Anne is far, far away. Not her location nor her body. It's just that her head is off somewhere. It's been raining for almost an hour now, and there is so many cold spaces in her room. It's late at night and pretty sure almost everyone in the country side is asleep.
Except her of course. Her mind is busy. Travelling to different places, playing with time. The past is one if her favorite destination. Answering questions like-what if?. This hobby of her is masochist in nature, because who else got hurt in remembering the past; only those who remember.
But tonight, she want to stay here. In bed with the boy she loves. She wants him to grab her. To put her in place. For the earlier part of the night, that seems to be plan. Holding each other, touching, kissing. And he wants more. She does too, but she's not here where she wants to be.
She wants to tell the boy or she tried too. But her sorry mind can only giggle in defense when it's clear enough she can't give more to him. Now,she's alone with her thoughts traveling somewhere else while he sleeps beside her.
She feels this is unfair. She thought, how could he want her body but not her mind. This idea brings her to different times when it's all the same. The idea made her body cold. Her feet want to run away but like all the other times he make her feel this way, she stayed. Her body at least.
She wants to cry but how could she if her heart is getting used to this pain already. A vicious cycle of training her heart that this is okay. To feel alone with company. Her body knows this, her heart knows this. Her soul confuse for her mind slips away as always. A defense mechanism to protect her.
Still when her tired mind finnaly found its way back to now, Anne hug the boy beside her. Her emotions branching to a complex matrix of her mind. Still she's here beside the boy who makes her want to run away. The one who made her feel alone even with company.