-real to get the courage to write this story which wouldn’t see the light of day unless Launchora does.
Speaking of Launchora, as I’m writing this the clock has hit midnight (okay so it’s five minutes past midnight, but I like to Photoshop my life sometimes to fit the need of the story) and it is now May 31, 2014 (yes, I am writing this post-chapter talk one day after the actual chapter was finished). Today is important because it marks the two year anniversary of the idea responsible for my unstoppable present and unwritten future (I talked about that day in the chapter: Inception of An Idea).
Yes, today is the day the seed of Launchora immaculately birthed into my brain, albeit without a legal name. While I only treat this anniversary as a happy reminder of how far both Launchora and I have come - it is a rather auspicious day because today is also the day the development of www.launchora.com officially ends. The developer emailed me just a few minutes ago and we’re officially done making the website. To celebrate, over the next two weeks I will spend every waking glued to my laptop screen to find every tiny mistake possible before I can put it up on our live server and let the world see it.
I can’t even begin to describe how good it feels to here. My dream is ready to be shared. And I can think about is:
What I fuck do I do now?
Sure, I have a plan. But when did those ever work as planned after step 1? No, I’m actually quite excited, in a scared way, to begin this new journey. Making it happen may have been the most exhaustive yet thrilling experience of my life so far, but it feels exhilarating to know that none of that will matter unless the world accepts it.
So while I may be taking another writing break to focus on Launchora, I would like to give you a quick teaser of a possible future you might be reading about in the next couple months.
Of course if you don’t want it to be spoiled for you then just scroll down or next.
Okay, only the spoiler-enthusiasts left? Great. So here’s the scoop: I will be going back to the US soon! I completed my visa application last week and have my visa interview (yes, us Indians need to appear for a face to face interview at the US embassy to be granted permission to give the US our money via shopping and investments) in a couple days. If I get this visa, and I am oddly confident that I will, I will be allowed to travel to the US or work/pleasure anytime I want over the next TEN years. As long as I don’t get paid and still remain a permanent resident here in India.
The deal isn’t bad - it’s actually quite perfect because I get to work where I want to be and live where I belong. Because as much as I love being back home, I am getting anxious to get to a stable working structure where I get to travel to places I need and want to be.
And by “Soon”, I mean this August (i.e. in about two months). If I can afford it, I’ll be in the US from about six to eight weeks. So maybe I will be finishing this book back where I started it.
Either way, I just wanted to give you that news to - well, I don’t know why it matters to you because you don’t talk much during this process. I guess I just wanted to give you some good news. After all the time you’ve spent reading about my life you deserve some future prospects of happiness as much as I do.
So be ready for some new stories from the land of previous chapters.
Post-Post-Chapter-Talk: Also, I found a solution for the page count question I raised a few paragraphs ago - instead of displaying a page count on the story’s details page of how long long the story is, we’re going to show whether a story belongs to one of three types: Short, Medium, or Long. Short means less than 7,500 words, Medium is between 7,500 and 35,000 words, and Long is more than 35,000 words.
So if you were to go to the home page or your collection right now and click on a story, you will see that plan in action (if you haven’t already) - the story will either be a "Short", or a “Medium”, or a “Long”. Now isn’t that more interesting than ### Pages?
I hope you enjoyed that little “creating the future from the past” moment that we both just shared. I know I did.
Get it?! Because I just made a decision in my present (aka your past) that is already implemented in your present (aka my future)?
I know you got it. I just wanted to write that sentence.
Written on June 4, 2014
No matter how much I plan, think, imagine, scenario-ize - what actually happens is rarely in my possibilities list. In fact, I’d dare to even say that despite all my scenarios and cases A-Z with sub-cases A1 to Z28, all outcomes so far in my life have lingered in the randomness of 50-50 chance.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
Let’s back up the story to 12 hours ago.
Time: 10 AM.
Location: US Embassy, New Delhi, India.
I’m standing in front of a booth, behind which sits my visa case interviewer. I’ve waited in line for just ten minutes, and in just that short time I’ve seen this particular interviewer - and several others in my earshot/eyeshot - reject the visas of at least six different candidates/families. Why? Well that is subjective of course, with some of them being obvious decisions.
Still, I never use historical data as an indication of my personal outcome, no matter how predictable. So when asked to come up to the interview window (yes, it was more of a window than a booth), I maintain my natural suave and calm. I had thought of all possible question chains the interviewer could ask me, so I wasn’t worried at all. I had told myself one thing when I left the US five months ago: Lakshya, if you are meant to come back here, you will. If you’re not, move on and don’t look back. The world is a big town.
I wasn’t surprised by the first question...
Q1: What is your purpose for visiting the US?
A1: Work, and tourism...So both.
That’s the visa category I applied for, so no red flag there.
Second one was super easy too...
Q2: Where do you plan to visit?
A2: I’ll fly to LA first where I’ll stay with a friend from college. Then a road trip to northern California, Oregon and Washington.
That’s the West Coast tour I am planning where I visit 52 universities from San Diego to Seattle in about 30 days. All true. What’s next?
When I heard the third question I had to stop my face from laughing...
Q3: So you’ve been to the US before?
A3: Yes, I went to college there.
So apparently the whole application I filled out, and all my historical data that you’re supposed to have, all of that fails to mention that I lived in your country for the last six years? Okay. Not your fault, interviewer. Just funny that there is no homework done by your team before interviewing potential visitors to your country.
The next couple questions were all in my list of expected Qs: what did you do in the US? When did you finish school? What do you do now? All quick, with absolutely no paper work or proof needed. Even though we’re supposed to bring all of it in case it’s asked for.
When all the basics were done - and we’re only about three minutes into the interview - came the whopper:
Q: What happened in March 2013?
A: I was arrested for drinking and driving.
So when I was filling the online application for this Business/Tourist visa (a visa will allow me to travel to the US and stay there for a few months at a time for a ten year period without getting paid for anything I do while there,i.e. only spend money, don’t make money), there was a question along the lines of “Have you ever been arrested?”
Of course I wrote the truth - I was arrested in San Diego in March 2013 for driving recklessly with alcohol in my system.
She then asked me for the court papers and such, which I provided. She also asked me if it was ruled a misdemeanor or a felony. I told her the exact language is in the paperwork, but to my knowledge it’s a misdemeanor and only becomes a felony if I get arrested again doing the same. I know I don’t plan to do that, but of course the US government and this interviewer can’t trust my word, which makes 100% sense. I have no problem admitting to my mistakes and owning up to the law I broke (even if I don't agree with this particular law and the subsequent punishment).
After reviewing the court documents, the interviewer excused herself and went to have what I assume was a talk with her supervisor. She may not have seen something like my case before, so I wasn’t worried. I was prepared for this interview becoming all about that one night one year ago. Whenever someone will look up my name and do some digging, they’ll find out I have a “criminal record.” Over the next ten years I can become an ultra-successful entrepreneur recognized globally for my work - but there will always be one person who will look at me and only see a drunk who broke the law. I can’t blame this interviewer or the system any more than I can blame myself. The future is fiction. The past is the truth.
So when she comes back to the window, she has a piece of paper in her hands. Right then I know. I know she is going to reject my visa. That even though I lived in their country for six years and added hundreds of thousands of dollars to their economy, I was no longer welcome back because I disregarded their laws.
So before she could tell me, I already told myself: denied. It’s not happening. In my head I’m already thinking about what to say to my parents when I call them to pick me up.
See, if I tell myself it won’t work out before she can, it can still count as a scenario I predicted, right?
But that’s not what the paper says. The paper says that I need to visit a US embassy-approved medical professional and get a physical. Then I need to mail the report along with my passport to the embassy. Will I get the visa if I do that? No clue.
I’m going for the physical tomorrow. I’m guessing the report and the mailing and the hearing back will be at least a week or two. Instant gratification isn’t real folks. It could have ended today: 50-50. I either walk out the gate with the visa or I don’t. But of course I walked out with the greatest word ever invented in the English language:
MAYBE.
Now if this chapter felt like a rant, then I sincerely apologize. Of course the rant-ing wasn’t intentional. This is what an intentional rant would look like:
I was arrested only because there is a law that says I should be. I made a mistake, yes. But this was a mistake that even I sometimes consider to be one that doesn’t require the same punishment as other crimes. Did I hurt anyone with my car? Did I hurt anyone in my car? Is it fair to arrest someone because they might do something wrong? No one cares about fairness here. Because of course this visa rejection would mean that I’m being published for that one mistake all over again. ONE mistake, ONE year ago. Is this the cost of one mistake? Will I have to pay for that one mistake forever? Is this a sign that i should stay away from America? Has my one mistake removed that area from the map of my future? Do I deserve this?
Of course I’m not actually saying that - I don’t rant. Of course I do not think I am above the law. Of course I believe that the interviewer and everyone involved were just doing their job. Of course this all wouldn’t have happened if that one night had never happened.
The reason I wanted - nope, needed - to write this chapter is because I am not happy with the kind of person these experiences are turning me into. I waited almost nine months for the work visa to work out. I lived 247 days of MAYBE. Can I live through that again? Can I live even through another day of maybe?
I mean, I have to, don’t I? I want to say I’m not strong enough, but I know I can be. And it doesn’t matter what I want, whatever happens will work out because I will figure out a way to make it work.
But still, is it too much to expect one day without a maybe? What’s so horrible about getting what you want when you want it? Is that too selfish? Do we really not know what’s good for us?
I’m happy that I live in India now. I don’t want to become a US resident. I never wanted that. Would I have been okay with things happening that way? Sure. It would have given my parents peace of mind, and any outcome is worth that. But now that I’m back home, this is good too. If March 2013 to December 2013 were the worst months for Launchora, then January 2014 to June 2014 have hands down been the most important and positive months for it. Everything is good. Everything is awesome.
So let’s review with some preview:
A) If the visa is a Yes: I go to the US in August and figure out how one person can convince millions to give his little unknown website a try.
B) If the visa is a No: I stay in India and figure out how to do ’A' without stepping on to American soil. Can be done. Sounds easier than giving up.
C) While the visa is a Maybe: Plan, think, imagine, scenario-ize every possibility until either of ‘A' or ‘B' happen.
So that’s what I choose to end this day with. Yes, no, or maybe - everything will be awesome. I’ll just have to wait to find out.
Because even though my past will stay with me as I try to work towards a future, it can’t do a single thing to affect what happens next unless I let it.
And finally, with this time period of June 2014 most definitely being the most important and most happy month of my career - being the month that Launchora goes live of course - can any outcome really be a bad outcome? My company - my DREAM - is waking up into the real world. Nothing can bring me down from that high.
Written on June 15, 2014
As the chapter title suggests, this story is about the big night. But my first story in this chapter is actually about the thing that happens before the Big Day…
The Big Night.
Alright so the events of this night aren’t actually taking place before the Big Day…I’m guessing the Big Day is still about 2 days away. But let’s keep the titles to maintain the illusion of momentum?
The Big Night begins uncharacteristically as any other night this week has…with a sudden burst of creative juices which are spent on website-bug-tracking. However, since today is the Sunday after a week of QA (quality assurance) madness, I decided to focus on something I had yet to pay attention to: the elusive “About Us” section of the Launchora website.
From where you’re sitting and reading (and enjoying?) this story, it is quite easy to get to the about us page. In fact, I encourage you to open it as a new tab in your browser so you can reference it.
Tonight’s task wasn’t to write the first three quarters of this About Us page (i.e. the “A Place to Create”, “A Place to Explore”, “Read With No Clutter”). I’ve had those written down for months.
The Big Night is about the final section: The “Something The Founder Says” etcetera stuff.
While I had attempted to write this months ago when we were designing the page, I knew that that text was merely as for-position-only. And until today that placeholder text had stayed…waiting patiently as a guardian while its true king was brewing in my mind.
I knew tonight had to be the night to pour that hopefully delicious brew into my word-container (aka Macbook Air). But there was something missing…
Wine.
I poured myself the usual amount - almost spilling - and got working. What transpired is written below. Please note that this is the original text I have just approved after spending two hours on it. If this isn’t what the current About Us page says, then future-me must have a good reason to approve the change (if future-me is still in control). Anyway, here it is:
Launchora is my first company. I was 22 when the "idea” (of an online platform that rethinks publishing and makes it easier, faster, broader) hit me. Now, at the ripe old age of 24, I get to share that idea with the world.
The journey of getting Launchora from an idea to its current state of webbed glory with fully-functioning features and colorful story covers is itself a story - which is why I’m half-busy writing my first long-form story titled Lakshya, Part One (of One planned installments).
Sidenote: if you’re curious about the actual plot of this self-biography (doesn’t “self" sound better than “auto”?!), here is a taste: Lakshya, Part One is the story of how I, on my 23rd birthday, gave myself the near-impossible goal of becoming a millionaire by my 25th birthday. Oh and every chapter is written without knowing what the next chapter of the story (and my life, concurrently) will be about. To be published exclusively on Launchora on September 20th, 2014! Did I mention that my 25th birthday is September 19th, 2014?
Besides the fact that Launchora is quite literally my life - the company was officially founded on my 23rd birthday (there was a clue to this in the above sidenote) - and that the quality of life I will experience for the remainder of my twenties depends solely on how this company performs - Launchora, in its simplest and most self-referential form, is my first story. Which is what I'm hoping you see Launchora as: a new way to create and...
Sidenote 2 - the side-quel: Is it a bit unsubtle that I’m trying to circle back the idea that "Launchora is a story" to “Launchora is a new way to create and read stories”? Also, aren't sequels just the worst when they aren't part of planned multi-layered storyline and are only brought back because the people in charge don't have any original ideas left? If you answered yes to both of these questions, continue reading.
...read stories.
But what makes the story of Launchora slightly different from any other story is that it’s one I hope I get to keep writing forever. What makes this experience even more blissful is that just because of the mere happenstance that led you to this website, you have helped me continue writing this story.
Because while I would love to create many new stories with Launchora in the future, for now all I can really hope for is that this website can help you create your first story.
So go ahead and click on Create on the top right corner (unless you haven't logged in yet in which case do that first) and start writing - the worst that can happen is that you'll help a new, unknown web startup gain one more wandering pre-origin-story storyteller.
Create. Publish. Explore. Read.
All in one place.
Welcome to Launchora.
——
And that’s it. The About Lakshya/Launchora section of the About Us page is done.
Now let’s have a quick post-show. Do you like it? Was my attempt at being superfluously funny a complete misfire? Please do take into account that the person who reads that is most likely not used to my writing style like you are. Do you still think I was trying to hard?
Either way, that was the Big Night, aka the fun and easy part.
However, the roller coaster has had its fun while climbing up. Almost two years of climb. And it starts going down right now. Because it's time for…
aka, Domain-nated.
I’m not going to lie my friends - putting up your dream on a website is hard. Like, why-must-everything-not-go-smoothly-like-I-hoped hard.
While I bask in the glory of this pre-live limbo, I must confess, and this is a whopper of a confession…
I don’t think Launchora is perfect.
Alright, so it is possible that some of you are calling BS on this claim - because of course it can’t be perfect, right? Like, what in the history of things has ever been perfect? Besides Finding Nemo of course.
Unfortunately my confession comes not from humility, but from something much worse: observance.
As you are aware, I am a big fan of the movies. The talkies. The motion pictures. And I always feel for directors who claim that the movie they set out to make was much better than the one they released. I feel like one of those directors. I feel like I had the best intentions, and that when I was planning Launchora and every single sub-idea and feature I really thought it all through. That I thought about how important an idea was and was on my way to producing what would be a truly flawless product.
Truth is, nothing can become a hundred percent of what you dream it would. And even if by some logically-impossible divine intervention you’re able to pull of recreating your dream exactly as it was into a real product - what you are left with when the dust settles isn’t even near perfect. Because while your dream was idealistically beautiful in its brainstorming phase - like seriously why hasn’t anyone made this yet!?! - the actual result you are left with evaluating for flawless-check-ness is too real to be a dream anymore.
And that’s the fucking problem.
Once your dream becomes a reality - and you go from a great idea to user testing - you realize how far away you were from perfection when you dreamt the damn thing.
So yes, I do not think what I have sitting on www.launchora.com right now (yes, it’s live) is perfect.
What I do know is that it is as close to perfect as it could be. I did what I set out to do when I started making this thing. It may not be all the things it should be or could have been, but it is something different. And hopefully it is something better.
I know I may not get the opportunity to go the distance with Launchora. And I’m not saying that because I want to be realistic or prepare for the worst. I am simply acknowledging what is one of the possible outcomes. I know it’s possible, and I won’t pretend like “failure is not possible”.
Failure. What a horrible word.
I am also extremely excited. I am also fucking pumped. Nothing can stop me from taking Launchora to perfection. Nothing can stop me from dreaming more dreams.
June 19, 2014. The Big Day is here.
So what if most of today was about catching bugs (computer lingo for “fuckups”) that are too dumb to even exist? So what if I spent two hours stressing over what font to use in our publisher - AGAIN?
I loved what I did today. I have loved these last 21 months. They were not easy - I’d say “believe me” here but you already have a good idea about the truth in that statement - but they were fun nonetheless.
Of course the great thing about Big Days is that they are followed by a lot more. And even though I am not convinced I have delivered on what I set out to do, at least I get the chance to keep trying.
I still love what I have made. I am so very proud of what Launchora has become.
But I can’t help but look at other publishers/readers/content-curation-sites and think -
Am I just completely nuts to think that I can add something new to the mix? Is it really too smug and ignorant of me to believe that Launchora is going to be important?
When those questions pop up in my hand, the first follow up is…
What if it fails?
That one should scare me. That one should make me change my mind instantly and stay in whatever job or position I am in. That question should make me just throw in the towel and feel lucky that I made the right decision to lose personally before I failed publicly. This is a good question to ask yourself because it stops you from finding answers to more questions.
But then, there is the follow up question to the initial follow up question -
What if it doesn’t?
Here’s why I hope I always ask myself that question: because it’s answer opens up so many more spectacular questions.
So today, on the Big Day, I am glad to be where I am with what I have. Because Launchora will not fail.
It can’t.
Because the story is just getting started.
Who knows where the next page will take us.
…and with that I present to you, for the first time ever -
www.Launchora.com
Create. Publish. Explore. Read.
All in one place.
Welcome to Launchora.
Written on July 1, 2014
Are you ready for a mind-bending chapter? Because what you’re about to read might as well be the Inception-of-chapters.
Alright, so let’s back up just a little bit.
Here’s a confession first: I have been cheating on you.
Yes, it’s true.
As you're aware, I’ve been writing this book for over 14 months now, and in that time I’ve never shared the contents on this story - or any other story I’ve ever written - with any one else. Sure, there have been a couple exceptions, but that was either before our time or a blog post for a friend. So I hope you’ll agree that I’ve been very loyal.
Until now.
As you read in “The Big Day”, Launchora.com went live on June 19, 2014. For 11 days I kept the site in my inner circle, so I could populate it with some stories while having my friends and family test the site as well. On June 30, 2014 (yesterday), I started sharing the site with my outer circle as well. Today (July 1), I started some Facebook ads and shared it with some email contacts, including about 200 professors from that list I made (final tally was at about 31,250 emails).
In the past 24 hours, Launchora.com has seen:
35 new accounts
293 sessions
242 users
868 pageviews
*note: some of this is google analytics data, and it might be a little inflated because the tech team has been fixing bugs.
That’s not bad for day 1, right? I wouldn’t know because this is my first time.
So yes, back to the cheating explanation. So as I mentioned, I have been writing and publishing on Launchora. So far I’ve published 17 stories, almost all of which have begun with an “Author’s Note” where I talk directly to the readers - some would say that my voice in these Author’s Notes is similar to how I talk to you.
However, since this book won’t be published for another 80 days (that’s the plan!), then it is quite possible that you’ve read something else I wrote on Launchora before you started reading this. So, technically, it’s really not cheating if the person I cheated on and cheated with is the same person!
Glad we agree.
Moving on, the reason I’m very excited to write this chapter (can’t you tell?) is because of the contents below.
Here’s what happened -
On June 27, I went to Medium.com, a very famous and popular publishing platform created by the founders of Twitter. I’ve been a big fan of Medium since it started, and even though to the outside world Launchora seems like a Medium-wannabe, I always thought of Medium as the visionary who you look up to. And just because you look up to Steve Jobs doesn’t mean you want to be Steve Jobs, right?
So I went on Medium to compare how our publishing works. Specifically, I wanted to see what it feels like to write on Medium compared to writing on Launchora. I’m not going to say which one feels “better”, because I can’t be objective. But I should tell you that Medium’s CEO is the man who invented blogging, and Medium has millions of dollars in funding. I, on the other hand, am a self-proclaimed future-visionary. We’re talking apples to jalapenos here. No fair way to com-pare (couldn’t miss the rhyme opportunity).
Can I make one quick statement? Okay, here it is: Launchora’s budget and team size is a fraction of Medium’s, and still our products are pretty fucking close. So, yes, I’m very proud of my baby.
So anyway, I started writing on Medium, and it suddenly hit me: why don’t I write about Launchora? The timing is perfect since I’ll be sharing the site publicly in a couple days, and it could be fun. For me, it was my way of taking the visionary’s blessing. I knew no one would read it, so it couldn’t hurt.
That post - titled “Write on Launchora, will you?” and is available to read below - turned into it’s own animal, clocking in over 1,200 words. I published it just a few hours ago, and I can admit that it has had only 3 views. That was expected though, and I’m very proud of it. But I’m even more proud of what happened next.
After I published the post on Medium, I went to Launchora. I copy pasted the entire Medium story into Launchora’s creator, and started writing an Author’s Note. That Author’s Note is below (before the Medium story begins).
This Author’s Note is where I really get to take off the formal/professional hat and get comfortable with my writing. Sure, the audience I’m writing to isn’t big, but I’ve been writing to them for a few days so I’m much more open with them.
I published this story, titled “My Time With Medium” about two hours ago.
In summary of Levels 1 and 2: I published a story about Launchora on Medium, so I could publish a story about writing on Medium on Launchora.
Again, you’ll read this below, but the idea for this chapter came from the below Author’s Note. Which leads us to…
Welcome to the final level in this three-part storyline, which many have called the INCEPTION-of-chapters, aka, Chapter-ception. It’s true. Look it up.
As you may have already guessed, level 3 is this chapter (the one you're reading in this book) itself.
So in summary of Levels 1, 2, and 3: I published a story about Launchora on Medium, so I could publish a story about writing on Medium on Launchora, so I could write about the whole experience in this chapter.
Alternate chapter title: “My Time With Medium, On Launchora”.
So without further—
WAIT. Did you think I was done incept-ing? Of course you didn’t. You know me better than anyone and you know I have another level waiting.
What is Level 4? Well you already know and have been experiencing Level 4. I, on the other hand, won’t reach Level 4 until September 20th, 2014.
Yes, Level 4 is this book: Lakshya, Part One. Because after writing “Write on Launchora, will you?”, and then writing “My Time With Medium”, and then writing “My Time With Medium, On Launchora”- after all of the above and the below, I will reach Level 4 when I finish writing this book and publish it on…Launchora.
Do you want to do a quick recap of levels? Okay, one last time -
Level 1: Write about Launchora and publish on Medium
Level 2: Write & publish on Launchora about writing on Medium about Launchora
Level 3: Write a chapter in this book - about writing on Launchora on Medium.
Level 4: Write and publish the book - with chapter about writing on Launchora, on Launchora, on Medium - on Launchora.
That.
Was.
Fun.
Here’s why I did ALL of this: because I can. Because Launchora allows me to be foolish and stupid and clever and me - all at the same time. I know you know this better than I do - I’ve been very, very worried about Launchora and my future. I honestly have had thoughts where I was sure I was writing a boring book about making a website no one uses. I also thought that I wouldn’t have any more fun left in me once the site went live.
But today, the Medium story, the Launchora story, this chapter, this book, and you - everything has made me realize that I am fully committed to being whatever I need to be to get Launchora in the hands of millions. I love this website, I love this company, and I will keep on doing ridiculous things like what I did today as long as Launchora needs me.
So to bring this inception to full circle, here is the story “My Time With Medium” that I published on Launchora, in which you will then find the story “Write on Launchora, will you?” that I published on Medium. I hope I didn’t ruin the experience for you.
My Time With Medium
I just published the below letter on www.medium.com, which is probably one of the coolest publishing platforms out there. The letter explains why I published it on Medium and not on Launchora.
Actually I never state that I wouldn't write this on Launchora, which is obviously why I'm publishing it here as well. Because why wouldn't I?
Here's the interesting thing - I am pretty sure no one is actually going to read this on Medium. Not because Medium isn't popular, but because I'm not popular. I hope you find this as funny as I do.
As you will read below, I really prefer writing on Launchora. Sure, it's because Launchora is my home. But also because this is where I started writing. This is where I belong.
Spoiler Alert: This seriously is a spoiler, but not to this story. This is a spoiler for "Lakshya, Part One", my self-biography that you may have heard about. While that story is still being written and won't be out until September, I would like to inform you that what you are reading right now is in fact a chapter in "Lakshya, Part One" (Chapter 53, so far).
Yes, I wrote on Medium so I could write on Launchora so I could write about it in my book.
Enjoy.
Here's a link to the Medium post (even though it's written below, but just to prove that I actually did it): https://medium.com/@lakshdatta/
Write on Launchora, will you?
It’s no Medium, but...
Hello. Let me start off by saying that just by writing on this platform (i.e. Medium) I should feel like I am cheating on my own platform (i.e. Launchora).
But I don’t. I enjoy writing on Medium, even though I’ve never published on Medium. The enjoyment is because of how awesome Medium’s publishing tools are. The never-published-here-before thing is because —
a) I never felt like I had anything worth saying/publishing
b) I found publishing on Medium to be too intimidating
Both reasons are due to my personality, and I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m probably not Medium’s target ‘creator’.
Wait, I’ve just started talking about my personality; so before I continue to pour my heart and soul here, I should introduce myself.
Hi. My name is Lakshya Datta, and here’s my story in under 160 characters:
Founder/CEO (LAUNCHORA), ex-professor (SDSU), ex-analyst (OCP&TGG), ex-graduate (UCSD), ex-infant (MOM&DAD). I write about myself & other fictional characters.
That’s the bio I use for my Page at Launchora, so I’ll let it represent me here as well.
Speaking of Launchora (a word I’ve used 5 times now) — I should introduce it as well. Launchora is an online publishing platform where anyone can create, publish, explore, and read stories. It took me almost two years to get Launchora from idea to reality. I’m not going to get into why it took so much time, but let’s just say that there is a longer story in there that I’m saving to tell on my own platform.
I’m not kidding — I am in fact writing a long-form story about that time period (and more) titled Lakshya, Part One (of One planned installments). Here’s a shameless plug—
Lakshya, Part One is the story of how I, on my 23rd birthday, gave myself the near-impossible goal of becoming a millionaire by my 25th birthday. Oh and every chapter is written without knowing what the next chapter of the story (and my life, concurrently) will be about. To be published exclusively on Launchora on September 20th, 2014! Did I mention that my 25th birthday is September 19th, 2014?
There is a reason why I’m publishing this today, i.e., July 1, 2014 (Happy Birthday, Dad!) — Today is the day I formally unveil www.launchora.com to people who don’t already know me. Today isn’t the launch, not in the traditional startupy sense anyway. That word has a completely different meaning than the one I use on Launchora.
I came up with the word ‘Launchora’ by combining Launch with Pandora.The implied meaning here is that when you ‘Launch’ a story on Launchora, you’re opening up the unknown — what happens thereafter will be an experience unique to each one of you. So, with that made-up meaning of a made-up word, I hope everyday is a new Launch for Launchora.
I’m publishing this current piece on Medium partly because I don’t want to be perceived as a Medium clone or competitor or wannabe. Every time I have spoken with someone about Launchora — who has heard of Medium as well — the first question I get is a variation of “Is that like Medium?”
I don’t want my company to go into the black-hole that is Silicon Valley’s obsession with hollywood’s keyword-based pitches:
This movie is The Hangover…with women.
This startup is Uber for…boats.
Launchora is Medium for…nope.
The truth is I can’t compete with Medium because Medium is already the best at what it does. I didn’t come up with the idea behind Launchora by listing out what existing publishing companies were doing wrong. Launchora started with one question: if I were to come up with a new way to publish, what would it be?
My aim with Launchora is to build a good future, not a better present. And yes, I believe there is a difference — the future lasts longer than the present. Think about that for a second.
While you think about that, a side-note: My name (Lakshya) means ‘aim’, so I’ve always felt an innate need to have one. Thanks mom & dad! No pressure at all.
Another truth is that I didn’t start Launchora to compete with anyone. I just want to create something good. I wouldn’t even dream of aiming to change or revolutionize publishing. All I really hope to do with Launchora is to present another option to some, and a new way to everyone else.
To people out there in this giant world who already know they are writers — write on Launchora, will you? You can write anything you want and publish it for free or paid. Try it; it’s just another option with some new ingredients.
To the rest of the people in this giant world who don’t yet know that there is a writer in them — I’m one of you. And while I don’t have an ‘elevator pitch’ for you, I will share what is perhaps the one true lesson I’ve learned in my 24 years: everyone has a story. It could come from our mind or from our past — we just need to start writing to find out. Write on Launchora, will you?
There is a terrifying saying that the internet follows a 90-9-1 rule. 90% people are content consumers. 9% are content curators. 1% are content creators. But we can’t all be one thing, right? Sure, for the sake of marketing we all need to be put into demographical data and such, but what about when we’re not being marketed to — are we allowed to be everything we want to be then? Shouldn’t we be the ones deciding what we want to call ourselves?
If that 90-9-1 saying is true and stays to be true, then I’ve probably screwed up my future. So what if my goal with Launchora is to give everyone the ability to become content creators? Statistics don’t lie. The past tells a story. But isn’t the past also a story — a story written backwards? Perhaps what we consider facts are just patterns found through randomness?
Then, isn’t it worth trying to build a future despite what the past has shown us?
I should apologize for this letter— I’m probably projecting my quarter-life crisis onto what was supposed to be a professional letter to readers and writers like you. Maybe I was right in believing that Medium is too intimidating for me to publish on. I have this sudden urge to either end this letter asap and publish it or delete it.
I would never have apologized if I was writing on Launchora. Maybe that is because Launchora doesn’t have a past yet, so there isn’t a story I have to live up to. There is no set standard. There is no data. There is only a blank page.
I’m definitely being partial here, but on Launchora I can be anything I want to be. That’s the feeling I hope you get if you ever visit my site. Maybe you’ll Launch something you didn’t expect. Maybe you’ll be the one to write something no one expected. And then, perhaps, the future will malfunction and let us all be anything we want to be.
So— and you must have seen this one coming —
Write on Launchora, will you?
—
Post-Chapter-Talk
If you enjoyed this chapter: thank you.
If you really didn’t like this chapter: the good news is that I don’t think I will do another one of these. It’s really hard to find the ‘fun’ sometimes. Especially when everyone who knows you thinks you’re going to be a success because you're doing your own thing which means you’re in control of your future. And yes, it does feel like that almost every day. But then there is that one lone little second that sneaks up on you and reminds you that you’re not in control.
Case in point: my freaking US visa. I know, I know, you’re probably tired of reading about that. But allow me this.
Remember how I was getting a new visa that would allow me to travel to the US for work? Well, it’s still pending. That’s right, they have me right back where they left me - going on their website everyday to check the status of my application. If you think this is becoming an unnecessary and receptive topic in this story - I agree with you.
I did tell you that this is happening because of my alleged “DUI”, right? I’m asking because I don’t remember and as you know once I write a chapter I don’t look back. So yes, this visa is taking weeks instead of 1-3 business days because they think I am an alcoholic and/or drug addict.
So if you were expecting some good news along the lines of “surprise! I’ve been writing this chapter from San Diego the entire time because I’m back in the US” - well then, I’m sorry to spoil it for you. I’m still here in India. The embassy says it could take up to 60 days, and knowing that this is me we’re talking about I’m going to predict that I’ll get the decision on the 58th or 59th day. So that will be by mid-August. That’s right - the time period I had decided to visit the US is when I’ll find out if I’ll even get to go back.
What this has made me think is that if inevitable, things can spiral down pretty quickly. I’m not saying I’m being pessimistic - I just like to think of all possible outcomes.
As I type this, it’s about 4 AM on the night of July 3rd (I finished this chapter on July 1st as stated above, but I didn’t get to this Post-Chapter-Talk until tonight). I’ve spent the last three days getting the word out on Launchora., Since I wrote the above chapter I also realized that I can’t use my professor reach-out until August since sending them emails during the summer would be a waste since school isn’t in session!
So I’m only using word-of-mouth along with some marketing on Facebook and Reddit. And while the first 24 hours went pretty well, I’m not so thrilled about the next 48. Here’s what has happened in the past 72 hours (aka since I started sharing the site publicly):
100 new accounts
692 sessions
553 users
2,052 pageviews
Now if you compare that to the numbers I gave you for the first 24 hours, there’s clearly been a dip in growth. Basically, instead of going up everyday, growth has slowed down.
Sure, I can file this in the “as expected” folder. This still isn’t bad. I’m not upset about it. I should be grateful that anyone is showing up and staying on the site.
I’ll tell you what I’m really worried about: since the site has gone public, only one story has been published by a user who isn’t in my inner circle. ONE.
That is a fact. It can’t be changed. But it can be interpreted. Here’s all the possible things I can and have thought of:
A) ONE? Seriously? Just one? 3 days and just one fucking story? Is this what dead-on-arrival looks like?
B) ONE? Wow. Someone actually used something I built. That’s all the validation I need. This is not failure.
C) ONE? That’s amazing. The site has only been up 3 days, and not only are people writing, one person even published! This is only good news. Just keep it going. Don’t stop.
See, I can’t even lie to you anymore - I’ve mostly been circling thoughts B and C. Thought A is just something I think of to ground myself, or to at least dig my own ditch so I can face failure right in it’s stupid face and go “yea, I see you.”
In our own way, we’re all a collection of thoughts - and sometimes in order to think and feel thoughts B and C, you need a thought A at first.
Maybe. My dad tells me to be confident all the time. Don’t ever doubt that Launchora won’t be a hit.Because it will be. He says that to me because he knows it’s true. Somehow, he just knows. And so does everyone else. Then why don’t I? What am I missing here?
I am confident. I honestly am. I really do believe Launchora is capable of being one of the most useful tools for creative expression. I have no doubt that this idea has the potential of making it big.
My faith in Launchora is 100% all the time. My faith in the guy running it? 100% on a good day. Three days after launch with a dip in user acquisition? 99.5%. And it’s just stuck there.
It truly scares me at moments that I could be the reason for Launchora’s failure. I know what Launchora is capable of. But am I capable of getting it there? I don’t get the time to ask myself that question a lot, considering all the work that I make sure I bury myself under; but when I do face this self-question, I don’t know how to explain myself. Is “I’m doing the best I can" enough?
I’m not a parent so I could be completely wrong with this analogy:
I feel like I’m a single parent of a genius and/or child prodigy. I feel like I’ve done my best and continue doing so every day with this kid. I get it everything I can afford to help it learn and grow. I am up till it’s up (super hard to be good at this considering it’s a website so it never sleeps). But how long can I keep this up? How long can I keep this kid - which I know has so much potential - until it starts suffering due to my in-capabilities and lack of resources? Am I not trying hard enough? Can I do better? I can, I must. Push harder. Work harder. it needs you. You will hate yourself if you don’t give it everything. But won’t you hate yourself more if this kid lost out on an opportunity because of you?
My life these days is like this - wake up between 11am to noon. Get the laptop. Take a lunch break around 4pm for 20 minutes. Get the laptop. Take a PS4 break around 6pm for about 30 minutes to an hour. Laptop. Dinner break around 10pm for 20 minutes. Laptop. Sleep when the brain shuts off around 4am to 5am. Wake up…
Maybe this is why young parents always look exhausted, but when you ask them about their kid - they are all smiles and proud “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been”, “it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me", and so on…
I can see that. Again, not a parent, but I have what I have and I feel what I feel. I am the happiest I have ever been. Launchora is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I will do this. I will take this little idea and take it wherever it can go. Because for better or worse, we only have each other to fall back on. And that’s okay. That’s not too bad.
One story is better than none.
4:53 AM. Time to let the brain turn off.
Written on July 8, 2014
There was an episode of South Park a couple years ago titled “You Have Zero Friends”. It was a really funny yet depressing story about a kid who literally has zero friends on Facebook.
This chapter is not about my personal life or my Facebook friends list. This chapter is about my zero users.
So Launchora has been up and running and accessible for about 8 days now. In these 8 days, we’ve had about 1100 unique visitors. Is that good? Is that bad? I have no fucking clue. But whether that number is good or bad is irrelevant for the moment. What is relevant is how I know that.
There is a magical and horrifying website called www.google.com/analytics (if you’re a tech person you know this site all too well) where a website admin can see - in REAL TIME - how many people have been or are on their website.
That’s right. I can see who is on Launchora in real time. And you know what I have seen a lot lately?
Right Now: 0
I find my life to be hilarious when it’s not sad, and this really brought me back to that Facebook episode on South Park. I still remember that kid looking at his screen and seeing “Friends: 0”.
Is there a better form of rejection than no one in the entire world being interested in your work?
What makes this even more funny/sad is that Foogle Analytics also displays a world map to show you where your users are coming from. I’m sure that’s very useful. But right now all it tells me is that the entire planet doesn’t care about my company. Worse, the entire planet doesn’t even know about my company.
Having said that, I have seen good results - the best I’ve seen is...Right Now: 7.
Of course I know this isn’t something to be depressed about. I know that 1100 users over 8 days means an average of 137. That’s not bad. And I’m paying about $40 per day on online marketing (Facebook and Reddit) so that’s about 30 cents per user (in case you thought I was using witchcraft to bring those 137 people to Launchora every day).
But what I love about my current situation is that this is all I can do. I can sit here in India and wait for the rest of the world to find my Launchora and like it and use it and love it. And no I’m not marketing in India because it seems to only inflate the number without any real results.
The hours that I am asleep here (5 AM to 11 AM) is apparently when most of the users show up on the site. So my best moments - the ones I need to keep on validating this dream - happen in my sleep. And you know what? I love it. When I wake up, the first thing I do is reach for my laptop and go to Google Analytics and my admin panel on Launchora to see how many people visited the site and created accounts. I imagine this is what it feels like to wake up on Christmas morning and head for the tree in the living room to find what presents you got.
That’s also the problem - I’m afraid that one day I’ll wake up and there will be no presents. Not even one.
I’ll have Zero presents.
Do you want some more truth? I don’t know what else to do. I can wish for a future where everything goes well, but those futures rarely have a logical plan and timeline. What I could really use right now is some help. What I really wish for right now is for someone to find me (because I am so tired to look and/or to be disappointed by the lack of interest) and say “I love Launchora. I am really good at X-thing. Can I join your team and help you?”
I’m still waiting, because...
Right Now: 0
Written on July 15, 2014
For the past five years I’ve had one key assumption wired into my brain:
No one thinks about me.
While this assumption may have been a thought prior to five years as well, and I’m pretty sure it was, I really only realized it’s existence about five years ago. Why five years ago? Well, I may have mentioned this in previous chapters but 2009 was a transformative year for me, I went through toughening experiences which laid the foundation for the person who is writing this book.
This assumption wasn’t due to self-deprecation or pessimism or depression. It wasn’t a constant thought or worry. It was just my base assumption. I assumed no one thought about me or cared about who I was. Sure, some people - family and close friends - are excluded from this. But that number is very small compared to what I figured was the total impressions/interactions I was making to my peers and those around me.
Let’s call these people Humans, since that references this chapter’s namesake. The “Score” in the chapter name refers to a score a Human would give me. Not for physical appearance. This isn’t about that at all. This score is based on overall impression - what a Human would think of me and derive to be my worth according to them. There isn’t really a scale requirement, so let’s make it a basic 0 to 10 scale.
My point is that for the past five years I’ve assumed my Human Score to be an average (and even a median) of 0. Zero. Nothing.
Am I being too hard on myself? I don’t think so, but I can’t judge that. You can, and I’d like to give you some more evidence to consider before you do.
To understand the root of this assumption - and to see it in action - let’s jump into a literary (but not literal!) time machine and go back to March 2011. In this book that would be chapter 9, aka “To Teach”. I wrote this chapter back in May 2013, so about 14 months ago. Now as you know, I don’t look back on these chapters once I finish them, so I’m not going to go back to read what I wrote. And you shouldn’t have to either! I’ll give you a good recap of the particular event anyway, while also re-focusing it in the general direction of this chapter’s topic.
So in March 2011 I was unveiling my first ever social experiment (I can call it that now because that’s what I call my work these days) - I’m speaking of the unofficial class I put together to teach Investment Banking. The key thing to note here is that while I was planning this class, I had no idea whether it would actually work. In fact, I didn’t even think about it actually being a successful experiment. I made a plan, and I stuck to it.
Here’s what I remember of those events - I had an idea for a class that I would teach (along with my friend) to other students free of charge but also free of college credit. After I had the idea, I made a game plan, and then I executed it. I unveiled the class idea during a conference, and to my surprise (seriously, I was surprised) got over 300 sign ups in just 10 days.
On the day of the class (March 31, 2011) I arrived at the venue about 30 minutes early. When I got there, all I saw were the 300 seats I ordered. I ordered them not because I expected 300 people to show up. Nope. I ordered them because all I could think of was the logistical execution of my plan. Not the actual plan - just the logistics of the plan. I didn’t for a second stop and think if this class was necessary or a good idea or worth a student’s time - I just saw that a previous-me came up with an idea that a slightly-less-previous-me marketed and found over 300 interested students and now the current-me (at that time) had to make sure those 300 or so students had a seat to sit on during this first class.
But at 6.30 PM on that Wednesday evening, all the 300 chairs were empty. Did I stop and doubt the decisions of the me’s? Not at all. I left the room because I couldn’t even imagine watching people get seated in those seats one at a time (if at all). I decided to get some food, and showed up back at this giant hall with only 3 minutes or so left till game-time.
What I saw was a room filled with about 280 or so people. I know because I counted the empty seats. That’s when you know you have a good turnout - when you have to count the empty seats to find out how many are seated in the not-so-empty seats.
As I scanned a room full of people who had shown up to - what it seemed like at the time - listen to me, I walked up to the stage, turned on my microphone, and said…
“Hi.”
Because I knew that there was no time to doubt the decisions made by the previous me’s, I didn’t think about the fact that I had never addressed such a huge crowd before. I didn’t know if I was someone who can’t handle the spotlight, so I convinced myself (subconsciously) that I wasn’t that someone. For some reason the previous me had succeeded in convincing these people to show up, and the current me (at the time) wasn’t going to let them (the previous me’s and the people in the room) down.
Why I am re-telling this story? Because it happened again. Or at least the current me (the one who is writing this) believes that it has happened again.
15 days ago I made Launchora public - anyone on the planet with an internet connection and a computer can now see my webbed-dream. And do you know how many people signed up for Launchora (by that I mean the amount of users who created accounts on Launchora) in the first 10 days?
Did you guess somewhere around 300 users? Because that is the number you should have guessed since it is also the truth.
Sure, this can be marked off as an insignificant coincidence - sure, the fact that of the two social experiments I have done would both see 300 people sign up for them in the first 10 days isn’t grandly exciting. I agree. The recurring number isn’t as important as a recurred action.
The current-me (the one who is writing this) again chose to not re-confirm or re-evaluate whether the previous me’s had a good idea in Launchora. It’s like I almost don’t care about whether Launchora was the right move or not - all I care about is whether everyone else likes it.
Which brings me back to the namesake of this chapter: The Human Score…
Now, you already know that I don’t care about what people think of me.
What I must tell you now is that I was lying if I ever said that. Because all I do is care about what people think of me.
What you must also know by now (or may have guessed) is that I don’t have a lot of friends, or people who care about me in general. I don’t mean this in a sad way, because chances are that if you reading this book you are probably either a family member or a friend and therefore care about me. I have enough people in my personal life and it has been a mostly-deliberate decision to not be a social person.
I mean that statement in the same way I meant the first sentence of this chapter: no one thinks of me.
You see, because I believe that no one thinks of me (besides you of course), all I want to do is prove myself wrong.
You know the unintended (I mean that) consequence of the class I started in 2011? People - well, some people - got to know who I was. I would walk into certain events and/or rooms and there would be a person who knew who I was because of that class.
By taking the action of creating, marketing, and subsequently teaching that class at UCSD, I had somehow managed to make myself worth knowing. I had become a person that people think of.
Three years later, having just shared Launchora with the public, I believe I am again attempting to make myself worth knowing.
But these years have meant a lot more to me than just a time period I was supposed to live and learn though. These years have also given me more clarity into my aim for the rest of my life.
Yes, you read that right. I have finally seen, recognized, realized, and set my sights onto a life goal. And ladies and gentlemen, this is the real thing. The big goal.
I want to increase my Human Score.
Some more clarity? Certainly.
The Human Score is a mechanism I created to serve as a reminder and a proof of my life and contribution to the world.
The formula and calculation for the HS is simple, and contains two variables:
H: Number of Humans
Sn: The score these humans would give me
“H” means every single person who I create an impression on. That could be via a face-to-face meeting, a happenstance encounter, a one-way knowledge of existence - basically any way that a person can possibly know about/of me. Personally, socially, professionally.
“Sn” is the number these people would give me on a scale of 0-10. The “n” stands for 1, 2, 3, and so on where each number is a person. Now when I say that I don’t mean that this would be an actual survey I give everyone I know. This score is much more existential than real. For example, I once saw the Dalai Lama speak at an event at my university. Even if I hadn’t seen him in person, I would still give him a 10.
Another example would be Bill Clinton. I was quite young when he was President, so I didn’t really have an impression of him based on his professional career (just his personal one). So I guess I had given him a score of 7 (Sorry, Bill).
However, a few years ago I saw Bill Clinton speak at the Clinton Global Initiative and I realized I was horribly wrong. This man deserves a 10 (have you forgiven me now, Bill?).
Does this scoring thing make sense now? Basically, it’s a score another person would give me once I made at least one impression on them.
As for the formula for HS, here it is -
HS = (S1 S2 S3 … Sn) / H
That’s basically an average of my score per human. So my HS will be between 0-10.
Now I guess you’re wondering a few things, such as -
How I can even know my HS score?
How will I know what score a person gives me?
How do I even know if they give me a score?
Well, obviously I can’t know anything for sure. But according to my own logic, every person who doesn’t give me a score translates to a 0. Yes, I’m very harsh on myself.
As for how I will even know my score - well, I will have to make some assumptions there. For example, a very easy way for you to tell me the score you would give is to write an opinion of this story (like, you don’t have to do it now, but like, whenever you have time).
For everyone else, perhaps certain instances of mass validation - article mentions, cover stories, Time’s influential people listee - you see where I’m going with this?
Now of course you know me better than anyone, so you know that the actual number of this HS score is irrelevant. What is relevant to me is that I do something worth scoring for.
Because if you do something worth talking about, maybe people will talk about you and want to know you.
Isn’t that the whole point of a living legacy?
Wait. Should I have called this chapter “A Living Legacy”? That sounds so much more sophisticated.
Oh well, I guess I’ll settle with having a bit more clarity over my life’s self-induced purpose.
Wait. I can make that sentence better.
Take 2:
Oh well, I guess I’ll settle with having a bit more clarity over my life’s lakshya.
Wow, I must really want you to give me a good score, because I rarely do second takes.
On a slightly more serious more, I do have a question for you:
What defines a person’s worth to the world - who they are or what they do?
Feel free to answer that question in the Opinions (or Discussions, if that feature exists in your present) section of this book’s details page.
Written on July 31, 2014
"The past is gone. The present doesn’t exist. The future is all."
Are you wondering who said that? The answer is…me. Yes, I said that. When? Just now.
Why did I say it? Well, it’s a thought I had a few days ago. Allow me to elaborate:
The past is gone
The way I see our existence’s correlation with time, the past is a memory. It’s gone, and only exists in our head (or via some sort of recording in text, audio, or video form). But in an existential way, the past is gone.
The present doesn’t exist
Well, if you think about it, is there really a present? Since time doesn’t stop, ever, then doesn’t the present stop being the present the second it’s over? Then what proof is there that it ever existed? Because if we were to stop everything we’re doing (which we rarely do), we would still not be able to find the present. We can feel it, sure, but we can’t find it. The present is just the thread that connects the past to the future.
The future is all
Coming off the previous two lines, this one is where all the magic happens. Imagine a long straight line going from left to right. Let’s call this line life itself. Now imagine this line as divided by these three elements of time - i.e. the past, present, and future. Can you? Probably not, because without a point of reference or observance, you can’t know when the past ends and the present or future begins. The only way to do so is to pick a single point (as little as a dot) anywhere on this line. So now this dot is the present, everything to its left is the past, and everything to its right is the future.
But for this dot to be observed, you would have to stop time entirely. Since we don’t yet know how to do that, the dot will always be moving, and the line will never end. And since the dot is actually moving at the exact same speed of time, you can’t find it. And without the dot, you can’t tell the past from the future.
Once you stop looking for the dot, i.e. the present, you’ll see that it doesn’t matter. Because the future is all there is.
Or, in another take on this to semi-blow your mind - we are the dot.
Anyway, just something I think about. A lot. Even when I’m completely sober.
Moving on, let’s talk about Launchora.
It’s been 30 days since Launchora become available to the world. Since you’re reading this on Launchora, and I’m guessing the site is mega-popular by then, you must be wondering what kind of popularity it saw in it’s earlier days.
Your wonder is granted. Here is where we are after 30 days (July 1 to July 30):
809 accounts (i.e. 809 people signed up for Launchora)
100 stories published
230 stories in drafts
Yup. The truth can be very exciting if you don’t judge it too much.
Am I happy? Of course I am. 100 stories published? Seriously? I am just glad someone wrote something. When I wake up in the morning and see that two stories were published (the daily average is 2-3 stories), I thank anything and everything. Someone actually wanted to use something I made? Bless you. May every god who has ever been imagined bless you.
Every day for the past 30 days has been like the 30 minutes before my first lecture at UCSD back in 2011. I entered the ballroom expecting 300 students, but there was no one. I left for 25 minutes, and when I returned, there were about 280 people waiting for me. That was magic. So is this.
I don’t know what else to say…except…thank you.
Some of you may have been early adopters of Launchora - perhaps even in our first 100 users - but all of you wound up on this place because someone or something directed you here. Just for showing up on Launchora, know that you have made my day.
That’s all I have to say in this chapter. Seriously. No kidding. This is all I wanted to share.
I’m serious! The last two weeks have been uneventful otherwise. Nothing has happened. Nothing has changed.
...
Well, there was this one thing. This one, tiny, little thing. No big deal really. Well…
Let me step back a bit and tell you where I was today.
So the day is July 31, 2014, and the time is 12 PM. I am at home here in Gurgaon, checking emails, going about my usual day.
An email pops up. Seems to be from the US embassy in India.
“Your passport is ready for pickup.”
That is all it said.
So I get ready and head for the visa office. Here’s what’s going through my head on the way there:
Did I get it? Why didn’t the email mention if it was approved? Why won’t they tell me? Is it bad news? Did I just get banned form the US? Am I seriously never going to see San Diego again?
I step into the office, take my visitor slip, and wait in line. After only a minute that also seemed like a year and a half, I get called up to the counter. The person takes my name, and asks me to wait.
Another minute that also seemed like at least six months passes by. The person returns with what seems like the medical report I was asked to turn in a couple months ago. It seems to also have my passport attached to it. Here’s what I think:
They rejected it. It’s done. We’re done. Start making other plans for the rest of your life because you will never see San Diego again. Just take your passport and get out of here.
The person hands me the passport and the report, and motions for me to leave. As a reflex, I ask…
“Could you tell me what it says?”
I may have sounded part-angry and other-part-upset.
The person replies…
“You may check it yourself. Next!”
I sit back down in the waiting area and start browsing through my passport. No moment in the past 24 years of my life has seemed and felt this important. Isn’t that just ridiculous? What have I come to become?
Browsing…browsing…browsing…VISA! OH MY GOD I GOT IT.
Nope. That’s just my student visa assigned in 2007. Moving on.
Browsing..browsing…browsing…this passport is running out of pages…and…nope…nothing…I didn’t get it…
And…VISA.
There it is. A 10-year multiple entry visa for yours truly. I got it.
It seems ridiculous how amazing this felt. I’m sure winning an Olympic gold or Nobel prize feels great, but this feels better. Why?
Let’s not go there. Let’s not think about how important this moment and this stupid piece of paper means to my future. Let’s just live with the fact that almost all my worries are gone.
Now all that remains is everything else. No more excuses.
I’m going back. When? September probably. I’ll be back where all this (motioning to my life as well as the website you're reading this on) started in less than 45 days. I think.
If anything, Launchora’s 2nd anniversary…my 25th birthday…and the end of this book…will all happen back where this started.
I’m going back.
Now…is there a better #first30days story you’ve ever read?
——
Post-Chapter-Talk
Let’s be honest - I’ve been waiting to write the above chapter you just read for about eight months. I should mention that this current visa is a best case scenario for me, probably even better than the previous visa I was denied. With this one, I get to visit and work in the US as much as I want, as long as I don’t take a salary and don’t stay in the country for more than six months at a time. I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome.
I guess fate gets to continue throwing its “I told you so” parade. Things really do work themselves out. Good things actually do happen to good (I hope so) people.
I have some other news to share too. I’m writing this “Post-Chapter-Talk” on the night of August 4, 2014 (i.e. four days after the events of #first30days). And a few appropriately-sized things have happened over these four days.
Let’s do a quick review.
First up, Launchora. The last numbers I gave you put us at 809 accounts, 100 published, 230 drafts. That took 30 days to accomplish.
Just four days later, here’s where we are: 1100 accounts, 136 published, 313 drafts.
That means that in just four days, we got 291 new users, 36 stories were published, and 83 stories were created. And these 83 drafts are just that - they don’t include the 36 stories that were published but used to be in drafts. That means that there’s about 450 stories (published and unpublished) on Launchora at this very moment. Also, and I forgot to mention this in the chapter above, writers have published stories in five languages already - English, Spanish, Portuguese, Hindi, and Arabic.
I can’t even begin to explain how amazing this feels. I am aware how this upswing happened (some marketing strategy changes), but it still feels unreal. And the more unreal it feels, the less scared I become of losing the momentum.
Is there anything worse for an entrepreneur than losing momentum? I have been so careful in sharing and marketing Launchora, always making sure I don’t promise more than I can deliver. I am so much happier and comfortable with a slow but steady rise than a huge up that goes down with time.
Now of course it’s too early to tell if this growth is going to continue in the same fashion or if we’ve barely reached the next base level.
Even after all of this, it still amazes me when I wake up in the morning and see that someone published a story.
This past month has been all about rejection from the many, and acceptance from the few. My online marketing campaigns reach over 100,000 people per day. On average, my click-through-rate is between 0.2-0.4%. Since I have never done this startup thing before I have nothing to compare it to - but I think this is good. I also send 200 emails everyday to college professors asking for feedback and comments.
Every time someone doesn’t click on Launchora or reply to my email, it sucks. I’m not going to lie - it’s like I get rejected by about 100,000 people every day.
But that’s okay. That’s my issue, not a problem with Launchora. This happens. Which is why I appreciate even a single writer publishing a small little story. Because to me, the acceptance of one person is more important than the rejection of millions.
That’s the “quick" review on Launchora.
There’s one more thing. I made my plans for my US trip and got my ticket. I’ll be back in the United States on September 5th, and will return to India on December 11.
So as promised (and predicted), I’ll be finishing this book where I started it. Probably not in San Diego because I plan to be in Los Angeles for that week, but that’s close enough.
Now here’s a thought…and stop me at anytime from going down this rabbit hole…
I’m going to the US to spread the word on Launchora (Word of Launchora, as I used to call it) to get more users and stories, while also hoping to get some investor interest to fund the next year of Launchora’s costs. This investor money of course was crucial to my plan of becoming a millionaire by 25. Since I’m reaching on September 5, that only gives me about two weeks till my deadline for the million-dollar-goal as well as this book. Not that it isn’t possible because never-say-never, but with only about 45 days left till by 25th birthday, the chances of becoming worth at least a million dollars by then are slimming down.
So here’s what I’m wondering - should I end my book on September 19, 2014 as planned? I know that was the whole point of giving myself a deadline. And I’m not asking for more time. I guess what I’m really asking is whether it’s unfair to you that I end the book right when things are about to pick up. Because that sounds something like building up an entire movie about a war and then cutting to black and credits right before the final battle scene.
Well, on the plus side, these next four months aren’t the final battle. It’s always just the beginning. And even if I end this book on one day and click publish, a new story begins the next day.
Right?
Well, whatever happens September 20-and-onwards, I can promise you that I’ll be here with you until the the very last seconds of the 19th.
Because what better company can there be to celebrate the big 2-5 than the people I have spent the last 15 months of my life writing to?
Unless of course I’m in Vegas on the 19th in which case I’ll have to finish writing the last chapter on the morning on the 20th.
I’m just kidding!
I don’t head to Vegas until the afternoon of the 20th, so I’ll have published this book by then.
Probably.
Written on August 15, 2014
"Knowing the uncertainty of your future, but still trying to make one."
The above sentence/quote was said by me during a conversation I had with one of my dearest and closest friends (you know who you are, and no I’m still not going to mention you by name). I’m sure you’re not surprised that I am capable of saying something like the above, and the “why” will become more apparent in this chapter, I think; I haven’t read this chapter (since I’m still writing it) so I can’t be a 100% sure.
As you may have noticed, I am writing this chapter on August 15, which means that it has been 15 days since my last chapter (not counting the date of writing the previous chapter’s post-chapter-talk). No, this writing-every-two-weeks is not a pattern. And yes, I did sort-of decide to write this chapter today to keep this not-a-pattern going. And yes, I will probably write my next chapter on August 31 or September 1. Maybe.
However, the existence of a pattern is irrelevant to the content of this chapter, which happens to be something I’ve been looking forward to write for last few weeks.
This chapter is number 57 as I’m writing it. I can’t promise it will still be #57 when I publish, because I may or may not add/remove/move some of the chapters near the end. Of course I will not be editing any of the content - I promised you that I wouldn’t so I won’t.
Of course it would be pointless to assume this, but there is a possibility that I only have a couple more chapters left in me before my September 19th deadline is here. At this moment, I’m assuming I knock out one more chapter while I’m still in India, so before September 4th. Then one chapter when I get there, before September 10th. I can’t say if I’ll write something between the 10th to 18th, but there will obviously be the grand finale of this Part One on September 19th. The book is still set to be published on September 20th.
The reason I am writing these dates and targets is because I’m struggling with the idea that this collection of my stories is about to leave my mind and become a part of someone else’s life. When I started this book in May 2013 (about fifteen months ago), I had no idea if I’d actually go through with the whole thing. Now that I think back, the me-from-15-months-ago lived with zero knowledge of his future, and therefore simultaneously believed that a) he would become a millionaire by 25 because why the fuck not, and b) there’s no fucking way this goes the way I plan.
Uncertainty is horrible.
On one hand, it tells you all you need to know about life - you control nothing. Things will happen to you with your permission and you’re just going to have to deal with it.
On the other hand, it tells you the opposite - nothing controls you. There is no grand scheme or master plan whatsoever, so go do whatever you want because the future writes itself as you live it.
Now that I think of it, the quote I wrote above could be a good “urban dictionary” definition for my name.
Lakshya - knowing the uncertainty of your future, but still trying to make one.
Application: I’m just going to Lakshya this idea. (replace “idea” with anything you’re going to do even though you have no clue if it will go your way or the other way).
It just occurred to me that I may have stumbled upon one of the meanings of “Faith”.
Anyway, back to where I was.
After fifteen months of writing these 57 chapters full of about 75,000 words (so far, approximately), I am still not sure what happens next. I know what I am capable of, which is perhaps the only thing I’ve learned to be certain of. But what I can’t do is finish this book knowing that I left you, my reader, with an unsatisfying conclusion.
In the last chapter I knew I was going back to where this all started. I was and am quite happy that I get to finish this story where I saw myself finishing it. But the truth is that September 19, 2014 is not the finish line. I refuse to accept that after I type the last sentence of this book I will fade away. It scares me deeply that this book, which I still expect no one to read, will be the last thing I ever write.
This fear isn’t about death. I couldn't be worried less about that. No, this fear comes out of what I treasure most: my own ambition. Over the past six years, I have built the person I am today. I am simultaneously proud and unimpressed by the result, only because I know that there is no deadline to becoming the me-I-know-I-am-capable-of-becoming. Which makes the idea of writing the “last” chapter of this book even harder.
Fine, I have revealed the truth that I wasn’t trying to hard to hide. I am writing this chapter right now so I wouldn’t have to think about all of these things when I am writing the final chapter in exactly five weeks.
There is one thing that is keeping me 50% happy and the remaining % (I want to say 50?) sad. Because of my own set deadline, this book will end right at the beginning of my US trip. So anything that happens to me and/or Launchora post-September 20th will not be in this book. Why did it all work out this way?
I’m sad because I don’t think I’ll get to give you a big conclusion. I’m also quite certain I will not become a millionaire in five weeks.
I’m happy because whatever happens to the me-post-September-20-2014, this book will always contain the me-until-september-19-2014.
And you know what? I think I am okay with that 50-50 balance of feels.
Because even if there is no Lakshya, Part Two in the future that actually happens, there is no reason for “Lakshya, Part Two” to not exist in the future I am looking into right now.
I may not become a millionaire by 25. I may not become a millionaire ever. But you know what I have become already?
I’ve become the me-I-believe-in.
So fuck the uncertainty.
I’m just going to Lakshya this whole thing.
——
Post-Chapter-Talk
I am writing this post-chapter-talk immediately after finish the above chapter, so this will be short because I really love the last line.
The only thing I really want to talk about here is the price of this book. What should I do?
I’ve been telling my friends and family that I want to publish it for $4. I’m still firm on that.
I don’t want to publish this book for free because…
a) I don’t want someone to Launch it and not read it. Paying for it would give a person some obligation to read it.
b) A part of me believes that by making it a paid story I’ll keep it out of the hands of the world and therefore will still remain the mystery that I am today.
c) It’ll give me something to talk about during my trip to the US as I meet writers and potential investors
d) Another part of me also believes that someday my story will be worth buying and reading
Anyway, just wanted to say that. I hope that you've felt the $4 price to be fair. If not, well...it's too late for a refund.
We're almost done.
Written on September 5, 2014
Two days ago, I started what I can now only call "The Beginning of the End" - I started moving this book (haven't called it that in a while) to Launchora's creator.
While I will not be editing anything (as promised), I still have to read through the entire thing to make sure it re-formats correctly from Evernote (where I've been writing this book so far) to the Launchora creator. I'm up to chapter 13 already - that's only 20% - so the goal is to make sure I write the last chapter directly on Launchora.
So now that I've been reading this thing from the start, I've immediately noticed how different I was a year ago when I started writing this.
Here's what this feels like:
imagine that you're an iPhone/iPad owner (this step is easier if you are one in reality). Say you're currently on iOS 7 (even though the timeline of this book's publish date puts you on track for iOS 8) since that's what I've been writing this on. Now you don't really remember when you moved on from iOS 6 (neither do I - although a calculated guess would be one year ago) to iOS 7. But do you remember using the iOS 6 version of your iPhone/iPad? I don't. Now imagine that somehow you could go back - that for some weird hypothetical reason your device went back a software version. Wouldn't that feel weird? Even though you used that iOS for a year, because you've moved on to the "upgraded" version, going back a version is like going back in time. That's what reading this book feels like. Even though I've changed everyday, this guy who started this book still feels like me.
Remember Doctor Who? I don't think I'm mentioned it in a while. Well, I hope you do remember it because I'm about to reference it again.
There's a line in the 2013 Christmas Special episode of Doctor Who - the one where the Eleventh Doctor regenerates - that has stayed with me these past eight months (it aired during my last week in San Diego before I moved back to India). Here it is:
"We all change. When you think about it, we’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s okay. That’s good. You gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be."
- The Eleventh Doctor, from The Time of the Doctor (Christmas 2013)
Simply stating "I've changed a lot this past year" would be an understatement. In fact, the appropriate statement would be the most simple one: I've changed.
But that is good. Change is good. Change is progress. Change is inevitable.
I'm happy. In fact, I'd even say that I'm becoming happier every day. Not just because I want to be, but because I know I can be.
That brings us back to the first line from this chapter: "written on September 5, 2014.” Does the date ring a bell?
Yes (if you guessed “is he on his way back to the US?”), I'm writing this chapter from the plane. I'm going back to where this all began.
Launchora started on a plane. You might remember the story from “13. The Inception of an Idea”. May 31, 2012 was when the idea came to me. Having just read chapter 13 yesterday, I find the coincidence comforting.
Everything is coming together.
I guess I should explain the chapter title now too. Yesterday, when I was checking in for my flight, guess which seat was available?
Well, obviously you'll guess "19C".
It's perfectly fitting. I'm two weeks ago from my 25th birthday. Launchora's 2nd birthday. The end of this book.
September 19.
I'm ready. Are you?
Written on September 14, 2014
We left the last chapter on a good note, didn't we?
So isn't it completely appropriate and expected for things to go downhill immediately afterwards?
Well, even if you did expect it, I didn't.
So here's what happened...
I'm waiting in line at the immigration area at the Houston airport. There's no Wi-Fi in this area, so I have yet to let my friend Narayan (who has been quite adamant that I mention him in my book by name) know that my plane has landed.
My turn comes, and I give the immigration officer my passport. He looks at it for a little bit, and asks me how long I'll be staying. I tell him three months, leaving December 10.
He scans my passport, and I get ready to walk to the baggage claim.
But of course that is not is going to happen.
He asks me to step aside.
"We just have a few additional questions. Please wait here."
So then...
You know what? I really don't want to write about this incident. I waited for a week to see if my anger would die down, but it clearly hasn't.
So I'll just give you the cliff notes. I was asked to step into a room, which looked quite similar to the DMV, full of people waiting to be "questioned". I took a seat, and hoped this wouldn't take time.
I waited for over an hour.
I wasn't worried. I was just upset. It felt like I went from a world citizen one second (traveling internationally as a business person who is decently privileged) to a lower class convict waiting to be judged.
I'm not exaggerating. On this day (which was September 5, 2014) I learned that at every international airport in the United States there is a room for the "unwanted guests": people we don't really want to let in, but will consider letting in if we feel like they deserve to enter our stupidly arrogant and hilariously ignorant country.
Yes, I'm still angry.
In fact, I'm so over this incident that I'm not going to write it anymore.
So, quickly: the immigration officer was quite rude and disrespectful. He believed everything I was saying (about Launchora, about my plans in the US, about me, about my life, about my six and a half years in San Diego) was either a lie or an excuse.
So how did he misuse his power? By limiting my stay in the US to 90 days.
The problem is - and I explained this to him a few times - that my return flight is scheduled for December 10; which is a week after the 90 days end. Of course, he doesn't care.
"Have your company change your ticket. You can afford it."
At this point I should mention that I did not have my return itinerary printed out in my carry-on. I know, this was my mistake. So when I offered to show him the e-ticket off my phone or laptop, he refused to see it. Because apparently - and these are his exact words -
"If you keep making these excuses, you're going to fail as a businessman."
Thanks, America.
When I asked him to reconsider, he un-politely gave me an ultimatum -
"You don't need to be in our country for this long. Keep this going and I'll have you leave in 30 days."
I'm already loving the warm welcome. It's like I landed back in that police car.
Oh, it turns out that this whole thing occurred because my passport got red flagged at scanning.
I think we all know why.
Because of that one night.
I found out as I was leaving the immigration officer's "interrogation". He told me that I came to his country and broke the law and I deserve to be treated with suspicion.
Great. I really didn't want to be in this mood. I'm sorry, my dear reader. I've let you down again.
Just know that everything will be fine. I'm fine. This was meant to happen. This will always happen.
And as for the 90 day limit, I will figure that out too. Because I'm not afraid. Of them. Of their unfair treatment. Of their system. Of their rules. Of their bias.
I'm here. I'm back. I'm going to be magnificent. This incident was unexpected, but I'm stronger for it.
I didn't ask for a wake-up call, but I am more than awake. Bring it on, 'Muhrica.
You can bet your ass I'm leave this country with a check.
Or like, a direct deposit. Whatever is easier.
You see, I have learned that there is cost to coming to America. And I not only want a refund (with interest), I want a return on my investment.
And I'm not asking anymore. I'm here to take it.
Perhaps we have bad days like this so we know that good days only happen when we make them happen.
My good days start now.
The end starts at midnight.
It's here. The day I was born, the day this idea was born, the day that will always happen, and the day that will last -
Welcome to September 19, 2014.
I've been writing this book for a long time. In that time, I have not once thought about what I will say here in this final chapter, written on the final day of this book's journey.
Well, I have thought of how to approach this: whatever I feel on this day, goes into this book.
I am sorry if you were hoping for more chapters after I came back to the US. It may seem like I didn't care to write to you - but in fact the opposite is true.
I've spent the last seven days (I arrived in Los Angeles on Sept 12) putting this book on Launchora - so basically, I've been with you with whole time. The only difference being that now I have read this book too, and we're finally together in the same time line.
I went through several possible titles for this book. But in the end, I went with "Happy" - because what else is any of this about if not happiness?
I told myself that the last chapter of this book will be written on Launchora. And I'm so, so happy to tell you that I made it. This chapter was started, is being written, and will be finished on Launchora.
We made it.
This idea - of writing about my journey towards a distant date and goal - was not supposed to become this important. So important that my hands are shaking as I type this on our website.
If you've come this far with me, then you know everything I am feeling in this moment. So I'll skip the part where I make this emotional.
Alright, you came here for a grand finale. Let's not keep you waiting!
Let's begin with where I am sitting right now:
On W 6th Street in Downtown Los Angeles, there is a lounge called "Library Bar". I found this place on Yelp earlier today, and I couldn't resist writing this book at a bar where actual books cover the walls.
I really couldn't have asked for more.
The time is 4:30 PM right now. In about three hours I'll be getting together with my friends for dinner and celebrations. But the next two hours are just for you and me.
Now let's talk about the elephant in the room - the one who's asking the question:
"So, Lakshya, buddy, you're 25! Did you make it to your goal?"
Woah, Elephant, buddy, even if I wasn't a millionaire yet, I could become one quite quickly now that I know a talking elephant (who can type too apparently).
Alright, let's deal with this "I want to become worth a million dollars by my 25th birthday", finally. No more excuses. No more "maybes". No more "what if's".
Let me tell you a story. This story begins just a five days ago. A good friend of mine, Tristan (aka my champagne spit-take buddy) whom you may remember form the chapter "Late Night" and as an investor in Launchora, called me on Sunday (today is Friday).
A few months ago Tristan (with a co-founder) started a company called Zen99. In order to fund his idea, he applied into a startup incubator (of sorts) called Y-Combinator ("YC"). This fund invests in ideas and growing companies and guides them to global domination. Their standard investment is $120,000 for 7% of the company.
Tristan's Zen99 got in the program, went through an amazing product creation and launch, and is now a multi-million dollar company. To put things into perspective, this millionaire goal I set for myself exactly two years ago, it took Tristan just four months to complete it. And he didn't even write a whole 76,000 word book about it.
Back to the phone call. Tristan asked me if I would be interested applying to YC. I personally have thought about this before (YC has been around for a while), but it was never the right time. I didn't have a website until two months ago, and I didn't want anyone to invest in Launchora without seeing it in action first.
As you know this US trip I'm on is about three things mainly:
1) Getting Writers on Launchora
2) Hiring good people to work on Launchora
3) Finding the right investors to take Launchora to the next phase in 2015
I've already been working on 1 and 2 for a while. Number 3 was always the most complicated one to accomplish. So this phone call and Tristan's question couldn't have come at a better time. I arrived in LA on Friday, and on Sunday I'm already considering this huge opportunity.
I said "Yes, I'm interested", obviously.
So for the last four days I've been working on the application. YC is pretty much the Harvard of Startups. So this is a colossal opportunity for Launchora.
I'm done with the application and will be submitting it on Monday. I'm quite confident that I'll at least make it to the interview stage. I'll find out on October 28 if I do. After that, the interviews take place in mid-or-late November. If I pass those, I could potentially be holding a $120,000 check (unless they change the amount) by the end of the year. Once accepted, the program runs in San Francisco from January through March 2015.
There are a lot of reasons why this is perfect. One is obviously that $120K is pretty much the number I had in mind as the amount needed to get Launchora to grow for the next 6-9 months. But the money isn't that important. What's important is where it comes from. YC is an extremely well respectful and successful program. Examples of companies that were backed by YC: Dropbox, AirBnb, Reddit. That's just 3 of 700.
The worst case scenario is that some really amazing entrepreneurs and investors - partners at YC who read the applications - will read about Launchora. Perhaps they'll even go to our website and create an account. That's all I can ask anyone to ever try.
The reason why I'm telling you this story is because I want you to know that I haven't given up.
Wait a minute, I'm going to ask the bartender to get me another glass of wine before I continue writing.
Okay I'm back.
This book started 18 months ago. This company started 2 years ago. My life started 25 years ago. I don't know what I was doing before you and this book and this company the first 23 years of my life, because I can't imagine being without any of you.
I'm not giving up. I'm never going to stop dreaming. I'm going to keep on making outrageous goals. I AM going to become a millionaire. It will happen. This company, our Launchora, deserves success. I will not rest until everyone on this planet knows what Launchora is.
YC is just a happy option. If it works out, and it can, then great. I'll meet my goal by the end of the year. This website's fate was delayed over a year. So a three month delay on this goal isn't a big deal. Perhaps I should have said "Two years, plus minus three months."
You know what? I think it is time for another...
Here's the thing about stories: they end. That's part of the deal with life. Everything that has a beginning has an end.
But what if you stopped watching, stopped reading, stopped listening - right before the end?
Imagine your favorite movie or TV show. Harry Potter. Breaking Bad. Back To The Future. Lost. Fight Club. Midnight In Paris. 3 Idiots. Whatever you like, imagine that. Now think of the last scene or sequence in that piece of fiction.
Was there ever a time you didn't want the story to end? Did you, even if you were a kid, wish that the characters would just keep on existing before the finite-nature of an ending would take them away from you?
Sometimes, I imagine that the story stops right before ending. That way, if the end never happens, to me, it can go on forever.
I've done with with books. One of my most favorite stories of all time is the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy series (a trilogy of five books) by Douglas Adams. I read them when I was 17, devouring the first four books within a month. But when I reached the last book, I didn't want it to end. So I read half of it, and then stopped. I believed that if I stopped reading, the characters would never leave me.
I did eventually finish the final book a year later.
So here's a bit of literary trivia for you: guess what TV show Douglas Adams wrote for?
Yes, most of you guessed right.
I know you're probably not as excited as I am when I mention these two words: Doctor Who. You know, the show about a 2000-year-old time traveling alien named "The Doctor" who regenerates his appearance every few years. The show has existed - in continuity (mostly) - for over 50 years. And I think it will exist for another 50. Perhaps even beyond my or your time.
Why? Because of hope. Because the Doctor brings hope to all. And that is where goodness exists. That is where happiness exists.
One of the reasons - and there are many - I love this show and it's story so much is because it will never end. The clue was there in the 50th anniversary special - when the Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) reappears and hints to the Eleventh Doctor that eventually, the Doctor will revisit his favorite faces (i.e. Tom Baker). Now Tom Baker is amazing, but quite old. He may not be present for the 100th anniversary special of the show. But because he hinted that The Doctor might eventually retire to become The Curator - of art from all over time and space - and will be taking back the face of the Fourth Doctor, it basically suggests that the show may never reach that point. That no matter how long the BBC produces the show or how many people still watch it - and even if they stop making the show - the story of The Doctor will still exist because Steven Moffat (you clever, clever man) has given the show an ending that it can never achieve.
Therefore, the show will never end.
The Doctor will never end.
The Story will never end.
I don't think I need to repeat that I love the idea of stories existing beyond their creators. And even though my story - aka this book called Lakshya, Part One - isn't nearly as epic or special or inspiring as The Doctor's, it still has as much hope as a writer can put in a story.
I want this story to exist forever. And because of Launchora, it actually will. Even if only a few people read my story when it's published, or during my lifetime really - it doesn't mean that it won't be read by many in the future.
My point is - just by making this story happen I am giving myself the gift I always wanted (on my birthday, too): immortality through words. And the beauty of words is that once they are read, they exist in the reader's mind. Even if you forget what I wrote, you will still remember this experience.
The human mind is bigger than most galaxies, or even universes (don't fact-check, just trust me on this). So just by existing in the minds of my readers, my story can continue.
So, and because I love What If's, let's talk about what happens after tomorrow.
Well, I'll be spending the next two and a half months traveling all over the west coast of the United States meeting people and turning them into writers. Perhaps you ended up on this website, and this book, because we met somewhere in California, or Oregon or Washington or Idaho or Utah or Nevada - during these next two and a half months.
Beyond that, I could get into YC and become worth a million dollars just by signing away 7% of my company. I'll still own 93% of it, so you don't have to worry about my share-dilution just yet.
In 2015, whether I go through the YC program or not, Launchora will spread to more people in more countries. We'll be adding more features of course. I hope to also create Launchora University in 2015 (a niche platform - still part of Launchora - for writing students and teachers). I'll actually get www.eKahani.com on the map (yeah that has yet to happen. I've been really focused on Launchora since we launched, but I will definitely start eKahani in 2015).
And of course, 2015 will see the creation of my craziest idea yet: Launchora Live.
I'm not going to get into that here. Maybe you'll have to read Lakshya, Part Two (if I ever write it, maybe you should check my Creations page) to find out what it is.
Fine, I'll give you a teaser: Launchora Live will basically be a feature we integrate into the platform which could possibly change the way written content is created and consumed.
Yup, that's all I can tell you right now. Not because I'm a tease (even though I called it a teaser), but because I'm still working on the concept.
Moving on from 2015, let's just say I hope to be able to start working on my lists from the chapter "Why I Want To Be Rich". I know I will get there. Because I trust me.
This book has meant a lot to me. And I'm quite confident that I'll write another one. Because why not? I mean, you have really spoiled me. I don't know how I would ever write again without having an audience to speak to directly. My creativity and expression is irrevocably dependent on you.
Most importantly, this "What If" matters most because it's no longer me in this situation. I am responsible for this company now. I have an entire website depending on me. You're here right now because I didn't give up on getting you here.
And I'm so happy that you're here.
Alright, let's wrap up. I must do that now. The clock just hit 6:00 PM and the time of this chapter is coming to an end.
The story stops soon, but it can go anywhere from here. And it will only end if you stop believing it does.
So, let's keep the story going, even if the words stop for a little while.
Because in this moment, you, my dear reader, are the only person that matters.
Whatever happens after tomorrow, to me and to Launchora, is only another story. I might write about it, or it may write itself. But just because you are here, reading this chapter that concludes my 25th year on this planet on September 19, 2014 - perhaps the story isn't over.
Perhaps the storyteller has nothing to do with the story.
Perhaps the story is all about the storyreader.
That's you. Just in case you missed my It's-so-obvious-I-don't-know-why-he-still-keeps-on-mentioning-it word-plays.
I don't know if you remember the Launchora homepage (when you're not logged in) - well, the version we use right now says...
Well, today I came up with something simpler. Something I hope will become our short little tagline moving forward. Here it is...
If I had to pick a line to end this chapter or book...this would be it.
Write your story.
But don't worry. We're not done yet. It's only 6:15 PM and I won't be seeing my friends for another hour. I'm here. I'll be here with you. As much as I can. As long as I can.
Actually, I have an idea.
Do me a favor. Go online, search “Launchora Y Combinator” or “Launchora YC” and see what happens. I hope it’s real. Because if it is, we made it. Not just me. Not just Launchora. We. Me, Launchora, and you. You’re the magic I needed. You’re the person that got me here. This company, this idea, this lakshya - would have evaporated a long time ago if you weren’t here. Thank you. Thank you for being here with me.
You did this. I started this book alone, and I’m ending it a community of creators and explorers. That’s something, isn’t it?
And you know what? It doesn't matter if we made it. It doesn't matter how or when I reached my million dollar goal.
Why? Because for the sake of this book, that moment happens beyond the present of this moment. This book is a dot - it is a real and finite piece of work - its existence depends on where you are, whenever you are.
To this book, the past doesn't matter, because the past is gone.
To this book, the present is irrelevant, because the present outside of this doesn't exist.
To this book, the future is all, because anything can happen beyond its present.
Okay, I think it's time I told that I've been lying to you all day.
Well, the thing is, I couldn't imagine ending this book without talking about someone very important to me and to Launchora.
So, and I should just say it out right before you get mad -
This isn't the last chapter.
I may be vain. I may be a narcissist. I may be wrong about everything.
But there's no way I end this book talking about me.
See, I may have started this book on my own, talking to myself and typing to myself - but that's not how I'm ending it. There is actually a very real person at the other end of this 76,000 word monologue.
You.
I think we can call this a 76,000 word dialogue now.
So, because I want to and because it’s the only way that this book deserves to end, here’s my last chapter: to you, for you, and because of you.
We're still a few hours away from midnight. It's still September 19, 2014.
This chapter is a bonus one: the last thing I write. This is where I talk about you, the readers, and the stories you have already inspired me with.
To this exact moment as I type this, Launchora has over 5,000 registered users (including you, probably). Collectively, our users have published over 600 stories already, with another 2000 stories being written.
That's amazing. I've read over 300 of these stories already that this community of ours have produced. And it's extraordinary how creative you are.
I should also mention that while I may not know all of you, I know that some of you are my dear family and friends. What can I say to you that sums up how much you've meant to me these past 25 years?
Okay, here's a line I think best describes how I feel about you -
These past few days I've talked a lot about this book to you. And almost all of you have the same question: am I in it?
Well, as much as I wanted to talk about those I love and those who inspire me, I really couldn't do justice to your importance in my life. So I hope you'll take the "magnificent" thing as a consolation price.
And if I did mention you by name, then you're welcome. :)
As for those of you who I have yet to meet or know, and you still stumbled upon this -
I think we're done. I can't write more without feeling the impending loss of this 18-month-long experience.
So let's do this.
Time to put the end-chapter logo thing one last time...
Good-bye. Go write a story.
But hey, what's an ending without a twist?
This story ends at midnight, but another one begins at 12:01 AM on September 20.
It's happening.
Time to start living.
Time to start writing the rest of my life.
And now, because I know that you're curious, and because it's the only way I know how to write anymore, here's the next challenge I am going to achieve which will be at the center of Part Two (once I become a millionaire, which we both know will happen before 2014 ends):
I, Lakshya, am going to become a Billionaire...
Wait, it's not over.
I, Lakshya, am going to become a Billionaire...before I turn 30.
So...
September 19, 2019...
...Your move.
The story continues. The new chapters begin. I hope you like future-me.
As for present-me, I'll be going back to the beginning of this book to write you an introduction. Isn't that fun? I'm ending the story and then going back to the beginning to introduce it. Full circle.
But before I go, I must say something to really make this an epic finale.
I've thought a lot about how to end this. How to finish a story I don't want to end.
I think I have it. I'm not going to explain it. Just take away what you can from it.
Okay. Final sentence. You can do this, Lakshya. Midnight is coming.
So, as I exit this story and hand it over to you, present-me-from-September-19-2014 has one final message for you...
A hindi adaptation of Ernest Hemingway's "Hills Like White Elephants" (1927)
74I’m back to writing… with a twist. Presenting an old story in a new way, 5 years in the making.
174The text exchange between a bride and the groom on the day of their wedding.
28108199 Launches
Part of the Self-biography collection
Updated on May 17, 2018
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