Meeting God's Chosen One.

Meeting God's chosen one.

You know those moments where you feel like it's a cycle? You meet people, you open up to them, you eventually get close and learn to love them and then suddenly find yourself betrayed and broken by them? Or those times where you feel like same bad things happen to you only that it's with a different person every time? 

It's in those moment that sometimes it's just really hard to breathe. It feels as though you're being stabbed repeatedly in the chest. And then you start questioning yourself, "What's wrong with me?". You ask what you lack, what you didn't do or what you did wrong to be in so much pain. You ask what's wrong with you that you feel so unworthy of what you give others. 

It scars the deepest part of you. The one that gives it all and the one who truly cares for those who you keep close to you. It starts to cloud your thoughts and how you look at yourself. It builds up that wall where you don't want to let nobody in. You keep yourself away from others because you don't want to get hurt - because you feel like you aren't worthy to be with anyone anymore. Worst of all, you just stop not only in believing in love or in people but in yourself the most.

And then like a surprise, just as you finally learned to keep everything to yourself, someone comes along. At first, you'll try to shut him out. Your walls just have a mind of its own that it gets alerted and you become cautious around this person. You tell yourself, "I don't want to let anybody in anymore". And you do your best, you restrict what you share and limit what you give. It is your defense, your way of protecting your heart from that same pain you've always been going through. 

But then life's really playful. Just when you feel like you've settled on being on your own, someone comes and wants to be a part of your life. You ask God why, you wanna know why. You wanna know from Him if this is His will. If this will work, if this would be different from others. You feel scared and that's fine. That's fine because you just wanna make sure you know what you're giving, who you're giving yourself to and where this giving will lead you. 

You panic, you feel scared. You feel all sorts of emotions with all the memories of pain and failed friendship/relationship you've ever had. But there's something about him that makes you feel calm that suddenly it's easier for you to breathe. It's something no one has ever made you feel. He makes you want to trust again. He makes you feel vulnerable but not scared. He makes you want to take his hand and let him hold yours tightly. He does things no one has ever done to you. And instead of feeling scared, slowly, you feel calm and at ease.

And that's what it does - when you find someone who'd do things to make you feel safe. When you find someone who genuinely cares, who truthfully wanna know you, who sincerely wanna be with you. As much as you feel like shutting people out, he would climb your walls and show you that he really wants to know you. That he'll do what it takes to keep you, to be with you. 

And slowly, you realize you're opening up. You're scared but he gives you that assurance that whatever there is in the past, he will accept it. You will find yourself smiling because it finally dawned you that it's true - that someone will come into your life and show you how beautiful of a mess you are. That all your fucked-upness makes you beautiful. That there will be someone who will show you that you are worthy. That someone will accept everything about you, even the things you've been trying hard to hide and even the one you failed to accept yourself.

It wouldn't be an easy process. To just finally let loose of every bad thing you feel - not only about yourself but also how you feel towards people out of fear and all the bad experiences you ever went through. But once someone steps in, someone that really sees more than the scars you have, the fake smiles you wear and the wall you built around yourself, you may feel lost - lost but happy with this strange feeling you've never felt before. 

They say, love comes when you least expect it. I think everything good comes when you least expect it. Appreciation, Acceptance and new beginnings come right when you think it won't. I say, God has a way of making you feel His love by leading you things when you are broken and lost. The times you feel like losing faith and losing hope, He waves his hand and show you why you shouldn't. Everything else, slowly, heals inside you and you just see yourself building new hope within you.

They say it would feel like fireworks exploding inside you, but for me it gives of a much more calming feeling. That feeling of peace and security, that's what you'd feel when you find that someone. You don't feel that rise of excitement but you feel the serenity growing inside you, taking away all that you fear and all that pains you and replacing it with a brand new hope for something more wonderful than you have ever imagined yourself to have.

And then you wake up, feeling light and with a happy heart, because you realize what you've been through is just the road to that someone who would bring out the best in you. That someone who would help you see not only how beautiful you are but how wonderful of a person you are. One that makes every sleepless nights, every tears worth it because finally someone sees and accepts you for everything you are - with all the past, mistakes, flaws, and imperfections you have.

Finally, you found someone who wouldn't only make you feel loved but will also teach you how to love yourself. Someone who will teach you to accept yourself and love yourself more. You will fall in love with him and he will make you grow in love with yourself. Through your broken heart, he will only shed light to how wonderful of a person you are with all your shattered pieces you've repeatedly put together. Finally, someone will not only see how worthy you are but will also help you see that you are worthy - you have always been worthy. 

Finally, someone sees how a mess you are or how messy you can be but still sees you as God's blessing to them. Someone who will lead you to new beginnings. Someone who will give you something to look forward to. A new found hope, a new built strength and a better faith towards the uncertainty of what life would give you.

Finally, you have someone who will make you realize why it didn't work with anybody else because they were meant to show you something no one else did - to be loved and be accepted just the way you are even when you yourself feels like you don't as well.

Finally, there is someone who wouldn't make you question your worth - who wouldn't make you question yourself. Because he's someone who would bring out the best in you and appreciates everything you can and will ever give him. 

Finally, someone is there to motivate you. Someone to show you that you never have to be alone. Someone that will never make you change into someone you are not. Someone who would inspire you and will support you in the things you dream of achieving. Someone that will let you grow and help you feel better and be a better version of yourself everyday.

Finally you are with someone who makes you believe in God even more. Your relationship blossoms knowing God has led you to someone whom He chose just for you. Someone that will grow in faith with you through the past and to what awaits you in the future.

Your once broken heart has now found a new beginning - to love and to live. To enjoy what you have and to fully accept yourself. To celebrate yourself and continue loving truthfully. To be deeply loved with all your imperfections. And that's what real love is - someone who makes you see your beauty that others made you not see. 

Finally, you are with your God's chosen one.