Memories
I soon woke up in a hospital bed. Someone was holding my hand, it was all warm and sweaty. I moved my fingers and the owner of the hand squeezed my hand tighter.
“Ichika!” Damo shouted.
I looked at him, so beautiful and safe. Surprise was written all over his face, I wonder what did I do to receive such an expression.
“Hand,” I said but it was hoarse. I swallowed then said again, “Hand.”
He looked at our hand, then lessen his grip but didn’t let go. Instead he brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it. “Ichika. Thank goodness.”
I smiled, seeing him like this was way better than the nightmare. Suddenly, the nightmare returned and Damo have to let go of my hand to wrapped his body around me to keep me still.
“It’s ok,” he said calmly over my screams as he kept hold of me, not letting me push him away. “It’s ok. I’m here, Ichika.”
Slowly, I calmed down as I realized how this Damo was different. This Damo sounded like my Damo, his voice is calm, confident, and full of wisdom. This Damo was also holding me, our skin contact is so normal to him, he isn’t hesitating nor being all nervous. This Damo knows how to calm me down right off the bat. This is my Damo.
“Damo,” I said as tears swelled up my eyes. Oh how I miss this Damo.
“Yes, it’s me,” he said as he moved back to see my face with a smile.
I hugged him back, arms aching. His hand pushed my hair back and rested on my cheek. I smiled as I tried to blink the tears away.
“Damo,” I said again.
He caressed my eyes, wiping the tears away. Then he kissed me, his lips covering mine with nothing but fondness and love. I kissed him back, giving as much affection as I can, and pulled him closer to me, not letting go. Never.
A new pair of arms cover us both, joining our embrace. Then another one, crushing us all. Then we were all laughing.
After the bear hug, Inami walked to the window and sat in the seat. She released a heavy but relieved sigh. She looked worn out. Yutashi’s smile didn’t disappear as she walked around me, checking on me and the machines as she writes something on her clipboard. Damo kept his hand entwined in mine. However, none of them are saying anything.
“So,” I said, my voice still weak, “what happened?”
Yutashi said nothing as she grabbed a cup of water with a straw and hand it to me. Damo grabbed it before I can and put it to my mouth.
“Go ahead,” Yutashi said as she nodded to the water. “You need it.”
I obeyed and drunk the water as Damo watched me. I uttered a “Thanks” to Damo when I finished. Then I looked at Yutashi and asked again, “What happened?”
“You almost die is what happened,” Yutashi said, her smile gone. “It’s a good thing I was with Inami when Damo came home. He told us that you had a nightmare and refused his comfort, so I went to check on you. You looked like you saw a ghost and was shivering. I attempted to warmed you up, but then out of nowhere you faint. I thought you were just tired,” she paused, eyes shining with tears. “Ichika, I tried to wake you up to go to bed. When you didn’t budged, I grabbed your hand and there was no pulse.” She shook her head as if to chase the memory away.
“I was horrified,” she continued. “I was doing CPR and calling the ambulance at the same time. I don’t even know how I managed it. When they got there, they had to electric charged you.” She put heavy emphasis on electric. “Then finally your heart was beating again and you started breathing. We took you to the hospital and here we are.” She stared at me. “That’s what happened.”
I hold her stare for a little while then turned to Damo who kept his gaze on our hands. I turned to Inami as well, she kept her gaze on the floor. The silence told me that the story she just told was true.
“I thought you were dead,” Yutashi said, her voice almost like a whisper. Then she cleared her throat, “Anyway, you slipped into a coma for two days.” Then she smiled as she pat my shoulder. “Welcome back.”
Damo squeezed my hand gently. Tears swelled in my eyes again. “Thank you so much, Yuta.”
“You better be thankful,” she said meanly then sighed with a smile.
I found out that Inami was the one who stayed with me most of the times because after hearing the news that I almost die and seeing me in a coma, Damo underwent a breakdown and fainted as well. He was hospitalized for a day, though his conditions were better than mine. While he slept, he told me, his memories of me and us returned. The first thing he asked for when he awoke was to see me. After seeing me, though, he left and never returned until recently. Turns out he went to the house, cleaned it and then went to the car repairment shop and brought our car back. Then he was at my side since.
“I don’t know what happened to you,” Damo kissed my hand, “but I don’t ever want you to go through a repeat of that again. And I don’t care what you think,” he glared at me, “I’m not letting go of you. Even if you forced God on me.”
Damo was never religious, so the statement brought a smile onto my face. Then I frown, it was time to come clean.
“I’m sorry,” I said to him.
“For what?” he asked, voice calm and sweet.
I smiled as I tighten my hold on his hand. “For being a coward. For pushing you away. Twice. For being an asshole.”
He smiled back. “You weren’t that bad. It’s my fault as well for getting mad at you with no concrete evidences. I’m sorry for being selfish with you.”
“No, I’m sorry for being selfish. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. You deserved better.”
“No,” then he smiled. “You deserved better. I should have accounted your feelings as well, but I didn’t.”
“No,” I smiled as well. “I should have - “
“Oh, shut up,” Yutashi butted in as she walked in to check on me. “Take that conversation somewhere else.”
We chuckled. Then Damo looked at me with a smile and said, “You are forgiven my love.”
I smiled back, “You are forgiven as well my love.”
“Oh, gosh,” Inami groan. “Take it somewhere else, guys.”
Then it hit me, “Did you guys called my parents?”
Yutashi shook her head. Damo was the one who answered. “I didn’t dare to. I don’t even know what I would say to them.”
“Let me called them then,” my smile beamed.
As usual, my parents were shocked that I called them at all. When I told them I was in the hospital, they insisted on coming. Which was new. I guess when you are pushing them away for well over a decade, feelings change. Before nightfall, they arrived at my bed with smiles.
“About time your dumb ass called,” my younger brother, Tachido, said.
“Brought you flowers,” my mother said nervously. “I remembered you said you love them.”
My father was nowhere to be found. My mother waved her hand at me then said, “He’s outside. Don’t worry about him. What happened?”
I introduced Damo first. As they exchange greetings, I saw the sweet smile playing on Damo’s lips as he glanced at me. Then I took a deep breath and told them about the accident, how we lost memories, how traumatized I was when I received mine back. Damo, Inami, and Yutashi butted in whenever they felt appropriate.
My mother cried as she held my hand. Tachido kept accusing me, but I was happy that he cared enough to accused me. Then my father appeared and called me an asshole as he took mine and my mother’s hand in his. It was a happy moment. My family even pulled Damo into the hug. When they left, they told Damo to force me into coming home to visit my sisters and their families too. I promised them we will.
Later onto the night, Yutashi and Inami went home and it was only Damo and I. I couldn’t sleep because I was scare of the nightmare coming back. Damo looked tired and worn out but he kept his eyes on me.
“You can sleep if you want,” I said.
He shook his head. “I don’t want to leave you alone, Ichi.”
“I won’t be alone,” I squeezed his hand. “You are right here.”
He still shook his head. “If you’re going to be awake, I want to be awake with you.”
I wonder if he slept at all, he has bags under his eyes. I slide closer to him then pat on my stomach. “Lay down here.”
Damo laid his head on my stomach with a kiss then turned his face toward mine. My free hand went and played with his hair. We stay in silence as we stare into each other's eyes. At some point I fell asleep but awoken shortly after and found a sleeping Damo. I combed his hair with my fingers as I thought back to the nightmare. His hand tighten on mine but he didn’t wake up, it was like he was testing if he still have a grip on me. I smiled as I squeezed his hand back. Finally, I finally reached his hand.
After getting discharged, Damo drove us home, dropping Inami at Yutashi’s apartment.
“What’s going on here?” I asked with a sneer.
Inami smiled but wave a hand at us. “Let’s not get our hopes up, boys.”
As instructed, I’m not allowed to eat solid food yet, so Damo made soup for us both. We ate as we chatted about all that happened to us over the course of two months. Then we went into the shower with the initiate thought of just cleaning me off but that turned into getting me and him off. And that turned into a hot and dreamy night that was too gentle. That night, as I was wrapped around by Damo’s strong arms, instead of nightmares, I dreamt of when we first met; how captivating he looked, how sexy I thought he was, how determined I was to make memories with him.