BEHIND THE SCENES
Some people envy my life. A luxurious apartment located in a posh locality in Dubai City with a breathtaking view from my 18th floor French windows. An Identity card* that opens an amazing number of doors worldwide. The best of almost everything money can buy, and off course, a chance to explore at least eight different countries every month.
Yes, I am a Flight Attendant.
My alarm beeps annoyingly at 3.15 A.M. Like always, I turn it off and roll over without even bothering to open my eyes. I have ten minutes before a second alarm clangs it’s way through my foggy brain. I groan out loud. My jet-lagged body is still recovering from a 14-hour flight from Australia just a day ago. Or was it two? Irrelevant at this point, since today I journey to Toronto. From 7 hours ahead in GMT to -7 or more. I’ve stopped keeping track. It’s November, so it was sweltering ‘ Down Under’*, whilst up in Canada, last night’s BBC weather foretold light snowfall. My tonsils and sinuses will be weeping exactly four days from today.
Still envy my life?
I grope my way to the kitchen, eyelids firmly stuck shut, and silently cursing my rambunctious flatmate who, along with her equally rambunctious 'Flavour of the Month', decided to harmonize her hormones extremely nosily last night. Have a heart you horny monkeys, a girl needs her sleep!
With a steaming cup of tea in hand I’m back in my room, mentally reviewing my checklist. One could get offloaded* and marked absent for forgetting something as seemingly trivial as a Medical License, one among the many licenses we Flight Attendants are equipped with.
Passport? Check.
ID? Check.
Three Licenses? Check.
(I always visually check these three plastic cards despite the fact that they haven’t really changed in size, texture, or color through the years, as once, during my early flying days I’d managed to get one of my credit cards mixed up with my licenses and incurred a bit of trouble whilst displaying a well scratched VISA instead of a GCAA* License!)
Vaccination booklet? Check.
Big fat Red Cabin Crew Manual* (updated), along with smelly flat heeled cabin shoes (carefully deodorized the previous night), tabbard*, and oven gloves? Check. Check. Check. And Check.
I’m a little paranoid about having an appropriate change of clothing for my layover*, so I always check the weather online the previous day, and pack accordingly. One wouldn’t want to be stuck with a tank top and flip flops* in Australia in the month of May, which is their Winter. Plus an ample amount of underwear just in case we go tech* and have to stay off Base* longer than scheduled. You might think that I'm more paranoid about my underwear stock than anything else, and hmmmm, you might be right.
When I was a little girl of 5 years, I decided to run away from home, for no real reason other than I saw it in a movie and wanted to emulate the drama. So, of all the things to take with me, I packed all my underwear (precisely 6 pairs) in a large square scarf, tied the bundle to the end of my Grandad's walking stick, and trotted down the garden. Didn't make it out the front gate as I couldn't quite reach the latch!
So to get back to the topic- Underwear? Check!
With all my “checks” done, tea turned cold, I glance at my clock, and realize that I have barely thirty minutes to get washed, brushed, uniformed, and “do” my hair and makeup before the Airline transport swings by to pick me up.
Running through the lobby doors to catch the receding end of my transport in the far distance has also been part of my getting ready for work routine. I have never missed an operational flight, but for some elusive reason, I have on several occasions, missed my bus! Given that I get out of bed precisely an hour before my pickup time, I guess it’s not surprising. Thank heavens for Dubai’s dexterous taxis and extensive speed limits.
I don my uniform. White short sleeved shirt with tiny buttons all the way down the front. Fate invariably deals me a wicked blow on those “running late” days by getting a button or two missed. So I have to unbutton and re-button. Then the trousers go on.
Ten minutes.
At this stage I generally rush into the bathroom, in a state of panic, with all my bits and pieces for my hair. Five minutes and three lost hairpins later I commence my makeup ritual. Hardly a ritual, as I indulge in many shortcuts.
(Who needs eye-shadow when the shadows beneath my jet-lagged eyes are colorful enough! Foundation AND Powder? Are you kidding me???. One or the other will suffice. The compliments I receive on board from Pax* are flattering to my ten minute regime. Ahem!)
I’m now left with exactly five minutes to slip my jacket on, grab my hat, suitcase, strolley, hand-bag, lock up my front door, and literally fly down eighteen floors to hopefully catch my bus.
Dammit! I’ve forgotten to put on my stockings and shoes.
So...well...technically, I’m left with three minutes.
God help me!
Glossary
1) Identity card- Mandatory staff identification card all crew must display on their person at all times during duty hours. This card also gets us fantastic discounts on duty free shopping in all airports around the world.
2) Down Under- Common slang term for Australia.
3) Offloaded- Removed from a rostered flight. This generally results in a warning letter from your line manager and disciplinary action should it occur more than one time.
4) GCAA- General Civil Airline Aviation- They make all the rules and flight limitations for Airline crew.
5) Cabin Crew Manual- The ‘Bible’ for all crew. It contains everything you need to know about first aid, general safety and security, and Airline regulations. Most crew shake the dust off their manuals once a year during the Annual Refresher course. Scary huh?
6) Tabard- Waistcoat- like garment which female crew wear during the service to prevent damage or spillage on their white shirts. Also is meant to make us look shapeless and unappealing to sleazy pax; rarely works.
7) Layover- Any trip overseas from Dubai that is long enough to warranty staying over in that country for a preset minimum period. Could range from eleven hours to three days.
8) Base- Dubai
9) Flip flops- Fancy foreign term for Indian rubber “chappals”
10) Go tech- When the airplane encounters any technical problem that can’t be fixed within a few hours, it results in either a longer layover or a change of aircraft. This is referred to as 'going tech'. (Crew pray for this technicality in exotic destinations; our prayers generally get answered in Saudi Arabia or other war-torn countries)
11) Pax- Short form for “passengers”.