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When I look back I see a deep ocean behind me. And my heart sinks . I drown in the ocean of memories and I realize there is no way I can find an escape . The memories of the colorful yet dark evening scares me . My mind and heart trembles with the constant thought of you and I lie so uncertain about the horizons of pain that linger on.I have always wanted to forget the memories of the evening when our souls and bodies collided for the last time. I was in your arms. My tears, dampening your shirt , tried to reach the superficial realm of love you carried with in your heart. But, you know, the efforts were in vain.
Nothing could move you. Nothing. You were unresponsive like a mountain against the winds and like a demon against the angels.Yet, I was glad that you held me.Because I think I was living a dream and dreams are delusions. They are adorable..
I know holding me was a favor you did because I insisted.Still, I am glad despite knowing the saddening truth.
Those moments when you held me close ran fast and I wished they didn't curtail. I didn't wish us to end and I didn't want you to go. But the risk of being in your arms made me more and more vulnerable. and I could read it on your face that you wanted to go away . For, you were afraid of the storm that would erupt.
so, you started to leave. I watched you go. I realized I was unwanted and undesirable..