LOST (in) LOVE

Oh God! How do you live on after the split up?

Sheela’s question was reverberating in Heena’s mind. Sheela was her best friend since they were in high school. Luckily their companionship continued even in college. Heena always sought Sheela’s guidance in anything she did. Sheela was the first to know anything about Heena and it was also the same the other way round. Both of them had high aspirations about their future and their efforts fetched them good job designations as they had wished. They were both working in a software company for the past two years.

So one would think that everything was fine and on track. But college life somehow came abound with an inevitable phase. Heena too was under that phase: love. It was Gaurav. Heena and Gaurav did not become friends instantly. It was a friendship which was developed gradually by the usual classroom conversations. Then as days rolled on Heena started to like Gaurav more and they both, along with their friends, started hanging out occasionally.

Heena used to babble about Gaurav and what all they had talked that day to Sheela every day. Sheela was interested in the new friendship initially but grew bored with Heena’s non-stop chattering about Gaurav. Then one day Heena confessed to Sheela that she had fallen in love with Gaurav. Sheela was not actually shocked by this confession, but neither was she happy about that. Somewhere she felt that Heena would face disappointment in her new love for she had heard some rumours about Gaurav’s relationship status. Sheela had heard that Gaurav was in a serious relationship with a girl whom he had known since school. Heena too had heard of those talks but she preferred to dismiss those statements as mere gossips, for that was what her actual yearning was.

Sheela was worried.

Sheela tried to persuade Heena out of this thought. But everything was in vain as Heena’s love for Gaurav had found deep roots. But destiny has its own ways to work. It was at that stage that Gaurav told Heena about his relationship with Sanjana, his schoolmate.

‘So yeah. I have always wanted to tell you about my relationship, Heena. Happy that I have told you finally!’ had said Gaurav excitedly.

Heena was crumpled by the open revelation by Gaurav himself. Hiding her worries, Heena had said, ‘That’s..that’s really awesome, Gaurav! Am so happy for you.’ Heena forced a pained smile. Gaurav had talked further about his love to Heena and she patiently listened to his reminiscence.

Heena got busy with her studies in the next few semesters and Sheela felt relieved that her friend was getting over her one-sided love. Little did she know that it wasn’t so. Heena still harboured love for Gaurav despite knowing completely well that it wouldn’t work out. She was not able to get over him and after a stage, she never really tried to either. She eventually liked living in the fantasy.

Heena snapped out of the old memories and came back to the present. She had avoided few marriage proposals at home and had not beckoned any sort of love. Sheela was increasingly worried. ‘Listen Heena. Gaurav is out of your life. You both are only friends. Why don’t you just move on?’

Heena remained silent.

‘Oh God! How do you live on after the split up?’ asked Sheela. ‘I mean, either you should try to make your love happen with Gaurav or just get over that and move on. You do neither Heena! It’s taking you nowhere.’

Heena understood her friend’s genuine concern for her. But deep within, she treasured her love as divine. She wanted to live with the impeccably architected thoughts about herself, Gaurav and their love.

Heena answered Sheela’s question mentally. The purpose of love is not in the destination called wedding. In fact true love does not come from any purpose. The journey of love itself is eternal! That way I live a wholesome life even after the split-up, Sheela.

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Oh God! How do you live on after the split up?

Santhosh was tired of asking the same question to Pranav. Santhosh was a final year Engineering student and Pranav was his best friend since they had joined college. Santhosh was a bright student and had high aims to excel in electronics research. He was a person of full commitment in whatever he did, though he was not a person to be committed in a love relationship. According to him, life had more pressing matters to look after to beyond these relationships.

Pranav on the contrary revelled on the world of love. With basic knowledge and skill set enough to make a good living, Pranav was more of a romantic person. He believed that love paints life more colourful. He never set out searching for love though. He had just waited for the moment when love would happen to him.

And it so happened one fine day at the end of his first year in college. The girl was Priya. His classmate. Like most friendships between a boy and a girl, theirs too had begun with a birthday wish. Priya had found Pranav’s contact number and wished him for his birthday. The rest was obvious. With the easy availability of IMs, the chats and conversations between them grew palpable. Acquaintance turned to friendship, and friendship eventually morphed to love.

They both were a constant topic of gossip in and around their class initially. But then they both outgrew the tender phase and started behaving as a matured couple. All their friends believed that their relationship would definitely meet marriage in the future.

Suddenly in their third year of college, trivial issues contributed to uninvited rifts between them.

‘And I thought that you were not the type to dominate my personal interests! But see now?’ had fumed Priya.

‘It’s not called dominance, for God’s sake! Am just giving you my piece of mind,’ had retorted Pranav. ‘I can’t go and tell anyone else. Why don’t you understand that?’

Priya was a brilliant girl passionate about writing. She had a natural flair for literary and language. Her inherent ambition was to become a writer one day. Though her thoughts were modern, she liked the traditional style in dressing. When other girls were obsessed about modern clothes, she preferred chudidhars and long kurtis. No great fan of intense cosmetics, she only used basic creams and kajal. According to her, this outfit alone summed up her beauty. Modernity must be in thoughts and actions..not necessarily in clothings, was her mantra.

Pranav knew about Priya so well and actually did not want to interfere in her personal ideas. In fact he was proud that Priya knew what she wanted clearly. But Pranav did not approve of her ‘rigidity’, as he had termed it, in her behaviour lately. Whenever he tried to convince her of changing a bit, Priya would never relent. According to her, it’s like forsaking her own ideas for the mere sake of others. It was like compromising her confidence. Furthermore Pranav was not much encouraging when it came to her interest in writing. Pranav never understood, Priya thought.

Even Pranav had issues with Priya. When he felt that their love was the ultimate achievement in his life, Priya did not position their love equally. True, she respected and valued their love to the tee, but the fact that she had greater aspirations for writing than their love was something which Pranav could not digest.

All these petty issues which could have been sorted out easily only did otherwise. It slowly escalated the developing gap between them and when it reached a pinnacle, they had declared a break-up at the heat of the moment. Friends of them including Santhosh tried their best to patch up the problem and bring them on track, but nought did they meet success.

What I needed in my life, I did get through Priya. She made me understand to go on with life beyond personal feelings. Now I am successful in my professional life, but the void she created could never be filled.

What I aspired for, I have achieved it now. I find satisfaction and success in writing. But the pain inflicted upon me due to my lost love is not healed. I could have reached my top goal on my check list, but the void created by the love could never be filled.

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Oh God! How do you live on after the split up?

Linda Shanti was preparing for her next hearing in court regarding a divorce case. Every time she attended to a divorce case, it was a mental turmoil for her. She had pursued law as major in studies and had always looked up the profession as more challenging and satisfying. She found it hard to assimilate the emotional impact her job carried along.

While studying in college, it was always cases and arguments, leading to fair judgement from the evidences. Little did she realise the effect of the emotional side to be so impacting. When she started handling cases, she felt herself getting absolved in the emotions of the people petitioning. Divorce cases filled her heart with animosity and abomination.

The reason was personal. She was a divorcee herself. Being a young lady of clear conscience and cognizance in her early twenties, she had stepped into her wedding life with her husband Michael Prabhakar fifteen years back.

I now declare you as Man and Wife!

I hereby declare Mr. Michael Prabhakar and Mrs. Linda Shanti as divorced from marriage.

The church Father’s wedding declaration and the court judge’s divorce declaration went in tandem in Linda’s mind. Five years of perfect marriage life they had lead. But time indeed does tricks.

It had been a Friday evening. Michael was happy about the weekend which would give him a break from his six week tireless project.

‘Linda! Where are you?’ Michael’s voice was filled with excitement. ‘Lin! Let’s plan for a vacation this weekend! How about we go to trekking? Or boating? Or shall we go abroad?!’

Linda had reacted with disinterest to his enthusiasm. ‘Mike, what’s all this excitement about? Going abroad?!’ Linda had asked with indignation written on her face.

‘The big app project our company had contracted to complete within six weeks is finally over! We finished it successfully and the project is attracting good response. Wow..we were all sceptic about finishing it within such a short deadline. But our team made it!’

‘Okay, great!’ Linda had said with a flat tone.

‘So tell me. Where shall we go?’

‘Michael! You can’t be serious. Vacation at this stage? I have got important hearing on Monday and I have to prepare fully this weekend. I can’t come out anywhere,’ had said Linda sternly.

‘Oh,’ Michael was crestfallen. ‘Then can we arrange for next week? We’ll go on a vacation somewhere distant!’

Linda had been totally annoyed by Michael’s obliviousness towards her job. While Michael was mentally planning a holiday, all Linda had wanted was to concentrate on her case records. Michael was a software industry professional and he too had had stressful spells in his profession. It was indeed natural for him to celebrate the success of his hard work. Linda understood his state of mind but what had gotten on her nerves was the fact that Michael didn’t reciprocate the understanding to her. He had always shown disinterest in Linda’s profession and had always thought that her work mechanism was flexible.

‘Mike. Listen. I simply can’t come on a vacation just because you are on leave from your work. I have my own work which requires my commitment towards it. I can’t forsake it for a vacation,’ Linda had explained. ‘And there is another thing I want to tell you Mike. I am expecting a transfer soon. I have applied for the QLTS exam.’

‘QLTS?’ had asked Michael nonplussed.

‘It’s the Quality Lawyer Transfer Scheme. If I pass the test, I’ll be able to work in the jurisdiction of 48 countries and 6 continents, including UK, Singapore and..’

‘But why?’ Michael had cut short her lecture in exasperation. ‘What’s the problem in you working here?’

‘I am working for a firm here, Mike. I hope you must know this at the least! I am not a solo practitioner nor do I work for one big company permanently. I work with partners in the law firm. And with the somewhat less demand for partnership law cases here, my firm wants few of us to transfer.’

Michael had stood speechless then. He had expected a vacation and all that faced him then was a shocking counter plan from his wife. He could clearly see that his wife had made her decision already and nothing that he would say could change her mind. Still Michael did try to persuade her out of her decision stating that the separation would not suit well for both.

‘You’re worried about the separation, Mike?’ Linda had asked incredulously. ‘C’mon. I thought it never mattered to you. Anyhow we are leading a life separate as such, Mike. You always have time only for your work; even your vacation plans are made according to your profession. And where was I in all this? You always considered my job and I are flexible as and when you wanted to be. You never understood how important my job is to me.’

‘I can live alone, but definitely not without my job,’ continued Linda. ‘Besides, this is not working between us, Mike. With no children and no love at home, my only consolation is my job. Sorry Mike, I am leaving the country after 4 months.’

Michael was silent assimilating what Linda had said. As if as an afterthought, Linda had added, ‘I wanted to tell you all this in a better circumstance. But I didn’t want you to suffer in reality because of your unrealistic imaginations.’

Linda had left the room.

Two years had passed on and Linda joined a law firm with few of her colleagues in England. Though initially Linda and Michael were in touch at regular intervals, it was only because of their relationship as spouse to each other. At one point, they both felt it necessary to break the tension by appealing a legal divorce statement. Irony had played well in intertwining Linda’s private and professional lives. Numerous divorce cases were handled by Linda and as reciprocation, there was someone else appealing for her own divorce. They were declared as divorced from marriage under Section 10 A in Indian Penal Code.

Twelve years had passed. Michael was a leading IT professional in Chennai and Linda grew to heights with successful cases in her profession.

After all these twelve years that I’m divorced, I still miss you Michael. One desperate decision we made ages ago has lead to destruction. Our separation has created a void in my heart but this is what we chose. Have never loved you more, Mike.

Being an ardent fan of Tamil poet Vairamuthu, Linda was reminded of one of his famous lines about the soulful pain one gets after the separation from a relationship.

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Oh God! How do you live on after the split up?

Meenatchi amma was busy packing home-made food for her granddaughter Sheela. That was the only time of the year she would get busy because that was when Sheela would spend her vacation with her for a fortnight. But owing to busy job schedules, Sheela was able to scrap only a week’s leave that year to spend with her grandmother. Sheela was Meenatchi amma’s only granddaughter and was a 24 year old working young lady. Meenatchi amma liked Sheela very much and would do anything for her daughter’s daughter. Sheela also loved her grandmother who was unanimously liked by everyone. She even got to be called Meenatchi amma by her kith and kin fondly for her amiable nature. Meenatchi amma was in her early seventies and was a widow for the past ten years.

Ever since she lost her husband to some cruel illness, she had preferred to live alone in their old estate house. She wanted to live with her husband’s memories. They had lived a beautiful life with moments of happiness and unity, thus colouring a perfect picture of love and togetherness. When Meenatchi amma lost her husband, all their relation and friends pitied Meenatchi amma for the solitary fate which awaited her.

Even Sheela was heart-broken to see her inspiring grannies in such a broken state. She had wept a lot even after weeks of her grandpa’s demise. Surprisingly, her grandmother had recovered rather quickly from the grievance.

Curiosity getting the better of her, Sheela questioned her grandmother, ‘Paatti ma, I know how loving you and grandpa used to be. His absence must be unbearable for you Paatti ma, but I am truly surprised that you are quite normal and have stopped crying after less than a month.’

Meenatchi amma sensed concern in her granddaughter’s voice and it had no tinge of apprehension like it would have meant plainly. Pleased about her granddaughter’s care even after so many years, Meenatchi amma smiled and inhaled deeply.

‘Kannama,’ said Meenatchi amma addressing Sheela affectionately. ‘All the four decades that I lived with your grandfather, I learnt lessons for lifetime. Of course we have had troubles and many problems. But never once did he indicate a prospect of leaving me. He was always prepared to face anything with a power. I didn’t understand where he got such strength to face extreme situations from loss in his business to breaks in relations. And he said that he got all the strength from my love,’ said Meenatchi amma with a smile. ‘It was true, dear. Love does make one strong. My support and care towards him gave him a purpose and reason to fight for. Even I got an invincible strength from his love; it was always there, but only after he had explained this to me did I realize the roots of the secured shell around me.’

While Meenatchi amma was lost in her recollections, Sheela beamed at her grandmother with admiration.

‘And it is that strength which makes me move on even when he is physically no more,’ finished Meenatchi amma with a radiance.

‘Paatti ma, not only am I happy for you but I have also learnt a lesson for life. True that!’ said Sheela. ‘You know, I am reminded of my friend Heena now. Though she didn’t get the love she desired for, she grew mature from her love and is now leading a successful life, just like you.’

There might not be any reason or purpose to fall in love. Inversely, love always gives reason and purpose to move forward in life.

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