Love Don’t Say Goodbye on Christmas”

I watched the tongue of flames licked each other in the fire place with endearment. The crackling of burning woods sounded like the gay Christmas carols being sung outside in the streets by a group of children who lives in the neighborhood. I could see the smile on their young innocent face when they received some presents in exchange of their out of tune Jingle Bell Rock. It was the spirit of Christmas that made every person in this world more loving and giving. The whole town light up with the lights and Christmas lanterns decorated in all the houses. It gave you the feeling of joy that I find hard to explain. It was amusingly perfect.

The cold night continued to blanket the town. At the time, the clock strike midnight I heard the sound of laughter and sweet greetings from the big pallid house beside my house. It was the Milano’s house. I saw a lot of people arrived earlier. It must be their relatives and friends. It was not new to see their houses crowded with people every holiday. I stood up from the wooden rocking chair and went to the kitchen. I stare at the table filled with foodstuff, roasted chicken, cold sandwiches, glazed ham, white pasta and a bottle of red wine. Despite the fact that I did my best to prepare it I feel too full to eat. I don’t know the reason why I lost the appetite. Then, it struck me. The sound of feast from the Milano’s patio made me feel so lonely.

The feeling of misery starts to prick my heart. I immediately wrapped the food in foil and put them in the fridge. Then, I noticed the parcel on the marble kitchen counter. It was from the old lady who sells candle and flowers in the cemetery gate I met this morning. I bought some candles from her and she was very grateful that she gave the parcel to me. She told me it was a gift and that it could give me anything I wished for. I unwrap it and inside was a charmed bracelet. I touched the silver mistletoe hanging on the chained metallic gold. If that old woman is telling the truth then…I need someone who could possibly love me.

I laughed at myself being desperate that I had actually wished on a bracelet. I was all by myself. I am on my own trying my best to celebrate Christmas. The gathering from the houses around sucked into my bones, I feel alone. I raced upstairs to my room before the tears fall down. My parents died in a plane crash when I was fifteen. They could have been saved if I didn’t ask them to watch my ballet performance in France. My only brother died while attempting to save me from drowning in a stupid pool. It was my entire fault. I put them in the death line. Now, it was my cross to carry for my whole life. I hugged myself under the warmth of the thick blanket with my parent’s picture on my chest. The tears blurred my vision but I was pretty sure that I saw somebody outside the window before I drifted to slumber.

I woke up from the sound of tapping on my window. It was still dark in my room. I checked my clock on the bedside table, it was 5 AM. I was about to go back to sleep when I remember what I dreamed. It was about the guy who was in my room. He went through my window. The sea green round neck shirt and ripped pants he was wearing looked good. His eyes were cobalt blue that stands out even in the dark. The way he looked at me, I could have thought he was staring into my soul. I was still lying on the bed when he moved closer till he’s beside me. The weird thing was I didn’t even scream for help which a normal person would do when somebody trespassed in their bedroom. I could feel the softness of his messy blonde hair swept on my skin when he leaned closer to me.

“Merry Christmas, Valerie.” He whispered softly.

His voice sounds so calm just like the wind chime hanging on my front door. It was the first time that someone greeted a Merry Christmas to me on the Christmas Eve. I wish it was for real. But, it wasn’t. It was just a dream. No one bothered to befriend me. All of the people in this town believed that I am cursed. The girl who put people around her in danger that is who I am for them. They fear to get closer to me. I feel the hot liquid on my face. I was crying again. And I’m tired of it.

I heard the window opened. I turned around and I saw him. The guy in my dream, he was standing in front of me. I pinched my cheeks to see if it was real. When I feel the pain, I looked up at the guy who is now sitting on the floor cross legged.

“Valerie, did I scare you?” he asked as his hands gently reached my face and wiped the tears.

I tried to answer but my mouth run dry. I could not make a word out of my lips. All I did was to respond with a nod. He moved back as his hands run through his hair. It was like he was having an argument inside his head. I realized he didn’t mean to scare me. I focused to find the courage to talk with this stranger.

“I am not scared. I was just surprised.” I explained, “Who are you?”

He smiled at me, “I’m Peter.”

“Why are you here?”

“You asked for me. That is why I am here.”

He held my hands and reached the bracelet on my wrist. It surprised me that I was actually wearing it. I thought I left it on the counter table after I foolishly wished for—could it be? The charm bracelet was real magic.

“Valerie… You remember now?” he asked as if he could read my thoughts.

One smile that is all I could respond. I was lost in between the reality before he put my face between his open hands. He looked into my eyes and for the first time I feel being loved. He may be a stranger but something about him has already been attached. I could feel the time had stood frozen.

We kicked off the night sharing laughter as we feast on the cold food fresh from the fridge. He helped me open the gifts under the Christmas tree that was now astounding. I let him recount all his tales about Santa’s elf which he heard from his grandmother. He let me sit close by his side whilst he we share my brother’s favorite blanket around our freezing bodies as the fire on the furnace continue to dance in mute rhythm. The Christmas Eve passed by with him humming lullabies to my ears. His voice was so sweet that I almost thought it was my parents who were singing. That night I felt like all my sorrows had been lifted away from my shoulders. Peter had been the haven that put serenity in my throbbing heart. He was the bolt from the blue present that I’d be given this Christmas.

Every night Peter would come in through my window which I would leave wide open. Sometimes, I wonder how long it would take me to stop being stunned by the beauty he possessed. With the time I spent with him, I become aware of how perfect he is. I don’t know if it was those dimples that I adore every time he laughed at me when I tripped while dancing ballet or the sparks in his eyes that I’d seen first when we visited the dark alleys to give food and clothes to all homeless children. But, it was him inside not considering his perfections. Peter was the only person who never fears to stay by my side. And before I knew it, I was irrevocably attached to the guy sent by a mere wish on a Christmas Day. The overwhelming feeling of wanting him by my side gives a hint of fear. He was mine. I was his.

I thought the blissful nights of December would never end not until that wintry dusk. The feelings I have for Peter was more than with what I could handle. There is no point of turning back I wanted him to know how I feel. We were watching the sunlight break through the horizon at the open window with our fingers intertwined with each other. I could hear the slow rhythm of his heart beat with my ears on his chest.

“I wished we could stay like this forever.” I told him.

Peter tensed up. He let go of my hand and stood up with his hands inside his pocket. I looked at him and I see the sadness in his eyes. The same emotions I have seen right in my brother’s eyes… seconds before his last breathe. A tear made its escape from my eye.

“Valerie…” his voice filled with remorse.

“This is not permanent, right? Sooner or later you had to leave.” My voice sounded like it was about to break into anguished sobs. His silence was already enough to make me understand. I fell on the bed crying. He cradled my fragile body on his arms and starts humming. I know this would the last time he would sing lullabies. He would be gone by the time I woke up in the morning.

“I love you and will always be.” He whispered to my ears softly.

I turned around to take the last minutes staring at him. I commit to memory every details of his face. He leaned closer to let his last kiss drowned me into the endless spirals of kaleidoscope which remind of the first time. Christmas is over and so the love that sprouted that night.

“Thank you… Peter.”

He smiled before stepping out of the window. I wanted to hold unto him but before I could even reach his hands the mist wrapped around his body. I let the whimpers escaped from my trembling lips as I watched him fade away into the first sunlight of January. He was gone.

I know everyone was bounded to come into our life and to leave. Just like the people I love, Peter had disappeared…

I was looking outside the open window watching people bid their goodbye after the feast they had shared for dinner. The wind kissed and I could feel my cheeks freezing. It was almost a year since the night I met Peter. I spend three hundred sixty nights staring blankly at the open windows waiting for him. I used every minute of the day holding on the bracelet wishing he would appear again out of thin air. Yet, all of these were not working. Maybe it would be just an illusion that I’ve got.

I was about to closed my window when I caught a glimpse of the sea green round neck shirt and ripped pants he was wearing. His eyes were cobalt blue that stands out even in the dark. And the way he looked at me, I could have thought he was staring into my soul.

“Merry Christmas… Peter.”

A playful grin lit up his face as he stepped inside my dim lit room.