THE LAST WISH
Ritu Siddharth
Her 1st year in college. Hostel sports day: Manjubala was not an athlete or a champion, but a confident participant.One of the events:
Obstacle race for ladies: Run 5m , crawl under a narrow table, jump over a bench, run 7m in a circle ,rush up 4 flights of steps to the terrace ,trace the given flower on a paper and cut it with scissors ,maintaining its shape, run down the stairs, wind round a tree …Manjubala made upto this part; though she was getting cramps in her lower limbs and her body beginning to stiffen; all she had to do was sprint 20m to the finish line.4m..5m…8m…she could go no further….and slumped to the ground. She felt as if heavy cans were crushing her chest from all sides ; had difficulty in breathing as if someone had closed her nostrils ;her throat tightened; she heard her heart beat slower each time till the gap between two beats were longer than she could remember. Sky and buildings seemed to recede,the chest pain worsening all the while. She felt her body muscles tighten with intense pain; voices became distant. “Ah!”’ she gasped…….then everything went white.
In the hospital she was revived the difficulty. Investigations were complete. Doctors gave the diagnosis ‘IDIOPATHIC CARDIOMYOPATHY’, and her longevity 3years. She was not to do unaccustomed exercise, run long distances, climb stairs at a stretch, avoid excessive oily and salty food, excess coffee, tea, stress etc,etc…
2years passed; life moved on…She entered her so called 3rd and final year of her life. Manjubala pondered; she was an enthusiastic and lively lass. Her outdoor activity being profoundly restricted she resorted to a simpler pass-time; she viewed the small world around her from the balcony and terrace of her hostel, through binoculars , in the morning and evenings; she watched ducks in pond, grazing sheep and goats, white and colored clouds floating across the sky, birds flying in flocks, mothers carrying their babies, girl-boy walking in pairs…
One Friday at 8.30 in the morning, she spotted a youth in the metro rail station, reading a book; did he read or flip pages ,she wondered. The train arrived; he rose without haste ,dropped something, picked it up and boarded the train. The next 2 days she saw him ,same time ,same seat, flipping pages.
A month later , Radha and manju arrived at the metro station to go to PARICHAY, a shopping mall. Mr. Book was late that day…9.30am.
“Hi”, Manju greeted Mr.Book.
“Hi”, he reciprocated her.
“Can I sit here”, she asked him.
“Anyone can”, he replied without suspicion.. continued to read his book.
“Do I know you?”his genuine doubt.
“No chance”, she replied as Radha tugged at her.
“How then you’re talking to me?”
“I used to see you through my binoculars…have you finished the book?”she asked.
“Ye, this’s the second one”.
“ Fast reader !”
“Ye”.
It did not appear to be a novel.“Your text book?”, she asked.
“Ye”, his reply , short .
“Fat book!”her opinion.
“Ye”, he answered with a scowl.
“Interesting?”
He turned his face away with a hard stare.
“Am I disturbing you?”
“Very much”, he said and rose to go.
“No wait! I’ll go away; you resume your work”, she stood up.
“I’m going to love him, this, Mr Book”, she told Radha. 3 out of her 5 five friends had boy friends and were dating; they would brag about the places they went to,what they ate …..Manju wanted to do the same…go out,hold hands,see movies together,visit places,temples, give gifts, hugs ,kisses, talk for long hours over phone, message….and what not! She wanted to love and feel the sweetness of being loved. She had very little time !
“Hey ,careful, you’re not strong enough to run if need arose”,Radha warned her.
“Wait and see”, was her confidence.
Manju met Mr.Book regularly on week ends. His name was Ram Kumar,called Ram by his near ones. He showed no interest for her. But she would not give up. She persisted with gifts and presents on some pretext.
3 months elapsed. He began to tolerate her and talk to her more freely though only for minutes. She took care not to have friction with him; he seemed to be oversensitive to anything.
Manjubala went for her regular follow up. The hospital lift was not working. She had to make 2 trips to the ground floor for ecg and echogram and lab tests. She was retained in the hospital as her reports were not favorable.
She asked for her laptop; started typing in slow pace, sent the mail to Ram. She thought it was her last visit to the hospital. But to her astonishment she recovered. “Take the precautions”, the doctor however advised her strongly.
She met Ram the next day.
“Just 10 mins ,ok?”,he put his condition. They sat licking cone ice ,though she was forbidden to have creams. She knew at once he had not read her mail.
“You have my mail ,read it when you’ve time, please do”, she emphasized.
“What will you do if I died suddenly?”,she asked.
“I’ll say, ‘Ah, now I can work without disturbance’, ” he said.
“Will you cry?”
“No, I won’t”.
“Ya , you must n’t .Will you miss me?”
“I don’t think”,he said, enjoying his cone.
She cast down her eyes. She perceived the gap between them was wide but felt attached to him mentally and emotionally with an indelible bond.
“When’ll you finish your work?”
“In 2 weeks ,if all go well”.
She took his hand , “Do you feel anything?”, she asked ,remembering her friends talking with pride ,whenever the girl wanted kiss from the boy or vice versa.
“Why’s your hand so cold?”he asked.
She squeezed his hand and asked, “Now?”
“Are you trying to remove my ring ?”he asked.
My God! What a thick head he was! She swallowed. Perhaps this was not the way to ask!
5 minutes over .5 minutes were left.
“Won’t you kiss me now? Just once”, she implored.
He wrinkled his nose. “Why now?”he asked wondering what had happened to her.
“Just felt like …just one ,please”, she begged.
“Come “, he said in a gesture to kiss her.
“Take me in your arms…please “, she begged again.
“What’s wrong with you Manju? It’s not like you”, he remarked.
“Won’t you ,please ?”she repeated. “I don’t have time”, she mumbled that was hardly audible.
“OK ,come”, he said in an as-a-matter-of -fact manner .
She struggled to keep her voice steady and to hide her tears she reached for his face before he did and showered a volley of kisses.
“O, keep some for other days”, he witted.
“Now kiss me”, she said .
The proximity for those few seconds, one heart beating against the other, worked in him, he felt a strange sense of feeling for a woman he had never felt before.
“Thank you,Ram, I won’t forget this day”, she said with gratitude and withdrew.
She was surprised when he kissed her again to say good night with sweet dreams, without her asking for it.
Ram Kumar and Kasinath were thick friends since their primary school but diverged after college; Kasinath became an engineer, Ram Kumar proceeded to research work. Both were just four streets apart but met infrequently, much less frequently over phone ,Ram being devoted to his research.
“Come on over Kasi , I’m free at last, finished my project; rest will talk in person …come straight away ,dinner’s here”, Ram informed over his mobile Kasinath and RamKumar sat chatting, in the institution. Just then Ram’s professor called him.
“Here, Kasi , keep these ,I’ll return soon…wonder what he has to say”, Ram gave his bag to Kasinath and ran to his professor. Kasinath got bored when Ram did not return soon enough. He opened the bag. “Ha ! Got you man !”,he exclaimed ,opened Ram’s mobile. Manju’s no.and messages were seen to occur frequently and often left unanswered by Ram. “Bad boy”, muttered Kasi. He read a few messages and was tempted to read further. He used Manju’s password to open the mail..He began to read...
Dear Ram,
It’s perhaps my last letter to you, perhaps the entire pour-out of my feelings, genuine, frank, full, complete.
The days after I met you…It was like a fairyland; I had always dreamed of you during the night and day dreamt of you every day as regularly as my breath, when you wished me sweet dreams. There were moments when I struggled to hold my tongue from spilling out my love; was angered when you failed to recognize my gestures however obvious they were. I was exhilarated when at last you began to see the truth .
Let me reveal to you today why I chose to love at all .Doctors told me I had 3 years to live. I was content with everything I got in life ;one day I realized there was a lacuna….I had not loved nor felt the sweetness of being loved. I wanted to love someone ,I found you, in 2 months you were haunting me. On many occasions I had longed for a kiss or a hug. … you had very little time to spare for me; I know the reason why……but I have very little time. You will soon be saying good bye to me. You will not miss me ,I know when I’m gone because there was no involvement from your side. Good, in a way….I will give you my password ,you can open my page and read my articles though they will be of little interest to you. As I lie here I wish ,I wish to see you on my last day. I send my love and good wishes to you .Love you ever.
With love ,
Manjubala .
He was still reading her articles when Ram arrived beaming and hilarious.
“You know ,Kasi! My paper and research have been accepted by the board. I will be going to Delhi next week, why don’t you come along”, he said excitedly. “Ok come now ,let’s celebrate”, he almost dragged Kasi. Both shared their heavy treat. Kasi insisted and so Ram read Manju’s mail in haste. He gave a hearty laugh when he finished reading.
“Oh! This silly girl…loving me for pastime! Haha!” “It’s not pastime “,objected Kasinath.
Manju fainted in the class. The tutor sprinkled water in an attempt to bring her round. Not succeeding she was taken to the hospital where she was declared dead. Radha informed Ram about the casualty.
Kasinath and Ram entered the hospital to see her body ,now no longer Manjubala.
Kasinath could not hold back his tears . Ram kumar was thinking about his trip to Delhi.
Concluded.